CHAPTER FOUR
Jack
11 years ago…
Wyoming State Penitentiary
“Come on now, son. No tears, you hear me?” Charlie’s voice was so soothing as he reached across and put his hand over mine.
“No touching!” the guard bellowed, making Charlie jump. Charlie withdrew his hand, but his gentle eyes didn’t change, and I couldn’t pull myself together.
I killed his wife, why was he being nice to me?
Why wasn’t he trying to hit me, scream at me, anything other than this?
This was too much. I finally understood the phrase killing someone with kindness because that’s what was happening right now.
“Come on, son. You can’t show weakness here,” Charlie murmured. He was right, I couldn’t. Other inmates in here were eyeing me up. I’d already been in more fights than I could count, my last one being two days ago when I was jumped in the shower and very narrowly escaped a shiv to the kidney.
I pulled myself together, wiped my eyes, the cuffs clinking together. I sniffed and blinked a few times as I composed myself and then faced Charlie again. I still didn’t understand why he was here and I told him so.
Charlie shrugged. “Wanted to see how you were doing, have a chat.”
I scoffed. “You wanted to see how the guy who killed your wife is doing?”
Charlie nodded, my harsh words not piercing his facade. They weren’t harsh exactly, they were the God’s honest truth. “Well, it’s not entirely charitable, it won’t be pleasant for you. I’d like you to take me through what happened that night.”
I deflated. “But you were at my sentencing, you know everything.”
“I know, son, I know.” God, the way he kept calling me son was destroying me and healing me all at the same time. How was that even possible? “But I want to hear it again, from you. Not from a police report or some fancy lawyer.”
I snorted. “My lawyer wasn’t fancy.”
“You got that right,” he chuckled. Charlie Cartwright was here, right in front of me, chuckling. I must be hallucinating.
I shook my head. “I’m so confused about why you’re here? Aren’t you going to scream or yell or hit me?”
Charlie cocked his head, his blue eyes piercing my soul. “Why would I do any of that? ”
“You know why.”
He waved a hand dismissively, all psh .
“Fifteen minutes left!” the guard shouted the warning. I flicked my gaze back to Charlie.
“Come on, spill.” He sat back, folded his arms over his chest all casual, like he was having dinner with an old friend and not sat in a prison talking to his wife’s killer.
I glanced down at my hands, my split knuckles from fighting back in that shower. And then I forced myself to look him in the eye. If he could find it in himself to come down here, every month for a year and get turned away, trying to see me, I could at least give him this.
I shrugged. “I was drunk, I drove, I didn’t see her—”
“Say her name,” Charlie interrupted. Not aggressively, but gently once again.
“Her name?”
“Yes, she’s not Voldemort, you can say her name. I won’t have my Sherry forgotten.”
I almost laughed at how surreal this whole meeting was. Almost. “Sherry.”
Charlie nodded, satisfied. “That’s it, keep going.”
“I didn’t see Sherry, I swear. I was going too fast and then it was too late. I hit her, she…she died.”
Tears filled Charlie’s eyes and it tore me in two. I looked away, unable to face him.
“She did love to run at nighttime, said it was freeing. I told her it was dangerous but she always said, ‘Nothing bad’s gonna happen to me in this town’.” Charlie shook his head sadly.
I swallowed past the boulder lodged in my throat. “I will never be able to apologize enough. I’m not fighting the conviction, I’m guilty, I know what I did and I will serve my sentence without complaint. But I don’t think I can ever make up for taking her away from you,” I swallowed again as the tears came back. “Or your girls.”
“Well, you can start by talking to me. Why were you driving drunk?”
I shrugged. “It was my birthday.”
Charlie frowned. “Your parents gave you that much alcohol because it was your birthday?”
“They didn’t give me any. I took it from them because, well, they’re…a lot to handle.”
Charlie’s sharp eyes pierced me again. “I saw them at your sentencing.”
I shook my head. “They had me super young, frequently told me they wish they hadn’t, and I think this kind of gave them a reason to abandon me.”
“I’m sorry, son.”
I shook my head violently. “Do not apologize to me, ever.”
Charlie sucked in a breath. “So you were underage drinking to cope with shitty parents? Then what?”
“We got in a fight and I wanted to get out. I called my friend, Scotty but he didn’t have a car and he convinced me...wait no, it was all my own choice. I chose to get into that truck and drive.”
Charlie’s jaw was getting tighter the closer I got to the climax of the story. “Then what?”
“I got in my truck and drove. Scotty called me and I tried to answer my phone but dropped it. I bent down to get it and when I looked back up, she, Sherry was there. I didn’t even have time to blink. I must have swerved from the middle of the road to the bank and she was there.”
Charlie didn’t say anything, just glanced down at his hands.
I struggled for something to say, a way to ease him and my own guilt. “It…it was quick. She didn’t suffer too long. I waited with her and held her while…the ambu lance came. By the time they turned up she was…”
Charlie held up his hand, his eyes squeezed shut and I stopped talking, sensing I’d gone too far. We sat in silence for another five minutes and I prayed for the visit to end, to have this over with. Charlie folded his hands, like he was praying, his eyes closed and lips moving.
He opened them and looked at me. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it can’t have been easy going over it again.”
I shot him a pleading look, begging him not to thank me. Not to be grateful for anything I’ve done for him.
“Times up. Visitors say goodbye and move out,” the guard called. Relief cut through me like a knife.
But Charlie didn’t make a move to stand. “I’d like to come back, if that’s okay with you?” he asked, shocking me.
My mouth opened and closed, floundering. “Why?”
Charlie shrugged. “Because I want to forgive you. I know that’s what she would have wanted. You were a kid who did something stupid. You’re stuck here for over a decade still, your family’s abandoned you. I feel like you’re being punished enough and I don’t want any more tragedy. Something good needs to come from this.”
I couldn’t believe it. “You want to forgive me?” I asked, dumbfounded.
Charlie stood. “Well, I’m not going to say it’s been easy getting to this point, but Sherry and the Lord have been guiding me on the right path and I believe this is it. I don’t want any more sadness, there’s been too much, and you’re too young.”
I couldn’t speak. The guard came over to usher Charlie out and I just watched him walk away. He turned back when he was at the door.
“See you next month, son.”
*
Present Day…
She came at me with such force that I stumbled back, taking us off the porch and falling back onto the grass. She straddled me, scrabbling to get to me, dragging her nails down my face and screaming at me the entire time.
I tried to hold her off. I grabbed one arm, leaving my body wide open for her to swing another fist which connected with my jaw. It hurt but not as much as it hurt her, her sharp intake of breath hissing in my ear. I didn’t want to hurt her but I tried to restrain her. Her nails sliced my cheek again and I grunted at the pain.
“Hey, whoa!” someone shouted, and then the feisty wildcat was pulled off me. A man I didn’t recognize had her around the waist but she still struggled to get to me. Her blonde hair flicking around her like pale fire whipping out, ready to attack me again.
“Easy, Kat, what the hell is going on out here?” the guy shouted over her.
Kat’s eyes blazed at me and she spat in my direction, just missing me. “Get him out of here. You have the fucking audacity to turn up here? How dare you!” she shouted.
The guy looked from Kat to me and I held up my hands. I didn’t want trouble. I’d only been out of prison for four hours and I didn’t want to land back there.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you would be here. I shouldn’t have come. I just wanted to see Charlie, I was worried and—”
Kat stopped fighting and went limp in the other guy’s arms, and her face dropped. “Charlie?”
Something flickered over the guy’s features and then his expression hardened like he realized exactly who I was. His jaw clenched and he swung his gaze from me to Kat.
“You don’t know, do you?” he asked. Kat swung her wide-eyed navy stare to him. She pushed away from him, her anger now focused on someone other than me.
“Leo, why are you talking like you know him?” she demanded, flinging an arm in my direction.
“Know what?” I asked, a cold shiver trekking my spine.
“I’m not surprised no one told you. It didn’t occur to me either.”
Kat’s glare darted between the two of us. “What the fuck is going on? And why are you here to see my father, haven’t you done enough?”
The man looked down at Kat before shooting me a sympathetic look. “Charlie died. About six weeks ago.”
My world stopped.