Chapter 4
Phoenix
I heard rather than saw Levi hit the floor because as he went down, his hand hit the handle of a pot on the stove, knocking it to the ground.
Fortunately, the pot was empty so he wasn’t burned.
I dropped the plate I was still washing and rushed to his side.
He hadn’t passed out, but he was kneeling on the cold tile, his head lowered and his hands in his lap.
“Levi?” I said in a rush as I put my arm around his back to keep him from collapsing in a heap. When he didn’t respond to me, I forced his chin to the side so I could see his face. His eyes were open, but the lids lowered halfway. His expression was completely empty.
“Levi, talk to me,” I murmured as I gave him a little shake. His skin felt cold and clammy.
I was in the process of pulling out my phone when I heard a man’s voice say, “What’s going on here?”
A short, gray-haired man in black pants and a short-sleeved black shirt was standing at the entrance to the kitchen. The white collar gave away his identity.
“Levi?” the priest said quickly as he rushed to us and dropped down next to Levi. “What happened?” he asked, his accusatory eyes snapping up to meet mine .
“I don’t know. We were just talking and then he collapsed. I was about to call 911.”
“No,” the man said, shaking his head. “Can you lift him?”
I nodded and gathered Levi into my arms. He weighed next to nothing so it was easy to stand even without the priest putting his hand at my elbow, apparently to try to steady me.
If the situation hadn’t been so disturbing, I would have laughed at the slight man’s attempt to assist someone of my size and build.
“Bring him this way…we need to get him warm.”
Warm? Had this happened before?
I followed the priest to the back of the small space.
He led me to a little room that wasn’t any bigger than a walk-in closet.
There was a tiny cot in the room with a single blanket and pillow on it.
A small lamp was on the little table next to the bed, along with a Bible.
The only decoration in the room was a plain wooden cross hanging just above the head of the bed.
The priest pulled back the blanket. “Put him here and stay with him.”
For his age, the man was energetic, because before I’d even put Levi down, he was rushing from the room.
I settled Levi under the blanket. His eyes were still partially open, but he didn’t seem to be looking at me.
It was an unwelcome reminder for me, but I pushed the thought aside as I put my hand against Levi’s bruised cheek.
“Levi, can you hear me?”
The panic crawling through my body was unexpected, especially considering how confused the last thirty minutes had left me.
Ever since I’d followed Levi into the soup kitchen, I’d been studying his movements and reactions and trying to match the man I was watching to the ruthless criminal he was supposed to be.
It had started outside when he’d offered to make me a sandwich and let me wait out the weather inside, despite his obvious fear of me.
He’d also made every effort to reassure me that there was no judgment for my perceived homelessness or need for a helping hand.
In fact, he’d gone out of his way to treat me with respect.
Criminals didn’t do that, nor did guys forced into volunteer work as part of their punishment for their crimes. They didn’t care about the people they were helping, at least not enough to offer a kind word and gentle smile.
I was sure I’d been overthinking the whole thing as I’d watched Levi move around the kitchen.
Despite the mishap with the coffee machine, he’d seemed comfortable with the routine of preparing what would likely be a large meal.
I’d still been off-balance by his demeanor, so I’d done something I knew would help me focus on why I was really there.
I’d asked him to cut my sandwich.
Not because I’d actually wanted it cut, but because I’d needed to see that knife in his hand.
I’d needed to put him in Seth’s family’s home, standing over a terrified fourteen-year-old kid and his helpless father.
I knew that Levi hadn’t been the one to cut or stab Seth because if he had, there was no way Ronan would have let him live, but I’d hoped just putting that knife in his hands for a few seconds would remind me that his inaction had resulted in two deaths and the brutal torture of an innocent teenage boy.
Only, Levi hadn’t just snatched up one of the butcher knives and sliced through the sandwich.
Instead, he’d stared at the handful of knives for a good minute before he’d finally reached for one with a shaking hand.
He’d gotten lost as soon as his fingers had closed around the black handle of one of the knives.
He’d stared at the huge blade as if he’d never seen a knife before and his whole body had locked up like a steel trap.
Another minute had passed before he’d finally put the knife down as carefully as if he’d been handling a lit stick of dynamite and then his hand had closed around the edge of the plate as if he’d needed something to hang onto.
When he hadn’t moved and he hadn’t responded to me calling his name, I’d gone to his side to snap him out of his daze.
A daze much like the one he was currently in.
“Sit him up,” the priest murmured as he returned to the room, a glass of orange juice in hand.
I put my arm around Levi’s back and gently pulled him upright. To my surprise, he didn’t fall forward against my chest. It was like he was still with us in some ways, enough to control his body, but his mind had checked out .
“Levi, take a drink for me, please,” the priest said as he placed the glass against Levi’s lips. Levi obediently took a drink and then another when the priest repeated the request.
“Okay, lay him back down.”
The priest took off again, but was back within a minute with another blanket. I helped him tuck it around Levi until his entire body was covered from toe to chin.
“Who are you?” the priest finally asked when Levi’s body seemed to relax after a few minutes and his eyes drifted shut. I watched as the man’s fingers tentatively reached towards Levi’s face as if to touch his injuries. His eyes were heavy with sadness.
“My name is Phoenix Jones,” I offered. The man’s shrewd eyes narrowed and I knew my name wasn’t going to be enough for him, so I scrambled to come up with a legitimate-sounding reason to explain my presence.
“I ran into Levi outside and he offered to let me come inside to get out of the weather. I didn’t do that to him,” I added as I motioned to Levi’s battered face.
Before he could question me further, which I could tell he was about to do, I said, “Levi and I were just talking and then he collapsed. You knew what to do…has this happened before?”
The man hesitated before nodding. “It appears to be similar to a panic attack…but more like he gets lost in his head for a bit. He won’t tell me what brings them on, but he’s had a few since he started volunteering here…
that I know of anyway. Since he prefers to work by himself, he could also be having them when no one is around. ”
“You seem to know him well,” I suggested.
“I also know enough not to share personal information about my friends with strangers, Mr. Jones.”
Friends?
It was an odd term for the man to use, especially considering Levi was basically an employee.
“I’m just concerned about him, Father,” I said softly, and to my own surprise, the statement was a true one. I hadn’t expected to have so much trouble reconciling the young man I’d held in my arms a moment ago with the guy who’d help destroy a family for nothing more than a quick payout.
The man’s face softened a little as he finally stroked his fingers over the discolored skin on Levi’s left cheek. “Levi’s a lost soul, Mr. Jones. But unlike many of the men and women who seek my counsel, he appears to have no interest in finding it again.”
The image of Levi on his hands and knees as he spat out a mouthful of cum went through my mind. The priest’s words had me wondering if the bruises weren’t a new thing because he didn’t seem overly surprised by them.
“Father O?” Levi whispered as he struggled to fully open his eyes. He immediately tried to sit up, but I put my hand on his shoulder.
“No, my son, you lie down for a bit,” Father O admonished, his voice gentle.
Levi’s head dropped back on the pillow. A minute passed before he seemed to completely come back to himself. I saw the disappointment and embarrassment in his gaze and when his eyes flicked to me, they didn’t linger. He was clearly humiliated.
“Levi-” I began, but stopped when he sat up.
“I’m okay now,” he murmured. “Sorry, Father,” he added as his eyes fell on the older man.
“Never apologize for something beyond your control.”
The man’s words didn’t seem to comfort Levi at all. If anything, color flooded his cheeks. “I should get back to work,” Levi said.
“No, you need to go home and get some rest,” the priest responded.
But Levi started shaking his head before the man even finished the statement. “No, I need to be here.” When Father O began shaking his head, Levi reached out to grab his arm. “Please.”
The one word seemed to spark some silent conversation between the two men. Father O finally nodded his head. “But I’m going to help you.”
“No,” Levi cut in. His voice softened as he said, “You’re already late for hearing confessions, right? ”
The priest seemed torn.
“I can help Levi,” I said before I could think too much about what I was doing.
Both men looked at me like I’d grown two heads.
“No,” Levi said, his voice dropping just a bit. “You don’t have to help cook the meal you’re going to eat…you already have enough on your mind. We…” He hesitated as his eyes shifted to Father O who nodded. “We want you to be able to relax and-”
“Levi,” I interrupted. “I’m not homeless and I didn’t come here for a free meal.
I was cutting through the alley as a shortcut to get to my car when I ran into you.
” I didn’t mention the circumstances of how I’d met him.
“You were so kind to offer me a place to get out of the rain and something to eat, that it got me to thinking about how I’d like to give back. ” I shifted my eyes to the priest.
“I’d love to help out, if you could use the help, that is,” I said to the older man.
There was a hint of suspicion in Levi’s gaze, which had me wondering if he’d bought my story, but he remained silent. Father O smiled widely and nodded. “Why yes, that would be wonderful. We could use all the help we can get, isn’t that right, Levi?” the priest said.
Levi nodded. “Yeah, that’s great.”
Father O sobered and then turned his attention on Levi. I watched his fingers curl around Levi’s chin. “Put some ice on these,” he said as he carefully fingered the bruised skin. “You know where to find me.”
Another nod from Levi. I expected it was yet another one of their silent conversations. The priest got up and left the room. Levi shifted and pushed the blankets off his body before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“You shouldn’t lie to a priest,” he murmured.
His observation was a surprise, but I didn’t bother to deny it. It had been a pretty lame argument.
“Why were you really in that alley?” he asked.
“That’s not really what you want to ask me, is it?” I countered .
An uncomfortable sensation floated through my chest as I watched Levi bend his upper body over his legs and let his clasped hands dangle just above his knees. His demeanor was much like what it had been in the alley after the rough blowjob.
“If you tell me who he is, I can help you,” I said, shocking even myself.
But every time I tried to remind myself that this guy deserved everything he got, I saw him spitting out that cum, his eyes empty, his body broken.
It was like he’d accepted that all he’d ever be was some guy who belonged on all fours in a dirty alley surrounded by garbage, waiting for the next man to come along and use his body.
As much as I detested him for what he’d done to Seth and his family, I’d seen enough in the last hour to know he hadn’t walked away unscathed.
But I also still had more questions than answers.
And the bottom line was that I didn’t believe in making people suffer for their crimes.
I’d joined Ronan’s team to make sure justice got served, not to inflict the same torment on my marks that they’d inflicted upon others.
Maybe it was a fine line that separated me from the monsters I hunted, but it was there just the same and I knew what side of it I wanted… no, needed to be on.
Levi hung there dejectedly for a moment before saying, “You should go, Phoenix. I really appreciate what you did for me in the alley, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here.”
When he got up to leave, I grabbed his wrist to keep him next to me. He shuddered and I heard him let out a wisp of air, but he didn’t try to pull free of me. On the one hand, I was glad he wasn’t fighting me, but on the other, I kind of wished he would.
“Why not?” I asked. “Why shouldn’t I be here?”
Levi finally lifted his head and turned to meet my gaze.
My heart hurt for him as I saw the tears pooling there.
“Because I’d be too tempted to take you up on your offer.
What you saw out in that alley…I deserved it…
I earned it,” he whispered. His tears fell and he pulled free of my hold so he could dash them away.
He let out a wet-sounding laugh. “Father O keeps telling me God’s watching over me…
that he loves me no matter what and he’ll forgive me for al l of my sins.
” Levi shook his head. “I don’t have the heart to tell him God gave up on me a long time ago. ”
I let him go when he stood and left the room.
Because no matter what, I wasn’t going to tell the man I’d been sent to kill that his life was worth fighting for.
Even if the tiniest part of me was beginning to wonder if maybe it was.