Chapter 11
Lily
Itighten the tie on my robe as I inspect my makeup application.
I need it to be enough coverage to cover the bruises, but not so heavy that people notice and question why I’m wearing significantly more makeup than I usually do.
I touch up a few spots, and once I’m satisfied, I pick up my coffee cup and bring it out into the bedroom with me to get dressed.
To say I’m nervous about going into work today is an understatement.
When I told Cheryl and Chris that I needed to go back to work to distract myself, they probably thought I meant from grief.
And while there’s a slight tinge of grief, I realized last night that what I need the most distraction from is the guilt that I don’t feel more of it.
I just can’t seem to muster that particular emotion from the hurricane of others swirling inside of me.
I carefully pick out my outfit, deciding on a form-fitting charcoal grey pencil skirt and suit jacket with a white button-up underneath. Grabbing a pair of black slingbacks, I walk into the living area of the suite.
My phone rings from where it’s charging on the desk. I set down my coffee cup and smile when I see who it is.
“Hi, Anna. Yes, I’ll be in today.”
“I know that’s what Cheryl said, but I wanted to call to check in. What can I do for you before you even get here? Would you like breakfast ordered? Do you need your morning meetings rescheduled? What can I do for you?”
I pull the phone away from my ear so I can see the time, noting it’s forty-five minutes before she normally clocks in. “Are you already in the office?”
Anna sighs. “Yes, I woke up at three and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I figured I’d come in early and get a start on the day.”
I shake my head at my overachiever of an assistant, even though she can’t see me. “In that case, you’re leaving early today. But no, I don’t need anything this morning. I need to stay busy, so keep all my meetings. And I don’t need breakfast.”
With a harrumph into the phone, Anna replies, “Well, I need breakfast, so I’m ordering something for both of us. And if you don’t eat it, I’m sure I can find someone in the office who will.”
The smile that spreads across my face feels nice after the last few days. “Thanks, Anna.” I’m about to tell her that I’m going to let her go so I can leave, but I hesitate.
She notices immediately. “What? Lily, whatever it is, tell me. I’ll take care of it for you.”
I blow out a slow breath. “Will you be honest about what the rest of the staff is saying about me behind my back?”
“I’m so sorry you even have to think about this.”
I debated whether I wanted to tell Anna about being taken in for questioning. But since she’s my closest confidant besides Cheryl and one of my best friends, I decided to be honest with her and told her about my experience.
“I am too. But will you tell me? I just feel like I don’t want to be caught off guard by what everyone’s saying. Even if the news hasn’t said anything about me, I worry people will start to wonder.”
Muffled voices filter through the phone. Anna’s voice is quieter when she responds, “Don’t worry, Lily. I got you. You’ll know everything I know.”
My apprehension about going into work lessens slightly with her promise. “Thank you, Anna. I’ll be in shortly.”
Disconnecting the call, I quickly gather my bag and slip on my shoes.
Annoyed that I don’t have my car, I order a ride from the app on my phone on my way to the elevator.
Yesterday, when Chris was dropping me back off at the hotel, he insisted on driving me to work today.
I told him that wasn’t necessary because I hated the idea of taking up even more of his time.
But right now, I wish I hadn’t done that.
I wish I were getting into his car instead of some random person’s.
When we turn into the parking lot, I do what I’ve done every day for the last thirteen years. I push every emotion down and pull the veil so tight that the only thing I project is stoic professionalism.
My legs feel shaky as I cross the lot, and anxiety spikes with every step closer to the door. With my hand resting on the door handle, my eyes close as I take a moment to steel my resolve not to let this break me down.
With my spine tall, I pull the door open and step inside. I’m greeted with hesitant smiles and pleasantries. Not judgmental or suspicious, just hesitant, which is to be expected.
By the time I make it back to my office, my smile feels brittle and forced. When I see Anna, I let it drop. “Please tell me my first meeting isn’t for at least an hour.”
Anna grins and flips a folder out for me to take.
“You actually have two hours. Here’s everything you need for all the meetings today.
You’ll probably need to prep the most for your eleven o’clock.
And there’s a bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel on your desk, along with a large coffee with cream and two sugars. ”
I grab the folder from her. “You’re a goddamn dream, Anna. I love you, forever and always.”
She calls out to me as I walk toward my office door. “I plan on reminding you of this when it’s time for my annual review.”
I chuckle as I settle behind my desk, ready to start my day, no matter what it may bring.
My morning meetings go perfectly, with only a few probing questions that were shut down quickly by either Anna or my vice president, Faith. Faith is relatively new to the company, but it meant so much to me that she’d step in and watch out for me even without talking to me about what happened.
As if my gratitude conjured her, Faith raps her knuckles on the doorframe. “Hi, Lily. You have a few minutes?”
I wave her in. “Of course, please. Come on in.”
She smiles and walks over, taking one of the chairs facing my desk.
Her face is curious and empathetic. “I just wanted to check in with you. Coming back to work has to be a little daunting. I know your and Blake’s relationship wasn’t great, but regardless, I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. ”
An unexpected burst of sadness fills my lungs. I swallow through the lump in my throat before replying, “Thank you so much for checking on me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous, but this is what I needed to take my mind off things, at least temporarily.”
Besides Anna, Cheryl and Faith are the only two people who know that Blake and I didn’t have a great relationship.
I never told them about the abuse or about how truly mean he was to me at times, but I did tell them how I wasn’t in love with him and that I wanted to get a divorce eventually.
There’s no way any of us could’ve foreseen that this was how my marriage would end instead.
“I’d be the same way. Is there anything I can do to help? And I don’t just mean with work.”
Between Anna this morning, my conversation with Cheryl, and now Faith’s genuine kindness, my facade slips just a bit more.
When I open my mouth to reply, Anna interrupts, “Lily, there’s a man out here asking for you?”
The way she emphasizes the word “man” makes me laugh, especially since I have a feeling I know who she’s referring to, though I’m very surprised he’d show up at my job. I don’t even remember telling him where I work.
“You can show him in, Lily.” Both Faith and I stand as Anna retreats and returns with Chris in tow.
I glance over at Faith and have to stifle my laugh when I see her expression as she takes him in.
I had the same reaction when I first saw Chris, so I can understand.
He’s so effortlessly sexy in his expensive suit and windblown hair.
He’s a perfect example of a rebellious GQ model with limitless confidence and charisma.
He grins at Faith and extends his hand, and I hate the burning jealousy that stabs me in the heart for just a moment. “Hello. Chris Rivers.”
Faith rounds her chair to close the distance between them. “Faith Montgomery.” I can see the recognition light up her face when she makes the connection. “Wait, are you the attorney Chris Rivers who used to be on the news all the time?”
Chris slips a hand into the pocket of his slacks as he unbuttons the single button on his suit jacket. The action is captivating to watch, with his jacket opening slightly to reveal his broad chest. “That would be me.”
Faith looks back at me, surprise lining her features.
It’s in that moment that I realize it never occurred to her until just now that I might be a suspect in my husband’s murder.
Her naivety is refreshing, yet disheartening.
Worry weighs me down when I begin to wonder if her feelings toward me may change now that she’s had this revelation.
My smile drops. “Faith, can you give us a minute?”
Chris’s intense, assessing gaze zips to me. My voice sounds hollow even to my ears. His eyes never leave mine, even as Faith says goodbye to us both.
When the door shuts behind her, I sink back into my chair, unable to keep up pretenses any longer. I figure if anyone can handle my moment of weakness, it’s Chris. Especially after our day together yesterday.
Without a word, he stalks across my office, and instead of taking the chair Faith recently vacated, he rounds the desk and leans against the edge, his long legs sticking out beside where I sit in my desk chair. I keep my eyes locked on his black loafers as I struggle to get a hold of my emotions.
“Lily…” Chris’s calm, deep voice draws my gaze up. When our eyes meet, my heart stutters. “What just happened? Your demeanor completely changed just a second ago.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub my forehead. I debate trying to deny it, but figure it is no use. “Was it that obvious?”
“I don’t think she noticed.”
The unspoken part of that sentence has butterflies exploding in my belly. I drop my head back onto the headrest of my chair and stare up at Chris. His handsome face, lined with concern and other emotions I can’t quite decipher.
I press my hands to my stomach to quell the butterflies. “I’m sorry, I’m sure this isn’t why you stopped by here today. Speaking of, how did you know where I worked?”
Chris grips the edge of my desk on either side of his hips and leans forward slightly, staring down at me. “I stopped here today for you, so yes, this is why I stopped here.”
I swallow down the arousal at the intensity of his words. I highly doubt he meant them the way I’m taking them, but regardless, my body doesn’t care.
The corners of his lips lift slightly. “And I know this because when you were reading the detectives the riot act, you mentioned you work here.”
My lips lift to match his. “Oh, yes. I forgot about that.”
Before I can question him further, he stands to his full height. “Come on, let’s go.”
I shake my head in confusion. “What? What do you mean, let’s go?”
He extends his hand, indicating he wants me to take it so he can help me out of my chair. “I feel like that’s very self-explanatory.”
Unable to resist him, I place my hand in his, and the electricity burns my palm. “I mean, yes. You are correct. But where are we going?”
He pulls me to stand so I’m only inches from him. I force my body not to sway toward his.
“I’m taking you to lunch. You need to get out of here for a little bit.”
Dropping my hand, his palm rests on my lower back as he guides me around my desk.
I stop walking. “Hold on, let me grab my purse. And I have to be back by 1:30 for a meeting.”
“Done. Now let’s go.”
I gather my belongings and rejoin him. “Ready.”
His hand goes back to my lower back, and we walk out of the office.
Anna and Faith are not outside my office, which is probably for the best. If I thought Faith was judging me before, I can’t imagine what she would think of seeing me walking out with my attorney, his hand on my back.
Even if it is high enough to be less intimate.
But my body doesn’t seem to get the hint with the way it’s reacting to his touch. I need to remind myself I can’t be attracted to Chris.
For so many reasons.