Chapter Twelve #2
Cash squeezed his hands. “And you were right. I was tired of being a bitter asshole hell-bent on making others miserable. Durrell Padgett had given me a second chance when I left jail. He’d taken me in to his home, given me a job, and showed me what a man should be.
I’d worked my ass off and scraped every penny together to pay for community college and then my bachelor’s degree.
I’d made something of myself because of the grace he showed me and the lessons he taught me.
But after my first taste of success, I’d forgotten all about those things, Nicky.
I just wanted more money, success, and respect.
You can’t buy people’s regard. You earn it.
Tearing things down only creates fear. So I took a virtual stranger’s advice and chose to build, mend, and redeem.
I brushed that chip off my shoulder and dug in right away.
By the time we met again, I didn’t feel like an unwanted outsider.
People didn’t just keep me close to know what I was up to.
Powerful people sought me for advice. I felt like I finally belonged. ”
“I could tell,” Nick told him. “And I thought you were out of my league, where before we’d felt like equals.”
Cash leaned his forehead against Nick’s. “And I wouldn’t let myself imagine there could be more for us. I fixated on the age difference. Twelve years doesn’t sound like much, but it might as well be fifty when you’re at different stages in life.”
Nick tilted his head and considered what Cash said.
His knee-jerk reaction was to deny they’d been in different stages, but he realized he was only thinking about the sexual chemistry.
That had been every bit as strong as the previous year—stronger if he were honest. But Nick hadn’t been relationship material back then.
He’d just launched a career in the FBI, working a ton of hours and traveling a lot.
What could he have offered Cash but occasional scorching sex?
Their friendship had felt more important and even more intimate than sex over the years, laying the foundation for the future they both wanted.
“I love you, Saint.” Emotion rose so swift and hard, swelling Nick’s chest and making his eyes sting.
“I’ve always loved you, but I am so fucking in love with you.
You’re not just the most important person in my life; you’ve become my life.
These past five months have solidified that I don’t want to live apart. ”
“We don’t have to,” Cash said in a rush. “I’ve kept this apartment because I wanted to keep one foot in your world. I’ll split my time between Denver and the ranch. It’s not like Ivan needs me there.”
Nick stopped him with a kiss. “They want you there, Saint, and it’s where you belong. It’s where we belong.”
“But your career.”
“I’m resigning from the FBI at the end of my leave,” Nick said.
“Though my career was a source of pride, I was never happy. Instead of figuring out why that was, I put all my energy into earning the next promotion or position. I expected satisfaction to come with each new title or raise. I ended up with more responsibility and dealt with more bureaucratic bullshit than a hundred people could stomach.”
Cash watched him without commenting for a long time. “Is that why you lost weight and—”
“Couldn’t get it up?” Nick ignored Cash’s scowl and continued.
“Yeah, that was a big part of it. My therapist helped me realize I’d never properly grieved my mom’s death.
I’d been too worried about my brother to process the loss for myself.
Stressors at work the past eighteen months just set off a tidal wave of hell in my brain.
” He exhaled. “I need to confess something.” Nick’s words caused frown lines to form between Cash’s brows.
“This shouldn’t affect our relationship, but I’m afraid if you hear it from someone else, you might assign ulterior motives to me showing up on the ranch.
” Cash stiffened ever so slightly, and Nick could tell he was bracing himself for something bad.
So Nick kissed Cash until the tension eased in his body.
When he drew back, Cash’s lips were pink, slightly puffy, and wet.
He didn’t dare let his gaze linger too long or he’d lose his courage.
“My trips to Washington and Quantico this year were punishment for the off-book operation I ran that ended up clearing Kieran’s name. ”
Cash’s tension returned. “Wait. I thought that bust is what led to your promotion to Special Agent in Charge.”
“It did.” Pulling those initial strings led to a bigger theft ring.
Additional tugging led to busting a major organized crime outfit.
It was the kind of case that made careers…
if part of the information hadn’t resulted from rogue behavior.
“But there were things the federal prosecutors uncovered during trial prep that raised some doubts about the validity of evidence and witness testimony. When called to the hot seat, I couldn’t lie.
I came clean about everything without throwing any of my colleagues under the bus.
” Nick thought back to his conversation with Andi and winced.
“I’m guessing by your expression they didn’t allow you to take one for the team,” Cash said.
Nick shook his head. “Not even close. They investigated everyone on my team and anyone they closely associated with in the Bureau. It would’ve been one thing for me to lose my job or face charges, but they were coming for my team too.
I got suspended without pay for a month while they investigated.
In the end, none of my actions threatened the prosecution.
There were multiple, overlapping investigations going on, so the trial evidence wasn’t tied solely to my off-book operation. ”
“You must’ve been so relieved,” Cash said.
“Yes. I’d accepted that my career was over during my suspension and started thinking about different avenues.
But the Bureau extended a very thin olive branch.
They sent me to Washington for additional training and then on to Quantico to fill in for the agent on paternity leave.
I guess it was supposed to be demeaning, but I absolutely loved working with the recruits.
But transferring there isn’t an option because you’re not there.
” Cash started to speak, but Nick cut him off with a kiss.
“Not an option. Our home is on the ranch, and I have a solution that keeps us there.”
“I’m listening.”
Nick told Cash about Andi’s brother without admitting the initial reason he’d called her.
If his hunch turned into something actionable, Nick would come clean to Cash.
There was no need to ruin their night with supposition.
“I have an interview at the police academy in Colorado Springs soon. A thirty-minute drive to work is much better than a long-distance relationship or you splitting your time between the ranch and Denver. I want to wake up in your arms every morning.” Nick expected Cash to respond to this news with a smile and maybe some kissing and petting.
He just stared at Nick with an unreadable expression. “Saint?”
Cash lurched forward, pushing Nick backward. He hit the couch with a slight wince, but his discomfort vanished when Cash followed him down. Nick unfolded his legs and wrapped them around Cash’s hips.
“Say it again.” Cash trailed kisses from Nick’s collarbone to his earlobe. Nick squirmed when Cash found a ticklish spot. “Forgot about that one,” Cash said, then kissed it again.
Nick fought off an unmanly giggle. “What part do you want me to repeat? The whole thing or—” Nick lost his ability to speak when Cash brushed his beard over the ticklish spot.
“Oh my God,” Nick said before giving in to a fit of giggles.
That led to a full body search for additional vulnerable spots, lingering touches, and languid kisses.
“I love you so much,” Nick whispered when they were both naked.
“My recovery time has changed drastically since our first weekend together,” Cash said stoically.
“And I might not achieve an erection again for a while.” Nick looped his good arm around Cash’s neck. “I’d settle for a soak in that giant tub overlooking the city.”
Cash eased off the couch and stood up. “You grab the wine and glasses, and I’ll find candles.”
Nick didn’t move right away. He lay there and feasted his eyes on the sexiest man he’d ever seen. Mmm, that ass. “You know,” Nick said casually, “I’m suddenly in the mood to eat cake.”
Cash stopped and pivoted toward the refrigerator until the true meaning of Nick’s words registered. “You’ve got all the time in the world to feast on my cake.”
The bathtub was big enough for four people, but Nick wouldn’t have wanted to share this man or view with anyone else. Cash climbed in first, and Nick settled between his legs. The water was perfect—hot enough to ease the body and mind but without turning them into lobsters.
Nick ran his hands up and down Cash’s hairy thighs. “This is the first time in my life I’ve felt bone-deep happiness. If Hope could bottle this up and sell it, she’d be a millionaire.”
“Your bathwater? Don’t give her any ideas.” Cash kissed the side of his neck but avoided the spot that had triggered the tickle war. “You honestly don’t mind giving all this up?”
“Giving what up? The city? I told you, Saint. You’re my home.”
Cash caressed his chest, belly, and inner thighs. His fingertips briefly brushed against Nick’s balls before he began his upward trek. “You’re my home too.”
They lingered in the tub, talking and touching until the water cooled.
Then they dried off, got into bed, and finished watching season two of Heartstopper.
He fell asleep after midnight with Cash spooned around him.
When Nick woke on his back the next morning, a stunning sunrise greeted him.
He also had one hell of an erection tenting the sheets but no Cash to appreciate it.
A note by the bed said he’d gone to get bagels. Damn, the place still didn’t deliver?
Nick grabbed his phone off the nightstand and took a picture of the tented sheet. He uploaded the photo to their text thread and typed, Hurry back.