Chapter Six Rev #2
“Don’t you fucking say that!” I shouted, my fists clenching at my side.
My words and tone caused Annabel to shrink back.
She didn’t deserve to be yelled at, but at the same time, I had to get through to her.
And I didn’t know how many chances I would have to get this right.
It wasn’t like I had a whole lot of experience consoling broken women.
Tentatively I reached my hand out to touch her cheek. When she didn’t pull away, I brushed my thumb along her jawline. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
“It’s okay.”
“Annabel, I want you to understand that you should never, ever think like that.”
A mirthless laugh tumbled from her lips. “Honestly, Rev, you’re too forgiving. I’m twenty-four years old, not fourteen. I knew better. But still I asked a man I’d never met to take me on a motorcycle ride. I allowed myself to become a victim.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I spent years blaming myself for drinking that coffee when I knew I wasn’t supposed to have any.
I wasted so many nights lying in bed thinking I deserved what happened to me because even though I was drugged, I hadn’t fought back hard enough.
That there was something I had done wrong to make Kurt want me over my brothers.
” I shook my head. “It’s all bullshit, Annabel.
Letting those kinds of thoughts eat away with you won’t get you anywhere. ”
She remained silent for a few minutes and I could tell she was deep in thought. “After you were….” She swallowed hard as she met my eyes.
“Raped,” I enunciated the word for her. “I’ve been a fucking coward about the word long enough.”
She gave a quick nod of her head. “After you were raped, did you ever want to hurt yourself?”
Her innocent question sent the walls of the room spinning and closing in on me. My breath quickened to harsh pants, and I knew I was dangerously close to hyperventilating. No, I couldn’t lose it. Not here. Not now.
Closing my eyes, I pictured myself far, far away from the blood-soaked room. I waded into the crystal clear waters of a stream. As the cool liquid encased my body, peace began to hum through my veins. The further I went into the water, the greater the relief became.
I opened my eyes to find Annabel staring at me open-mouthed. “What did you just do?”
“A visualization technique Breakneck taught me many years ago.”
“You calmed yourself down right in front of me. One minute it was like you were going over the edge, and then the next…”
“I had peace,” I finished for her.
“Yes,” she murmured.
“I was pretty volatile there for a while after what happened to me. The emotions coupled with preteen hormones made me explosive. I was throwing punches at my brothers, at kids at school. It was when I took a swing at Breakneck that he realized I needed an outlet.”
“Will you teach me the technique?”
“Sure. If you think it will help.”
“Yeah, I do.” She gave me a small smile. “Thank you, Rev.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I braced myself to unburden myself even further. “The answer is yes.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yes, I tried to hurt myself.”
Her green eyes widened. “What did you do?” she questioned in a whisper.
“I tried to hang myself in my closet.”
Although she had tried slitting her wrists not a half an hour ago, Annabel’s hand flew to her mouth in shock. “Oh no.”
“The months after the rape were almost as bad as the day itself. Within just a few weeks, my old man left his church. He started drinking again, moved out of the house. My mother cried all the time. My brothers had no clue what had caused the seismic shift in our family, but I did. It was all my fault. I had caused my father to kill a man, to leave his wife and family, and to leave his church.”
“You poor thing,” Annabel whispered.
“So I took a belt, tied it to the rack in the closet, and then tied it to my neck. I didn’t leave a note.
I just climbed up on the chair and stepped off—” Annabel’s gasp of horror caused me to momentarily pause.
“But my weight was too much for the rack, and it collapsed to the floor.” For a moment, I was that scared, devastated little boy all over again.
I could feel his pain and desperation just as strong as when I was first experiencing it.
“You never tried it again?” Annabel asked.
I shook my head. “No, it was around then that Breakneck reached out to me. Maybe he had a soft spot for cases like mine because he had experienced something similar in the past. Or maybe he just wanted to help out a brother’s kid.
At first, I wondered if he was just some other pervert like Kurt.
But then I remembered how kind he had been the day my father had taken me to him.
So, I started going with Breakneck when he worked at the free clinic down in Atlanta.
I got to help out doing small chores, which kept my mind occupied, and at the same time, I got to see people who were far worse off than me. ”
“And that’s what eventually helped you move on?”
“That and time. The old adage about it healing all wounds is true. Of course, the pain is never completely forgotten. It’s more like it lies buried below the surface. Certain sights, smells, or sounds can bring it back.”
Annabel brought a blood-stained hand to tenderly touch my cheek. “Thank you for saving me. Again.”
My brows shot up in surprise. “You really mean that?”
Cocking her head to the side, she remained contemplative for a moment. Then her eyes once again met mine. “Yes, I do.”
It was at that moment that Breakneck appeared in the doorway. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered with wide eyes.
Annabel snatched her hand away from my cheek and then ducked her head from Breakneck’s stare. Shielding her from the barrage of questions I knew he wanted to ask, I said, “Annabel needs you to take a look at her wrists. She may need stitching. I’ll clean up in here.”
When he realized exactly what had transpired, his lips pinched tightly together. I could imagine in that head of his he was silently seething.
With a wince, I pulled myself off the ground.
Unsteady on my wounded leg, I weaved back and forth for a moment.
Once I was stable, I reached down to help Annabel up.
She couldn’t bring herself to look me in the eye, so I gently put my finger under her chin and tipped her gaze to mine.
“You let Breakneck take care of you while I clean up. Then if you’re feeling up to it, you can get a shower, or we can get one of the nurses to clean you up. Okay?”
She nodded and then padded barefooted out of the bathroom. With an agitated sigh, Breakneck turned to go, but I grabbed his arm. “Don’t,” I hissed under my breath.
“Don’t what?” he demanded.
“Don’t be hard on her.”
His eyes flashed with rage before he pushed me inside the bathroom and shut the door. “You want me to coddle a girl who almost threw her life away this morning? A girl who should be fucking grateful she’s alive at all when so many aren’t?”
I shoved him against the blood spattered wall with more force than I intended.
“For one minute, leave Sarah out of all of this. Think back to that eleven-year-old kid you stitched up one day and then weeks later tried to put back together when he fell apart.” Breakneck blinked in acknowledgment.
“You cannot and will not discredit her pain. She has every fucking right to want to take her life. That’s not our place to judge.
Our part is to help her to see there’s a reason to go on no matter how hard it seems right now. You feel me?”
“Yeah, I feel you,” he replied.
After releasing him, I took a step back. “Glad to hear it.”
His gaze dipped down to my leg. “Are you all right?”
“Just a little tender that’s all.”
“Maybe I should have a look at it.”
“Take care of Annabel first.”
“Chivalrous to a fucking fault,” he muttered before turning and leaving me.
***
I didn’t want to alert the medical staff to what had transpired with Annabel, so I ducked out of the bathroom and then stole a bucket and mop out of the supply closet.
I also grabbed a pair of scrubs so I would have something to change into once I finished cleaning.
After a quick sweep of the floor and walls, I returned the supplies, then I slipped back into the bathroom and took a long, scalding shower.
My calf still hurt like a motherfucker, but at least the stitches hadn’t popped and there was no bleeding. I slipped on the scrubs and took one last inspection of the bathroom before going outside.
Breakneck had finished up with Annabel’s stitches. Annabel’s and Bishop’s attention was drawn to the television while Breakneck stared at his phone. At the sight of me, Annabel jerked her gaze to mine.
“Shower is all yours now.”
She nodded and then turned to Breakneck. “It’s okay if I get the stitches wet?”
“The gauze should protect them. Just don’t stay in long. And if you start to feel lightheaded, call out for one of us.”
“Okay,” she replied. After taking the spare hospital gown from the side of the bed, she then slipped inside the bathroom.
Bishop glanced between me and Breakneck. “You think it’s safe for her to be alone in there?”
“I did a sweep of the bathroom. There’s nothing in there she could use, even if she was so inclined.”
“You don’t think she’ll be a repeat offender?” Bishop asked.
Before I could reply, Breakneck said, “No. I think she’s going to be all right.
” When I shot a questioning look at him, he gave a brief jerk of his head.
“For a first timer, she did a number on her wrists, but the wounds weren’t deep enough and after talking with her, I don’t thinks she needs put on suicide watch or anything like that. ”
Bishop snorted. “With us on round the clock duty, we’re watching her enough as it is. She doesn’t need anything else.”
“I’m not taking any fucking chances on Mendoza being alive or the Diablos hunting her down. Those cocksuckers are psychotic,” I argued.
Breakneck rose out of his chair. “She’ll be discharged tomorrow. We need to start planning how to get her back to the states.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “For starters, we’re going to be riding out of here.
No way can we be flying. Annabel doesn’t have any ID, and whatever paperwork the Raiders concoct to get her over the border, it won’t hold up with TSA.
Besides, we don’t need any record that we were even here. ”
Breakneck shook his head. “There’s no way with her injuries that Annabel can ride on a motorcycle. She needs four to six weeks recuperation from the hysterectomy at least.”
“Okay. So I’ll rent a car and drive her,” I replied.
“Then how does your bike get home?” Bishop questioned. As I paused to consider that issue, Bishop said, “Maybe Breakneck should drive her home.”
“No way,” I answered adamantly.
Bishop looked at me in surprise. “You got a better suggestion?”
“Rev’s right,” Breakneck said.
“He is?” The doubt was clear in Bishop’s tone.
With a nod, Breakneck added, “For whatever reason, Annabel has bonded with Rev. For her continued mental stability, she needs him right now, especially during a long car ride. I can ride his bike back.” At Bishop’s incredulous expression, Breakneck snapped, “Wipe that fucking look off your face. I can still ride a Harley.”
Bishop held up his hands defensively. “I never said you couldn’t.”
“I’m not that old.”
I chuckled. “If anyone can pull off that long a haul, it’s you, man.”
Breakneck finally smiled. “Besides, I think it’ll do me some good to be on the open road.”
“Have you talked to Betsy about funeral plans for Sarah?”
Betsy was Breakneck’s ex-wife and the mother of his three children.
While they had divorced years ago, they had somehow managed to keep an amiable relationship.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’ve spoken with her.
She wants to wait until I get back to plan anything.
” He gave me a pointed look. “Whenever that is.”
“Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you,” he replied, his eyes momentarily appearing glassy. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat. “I’m assuming Annabel has yet to speak to her parents.”
I shook my head. “When I mentioned calling them, she was pretty evasive.”
“That’s understandable. Her father is a real dick.”
“You know him?” I questioned incredulously.
“Not exactly. Just heard him speak on CSPAN before. Real right wing nutjob. The kind that hides a million secrets and shady dealings behind a picture-perfect smile.”
“Regardless of all that, I’m sure they’re desperate to know she’s all right,” I argued.
“You might be surprised. But in spite of all that, she needs to call them this afternoon. Should her identity be discovered crossing the border, we’ll have a hell of a hard time explaining why she’s with us.”
I nodded. “Okay. I’ll have her call them when she gets out of the shower.”
“I’m going to head out for now,” Breakneck said. He turned to Bishop. “Why don’t you come with me, and we can feel out the Raiders for help with a car?”
“Sounds good,” Bishop replied.
“I’ll come back later this evening to check on Annabel. Make sure she gets plenty of rest.”
“I will.”
Breakneck cocked his brows at me. “I don’t guess there’s any chance of you going back to the hotel tonight and letting Bishop or me stay?”
I shook my head and told him, “I’m fine right where I am. Besides, I think she would rest easier with me.”
With a smile, Breakneck replied, “Yes, she would. She seems to do everything better with you.”
His words stayed with me long after he and Bishop had left the room.
My mind couldn’t help drifting to Deacon and Alexandra.
I thought of how much she had needed him, physically and emotionally, after she had been tortured and almost raped by one of the Raiders’ enemies.
While it was an honor to help Annabel through her dark times, I couldn’t chase away the nagging feeling that she was growing too attached to me.
What would happen to her when it was time for us to go our separate ways?