Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
They showered and changed, and Logan thought his wife looked adorable in her jeans and fur-lined boots, her gorgeous auburn hair pulled back from her face in a ponytail, her hands tucked into the pockets of her white down vest. She looked as fresh-faced and pretty as she had back in their college days. But the best part was how he felt so connected to her after their morning together.
They’d decided to stick to his plan and headed out to the lobby to get pointed in the right direction to take a look at the horses and petting zoo, then Logan wanted to view the Dungeon, leaving it as a surprise for Rubi later. There were plenty of people in the lobby this morning. Some of them were dressed in Littles’ outfits—he spotted a few frilly dresses, as well as colorful overalls, and lots of fluffy jackets and knit hats with animal ears.
“How cute are they?” Rubi asked him.
“Pretty damn adorable, even if it’s not my thing.”
“I just love that everyone here can be who they are.”
“So do I, babe. It’s why I wanted to come to the Ranch.”
“Colonel and Mrs. Shaw!”
They turned to find Erika walking across the lobby towards them, a tablet in her hands.
“Good morning, Erika,” he said, and Rubi echoed him.
“Good morning. I hope the two of you enjoyed your first night with us. What’s on the schedule for today? Will you be joining any of the classes? And have you eaten yet?”
“No classes for us this trip, probably, but thanks,” Logan answered.
“And we had an incredible breakfast in our room this morning,” Rubi told her.
“That’s great,” Erika said with a smile.
“We were on our way to go see the stables and the petting zoo,” Logan said.
“We have some beautiful horses. Do either of you ride?” Erika asked.
He nodded. “We both used to, but it’s been years.”
“We have some very gentle horses if you’d like to give it a try. And we can always send one of our stable hands out with you on the trails, or our stable master, Travis, might be available. Just let me or Luna at the front desk know, and we can schedule it for you. Or anyone you find out at the stable can help.”
“Thank you,” Rubi said, moving in closer to his side, letting him know the thought of riding made her nervous.
“Sure! Anything for our guests. Including…” Erika paused and turned to look over her shoulder. “Including someone who can take you out to the stables and point you to the petting zoo right now.”
She waved a hand, and a petite blonde woman wearing pink rubber boots with her blue jeans came over.
“This is Reese, and she’s in charge of the petting zoo. I’m sure she’d be happy to show you out to the barn. Reese, this is Colonel and Mrs. Shaw.”
“Otherwise known as Logan and Rubi,” he said with a smile. “No need for a formal title.”
“I kinda like a formal title, Sir,” Reese said, smiling back. “But either way, it’s very nice to meet you both. Come on—let me take you out to the barn.”
“That’s so kind of you,” Rubi said. “And thank you, Erika.”
“You’re very welcome. And again, anything you need, just tell us.”
They followed Reese outside, and although there was snow on the mountains and patches of it on the ground, the sun was out and the sky was a brilliant blue. It was a beautiful winter day.
Reese chatted as they walked toward the big barn, telling them a bit of the history of the Ranch and the surrounding mountains.
“This place is so gorgeous,” Rubi said. “The sky really is big in Montana.”
“Yep, they don’t call Montana ‘Big Sky Country’ for nothing,” Reese agreed. “Here we are. We don’t keep all of the horses in this barn; a lot of them are on another part of the property. But some of the ones our guests ride regularly are here, plus our therapy horse, China. And don’t be surprised if you see an alpaca in there—Alfie kinda thinks he’s a horse.”
Rubi laughed, and Logan squeezed her hand as they walked into the big, tidy barn.
“This is a nice setup,” he commented.
“Isn’t it? My rescue animals and I are so lucky to live here.”
“I envy you,” Rubi said quietly. “It seems so peaceful.”
“Oh, it is,” Reese replied, “until things get rowdy, which happens fairly often, given how many Littles there are here at any given moment. Shenanigans abound! Oh… but, of course we won’t allow anyone to disturb you during your visit.”
“We weren’t worried about that,” Logan interjected. “Wow, who are these two gorgeous Clydesdales?” he asked, approaching the enormous pair of dapple-gray draft horses.
“This is Atlas and Hercules. They’re rescues. Both super sweet and calm. They got too old to really be working horses, but they love to pull sleighs in the winter to take guests for rides in the snow, and they pull the wagon for hay rides in the fall. You should see them prance in their harnessing! I swear they’re proud of themselves, and love to show off how pretty they are, especially when we braid ribbons and bells into their manes to pull the sleigh at Christmas.”
Logan held a hand out to one of them, and the big horse nuzzled his open palm.
“Come here, baby,” he said to Rubi. “This guy’s really sweet.”
She stepped forward, and he could tell from the set of her shoulders and a little wariness in her eyes that the pure size of the pair was making her a little nervous.
“It’s okay,” he assured her, taking her hand and using his to guide her as together they stroked the horse’s cheek, then his muzzle. “See?”
He turned to find Rubi smiling.
“He’s so huge… but so gentle.”
The other Clydesdale stepped over and nosed his way in, demanding pets, and Rubi laughed as she reached out to stroke the soft hair of his forelock. Logan loved seeing her happy and more relaxed.
“Big boy Hercules is jealous,” Reese said from behind them with a giggle. “Oh, hi, Master Derek.”
They turned to find a man with broad shoulders and piercing blue eyes, a cowboy hat worn at a tilt, and a friendly smile on his face.
“Derek Hawkins?” Logan asked, extending a hand. “Rubi, honey, this is the man who owns the Ranch.”
Derek took his hand, giving him a firm handshake. “And you must be Colonel and Mrs. Shaw. Erika mentioned you’d come down to the barn. Welcome.”
“Ah, Logan and Rubi, please. I’m retired now.”
“Still an Air Force Colonel, though, Logan. Thank you for your service.”
Logan nodded. “Happy to serve.”
“You two settling in alright?” Derek asked.
Logan gave him a nod. “Our room is perfect, the food is excellent, and your staff are about the nicest people I’ve ever come across.”
“Good to hear. And how about you, Rubi?”
“The place is just beautiful. I think we’re really going to enjoy it here,” his wife answered.
“Good, good. So, Logan, I got your email saying you might want a tour of our Dungeon. Is this a good time? I have the next hour or so free.”
“That would be great. Rubi, baby? You okay out here with Reese for a little bit? I’d rather you not see the Dungeon until it’s time for us to use it.”
“Yes, of course, babe. I really want to see the petting zoo, anyway.” She turned to Reese. “If that’s okay with you?”
“Oh, definitely! The petting zoo is my favorite thing.”
“Reese will take good care of your wife, Logan,” Derek assured him.
“I’m sure she will. And I can’t wait to see your facilities.”
As they strode back toward the main lodge, Logan looked over his shoulder, but Rubi was busy chatting with Reese, looking happier than she had in a while. She was a big animal lover, so today should be good for her. Which was important because he wanted her as relaxed as possible for their night ahead.
“I hope you’ll find everything you need here. Our themed Dungeon rooms change from time to time, and hopefully there’s a room that fits your needs. If not, just let a staff member know what you’d like and they’ll do their best to make it happen,” Derek said as they stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the lower level.
“It looked pretty spectacular from what I saw on the website. We’ve been to a few clubs when we were younger, and they were mostly a bunch of nice equipment in old warehouse spaces—pretty bare-bones—so this place has already impressed the heck out of me.”
“Great. Right this way,” Derek said as the door slid open. “There’s no one down here right now, although we do offer daytime play hours. But January and early February up until around Valentine’s Day can be a little quieter than the rest of the year—which means you’d probably have the main Dungeon area to yourselves if you’re inclined to use it. And here we are,” he said, making a sweeping gesture with his hand.
The main Dungeon was even more impressive in person, with multiple play stations, and every piece of equipment Logan could imagine: spanking benches, St. Andrew’s Crosses, what looked like fancy padded kennel cages for pet play, vinyl-covered tables, and even one that hung from the ceiling with long chains that allowed the table to swing. There were also large armoires placed against the walls at each station, holding every implement imaginable and bundles of rope in different colors, plus sofas and large chairs set all around the perimeter, as well as throw blankets, and first aid and water stations. Everything was spotless and in pristine condition.
“This place is incredible,” Logan murmured, gazing around the big room.
“We have music playing when the Dungeon is in use, and we can change the lights to fit the mood or the event. Gold and purple for Mardi Gras weekend, all green for St. Patrick’s Day, and of course red and pink for Valentine’s Day. And you should see the place at Christmas!”
“This space is fancier than anything we’re used to—or, used to be, anyway. But I’m pretty sure she’s going to want to stick to the private rooms. We haven’t played for years, so this is sort of a starting over point for us in a lot of ways.”
Derek nodded. “I imagine with your military career it was hard to keep up on private time.”
“That, and the kids. I had to be overseas so often, I really wanted to engage with my children as much as possible when I was home. Private time was pretty rare for Rubi and me.”
Logan paused, thinking back over the years of missed sporting events and dance recitals. He’d even missed Gabe’s high school graduation. And he and Rubi had put their relationship on the back burner in order to prioritize the kids, rarely even having a night out to dinner alone.
He remembered those times they went to the kink clubs before they’d had kids, though, and the times they’d played at home. They’d been so intensely bonded when they were in the Dom and sub roles, and well after a play night, too. They had to get back to that. Had to .
“Yeah, not nearly enough private time,” he said, “for too many years. And as proud as I was to serve my country, as important as I felt being in the military was—and I still believe in the work I did, in my service—I have some regrets when it comes to my marriage.” He paused to glance at Derek, who was quietly watching him, his brows drawn together. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so personal.”
Derek clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s fine. It’s what we do here. A lot of people come here to heal themselves or their relationships, and we’re always glad to help. If talking helps, we have wonderful therapists on site and, well, I’m here if you just want to chat.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. It’s just that… back in the day, when we played, we were so in tune with each other. And she was so damn beautiful. She always has been, and still is, but in those moments of submission, she just took my breath away. And the bond we shared, the bond we created through kink, it was so powerful. I felt like we were unbreakable.”
“But you’re not as certain about that now, is that it? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”
Logan shook his head. “No, it’s really good to talk to someone about all this. It’s not a conversation I can have with anyone else. We don’t have a kink community anymore, and this isn’t the kind of topic I can bring up with my Air Force buddies. I mean, the guys and I have talked about things like having to leave our families and all the feelings of stress and guilt that comes with that, but I doubt any of them would want to have this conversation.”
Derek gave a low chuckle. “You never know, Logan. It’s so much more common than most people would think. Look at the Ranch. It was designed to be a safe place for Littles and their caregivers, and we’re full-up pretty much all year round. We have to keep expanding and hiring more staff. Imagine how many more kinky folks there must be that we never meet.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. Anyway, I appreciate you talking to me about this stuff.”
“Always happy to help. On that note, I sensed from Rubi that she’s nervous about this.”
“She is. It’s been a long time, like I said. The underlying dynamic is definitely still there, but there are also a lot of unknowns. We’ve changed so much over the years; both of us. The military can make you sort of rigid in your thinking, and it’s something I’m going to have to remind myself of, pretty sure.”
“I have a good feeling about you, Logan. You’re someone who exudes a natural dominance. You need to trust your instincts. I feel like your wife is a lot more hesitant.”
“You’re not wrong about that,” Logan agreed. “She has a lot of self-image concerns, and I think she’s pretty freaked out about turning fifty in a few months.”
Derek shrugged. “That’s natural—and very common—for everyone as we age, but I think it hits women even harder. There are so many societal expectations around how women are supposed to look. It’s something a lot of our Littles deal with when they’re facing wearing the cute Little outfits they’ve always wanted to wear—that going against societal expectations thing. But your wife’s a gorgeous woman, if you don’t mind me saying so. I think if you give her enough reassurance, she’ll eventually believe you enough to move past being self-conscious. Kink is a very effective way to do that. The beauty in submission itself, like you mentioned.”
Logan nodded. “Yeah, it’s true. It’s all about the energy, the power exchange, and it’s like the entire world narrows down to what’s happening in those moments, and nothing else matters. I guess we need to have those experiences again, where we’re the center of each other’s universe.”
“You’ve got this, Logan.”
He took a deep breath, then blew it out. “I hope so. Thanks for the pep talk.”
Derek gave him another friendly clap on the back. “Anytime. I mean that. Now let’s go take a look at the private rooms.”
Rubi watched Logan walk off with Master Derek, sensing he’d found someone he could really talk to. Not that he didn’t have friends back home, but there was something about Master Derek that felt familiar and comfortable to her, and she’d bet Logan felt the same way. From what she could tell, the two men were pretty much cut from the same cloth. And she and Logan had lost touch with their old kink community; having someone like Master Derek to talk to would be good for her husband, especially after his retirement and losing daily access to his military community, too.
“Come on, Rubi,” Reese said. “Let’s go meet some animals. Just watch your step if any of the turkeys are around. It can be like walking through a minefield, and turkey poop is no joke.”
Rubi couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve heard that. I’ll definitely keep my eyes open.”
They spent the rest of the morning meeting a very talkative parrot named Bossy P, who spent most of the time riding on Reese’s shoulder, plus Stella the sweet cow, an adorable bunch of goats, pigs, and sheep, and Alfie the alpaca made an appearance, as well.
After the tour Reece asked, “Wanna go sit down and have some hot cider? My hands are a little cold.”
“Mine, too. And hot cider sounds like the perfect cure.”
Reese took her cell phone from a pocket and quickly typed out a text. “It’ll be here in a few minutes. Come on—grab a hay bale and have a seat.”
They sat down on a bale covered with a blanket, and Rubi inhaled the scents of fresh hay and fresh air.
“I can’t imagine how wonderful it is to live here,” she said.
“I know how lucky I am. I came here under sorta difficult circumstances—with my animals—and the folks here really saved all of us. Since then we’ve been rescuing more animals and giving them a home here on the Ranch or finding forever homes for them. And I found my forever home here, too, with Arlo, my husband and Daddy.”
“I thought you might be a Little,” Rubi said, smiling.
Reese grinned and stuck her legs out. “Was it the bright pink boots?”
Rubi laughed. “That was part of it, probably, and the matching ribbons in your braids. But it’s more something about your personality. You really have such a sweetness about you.”
“Oh, not all the Littles are sweet!” Reese said with a grin. “I mean, they are, but you haven’t seen a Little bratting yet, have you?”
“I guess not. But we’re here for a few weeks, so I imagine that’ll happen sooner or later.”
“Ooh, here’s Claudia with the cider!”
Rubi turned to see a tall woman with gorgeous long brown hair walking into the barn carrying a tall thermos and carrying three mugs by the handles.
“Rubi, this is my friend Claudia. She’s new-ish to the Ranch.”
“Bonjour! It’s nice to meet you,” Claudia said with a hint of a French accent. She set the mugs down on another hay bale, opened the thermos and poured, then handed them each a mug, taking one for herself.
“It’s nice to meet you, too, Claudia.”
“I hope you don’t mind,” Reese said, “but I asked Claudia to join us.”
“Of course I don’t mind,” Rubi answered, scooting over and patting the blanket next to her. “I’m happy to make new friends. I haven’t done enough of that in recent years.”
“Thank you.” Claudia sat between them and blew on her own mug of cider.
“What brought you to Rawhide Ranch?” Rubi asked.
“A terrible divorce and turning forty, I suppose,” Claudia said with a wry laugh. “My friend Micah told me about the job listing—I wait tables in the restaurant, mostly, and sometimes watch the front desk or work in the store when I’m needed. This place has been a true blessing for me.”
“Are you a… Little? I hope it’s okay that I’m asking.”
“Oh, yes, of course; it’s fine to ask. This is a safe place for all of us. But no, I’m not an ageplayer. I’m a submissive. Or, I used to be, before… well… I used to be.”
Rubi let out a soft sigh. “Me, too.”
“Oh?” Claudia asked. “But you’re here as a guest, yes?”
“Yes, with my husband. We used to go to the clubs, but it’s been years. I’m just not sure… well, it just feels like there’s so much I don’t know about how we’ll be together at this point in our lives, in those roles, specifically. I’m forty-nine years old. I’ve given birth to two kids. My body has changed so much. And it’s not only the way I look, but I have no idea what I can take. I used to be a bit of a masochist; I loved impact play. But now? I just don’t know. And to be honest, that’s sort of terrifying.”
Claudia put a hand on her arm. “Yes, of course you’re scared. Of course you’ve lost your confidence. I’m forty, and while I never had children, my body has changed, too, in different ways. Gravity gets all of us, in the end, doesn’t it? And as women, we’re so programmed to believe our worth centers entirely around our looks. But, Rubi, it’s really all about the dynamic between the two of you. The exchange of energy. That’s not to say I don’t understand how you’re feeling. I do, trust me. And… I think that’s why our friend here texted me to bring the cider today,” she said, turning to Reese.
Reese’s cheeks pinkened, but she nodded, smiling. “I thought you two might really understand each other.”
Claudia looked at Rubi. “Yes, I think so. Rubi, my divorce was terrible for me. My ex was so cruel, and much of his cruelty was about the way I looked. He attached my entire sense of value to my looks—to my weight—because I went through a thyroid issue and gained quite a bit. And over time, I judged my own value in the same way, too. I’m learning now that I’m a worthy human being, regardless. That I would be even if the combination of the stress of the divorce and getting my thyroid straightened out hadn’t caused me to lose the weight. And I’ve come to learn just how unnecessary his lack of kindness was, but I’m still affected by the things he said. It still bothers me that my skin sags in places because I lost forty pounds so quickly—in a matter of maybe eight weeks. I know I shouldn’t be so concerned about it, but it’s hard to go against a lifetime of programming. I’m working on it. And… I think I would like to find someone to submit to again, someday. Maybe. But I have so much work to do on myself, still. I have no idea what I’ll want when I get to the other side.”
Rubi took Claudia’s hand in hers. “If you want it, you should try. You deserve to have your needs met. And frankly, your ex sounds like an asshole. He doesn’t deserve to claim that piece of your well-being. Certainly not forever.”
Claudia smiled. “You’re right. And the same applies to you, my new friend, about deserving to have your needs met.”
Rubi’s eyes stung with tears, and she grasped Claudia’s hand tighter. “I know you’re right. And since we arrived here, it’s felt as if it’s almost within my grasp. Our grasp. But the ‘what ifs’ are so frightening. What if we can’t get there? What if I can’t? What if we came here with this grand vision in mind, and it just doesn’t work?”
“But what if it does?” Reese asked, smiling at her. “It seems to me that the fact you both came here with the same vision means you both want it. I think that’s a pretty solid scenario for success, don’t you?”
A smile broke through her tears. “You two are amazing people, you know that?”
Reese squared her shoulders and grinned. “We sure as heck are.”
Claudia laughed. “I’m learning to believe that. You can, too, Rubi.”
They all chatted a bit more as they finished their cider, and Bossy P, Reese’s parrot, flapped in to join them, perching on Reese’s shoulder and nuzzling her cheek. He even stretched his neck out to give Rubi a kiss when Reese asked him to, and Rubi was delighted by his antics. By the time they were done, the sun was high overhead, and she was getting hungry—and felt as if she’d made two good friends. She left Reese and Claudia after promising to meet up with them again soon, and made her way back to the lodge, where she ran into Logan stepping off the elevators.
“Hey, babe,” he said, sweeping her into his arms. He leaned in close and murmured against her ear, “You’re gonna love their Dungeon. Like we saw on the website, they have a bunch of private play spaces and different themed rooms. And, baby, I can hardly wait to start tonight.”
She stopped in her tracks and turned to look up at him. “ Tonight ?”
He faced her, laying both palms on her heated cheeks. “We need to jump in, remember? Before you get cold feet. I know you’re nervous. But I also know what’s best for you. Do you trust me, Rubi?”
His dark gaze was locked on hers, and she could see his intention was not to cut her much slack about this, if any. And something about that kernel of knowledge helped her to relax a bit.
I am in his hands .
Yes .
“Yes. I trust you.”
“Good girl. Now let’s rustle up some lunch.”