Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Rubi left Catherine’s office after getting her caught up on everything that had happened, and the epiphanies she’d had. Now that the magic of all the lovely brain chemicals the scene with Logan in the dungeon had poured into her brain had faded away, she was able to look at it all from a logical angle. She knew she had more work to do, and that it would take some time—and more experiences like that with her husband—before the things she’d discovered to be true about her own beauty and value stayed with her. It would take some time to become more solid. But they were definitely well on their way.
Claudia had messaged asking Rubi to join her and Reese for lunch, and she was on her way to the small café on the main floor to meet them now.
Erika smiled and called a greeting to her as she crossed the lobby, and Rubi had such a sense of being at home at the Ranch already, even though they hadn’t even been there a week yet. It really was a very special place.
When she walked into the café, Reese and Claudia were already seated, and they waved to her from their booth.
Reese patted the seat next to her, and Rubi slid in, across from Claudia.
“Well, you look great!” Reese told her.
“Thanks, but… what do you mean?”
“She means you’re glowing,” Claudia said.
Rubi felt her cheeks go warm.
“Oh, yeah, there it is,” Reese said, a certain smugness in her voice.
“There what is?” Rubi asked, although she thought she knew where the conversation was heading.
“You’ve played, and it obviously went well,” Reese answered. “And we want to hear everything!”
Well, maybe not quite everything,” Claudia said. “Some things are none of our business, Reese.”
Reese faux-pouted. “Party pooper.”
The conversation made Rubi laugh. “Okay, yes. We played the other night in a way we haven’t before, and it was… amazing. But a lot of that credit goes to my session with Catherine—I just saw her again today, by the way, and she’s wonderful. But I think Logan had a good talk with Master Derek, too.”
“Master Derek is the heart of this place,” Reese said, and Claudia nodded her agreement. “He’s a big part of Ranch magic. He’s so smart about people, and always has the best insight. I’m sure they had a good conversation.”
“I agree, absolutely. In fact, they’re meeting again today while I’m here with you two. I think Logan and I both need to sort of decompress after the other night. Yesterday we just spent the day lounging. We ordered room service, and watched movies, and cuddled up on the couch. It was perfect. And frankly, at this age, I couldn’t have done much more than that after a night of such intense play.”
Reese leaned forward in her chair. “So, tell!”
A waitress interrupted them to bring water to the table, and they all ordered. But as soon as the waitress left, Reese was arching her eyebrows, obviously still waiting for Rubi to talk.
“I really don’t mind telling you two. You’ve become friends so quickly, and I feel like I can trust you.”
“Only what you’re comfortable discussing,” Claudia told her. “And of course, anything you say goes nowhere but here.”
Rubi nodded. “Well, did either of you know one of the private Dungeon rooms is completely covered in mirrors?”
“What? No!” Reese said while Claudia nodded.
“I was here the day the mirrors were installed,” she said. “Is that the room you had your scene in?”
“It was. And at first I was in a total panic. But I just put myself in Logan’s hands, and it all turned out fine. No,” she said, pausing to collect her thoughts. “More than fine. It was honestly exactly what I needed, and he knew it, somehow. He calmed me down, got me deep into subspace while I was blindfolded, and by the time the blindfold came off, all I saw was the beauty in submission. It’s something we’ve talked about before, and I remember seeing it in other submissives back in the day when we went to the clubs, but I’d never really been able to see it in myself. And I realized that’s how he sees me, too. How he’s always viewed me in those moments because it’s him I’m submitting to. I was finally able to see myself through his eyes.”
“It sounds like he’s a really good Dom,” Claudia said. “And a good husband.”
“He is, both of those things. It reminded me how incredibly lucky I am to have him. To belong to him. Of course, all of the negative thoughts I’ve been plaguing myself with won’t go away overnight, but we’re definitely on our way. The only thing is…” She paused, wondering what would be okay to share when it came to Logan. But she truly did trust Claudia and Reese, and she needed some woman-to-woman talk. “The thing is, I’ve opened up so much, and I feel like he needs to get that vulnerable, too. Something has been going on with him ever since he retired. Actually, long before then. There’s a part of him that’s holding back. From me. From life in general, I think. And while we’re on the right track, I need to know he’s putting in the same effort I am. That he’s willing to meet me in the same place, if that makes sense.”
“Sure, it does,” Reese agreed. “It’s good that he’s seeing Master Derek today. He has a way of putting things in perspective for people and calling them on their crap as needed. I know he did with my husband, Arlo. He kinda needed a good butt-kicking, and I certainly couldn’t do it.”
Rubi laughed. She’d met Arlo only briefly, but she couldn’t imagine anyone kicking that man’s butt.
“I hope Master Derek can help him. I really do. There are some things Logan just won’t talk to me about, and while he’s got his friends from the military back home, I’m pretty sure those guys don’t talk about the emotional aspects of their lives too often, if at all.”
“Men are taught not to talk about their emotions,” Claudia said with a shrug. “It’s not only American men, either. Frenchmen are possibly even more emotionally closed off, from my experience when I still lived there. It’s a shame, and it hurts a lot of relationships, I think, but in that sense, your husband can’t be blamed for it, not completely. It’s what society imposes on men.”
“No, you’re absolutely right,” Rubi agreed. “Especially in the sort of cloistered, macho environment that’s military life. It has to be that way, maybe, for them to get through all the things they experience while they’re serving. The women I’ve known in the Air Force are just as guarded. I’m sure it’s even more difficult for them, having to survive in what’s largely a man’s world. But ultimately, I don’t know that it does any of them, men or women, any favors at home.”
“Well, if anyone can get him to open up, it’s Master Derek,” Reese declared.
“I hope so.”
“Don’t look so worried, Rubi,” Reese said. “Wait to see how things go after the men talk. And meanwhile, I feel like you need a chocolate milkshake. Just in case of any remnants of subdrop are still around, yaknow.”
Rubi smiled and nodded her agreement. “I think we all do. Just because.”
Claudia grinned at her. “I like the way you think. And plenty of whipped cream for me, please!”
Logan sat in Derek’s office as his new friend and confidante poured him two fingers of good bourbon over ice. Derek brought two glasses over and handed one to him.
“Always did like Buffalo Trace,” Derek said, clinking his glass against Logan’s.
Logan took a sip of the fragrant bourbon. “I don’t drink all that often, but when I do, I appreciate a good bourbon. Thanks.”
Derek sat in the chair opposite him. “I always keep a little something on hand. So, I get the feeling this wasn’t just a random visit?”
“Yeah. I was hoping I could talk to you about something that I can’t really bring to any of my buddies back home.”
“Sure. Whatever I can do to help. And if it’s not something I feel confident in handling, I can give you a referral to Sam Denten, our other staff psychologist. He’s a great guy.”
“I’m sure he is, but is it okay if I start here?”
“Yeah, of course. What’s on your mind?”
Logan took another sip. “Well, things are going really well with my wife and me. Coming here was definitely the right choice, and we’ve made a lot of headway. Or, Rubi has. I know her speaking to Catherine helped a lot. So did the advice you gave me the other day about taking her to the mirror room.”
“Ah, I’m glad that worked out.”
“It did, yeah. It was a game-changer for her, and she’s really learned to see herself differently. I’m so damn proud of her for being willing to even go there. But now I’ve realized it’s my turn.”
Derek shot him a grin. “I’m pretty sure you don’t mean being blindfolded in the mirror room.”
Logan chuckled. “Not in this lifetime. But it is my turn to deal with some heavy shit I’ve been carrying around. I loved being in the military. I love flying planes, being the one to train new pilots. The camaraderie. The sense of doing something important for our country. But it comes with the weight of the world sometimes, you know? Literally. The shit I’ve seen…. Well, I’ve been to therapy at the VA, of course, and it helps. But they have a pretty specific focus. And while I can say PTSD doesn’t affect me the way it did after certain… incidents, it’s still there. Lurking in the shadows. I’ve stayed on top of it. But coming here and watching my wife open herself up to me, being so damn vulnerable with me, it’s made me realize that I owe her the same in return. And I’m having a hard time doing that, giving that to her, while I’m so engaged in being her protector as we go through this experience. I don’t know how to separate it out.”
Derek nodded and took a sip of his drink, the ice cubes clinking as he set the glass back down on the small table between them. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, his hands clasped.
“I might have to think on this, to be honest, Logan. I get that we sometimes have a hard time finding that balance because of who and what we are: the Dominants, the caretakers. How do we attend to our own self-care while we’re busy caring for everyone else?”
“Yeah, that’s it. I did a lot of that in the service, watching out for my squadron, then for the pilots I trained. I’ve always done it at home, too, especially raising our kids, but with Rubi, too. And a lot more since we came here because I have to. Because that role is what I signed up for as her Dominant. I can’t ask her to turn herself over to me so completely if I’m not there for her every second. She has to know she can depend on me. It’s kind of put me on hyper-alert, and I know she needs that from me right now. But how do I watch out for myself at the same time? It feels pretty much impossible, so I back-burner my own needs a lot. And even though we’ve only been here for six days, it’s just been a sort of exaggeration of what I’ve been doing most of my life. And shit, please tell me if I’m dumping too much on you.”
“No, no. Not at all,” Derek assured him. “I get that this isn’t a conversation you can have with your VA therapist, because the kink dynamic adds a whole other level of depth. It can get complicated. All I can say is, I’ve learned to take some time for myself. Had to, because running this place can be a lot. I love every minute of it; don’t get me wrong. But finding some sort of balance is crucial.
“I don’t have military experience, Logan, but I can tell you from a position of authority where I’m responsible for a whole lot of people, you have to take that time, in whatever form works for you. Go fishing. Read a book. Whatever it takes. When we put ourselves in these positions of responsibility, everyone expects a lot of us. And that’s okay because we choose to do this. But we also expect a lot from ourselves. Too much, sometimes.”
Logan nodded. “Yeah, that, for sure. And the result is that I’m not digging deep enough for her. Well, for me, but ultimately, it’s all for her. And she’s given me this incredible, honest vulnerability, while I’ve shut that part of myself down. And I don’t know where the hell to begin to open it up again.”
“This conversation is probably a good start. You’ve said the words out loud. That brings the topic to the table, right out here where you can see it. And I get the feeling you’re not about to look away now that you’re aware of it. You’re doing a good job here, Logan. You just gotta keep moving forward. You’ll get there. But you need to talk to me again? I’m here. And by the way, my friend Arrow, a BDSM educator, will be here next week to present some classes for our winter educational program. I know you mentioned you weren’t planning to go to any classes, but he’s a good guy, very relatable, really knows his stuff, and he’s ex-military. I think it might be helpful to attend one or two of his classes, and then maybe talk to him.”
“Huh. That sounds like it could be good. I’ll definitely check out the class schedule.”
“He’s a great guy to talk to. I can introduce you if you like.”
“Thanks, Derek. It does help to put it out there, like you said.”
“Now you just have to do that with her,” Derek reminded him with a smile and a twinkle in his eye as he lifted his glass. “To being vulnerable.”
Logan lifted his own glass but paused before touching it to Derek’s. “I kinda hate this toast.”
“We all do,” Derek said with a laugh.
After his time with Derek, Logan sent Rubi a text asking how she was doing. Since she was enjoying time with her new friends, he decided it was a good time to try some of that self-care he and Derek had talked about.
The February air was chilly, but he bundled up, put on his hiking boots, and went for a walk. He crossed the property, making his way toward the stables, then beyond, until he got to the trails at the foothills.
It was beautiful country, with some snow on the ground and more up on the mountain peaks. And simply moving out in the fresh, clean air felt good. The quiet was meditative, giving him time to mull over his conversation with Derek. By the time he got back to the suite, his head felt clearer, and he was ready for a nap, which was unusual for him, but it had been a long few days, with a different kind of energy expended than he was used to.
He texted his wife to let her know where he was, and she texted back that she was going to the petting zoo with Reese and Claudia, and he should go ahead and rest for a while.
He kicked off his boots, then stripped down to his boxer briefs and got comfortable on the bed, drawing the down-filled throw blanket over himself. Closing his eyes, he dozed off in what felt like mere moments.
He woke up slowly to soft hands on his skin and the light scent of her perfume in the air, and it took him several moments before he could force his eyes open.
Rubi.
The drapes were drawn, the winter sun was setting, and the bedroom was illuminated only by a lamp shining through from the next room, just enough light to see by. She stood over him dressed in her silky black chemise trimmed in lace, her auburn hair hanging over her shoulders. She was touching him, her fingertips drawing slowly up his stomach, over his chest, pausing to brush his nipples, and they went hard. So did his cock.
When he reached for her, she gently pushed his hands back down.
“Will you hold still for me, Logan?” she asked. “Will you do as I say for a little while?”
She wasn’t usually the one in charge in the bedroom—never, in fact—but her touch felt so good, he was willing to see how it would go.
“Yes, Ma’am,” he said, a small tease in his voice so she’d know he wasn’t being a jerk about it.
She smiled at him, her features soft and loose. Sensual.
She pulled the blanket back and pushed it aside. Then she knelt, one knee on the edge of the bed beside him and leaned down to kiss his neck. And lord, it felt good, her soft lips tracing over his skin. Automatically, he lifted his hands to wrap around her waist, but she took them in hers and once more pushed them down to his sides.
“Uh-uh,” she murmured. “You said you’d let me be in control.”
“I sorta did, didn’t I?” he confirmed, willing to let her try. He was curious about what she’d do.
“Okay, then,” she said before pulling their black leather cuffs from the nightstand.
“What? Rubi, seriously?”
She nodded. “Yes, Logan. I need you to let go with me. And maybe this won’t work the same way for you as it does for me, but it’s… something.”
He thought it over, and it made an odd sort of sense.
“Okay, baby.”
She took one of his wrists and buckled a cuff around it. It felt strange. Not bad, but he definitely wasn’t used to it. It felt even weirder when she buckled his other wrist, then clipped the cuffs together with a carabiner and lifted his arms up so they rested on the headboard.
“I want you to stay still,” she told him. “Keep your arms over your head.”
As weird as it was, it was still hot as fuck to have her taking control. To have her initiate. To show her desire for him this way, especially when he knew her confidence was so newly found. It made his dick hard. He desperately needed her to touch him.
He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way. Oddly empowered by being bound, by having agreed to give up control, because even though she’d asked, it was his choice. Nope, this was definitely new territory, but he wasn’t opposed.
She leaned over him once more and kissed his neck, then moved to his mouth. She pressed her lips to his, then slipped her tongue between them and explored. She moved tentatively at first, then more boldly. When he tried to lift his head to deepen the kiss, she pulled back and gave him a small shake of her head. He let his head fall back onto the pillows, but damn, it was hard to indulge her in this with his cock already throbbing.
This time she kissed his chest, her soft, sweet lips brushing over his skin. When she kissed his nipple, he was shocked at his own response, at the way desire shot through his body like a damn rocket. He moaned quietly. She did it again, then moved to the other side, and pulled his nipple into her mouth, sucking hard, and lord, it felt so fucking good. Heat shimmered over his skin, down into his belly, and the harder she sucked, the tighter his balls pulled, the more his cock swelled.
“Fuck…”
She swept her lips down his stomach, leaving a trail of scorching kisses, pausing to let her tongue dart out over his sensitive flesh. She moved lower and paused to lift her head and trace the bulge of his erection through the fabric of his boxer briefs with her fingers.
“Fuck, baby. You’re killing me.”
“Not yet,” she answered, smiling.
“You’re enjoying having some power over me, aren’t you?”
“I am. But I’m about to enjoy it a lot more. And, I think, so are you.”
She bent and held her face mere inches from his cock, and even through the cotton fabric he could feel the heat of her breath. She grabbed his thighs and squeezed the muscles there, then his inner thighs, making his dick jump. Then she reached for the waistband of his briefs and, inch by inch, slipped them down until his erect cock sprang free. When she brushed a feathering kiss over the tip, he thought he’d lose his mind.
“Lord, babygirl. What are you doing to me?”
She did it again, just barely touching his hard, needy flesh, and his blood pounded in his ears. In his dick.
She slid his boxer briefs all the way down his legs and tossed them on the floor, then moved back in, her mouth so close, if he let his dick twitch it would touch those soft, plush lips. He tried to hold still, since she was having so much fun with him—and he was enjoying it, too, even if the teasing was driving him mad.
She moved even closer and blew out a long, warm breath, bathing his cock in heat, something she’d done when they were younger and had the time to take sex slowly. But now it was obvious she was glorying in her power over him. And she did have the power. He was so damn hard, need pounding through his system like an ocean wave, too powerful to resist. She could do anything she wanted right now, ask anything of him, and he’d agree.
When she licked the head of his cock, he groaned.
“Ahhh…”
She did it again, then again, small flicks of her tongue, then she traced the underside of the head, licking so damn slowly, it was pure torture. And just as he was starting to squirm, she sucked the whole head into her mouth.
“Ah, fuck! That feels so good, baby.”
She sucked him as though she were nursing, almost, just sucking, sucking on the tip. When she drew her fingertips up the shaft, then back down to cup his balls, he nearly shot his load, the need to come a steady, hot, pounding of pleasure in his cock, his balls, even his belly. The need to wrap her up in his arms and just take her was so strong, it was all he could do to hold his cuffed wrists over his head, as she’d asked him to. And when she lowered her mouth over his shaft, sucking him down her throat, he had to bite his cheek not to explode.
She slid her mouth up, right to the tip, then sank back down on him again, taking his cock down her throat as she gently massaged his balls.
Fuck, he’d almost forgotten how good she was at giving head, how she’d always been able to deep-throat him. But there was definitely something about him handing over the control to her that was hot as fuck, making every sensation even more intense.
He pulled in a deep breath, trying to force himself to calm the fuck down.
“Baby, if you keep doing that, I’m gonna come in your mouth.”
She pulled off his dick to murmur, “If that’s what I want, then you will.”
He let out a low chuckle, loving how much she was enjoying being in command. In response she reached up and pinched both his nipples.
“Ah, fuck! I’m not the one who’s into pain.”
“And yet, your cock jumped, Logan. So, I think that point may be up for discussion.”
“Unh! Who can talk now?” he replied as she sucked on the head of his needy cock again, then pushed her tongue into the hole, sending shocks of pleasure arrowing deep into his body. “Jesus fuck!”
She let his dick go and stood up, slipping the chemise over her head, leaving her naked. Gorgeously, deliciously naked. He started to bring his hands down, needing so damn badly to touch her, but he caught himself as she raised an eyebrow at him, and raised his arms back over his head.
“Lord, you’re beautiful, babe,” he said, taking in all that fucking gorgeous naked skin, her beautifully full tits, the nipples erect as if they were waiting for him to touch them, suck on them.
“Tell me what you want, Logan,” she asked. Demanded.
“I want you,” he answered, hearing the rasp in his voice.
“Tell me specifically.”
Oh, she was getting better at this by the second.
“I want you to straddle my body, holding your sweet pussy over my cock. I want to feel how wet you are by letting your juices drip on me. Then I want you to sink down onto it, taking all of me at once.”
And fuck, saying it out loud made him impossibly harder. He could almost come just looking at her, telling her what he needed to do to her.
Yeah. Need to do to her .
“But more than that, Rubi, I need you to get me out of these cuffs and let me fucking take you like the beast I am right now. The beast you created.”
She smiled as she climbed on top of him. His cock pulsed as she lowered her body over his, as she leaned down and pressed her lush, bare tits against his chest. He waited, holding a breath, for her to position her pussy over his throbbing flesh. But instead, she reached up and released him from the cuffs.
The moment he was out of them he flipped her onto her back, but just fucking her on the bed wasn’t going to be enough. He was too desperate to be inside her, and he needed it to be rough, to let some of the tension out that had built inside him. He got to his feet, picked her up, and slammed her back against the wall, then wrapped her legs around his waist.
“Oh! Logan, yes!”
Her arms were tight around his neck, hanging on to him, and he kissed her mouth, sucked the delicate skin at her throat, then bit in as he rammed his cock into her wet cunt.
He started to thrust, hard and fast, out of control. Driven by pleasure, by a need so powerful, as sharp as the keen edge of a knife. All he could do was plow into her, kiss her, bite into her skin as his fingers dug into the fine flesh of her ass.
She clung to him, her cunt squeezing tight around his driving shaft as she climaxed, and he knew he couldn’t hold on one moment longer.
“Ah, Logan! Yessssssss!”
He was coming with her, pleasure an electrical surge through his body. A storm of sensation hammering into him as he pounded into her.
“Yessss, baby!” he yelled, his throat raw.
He kept slamming his cock into her, wanting to milk their orgasms, hers and his, of every last drop. Finally, his legs shaking, he moved them back to the bed, where he fell on top of her, still inside her, still shivering with aftershocks. She was wrapped around him so tight, but he fucking loved it. He never wanted to let her go.
“Jesus, babe. That was… something else.”
“Yes,” she said, her voice gorgeously breathless. “That’s what it’s like when you let yourself go.”
“Ah, tricky girl.”
“I might still have a few tricks up my sleeve, even after all these years.”
“Yeah, you do.”