Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
Logan found Arrow and Derek sitting at a table in the back of the café.
“I hope I didn’t leave you guys waiting too long for me,” he said, glancing down at his Apple watch.
“No, no, we got here about an hour ago to go over the schedule and just catch up,” Derek said. “Come on and sit down.”
He did, and a waiter came right away and took his drink order, then came back with his iced tea a minute later. They all perused the menu, then put in their lunch orders before getting down to conversation.
“So, you were Army?” Logan started.
“Yep. I served for fifteen years,” Arrow answered. “Best and hardest years of my life, which I’m sure you understand. And you’re Air Force?”
He nodded. “Since I got out of college. I got my degree, graduated early, and it was sort of a calling for me.”
“Yeah, I get that. It was for me, too. Had you already met your wife then?”
“Rubi and I met while we were in college. She was a year behind me, and we got married as soon as I graduated. It was rough on her when I went away, but she handled it all like a champ. I know it wasn’t easy on her.”
“I’m sure she’s damn proud of you,” Derek said.
“I know she is. Rubi is a really special woman; always has been. And to be honest, I know I’ve been kind of an ass since I retired. I’ve been impatient. Grumpy, at times. Lacking in motivation to do much more than take care of the house, the yard, the cars. She’s had the patience of a saint, but it’s taken a toll, even if she doesn’t complain about it. I knew it would be a hard transition for me leaving the service, but I had no idea how hard. And I didn’t really have enough distance from myself to realize to what degree I haven’t been my best self. Not until we came to the Ranch. I regret the hell out of it.”
“I don’t think any of us know how rough leaving the military will be until we get there,” Arrow said. “I was injured pretty badly in the line of duty, and it ended my career early. And I was pissed. A part of me still is, to be honest—I’m still working on that, and probably always will be. But I also felt guilty as hell that I was no longer serving my country. The military is its own kind of complicated mindfuck. We expect so damn much of ourselves, especially career military, and if anything gets in the way of that, it warps our self-perception.”
“Yeah, I’m definitely going through some of that since I retired,” Logan agreed. “I feel… lost. Like I don’t know any more what my place in the world is. And I know it’s affecting my relationship with my wife. She was so looking forward to me retiring and us getting to spend more time together, maybe travel a bit, but I haven’t been myself. It’s part of the reason why we came to the Ranch, although I didn’t actually realize it until we got here. I had myself convinced this trip was all for Rubi’s sake, for her to rebuild her self-esteem as we reconnected. But I have at least as much work to do as she does. Probably more if I’m being honest with myself. And she’s progressing so fast, while I’ve just been sort of focusing on her, and ignoring my own stuff.”
“That’s really common among Doms and caretakers,” Derek said. “We’ve all been through it at one time or another. That’s a big reason why I asked Arrow to speak on this particular topic this year.”
“I definitely needed to hear it,” Logan said. “But yeah, the military part just kinda blows it all out of proportion. I feel like I should be able to handle whatever comes at me, because out on the field it’s a matter of survival. But when it comes to my wife, I have to move beyond what’s simply necessary.”
“That’s exactly it,” Arrow said. “We can’t exist in survival mode once we get home. We have to actually separate ourselves a little from that huge sense of responsibility in order to explore what our needs are. Because there are times when it’s appropriate to focus on ourselves, to dial into what we’re feeling. And then we have to talk to our partners about it. We have to be open and honest with them.”
Logan shook his head. “That’s the hard part for me. It’s difficult enough to be honest with myself, but then to tell her all the shit that goes through my head? I don’t even know how.”
“The first time I had to tell my wife, Micah, that I needed some aftercare… that was fucking tough,” Arrow said. “But I realized if I didn’t allow myself to do that, I was sort of ripping her off, denying her that part of the experience. That part of myself. It was humbling. But worth it. It brought us closer than ever.”
“I know that’s what I have to do. Your workshop really clarified that for me. And this conversation even more.”
“Glad to help,” Arrow said. “So, anyone hungry? I think that’s our food on the way over here.”
“I let Sadie talk me into having cupcakes for breakfast, and my blood sugar crashed into the ground, so I’m starving,” Derek said with a grin.
While they ate, Logan and Arrow exchanged some stories from their time in the military. They talked about the dedication to their service, as well as how much of their life it sucked up, often leaving too little time and energy for the people they cared about, and how that made them feel.
Although Logan had talked to his Air Force friends about this stuff, it was helpful to know how this affected his kink dynamic, because as intense as kink was, it made every emotional aspect more intense, too. By the end of their lunch, he felt a lot more prepared to face some of the harder things he’d been stuffing down for so many years, and although he planned to get back into therapy once they got home, he knew he had to approach some of it while they were at the Ranch.
After lunch was over, he found Rubi, and they went on an afternoon trail ride. It felt good to get back on a horse after so many years. Riding was something they’d once enjoyed doing with the kids, and they were both pretty good riders. The Montana countryside was beautiful and serene, the snow making everything so silent and utterly peaceful, and they both loved it. He realized they needed to get out and do more, that life couldn’t be all about fixing things around the house, or taking the car in for an oil change, or paying bills. They needed to have fun together again, and he considered maybe even looking into buying their own horses.
Once they got back to the room, Rubi laid down for a nap. Logan decided to take Arrow’s advice while his wife rested and did some journaling, trying to begin to dissect his very complex feelings. He felt better after, lighter, and he was excited about the evening they had planned.
An hour or so later Rubi got up, and they had dinner in their room before showering together, then getting ready for the Dungeon.
They went back to the room with the mirrors. Logan loved the way Rubi had responded in there, and seeing their reflection as he played her had been so damn hot. Tonight, it might also be revealing. He felt some nervous anticipation, but he had to start putting what he’d learned into action. No time like the present.
The lights were low, and his beautiful wife was dressed in a dark green silk chemise, the lace hem skimming her thighs. He was eager to get his hands on her, but there was some important business to take care of first.
“Baby, come sit in this chair; I want to talk for a minute.”
She nodded, and he knew she was already slipping into subspace. Maybe they should have had this conversation before leaving their suite, he realized. But it needed to happen before the night’s scene started.
She sat in the chair and he sat on the ottoman in front of her, taking her hands in his.
“We’re going to do a little renegotiating. Is there anything you need from me that we haven’t discussed before? Has anything changed for you since the last time we played, or the last time we went over negotiations?”
“The only things that have changed are me feeling a whole lot better about myself, and about us. I’m also realizing I can take more physically than I thought I could after all these years. And I hit subspace so easily, which surprised me.”
“Me, too, baby. And that’s all really good.”
She arched an eyebrow. “But…?”
“But I need to negotiate some stuff. For myself.”
“Oh.” She was surprised, but he’d expected that. “Of course, babe. What do you need from me? Am I… am I not pleasing you in some way? Is there something I could do better?”
“Ah, no, baby. You’ve been amazing in every way, I promise. This is on me. Because there’s some stuff I haven’t talked to you about.”
“I thought there might be,” she said, and he noticed the shift in her posture, in her eyes. There was concern there, and he could see she’d pulled herself out of her dreamy subspace and right into nurturing mode. “Was it something triggered by the class we went to?”
“Not triggered, but it definitely touched on a few things I needed to face head-on. And I talked to Arrow and Derek about it at lunch today, which clarified a few things. A lot, actually. They were a big help. I didn’t reveal anything about you, though, Rubi. I wouldn’t do that without talking to you about it first.”
“I’m not worried about that. They’re sort of mentoring you right now, and everyone here is kinky, so it’s not as if you’d be exposing some big secret about me. But I’m more concerned about you right now. Please tell me what you’re worried about, Logan.”
“I’m not worried, exactly. I’m just trying to be more realistic about where my head is at, where my limits are, what my needs are.”
“That’s good, babe. And, if I may say so, it’s about time,” she said with a reassuring smile. “So, tell me.”
He took a deep breath, then blew it out. This was the hard part, admitting this out loud to his submissive.
“I need to negotiate aftercare. For me.”
To his surprise, Rubi threw her arms around his neck and held on tight.
“Oh, babe. That’s great!” she said. “I mean, not that you have a need that hasn’t been filled, but that you got to a place where you could tell me. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me.”
He buried his face in her neck and breathed her in, the scent of her perfume, of her , calming him. “You are the best wife any man could have,” he told her, meaning it with all his heart.
She pulled back to look at him. “Did you think I would judge you?”
“No, never. It was more about me judging myself.”
She stroked her hand over his cheek, love shining in her eyes. “I understand that. I really do. So, tell me what aftercare looks like for you.”
“That’s something I still need to figure out. Cuddling with you, that’s for sure. We do that, anyway, but I guess I need to… know it’s being done with intention, if that makes sense.”
Rubi nodded.
“And sometimes sex is aftercare for me.”
“For me, too,” she agreed.
“So, what if I express the need for aftercare that goes beyond cuddling, and you’re not up for sex?” he had to ask.
“Babe. I am always up for sex after we play. I’m not sure I could do without it ending with that level of intimacy, and I get so worked up when you’re playing me. But if that’s ever the case, then we talk about it, and figure it out together, right? Isn’t that part of the ‘exchange’? And there are so many things that help me as far as aftercare that you might not have considered, like a warm bath or shower, or eating chocolate, watching a favorite movie, or a massage.”
“You are one very wise woman,” he told her. “Thank you for listening. And for offering advice. I’m sure I have more to figure out around what taking care of myself means, but I think that’ll happen over time now that we’re both aware of it. Thank you, baby.” He leaned in to kiss her.
“Mmm. Can you… can you do that again, please?” she asked, batting her lashes.
“What, this?” he asked, kissing her once more.
Her lips parted under his, her tongue searching his out. He was feeling a little raw from the conversation, but something about this woman’s touch soothed him… always.
More than soothed him as she wriggled her way onto the floor and between his knees, and pressed up against him as they kissed. His dick went hard as her tongue slipped into his mouth.
Fuck, he needed her.
Soon they were making out like they had in college. Her soft, plush breasts were pressed up against his chest, but she wasn’t close enough. He needed more.
He pulled back and laid both hands on her shoulders. “Time to get naked, darlin’.”
“Yes, Sir,” she said.
He could see how those words made her eyes misty, made her features go soft, and he loved that she was able to slip into subspace so easily. He loved even more that part of it had to be because she trusted him so much. And he was grateful for what he’d learned that day that had allowed him to open himself up to her. But right now he needed to stop thinking so much, and let instinct lead the way.
“Arms up,” he told her, and as she raised her arms over her head, he slipped the silky chemise off, leaving her in nothing but her pretty heels.
Lord, she was so damn beautiful. Her hair pooled around her shoulders, and he pushed it back so he could see the pretty slope of her shoulders, the delicacy of her collarbones, the gentle curve of her breasts. He reached out and stroked the underside of one breast and saw a shiver go through her, and her nipples were already two succulent points. He began to tease her nipples, both at once, stroking the tips, then pinching them, gently at first, then harder. The harder he pinched, the more she leaned into his touch, and she started to moan and closed her eyes. He kept playing with her tits, watching her nipples go harder, the color deepening. When he thought she was ready, he quietly pulled a pair of screw clamps from his back pocket, and pulling one taut nipple out, he attached the clamp.
“Oh!”
Rubi’s eyes fluttered open, then she smiled, that mysterious Mona Lisa smile she sometimes got when she was fully immersed in subspace and pleasure.
He adjusted the screw, tightening the clamp, and stopped when she bit her lip.
“Let’s clamp the other one before I make them any tighter.”
She didn’t answer, but started doing some deep breathing, and he knew she was converting the pain to pleasure in the way he’d taught her all those years ago.
He twisted and stroked and pinched the other nipple, then pulled it out to attach the other clamp near the base. She gasped a little, then let out a long breath, her eyes closing once more. He let her settle into the pain for a few moments before tightening one of the clamps a bit.
“What color are you, Rubi?” he demanded.
“Green, Sir. Ohhh, I forgot how much I like clamps.”
“That’s my good girl,” he said before screwing the clamp tighter.
Her whole chest and neck and her cheeks were going a little red, which he knew meant she was processing the pain. He waited a few moments before tightening the other side. And lord, her tits looked so fucking delectable when they were clamped. His dick was rock-hard already. He leaned in to lick the tortured tips, first one side, then the other, making her moan.
He helped her to her feet, then, and she was a little unsteady in her pretty heels, so he kept his hands on her waist as he helped her to a high, padded chair set in the corner. It was probably built to use as a queening chair, with leg supports on either side of the narrow seat, so that when he lifted her onto it, her thighs were spread wide and her sweet pussy was open, exposed. But he had other ideas about his wife and that chair tonight.
Even in the dim light, he could see her pussy was damp, and he gave it a quick stroke to test her wetness.
“Mmm, Logan. Sir.”
The muscles in her thighs clenched, and he loved seeing her need. But he needed to get her secured.
He fastened the wide leather strap attached to the chair around her waist, then buckled a pair of leather cuffs to her wrists, clipping them to eyebolts set into the leg rests on either side of her thighs. He kissed her lips, and she kissed him back hard, her need coming through in her kiss, her passion. He pulled away to take a step back and look at her. Open to him, her nipples clamped tight, the expression of surrender on her face, in every muscle of her body.
Need to fuck her so badly .
But he had other plans first.
He took one more step back and pressed a hand against his rigid erection, trying to calm it down. But he could work with a raging hard-on. It wouldn’t be the first time.
“Stay right there, babygirl. I’ll just be a second.”
He went to his toy bag and retrieved the small pouch of miniature plastic clothespins he’d found just before they’d left home, spilling a few into his hand. They hadn’t played this game in a while. It was one he knew she had a love-hate relationship with, and the sadist in him was nearly cackling with glee.
Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped as he moved back to the chair and stood between her spread legs.
“Fuck,” she said so quietly he could barely hear her.
It only made him smile.
“If this is a hard no for you, babe, now is the time to tell me.”
“I… I honestly don’t know. They scare me.”
“And?” he demanded.
“And I can see you love that. A lot.”
He let out a low chuckle. “Yeah, I do. But do you need to safeword?”
She shook her head. “No. Not yet, anyway.”
“Here we go then, babygirl. Use your breathing.”
She drew in a deep breath as he pinched a tiny blue clothespin between thumb and forefinger, then he slid the fingers of his other hand over her open slit. She was so damn wet. She moaned quietly as he worked her pussy a bit, knowing the more turned-on she was, the more pain she could take. He glanced up to see that she’d closed her eyes and leaned her head against the high backrest. That was good. It meant she was gearing herself up for this.
He lightly pinched one of her folds between his fingers, pulling the flesh out so he could attach the clothespin. When he did, she drew in a sharp, gasping breath.
“Breathe through it, baby,” he instructed, and she did as he asked.
He opened a red clothespin, and pinching her labia just below the blue pin, he pressed the red one into place.
Again, she sucked in her breath, then exhaled, long and slow.
He brushed his lips across her mouth and asked her, “Where are you, Rubi? Are we still green? Is this too much?”
“No, I”—she had to pause to take in another sharp breath—“it hurts. God, it fucking hurts, but… I want to do this for you.”
He grabbed her face in his hand. “Rubi. Look at me. Open your eyes and look at me. I understand submission means you have that deep desire to serve me. But you have to tell me if it’s too much.”
Her blue eyes were full of mist and shadows, and he knew she was really deep in subspace. But he kept his gaze on hers, needing an answer.
“I’m trying to see… I’m not sure yet. It hurts so much, but it feels so good. I can’t explain it.”
“Okay, babygirl. You’re doing great.”
He kissed her again: her mouth, then her forehead as she closed her eyes and leaned back once more.
Understanding that she was probably at the edge of how much pain she could tolerate, he pressed a finger to her wet hole, massaging around the edges, then stroked her clit. It grew hard under his touch, and she tried to arch her hips against him. He put a hand on her hip.
“No, baby. Hold still for me.”
She managed to quiet herself, and this time he attached a yellow clothespin to the labia on the other side while stroking her clit, and she took it much more easily. In fact, as soon as the wicked little clothespin closed over her sensitive flesh, she took in a short, gasping breath, then, as her body relaxed into it, her pussy grew even wetter.
He used her juices, his fingers sliding over her clit, then pushing inside her, and instantly she was clutching at him, her sweet cunt contracting.
“Ohhhh….”
He quickly added a few more clothespins all up and down her folds, and with every new pin, her channel pulled tight, she got wetter and wetter, until he had eight of them on her gorgeously pink flesh, and she was practically gushing onto his hand.
“Keep your eyes closed, babygirl,” he told her.
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a small bullet vibe and turned it on. Her lashes fluttered, but she kept her head back, eyes closed, her thighs quivering as he moved the vibe closer.
As he jammed three fingers inside her and began to fuck her hard, he touched the vibe to the tip of her clit. She exploded instantly, crying out.
“Ohhhh! God… fuck, Logan!”
Keeping the vibe to her clit, he kept fucking her until he could feel she was starting to come again, then he withdrew his fingers, and opening one of the clothespins, he carefully pulled it off.
“Oh, fuck!” she yelled.
He knew any kind of clamp hurt worse when it was being removed as the blood rushed back into the area, but he also knew pain could drive her climax to new heights. He kept working her clit as he pulled each pin off, and each time she screamed her pain, screamed her pleasure, and she kept coming. And every scream, every shiver, made his dick harder and harder.
“You’re doing so great, babygirl.”
It was time to take the nipple clamps off her. Pulling his cock free of his jeans, he got in between her pretty thighs and bent his knees so he could thrust into her—but not yet.
He kissed her mouth, then lowered his head to swirl his tongue over her tortured nipples, and she let out a low mewling noise that made his cock twitch with need. He poised his cock at her entrance, and as he pinched the nipple clamp open, he thrust up into her, impaling her on his rigid shaft.
“Ohhh! Yes… yes, yes…”
He started to fuck her, and she felt so damn good. He loved how the chair held her wide open for him, allowing him to plow so deep into her.
“Fuck, baby,” he said, as pleasure began to roar through him.
He quickly pressed the other clamp open before it was too late, and they yelled together, pleasure and pain and the connection electric between them. He came so hard he was momentarily blinded, and all he knew was sensation, and her .
His girl .
But he needed her to come again. Needed to make her come.
He still held the vibrator, and he shifted a bit so he could get his hand in between their bodies, and still fucking her with his half-hard cock, he pressed it to her clit. It wasn’t long before she shattered once more, her cunt squeezing his cock, soaking him with her juices as she yelled and moaned, bucking against her restraints.
She was panting and almost hiccupping as she gasped for air, and he held on to her. He buried his face in her hair, trying to get his own shivering under control.
After a while he could breathe again, and he slipped from her body, then unbuckled the cuffs and the strap holding her. She nearly fell into his arms, her body trembling, and he carried her to the big chair, sitting her in his lap.
He stroked her hair, held a water bottle to her lips and made her drink, then had some himself. It felt so good just to sit there with his girl, cuddled up, stroking her silky skin, so close after they’d come so hard together.
Yeah, this is what I need .
But tonight there was more to it. His heart was still beating so hard, and he realized he was shaking a little. And his lovely wife, the most amazing woman he knew, pulled the throw blanket from the back of the chair and wrapped it around them both.
“For you, Sir,” she whispered in his ear, then her arms went around his neck and she kissed his lips before laying her head on his chest. “We can stay here until your heart stops beating so hard, love,” she said. “We can stay here as long as you need to.”
They sat like that for what felt like a long time while he breathed her in, gloried in her scent and the weight of her sweet body in his lap. In her intention to care for him.
This was everything.
Everything .