Chapter 1
LEXIE
Three Months Later
The sky is gray again and it’s the kind of morning that makes everything feel so much heavier. With my face fixed somewhere between neutral and just okay, I walk the same path I always do with my bag over my shoulder.
My psychology class is across the courtyard, on the second floor. I always choose the second seat by the door if I arrive there early enough. I try to tell myself that this routine helps with structure, keeping the noise in my head from getting too overwhelming.
By the time I cross the courtyard, a familiar sensation comes back.
The itch on the back of my neck like someone’s eyes are on me.
But it has to be nothing. Right?
Probably just stress or lack of sleep and food.
I’ve learned enough in my psychology classes to know that the mind tends to see things where there are none, especially when it’s sleepy, feeling alone or hungry.
This has been happening for a couple months now.
It started when I was still in the dorms then got worse when I moved into my apartment.
I find myself turning my head to look over my shoulder, picking up the pace when I pass by a dark alley or when I feel like someone is just too close walking by me on the street.
It’s been exhausting because I’ve never been one to be overwhelmingly anxious. I’m usually cool as a cucumber and try not to worry about things too much.
Maybe I should go see someone.
My friend Lainey takes medication for it, but I’ve never been the one to like to depend on them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it for the people who need it, but I feel like I’m not at that point yet. Maybe I just need something to take the edge off.
I’m almost to my class when I hear my name being called.
“Lexie!!”
I spin around to greet my friend, “Hey! I was actually just thinking about you.”
Lainey gives me a curious smile, “Oh?”
I smile back and pull her to the side, trying not to gain any attention. “Yeah. I uh, I’ve been having a problem.”
Her brows crease with concern, “Are you okay?”
I tilt my head, back and forth, “Ehh. Yes and no.” I don’t want to tell her I feel like I'm being watched, she would probably make me go to the police, and I don’t want to do that if it’s nothing.
Honestly they would think I’m crazy because I have no proof.
“I’ve been super anxious the last couple of months and that’s just not like me.
I was wondering if you had something that would help me? ” I raise my eyebrows.
“Oh.” She says, seeming surprised, “Like a pill or …” She drags off giving me a look.
I steeple my hands together in front of my lips with the best cheesy grin I can muster with how I’m feeling right now, “I was thinking both. I really don’t like taking meds, but at this point I will try anything.”
She smiles sweetly and looks around before digging in her bag. Pulling out a pill bottle, she dumps a few in her hand and holds it out to me. “These are for as-needed. I would try cutting them in half or in fourths first and make sure you eat something with it.”
I shove them in my pocket and she continues. “I don’t have any mary on me right now, but if you stop by my apartment later I’ll hook you up.”
“Really? Thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” I go to grab my wallet out of my purse and she stops me.
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Kalix keeps me stocked up on it, so it's honestly not a problem.” She smiles.
Kalix is Lainey’s new boyfriend. Well, really the only boyfriend I ever remember her having. I’ve only seen him in passing and haven’t got to meet him yet, but she has been in much better spirits since they have been seeing each other. “Well, I appreciate it. Does five work tonight?”
She nods, “Yeah, that’s perfect.”
“Great!” I say as I look down at my watch. “Well I better get in here before someone takes my seat.”
“Of course. I’ll see you later!”
The prickly feeling at the back of my neck is still there as I look over my shoulder before entering the class room. Luckily, my seat is empty and I sit.
There is a war going on in my head on whether or not I should go ahead and take a pill. I’m not sure how it’ll affect me, so I probably should just wait until I’m at home or after class.
Damnit. I should’ve asked Lainey how long it takes to kick in.
I pull my phone out of my coat pocket and send her a quick text.
LEXIE:
Hey, sorry to bother you.
But how long does it take to kick in?
I press send and shortly after the bubble pops up on the screen signaling that she’s replying. Just a second later a text comes through.
LAINEY:
About thirtyish minutes. Did you take a whole one?
LEXIE:
No. I haven’t taken it yet.
I plan on taking a half, but I’m deciding on when to.
LAINEY:
Oh okay! Well, I hope it helps you.
LEXIE:
Me too. Thanks.
LAINEY:
YW! See you tonight.
I pocket my phone and decide to take a half.
There is still a few minutes before class starts so I peek around before using the edge of the desk to cut it in half. I know she said to take it with food, but it’ll have to wait. I need something now.
I pop it in my mouth and cringe at the god awful taste.
I should really start carrying around a water bottle.