Chapter Twenty #2
“Anyway.” Nittha shook her head, as if trying to remember her thought after such an interruption was a wearying task.
“When was the last time you actually said to their faces that you want them to stop? Or that you want to do literally anything other than math for a living?” Nittha asked, her voice gentle even as her words stung.
I opened my mouth to respond, then paused as the ground started to fall out from under me.
Had I ever actually told my parents what I wanted?
Or had I simply assumed they knew? My mind wandered over every conversation we’d had about the SATs, college visits, and summer programs, searching for any moment when I’d spoken up.
Car rides with Mom, Dad talking over TV commercials, even my sister prodding me about applying to live in the math-focused dorm at SISU with her…
Not once did I actually say no and stand my ground.
I’d start saying no, then waffle as soon as someone questioned me.
At the time, it seemed like everyone was badgering me, but what if they weren’t?
What if they were trying to figure out what I wanted as much as I was?
I’d been so busy protecting my dream that I’d never stopped to ask if I actually needed BamBam to guard it or if I just needed to have a conversation.
I took a shuddering breath, trying to get control over another wave of tears as the realization that I had a role in my own unhappiness threatened to send me back into the puddle stage of crying.
“Jamie?” Nittha’s voice pulled my attention back to the screen. “My parents have all kinds of unsolicited opinions. They almost had a heart attack when I told them I wanted to go to school online and manage Cricket full-time, but after a couple of months, they came around.”
“I don’t think anyone’s parents are super excited about them not becoming the person they planned for.
I mean, my grandma wanted my dad to be a doctor.
He imports luxury olive oil.” Gabby frowned slightly.
“Honestly, it’s probably better to tell them now than after they spend money on a degree you don’t use.
My grandma doesn’t care about what my dad does now.
She is still real mad about the cost of med school, though. ”
“See,” Nittha said, waving her hand at the phone. “Besides, BamBam is not going to let anyone put you out of the house over being a film major or having a boyfriend a couple of months early. That’s not her style.”
“You might have a point.” I sniffed. The image of my parents putting my stuff on the curb and BamBam helping me move it right back into the house worked its way through my mind, making the corners of my mouth twitch up slightly.
“I know we have a point.” Nittha laughed.
A weak smile crossed my face. Now that I thought about it, it was a little funny that I’d ever thought my parents would blow up over this.
If nothing else, they cared too much about what other people thought to publicly exile their youngest daughter.
The worst-case scenario was they didn’t help with college.
But Mom and BamBam had worked their way through school and been fine.
Their support would be nice to have, but I’d figure it out if I didn’t have it.
“Speaking of BamBam…” Nittha said.
“Oh no.” I shook my head so hard that strands from my braid came loose.
“Oh yes. You didn’t think we could skip that giant waving red flag of a made-up judgment, did you?” Gabby giggled, then took a deep breath and set her face in a neutral expression. “How do you know she’d cut you off over Ethan?”
“Okay, you have to admit that I have good reason to believe that,” I said, holding up one finger. “You have personally seen umpteen GrannieGate meltdowns.”
“We don’t have to admit any such thing.” Gabby pushed her curls over her shoulder like she was brushing away my reasoning. “Her beef is with Buzzy, not Ethan.”
“BamBam blusters a lot, but has she ever actually gotten truly mad at you?” Nittha added, her brow wrinkling as she tried to think through my and BamBam’s history.
“As soon as she realized you hated math camp and liked movies, she came up with a creative outlet for you. That doesn’t sound like a lady who cuts her grandkid off. ”
“BamBam did do an entire video series on reasons she will fight someone for her grandkids.” Gabby snickered as the new-customer bell went off again.
“It was technically reasons any grandma will go off on a stranger,” I mumbled, not quite ready to process what my friends were saying. (We’d re-created outfits from Tekken and shot her rocking back and forth on her heels. It was funny.)
“Okay, but the scenarios were all extremely specific and clearly about her grandkids, so…” Nittha shrugged as she dragged out the o in the word so.
“True.” I sighed and swiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. At this point, my sweatshirt was getting too gross to keep using as a tissue.
I’d started crying the second I saw Buzzy and Ethan get on our plane to go home.
BamBam hadn’t said anything, just gave them a dirty look and threw her arm around me.
She hadn’t even asked why I was upset. Just kept me sheltered until I fell asleep.
It was the same thing she’d done for me as a little kid.
We’d always been close like that. She didn’t need words to feel that I was hurt.
She could always predict when I needed a hug, a joke, or a talking-to.
I’d gotten used to BamBam reading my mind.
But I was older now. This wasn’t the same as a skinned knee or a bad grade.
This was me wanting to grow up, and like with my parents, that version of me was a little different from what she expected.
Again, maybe this time, I did need to use my words.
Dropping my chin to my chest, I shut my friends out for a fraction of a second longer as everything clicked into place.
Ethan was right. I didn’t need to hide to be happy.
Winning some prize wasn’t going to make the truth easier.
I needed to be a little braver and a lot more honest. Both were risky in their own way, but at least if I said something, there was a chance I could be happy by my own definition.
I lifted my head up to catch Nittha and Gabby making wide eyes at one another’s squares like they were worried they’d finally broken me. Pulling myself up straighter on the bench, I sighed. “I messed up with Ethan, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” Nittha said. “Big-time.”
“Oh, absolutely,” Gabby said simultaneously.
“Ugh, why aren’t time machines real?” I moaned as both of my friends nodded like bobbleheads. “Maybe he’ll develop amnesia and forget about the entire thing?”
“Or the what-happens-in-Vegas rule. It’ll be like the fight never happened,” Nittha added with too much perk to sound like she believed it.
I could almost feel Gabby’s side-eye through the screen as she said, “The entire relationship happened in Vegas, so for Jamie’s sake, let’s hope it doesn’t work like that.”
The three of us burst into a round of silly giggles, the kind that are less about the joke than the people you are joking with.
Finally, Nittha straightened up and sighed. “So what are you gonna do about Ethan and the video?”
“I feel like there are a couple things I need to fix before I can even think about that video or Ethan.”
“Well, don’t wait too long to figure it out. We’ve already got plane tickets.” Gabby grinned. “And know that if you decide not to do anything to fix this, we still love you, but we’ll expect you to come up with a better, more fun plan than going to that screening party.”
“Which we will fully post all over social media.” Nittha added, “With your permission of course.”
“Post away.” I waved my hand to dismiss the concern as a true smile stretched across my face for what felt like the first time in forever. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I know it’s not going to be hiding from anyone on social media or anywhere else.”
And I meant it. I just needed to tell my family first.
“That’s our girl,” Nittha said, sounding like someone’s motivational coach. “And look at it this way, at least you got to cry with the fresh laundry smell.”
“Yeah, I should go. People probably want to use this booth to try on their clothes or something.” I giggled, pushing my flyaway hairs out of my face. “Thank you, friends.”
“Feel better. We’ll be there soon.” Nittha smiled, waving Cricket’s paw at us. “Love you.”
“Please call and tell us stuff before you start crying in public next time.” Gabby laughed, then added, “And I love you, too.”
“I love you both.” I waved, then touched the End Call button, my heart feeling lighter.
Sighing, I forced myself to stand up and pushed the curtain open.
Stepping out of the alterations booth, I came face to face with Dalia and a man with thinning hair.
Both were staring at me as if they had been listening to every word uttered between my snotty sobs.
Behind the man was a woman with very dark hair and a distinct jawline, standing next to someone who looked like her brother.
They were also watching me. My face got hot as I started to think about how long I might have had an audience for my lowest moment in public.
“Just one minute,” Dalia said, holding up a hand to the man, who stepped aside and began conspicuously staring at anything other than me.
Reaching for a group of shirts on a rod, she handed them to me, then held out a credit card reader so I could tap my mom’s card to pay.
Pulling the reader back toward her as it began to print out a receipt, Dalia smiled up at me as she tore the piece of paper off. “You are all set.”
“Thank you.” I smiled weakly, hoping that I could convince my dad to pick up his own dry-cleaning from now on so that I would never have to see anyone in this room again.
“And thank you for letting me use the, uh…” I gestured over at the little curtained box and shrugged before turning back to Dalia and finishing with, “alterations room.”
“Oh, don’t mention it.” Dalia smiled at me as if I weren’t a puffy-eyed, tear-splotchy mess. “And tell your grandma I say hi, and that she better be ready to lose a hand or two at pai gow next week.”
“Of course,” I said, mentally making a note to literally never mention this moment to my grandmother or anyone ever if I could help it, then waved as I walked toward the door. “Have a good day.”
“You too, sweetheart. And good luck with that boy,” Dalia called as I walked out the door, the bell dinging.
It was a good thing I’d made up my mind to talk to my family about Ethan already, since Dalia sounded like she would be asking BamBam and any neighbor she could find for an update on me and my business soon.
I guessed it was only fair for her to gossip in exchange for my unauthorized use of the alterations room.