Chapter 29
Nora: #LikeOrLove
G abs’ lips are all over mine in an instant. My brain is confused. Are we still fighting? Is he still angry with me? Am I still angry with him?
Who cares? I love this feeling, his warm lips sucking mine, his tongue romping inside my mouth, his teeth grazing my lips, his heart beating against mine, almost in sync.
For a moment, nothing else matters. All troubles seem to fade away into that kiss and all that remains is us.
Us?
There is no us! There can’t be an ‘ us’ .
Even a fake relationship almost destroyed our friendship. I can’t imagine what a real one will do. No. This can’t be. This has to stop.
I shove him away and wipe my lips.
“No, Gabs. We can’t. Please.”
Gabs opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it. He runs his fingers through his tousled hair. The tension in his shoulders is palpable. Perhaps he’s confused, but so am I. The one thing I know is that he’s too important for me to risk anything. I don’t want to end up like Mom. No fucking way.
He’ll come around, I’m sure. Once we have some space between us, we both will come around, and then we can forget these kisses and this warm, fuzzy feeling and go back to being the way we were.
For now, however, I need to focus. The problem is still there. I have to think of a way to sort it out before his presentation on Monday. That gives me only a day in between. Worst case, I’ll take the blame and give him the clean chit. After all, it was my idea.
But for now, I need to think, and I can’t do that with him in front of me, kissing me at every opportunity. No. It has to stop. Now.
“I need some air,” I say, picking up my purse and phone and putting on my sandals.
“You want me to come?”
I shake my head as I stumble out of the room.
“Promise me you’ll discuss with me first before doing anything. Anything! Please.”
I nod and scurry off toward the elevator. I take out my hair brush. Thankfully, the elevator’s empty, and I can brush my hair and make it reasonably presentable before I head out of the hotel.
I amble along the streets for some time. Our hotel is close to Champs-élysées, with its wide walkways and a crowd of people. I’d always dreamed of walking here, shopping here. What I hadn’t hoped was that I’d be wandering this street alone and half-crying.
The Arc de Triomphe is straight ahead and my feet carry me to the vast arch. But I can’t see or appreciate the beauty. My mind is blank. My soul is in pieces. I can’t even think about what I should do.
“Start with apologizing,” Mom’s voice rings in my ears. That’s what she always said when Carla and I got into a fight. That’s what she had told me when I’d kicked Gabs for eating my share of the pork pie when we were kids and then felt sorry for doing it.
I find an empty bench and make myself comfortable. Then I pull out my phone and send out an apology message to both Sophia and Daphne. Daphne doesn’t respond but Sophia replies with a, “Don’t worry about it.”
I smile. Well, some people are not as they seem. Maybe she’s not all that bad. Or maybe she just wants to be polite to her would-be husband’s best friend. Ugh. Even the thought makes my stomach churn and my head reel.
Do I like Gabs? Of course, I do. But do I like him or do I love him?
I don’t know. I don’t believe in love; I remind myself. Love leads to all kinds of stupidity and pain. Look at Mom. Most of her life sucked because of love. Look at Carla. Her supposed boyfriend took advantage of the relationship and sold us out. Look at Daphne and George. Outwardly, they seem happy. But I know George hasn’t been happy for a long time now. He never liked these parties and hanging around with socialites. He preferred a glass of whiskey, a good friend, or a good book as company. That’s it.
Why go so far? Look at me and Gabs. In the brief span of time, when we kinda dated, our lives have gone for a toss. God only knows what would happen if it were real.
So, the question is moot. It doesn’t matter if I like him or love him, because that’s not a path we can or should take.
We’re better off as friends. That is if we can somehow return our friendship to how it was. If I can think about him without getting wet between my legs and pine for the taste of his lips every time I see his face. Ugh! I need to stop thinking about him.
I message Carla. She hasn’t heard from Kevin. He has switched off his phone and hasn’t returned home since he confessed to his betrayal.
An old woman comes and sits down on the other end of the bench and gives me a sweet smile. I try to respond in kind, but find it quite taxing to move the muscles in my face to spread my lips into something that may resemble a smile.
Thankfully, the ringing of my phone spares me the embarrassment.
“Mom?” I say, picking up.
“How are you?”
“Fine,” I reply out of habit.
“I know you’re not fine.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Out of habit.”
“Yeah, and I replied out of habit.”
She’s quiet for a while. “You and I, Nora. We’re not that different.”
Now, that’s the last thing I want to hear. To be compared to Mom. She’s always been scared and timid, far from what I try to be.
“Not in the way you’re thinking. I know you’re stronger than me. You’ve taught me to take risks and try out new things. Hell, I am what I am today because of you and Carla. But… don’t take this the other way, darling. Promise me first.”
“Go on. Say what you want to. You won’t stop whatever I answer, so just go ahead.”
“You’re scared to admit when you’re wrong. Don’t be like me, Nora. You’re not doing anyone a favor by being so stubborn in your thinking.”
“What do you mean? I’m not stubborn.”
“Do you like Gabriel?”
“Of course, I do. He’s my best friend.”
“Do you think he’s anything more than that to you?”
“Wow! I admitted to you and Carla that’s all we are and that exact thing has created this mess that we’re both in. And you ask me this question? Really?”
“You told us what you and Gabriel had decided . But is that still true? I noticed the way you spoke about him. The charged air around you both when you looked at each other. Be honest, are you both still just friends?”
“Even if what you say is true, which it isn’t. But even if it is, I can’t act on it. I’ve spoiled everything now, maybe even our friendship, by accusing his mom of bribing Kevin. So that’s the icing on the cake of my beautiful mess. And the cherry is me not believing in love. You know that. So I’m never chasing anyone for love, let alone Gabs.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s not always about chasing something or someone, Nora. Sometimes it’s just about opening your eyes to see what you have and realize that what you want and need has been right there, in front of you, all along. Take a chance at what your heart says, for once. Don’t be me. Don’t be scared. Please.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying. But right now, I need to deal with the mess that I’ve put myself and Gabs in.”
“It’s just a rumor on social media. Treat it like that. No one remembers yesterday’s posts about someone by a third person. No one cares. It’s your life. Always remember that. You live for yourself, your family, and friends, not for the digital image you portray. Live in reality, Nora. In the real world, everyone will forget about this in a day or two. Take care and think about what I said.”
She hangs up, and as I slowly slip the phone back into my purse, I hear a light chuckle. Turning my head, I see the old woman smiling.
“Oh, to be young and in love.”
“I’m not in love,” I growl.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing. The way you spoke about your man, is it Gabs? I’m sure you’re in love, my child. Bless you and bless him. I hope you find the courage to accept it and act on it. This is Paris, the city of love, after all.”
She stands up and walks toward an approaching man, as old as her, with their skin all wrinkled and hair all silvered. He gives her a rose, then kisses her lightly on the lips, before she slips her hand into his. He coughs and she immediately hands him a handkerchief she’s carrying. They lock eyes, and even from a distance, I can sense their unspoken love. She turns her head and gives me a wink before walking away.
I find myself smiling at the beauty of what I just encountered. Maybe, just maybe , true love exists. Perhaps it’s not all rosy, but with a partner by your side, the journey becomes easier. But not everyone is meant to experience this beautiful feeling. Some, like me, are broken from within.
For now, I somehow need to sort everything out and see how to shut TruthSeekerBob. I can think about the rest later.