Chapter 5
Reeve (and Hunter)
For the last two years, Hunter and Isabella have come up to Skagway the day after Christmas and stayed until New Year’s Day, but this year, they’ve decided to come the weekend before Christmas, and stay for three days only. This New Year’s Eve is Isabella’s mother’s sixtieth birthday, and they can’t miss the huge party her father has planned in Seattle.
I volunteer to open up Hunter and Isabella’s cabin the day before they arrive—turn on the heat, get the water running, stock the kitchen shelves and fridge, and make the bed in the master bedroom—and my dad says he’ll swing by after lunch with a Christmas tree that we can decorate for them.
The cabin’s warm, stocked, dusted, and vacuumed by the time my dad shows up. He’s got the tree, plus the tree stand and two boxes of decorations from the basement of the lodge. I put on the kettle to make hot cocoa for us, while he tests the lights to make sure a year in the basement didn’t damage the strings.
When I step into the living room with the cocoa, the tree’s standing tall, and my dad’s sitting on the couch. He pats the seat next to him.
“Come sit by me and tell me how you’re doing.”
I hand him a hot mug, and he puts an arm around my shoulders.
“Pretty good, I guess.”
My father and I have a very unique relationship. He’s the only parent I ever knew, and I know he loves me, but he shared a lot of my rearing with his parents and my siblings. On one hand, we’re very close—we live on the same piece of land, work together for most of the year, and eat dinner together at least three times a week—but on the other, my dad never really got over the loss of my mom, and that omnipresent sadness became a part of him, overshadowing everything else in his life. Sometimes I wonder what he was like before the accident. My older siblings say he was more of a talker, more of a laugher, more of a hugger and a kisser. I believe it, but I can’t picture it. With me, he’s always been quiet and gentle—a good listener, a good friend. But he’s sparing in his affection, both verbally and physically, like loving anyone else as much as he loved my mom will only lead to heartbreak.
He takes a sip of his cocoa, then places his mug on the coffee table in front of us. While he’s leaning up, he takes a letter out of his back pocket and hands it to me. It’s from the University of Alaska—Anchorage, and though it’s addressed to me, it’s been opened. My heart speeds up as I look at my dad.
“I thought it was for me,” he says.
“My name’s on it,” I point out.
“It was a mistake, Reeve. I swear.”
“But you read it.”
He nods, sitting back on the couch. “Confused the hell out of me at first with all that talk about assigned dorm rooms and orientation events. That’s when I realized it wasn’t for me.”
“I can explain…”
“Classes start on January sixth, huh?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“When were you planning to say something?”
“Soon.”
“How soon? Because by my count, that’s two weeks away, more or less.”
“Yeah, I—”
“Reeve, I got no problem with you going to college. Your mama and I both went to college. So did Hunter, Harper, and Parker. It’s great that you’re going, and I’m proud of you for getting in. But this had to be in the works for a while…I don’t understand why you kept it a secret.”
“I applied over the summer,” I tell him. “They contacted me in September about the scholarship. I filled out the paperwork in October and finalized everything.”
“But here we are in mid-December,” he points out.
“Remember when Hunter said he was moving to Seattle? Remember how mad we all got?”
“As I recall,” says my father, stroking his chin, “you and Parker were the most out-of-joint about it. Rest of us took it in stride.”
“Sure. But Hunter’s the oldest. I’m the youngest. Everyone’s so damned protective of me! I just…I dreaded telling you all.”
“So no one knows.”
“Sawyer knows.”
“And how’d be take it?”
“Fine,” I have to grudgingly admit.
“Maybe you’re underestimating us a little,” he suggests. “We love you, baby. We want what’s best for you.”
“Right there!” I slap my hands on my knees as I sit up. “Right there, you just called me ‘baby.’ But, Dad, I’m not a baby. I’m so sick of—”
“Reeve, you are the baby. Like it or not, someone had to be first, and someone had to be last. You were last. Weren’t named Piper or Archer like the rest.” He takes another sip of cocoa. “It doesn’t matter if you’re eight or eighteen or eighty. You’ll always be the last Stewart kid, the baby of the family.”
“I hate it,” I say, sitting back with a huff.
“Seems stupid and selfish to me.”
“Wow! Thanks, Dad.”
“I only mean that you’ve lived your whole life beloved, doted on, looked after, praised, protected, and adored. How many humans on this planet would give anything for what you’d like to throw away?”
“I don’t want to throw it away,” I say softly, his words hitting a mark in my heart and stinging. “I love you all. I just want to be treated like an adult.”
“Then why don’t you start acting like one?” he suggests. “Stop keeping secrets. Stop having tantrums over silly nicknames like ‘baby.’ Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” He places his mug on the coffee table and stands up. “I think you can decorate Hunter’s tree on your own, all-grown-up Reeve. And maybe give a little thought to what I said, huh?”
“Dad, come on. Don’t go. Stay.”
“No, miss—sorry— ma’am . I got other things to do.” He heads for the door, stepping back into his boots and shrugging into his parka. “Congratulations on college. Proud of you.”
And then he’s gone.
And I’m left to decorate my brother’s tree all alone, feeling like total and complete shit.
***
Two days later, I walk down the snow-covered gravel path through the woods to a giant Christmas party at Hunter and Isabella’s cabin. I could hear the cars pulling up and parking at the main campground lot as I got ready in my own cabin. By the looks of things, they invited everyone in Skagway this year!
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, at the Christmas party hop!
Music echoes through the woods as I step gingerly between candlelit luminaries. The buzz of conversation reaches my ears before the fir trees clear to show my brother’s cabin by the Taiya River. His wrap-around porch is packed with people, which leads me to believe the inside is wall-to-wall guests, too. With colorful twinkle lights wrapped around the railings and awnings, loud music blasting, and dozens of people clinking their beer bottles together, Hunter’s cabin looks more like a college frat house than the summer dwelling of a mature couple.
“Hey! Reeve!”
I look up to see Bruce Franks at the porch railing, talking to Harper, McKenna, and Tanner. He waves at me, and I wave back.
“Hi, Bruce!”
“This is some rager!” he calls to me.
Squeezing up the back stairs, I shimmy around Sandra Clearwater and her husband, Bart. As I do, someone tugs on the tail of my French braid. Over my shoulder, Joe Raven grins at me.
“It’s my favorite sister-in-law,” he says, his words slightly slurred, his cheeks very pink.
“I hope you’re sleeping at the lodge tonight,” I tell him, “because you shouldn’t be driving anywhere!”
Joe laughs at my sassiness as I continue up the stairs.
“Reeve!”
My friends from the play—Australian transplant, Wyatt, and his girlfriend, Layla—are smoking cigarettes with Layla’s sister, Neena, on Hunter’s porch swing.
“Don’t you two stay out too late tonight!” I scold Wyatt and Layla, putting on my best stage manager voice. “Show’s on Sunday!”
“Yeah, yeah,” says Wyatt with a chuckle, waving me away.
“Merry Christmas! Everything good, Reeve?” asks Priscilla Caswell, Ivy’s aunt and my high school biology teacher.
I lean close to her. “All good, Ms. C.”
“Leaving in, what…? A couple of weeks now?”
Mrs. Caswell wrote the required teacher recommendation letter for my U of A application last summer. She’s one of the only people in Skagway who knows I’ve applied to college and been accepted. And she’s kept my secret, for which I’m eternally grateful.
“Yep. January sixth.”
“You’re going to love it,” she says, grinning at someone over my shoulder.
Ivy’s uncle, Coach C., joins us, handing his wife a fresh Rolling Rock. “Hey, there, Reeve!”
“Hey, Coach.”
“Merry Christmas!”
“And to both of you,” I tell them, continuing around the porch.
Mr. and Mrs. Morgan stop me for a holiday hug and quick hello before I finally get to Bruce, Harper, McKenna, and Tanner.
“Holy cow!” I exclaim. “This is some crush!”
“Everyone who’s anyone is here,” says Bruce, flinging a red and green boa over his shoulder. “It’s clearly the fête of the season.” After a swig of Stella Artois, that he probably brought himself, he nails me with an intense look. “Are you ready for Sunday, Miss Reeve? Your first solo mission as directeur de théatre !”
“I’m ready for whatever that is!” I promise him, taking off my mittens and shoving them in my pockets. I turn to McKenna. “But I sure wish you were helping out again this year.”
“Wild horses won’t keep me away next year,” she promises, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “You look festive!”
“Do I?”
I pulled an old red sweater out of the bottom of my dresser and paired it with jeans, boots, and a parka.
“I like the red,” says McKenna.
“That was Mom’s sweater,” says Harper, eyeing it. “Did you steal all her stuff?”
“Whatever I wanted,” I tell her. “Not like she’s going to use it.”
“I guess,” says Harper wistfully. “Can I borrow it sometime?”
“Anytime,” I tell her. “Where are Hunter and Isabella? They got here so late last night, I haven’t even seen them yet!”
Tanner shrugs. “Somewhere inside…but good luck making a path through that sea of humanity. I spent one second in there and came back out here.”
“I better try,” I tell them, pushing away from the railing and back into the fray.
Jing-jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling, what fun to hear those sleigh bells jingle!
I think Gran’s picking the music now. Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters are her favorites.
As I turn another corner, ever closer to the front door, someone grabs my arm. I turn to see who it is and find Aaron Adams standing in a dark corner against the cabin, a half-finished beer bottle in his hand.
“Hey, Reeve.” His voice is low and sexy, and I feel like I could listen to the way he says my name forever and a day.
“Hey, Aaron,” I say, smiling up at him.
I saw Aaron at play rehearsal this week—on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday—but per his promise, he didn’t make a move on me or ask me out on another date. We’d agreed to one date, and he’d knocked it out of the park. Now, in my heart, I know I’d say yes to another date. I’m longing for another date. But I also know that keeping us friend-zoned before I head to Anchorage is a smarter plan.
“Merry Christmas,” he says, lifting his bottle to clink it against mine.
“I don’t have a drink yet!” I waggle my empty fingers at him. “Haven’t gotten inside!”
“Are you allowed to drink?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
“I am. It isn’t against the law in Alaska for someone under twenty-one to have an alcoholic beverage, as long as it’s given to them at a private home or party by a parent or guardian.”
“Yes, Reeve,” he says. “I know the law.”
“My dad doesn’t mind if I have a drink or two,” I tell him with a little shrug. “Over two, though? Maybe not.”
“It’s good to see you.” His eyes alight on mine, brown velvet, warm and sweet. “I had fun last Friday.”
“Me too.”
“You want to go out again?”
He asks so fast I giggle with surprise. “You could’ve asked me anytime this week, and you wait until now?”
“I didn’t want to be pushy at rehearsal.”
“Better to be pushy at my oldest brother’s house, huh?”
“I’ve had two beers,” he confesses. “Maybe I’m just relaxed.” He tilts his head to the side. “So? What do you say?”
“The play’s tomorrow, and Christmas is next week…”
“What’re you doing for New Year’s Eve?”
“Going to bed early.”
“Come out with me instead.”
“For New Year’s Eve?”
“I have two tickets for the New Year’s Eve party at the Purple Parsnip. Be my date.”
“All of my siblings will probably be there.”
“…and you don’t want to be seen with me?”
“Aaron,” I tell him earnestly, taking a step closer to him. “I’d be proud to be seen anywhere with you. But they might hassle us. They’ll heckle you, for sure. Fair warning.”
“I can take it,” he says. He reaches for one of my hands, and because it’s so crowded on the porch, and dark in this corner, no one notices. No one can see. It’s even possible that nobody cares. “I know you said no hand-hol—”
“Shut up, Aaron,” I tell him, entwining my fingers through his, and stepping as close to him as I can, with my parka flush against his and our boots toe to toe.
We stand like that for a few minutes, staring at each other, palm to palm, warm inside, until Hunter knocks on the window behind Aaron and yells:
“REEVE! You’re here! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Get in here and give me a hug, little sister!”
I grin at my drunk brother, nodding at him that I’m on my way.
“I’ve been spotted,” I say to Aaron. “I guess I better go.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the show, but I’m guessing that’ll be a busy night for you,” he says, squeezing my fingers in his. “And I’m headed back to Anchorage for a few days for Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Aaron,” I say, leaning forward on impulse to kiss his cheek.
He shifts his face at the last second, and the edge of my lips brush the edge of his. I linger there, on the corner of his mouth, for a second, my eyes closed, my heart racing like a runaway train. In a dark corner of a busy porch, at a crowded Christmas party, no one pays us any mind. His fingers tighten. Mine do, too. When I lean away, we’re both wide-eyed and breathless.
“I’ll pick you up at nine on New Year’s Eve,” he says, his voice low and gritty, his eyes seizing mine. “Sound good?”
“Perfect,” I tell him, pulling my fingers away so I can go and find my brother.
***
I have no idea how Hunter and Isabella get the cabin completely cleaned up by the following night, but they invite the whole family back over for a chili supper the following evening.
Because it’s the night before Rebecca , Sawyer, and Ivy opt out, staying in for a good night’s sleep…but the rest of us are there—Gran, Paw Paw, Dad, Hunter and Isabella, Harper, Joe, and Wren, Tanner, McKenna, and Madden, and Parker, Quinn, and Emily Anne. Although I hate to hijack Hunter and Isabella’s weekend with the family, I know I need to spill the beans about college tonight. It’s time. And I’m ready.
I mean, I think I’m ready.
I tell myself I’m ready as I walk through the woods for the second night in a row, headed to my oldest brother’s house.
Tonight, however, there aren’t sixty or seventy people jamming the porch and swinging from the rafters inside. Tonight, it’s just my family—the people I love most in the world, the people who are going to be hurt and disappointed when I tell them I’ve been keeping a big secret about a major life decision.
“Welcome, Reeve!” says Hunter, pulling me into a bear hug when I walk through the front door. “I barely got to see you last night!”
“Do you even remember last night?” I ask him. “I feel like J?germeister shots might have gotten the better of you, big brother.”
Isabella comes up behind him, taking a hot plate of cornbread from my hands. “Thanks for bringing this, Reeve. And thanks so much for getting the cabin opened up for us!”
“No problem.”
“And you’re right,” she says, laughing at her husband. “He had the worst hangover this morning!”
Hunter pulls his wife into a side hug and kisses the top of her head. “But you helped me feel better, baby, didn’t you?”
“ Callate, mi amor !” she scolds him, her cheeks turning a pretty color of pink as she hustles back into the kitchen.
It’s not news that my brother and his new wife are trying to have a baby. They’re eager to catch up with Harper, Tanner, and Parker. But I really don’t need a picture painted for me.
“You’re completely gross,” I tell him.
He grins at me. “She loves it.”
“She loves you ,” I correct him. “And for that, you are lucky.”
I let him take my parka, line up my boots along with everyone else’s, then join the rest of my family in Hunter and Isabella’s living room. The tree I decorated on Thursday evening still looks pretty good, despite how many people must have bumped into it last night.
“Hello, granddaughter,” says Gran.
“Hey, wise one,” I say, kissing her papery cheek. I give one to Paw Paw, too. “How’re you two doing?”
“Fine, littlest,” says Paw Paw. “Just fine.”
Harper, McKenna, and Parker are sitting on the floor, around a sheepskin rug where the three baby cousins are lying side by side by side, all dressed up in red and green. McKenna’s using a fancy camera to take pictures while Parker makes cooing noises.
“Did you three plan this?” I ask.
“Yes,” says McKenna proudly. “I insisted. We needed a picture of the three cousins! It’s their first Christmas together.”
“She’s picture-crazy,” mutters Tanner from behind me.
“She just wants to remember,” I say, squeezing between him and my dad on the sofa. I look up at my dad, then lean closer. “You still mad at me?”
“I won’t be,” he murmurs, “once you come clean.”
“Then, let’s get it over with,” I say, springing back up to my feet. “Hey! Everyone!”
Isabella and Hunter poke their heads out of the kitchen, and everyone else looks up at me.
“I have an announcement!”
Mind you, when someone in our family holds court like this, the announcement could be anything—an unexpected pregnancy, a surprise engagement, a secret baby, a move to Seattle—the list is endless. As I look around the room, into each of their eyes, I see the range of feelings—from excitement and surprise to disappointment and worry—that accompanies such a moment.
I take a deep breath, but before I can speak—
“Are you pregnant?” demands Harper.
“No!”
“Married?” asks Parker.
“What? No!”
“Were you on a reality show?” asks Tanner.
“I’ve been here the whole time!”
“Did you place an ad for a fake fiancé?” asks Isabella.
“Why would I—”
Hunter asks, “Did someone take a secret video of you on vacation and upload—”
“No!” I hold up my palms in the universal gesture for “Halt!” and bellow, “I’m going to college!”
“College?” says Gran, looking confused. “That’s the whole announcement? You’re going to college?”
“Yes,” I say. “Well, no, actually, I’m going to college—”
“At U Dub!” exclaims Harper.
“Shut up, Harper!” yells Parker. “She’s U of O all the way!”
“Anchorage,” says my dad, reaching for my hand and holding it tight. “Reeve got a scholarship to the nursing college at the University of Alaska at Anchorage.”
“Reeve, that’s amazing!” exclaims McKenna, who used to be a college professor. “Wow! Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Ken,” I say.
“We’re proud of you, granddaughter,” says Paw Paw, raising his beer bottle to salute me.
“Thanks, Paw Paw.”
“When do you leave?” asks Parker. “August?” She turns to Harper. “We’ll have to take her shopping up at the Walmart up in Whitehorse—”
“Or just go to Anchorage and help her move in?” says Harper. “Get everything she needs up there in Anchorage? That’s easier than shipping it, right?”
“Good point!”
“Ah-hem! Terms of her scholarship say that she has to start in January,” says my dad, squeezing my hand. “She’s heading up there in a few weeks. After the New Year.”
I look up at my father, realizing that he’s decided to change the truth a touch to make things easier for me, and I couldn’t possibly love him more than I do in that moment.
Thanks, Dad , I mouth, turning back to my family.
“He’s right,” I say. “I start soon.”
“How soon?” asks Harper.
“January sixth.”
“Whew!” she exclaims, turning to Joe. “Can you take off on January fourth and fifth so I can go up to Anchorage and help settle her in?”
“Moving into a college dorm is more than a two-person job,” says Parker, looking meaningfully at Quinn. She points to her boobs. “I’ll start pumping and freezing tonight. I’ll make sure there’s plenty to last her for the two days I’m gone.”
Tanner nudges me in the side. “You need anyone to come up there and put together some furniture? Bedside tables and the like? You can’t always trust that dorm furniture. McKenna, jump onto the Target website and see what they got for dorm rooms…”
“It’s a few days after your mom’s birthday, and you’ll be back at work,” says Hunter to Isabella. “I might go up and help, too. Just make sure she gets all moved in, you know?”
“You should!” says Isabella. “Good idea!”
The lump in my throat is so big, I can’t swallow over it.
My heart is so full, so overflowing, I don’t know how my chest contains it.
My eyes swim with so many tears, the entire room gets blurry.
The funny thing about being loved— really loved—is that even though you know the love is there, it can still crash over you like a wave. If you’re lucky—if you’re really fucking lucky —it will make you speechless. It will reduce you to tears. It will make you a puddle of goo surrounded by love.
And while your eyes burn and your heart throbs, you will promise yourself that for the rest of your life, you won’t question the motives of the people who love you. You promise that you will believe in them as much as they believe in you, and you will thank your lucky stars that God saw fit to gift you this kind of huge, sweeping love in your life.
I lean my head on my father’s shoulder and let the tears fall, overwhelmed by the sheer goodness of being surrounded by a family who loves me.
“Now, would you look at that,” says my dad, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. “You all made your little sister cry.”
I lean up just enough to face them. “I th-thought y-you’d all b-b-be mad!”
“Mad that you got a scholarship to a great college?” asks Tanner from beside me. “That’s crazy! Why would we be mad?”
“Be-because it m-means I have to l-leave Skagway.” I’m bawling like a baby, but I can’t seem to stop.
“Aw, babycakes,” says Harper, putting her hand on my knee. “We want you to soar…just as long as you come home now and then.”
“I’m gonna come b-back after college!” I vow, drying my cheeks with the backs of my hands. “I want to take over the ambulance service from Belinda.”
“Good idea,” says Gran. “She’s getting on in years, that Belinda.”
“I think she was my babysitter,” says Paw Paw, which makes all of us laugh.
Parker and McKenna watch the babies while Harper and Quinn help Hunter and Isabella get dinner on the table, and Gran swears to Paw Paw that there’s more red wine somewhere in this doggone cabin if he’ll just look around a little harder.
“You see that, little one,” says my father. “It was all good, wasn’t it?”
“It was better than good,” I tell him. “It was epic.”
“It was love,” he says, squeezing my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. “Just a whole lotta love.”