Chapter 11 #2
Julian glanced down at me, and I continued, “What—what are you trying to figure out, exactly?” Maybe talking about it could trigger something?
Damen sighed. “Kiania is one of three of my most often contracted-with shikigami. There’s also Kleonikh and Ming, but you’ve always considered Kiania the most approachable and, for some reason, a friend.”
I frowned. Why was he saying it like that? “I can’t be friends with a shikigami?” Not that I wanted to be her friend anymore, but that wasn’t the point.
“Shikigami are weapons, pure energy condensed into a form we can see,” Damen explained. “They’re not human or demon. Their appearances are just a way to communicate and attack. In their true state, they have no form.”
I touched my chin, pondering. “Are you sure? I’ve read stories where warriors believed their weapons were alive.”
Damen hesitated. “We might disagree on that, but the fact is, in one of your past lives, Kiania was with you when you died. We never learned what happened. Since then, Kiania’s never taken human form for anyone else.”
“What’s special about that form?” I asked.
“It requires the most energy,” Damen explained. “The only way to truly destroy a shikigami in this realm is to gravely injure them in their human form. Otherwise, their energy disperses and reforms in the Underworld.”
“But—” I began, glancing at Finn. “I’ve seen her as a human—when I agreed to help you. She also used to come to talk to me in my dreams.”
“What did she want?” Miles asked.
“Nothing important that I can remember.” I looked toward the window, chewing my lip. My stomach was beginning to turn, and I didn’t know why. “She complained a lot.”
What was I missing? I didn’t remember anything .
“You wouldn’t tell us anything back then either,” Damen said.
He glared at the floor, a dark, pouty look heavy on his expression, and my pensiveness turned to indignation. “What?” I asked him.
He looked up. “What?”
“What’s with that face?” I asked. That was the same look he had before I snuck away to help James. I didn’t like it then, but considering the current conversation, it made me even more uncomfortable now.
“Not much,” he replied. “I’m just thinking.”
Yes, I could see that. “About?”
“The two of you obviously have some sort of agreement,” Damen replied. “One that clearly puts you in danger. I would like to know what it is.”
I bristled. “Maybe it’s not your business?” How was I supposed to know? I wasn’t responsible for the actions of my past lives. I had no idea who they even were.
He raised his eyebrow. “Well, I don’t like it,” he rebutted.
What a child. “You don’t need to like everything,” I told him. “Don’t blame me for something that somebody else did.”
“ You’re the one who made this agreement with Kiania in this life,” Damen pointed out. “That wasn’t somebody else.”
“I told you,” I shrugged. “I wasn’t going to let Finn die. I don’t regret it.”
I could feel the others watching me as a collective pause settled over the room, and the air seemed to grow still.
“You don’t get it!” A muscle in Damen’s jaw began to jump as a flush began moving up from his shirt’s neck. “That mindset is extremely dangerous—you’re the most vulnerable of us!”
Embarrassment flooded through me, and I leaned back, crossing my arms. I knew this was true on some level, but this was the first time anyone was so blunt about it. “So I’m the weakest link?”
“No!” Damen pulled at his hair. “That’s not what I said!”
“Besides, it’s not like you need me anyway—so it’s not a big deal. You were all doing perfectly fine without me,” I said, the logical part of my mind taking over. “Who cares if my secrets hurt me?”
Julian pressed his palm over my mouth, pulling me to him as Damen glowered at us.
“It’s that !” Damen waved his hand at the two of us. “ That’s what frustrates me!”
I stared at him over Julian’s hand. He was frustrated because Julian was touching me?
I must not have hidden my confusion because Damen rolled his eyes.
“I’m frustrated because you always have that same mindset.
You’re always trying to protect everyone else.
And you’re always sacrificing yourself for some other purpose.
It’s who you always have been. Have you forgotten about the hyenas? Or James Cole?”
Julian shifted, moving his hand from my face. “Don’t yell at her.”
“I’m not yelling!” Damen’s gaze moved to Julian. “Besides, you feel the same way.”
“Maybe so,” Julian answered. I held my breath as I looked between them, and he squeezed my hand. “But you don’t need to get so angry.”
“I’ll feel what I want!” Damen growled. “You can’t stop me. Like I told you earlier, I refuse to let it happen again.”
“But you took care of the contract,” Miles interrupted them. “So there shouldn’t be an issue anymore. Bianca—” he addressed me. “Do you feel it?”
“Oh!” I’d been following their argument, and my attention returned to myself at Miles’s question. I released Julian’s hand and touched my face, then my chest.
What was I supposed to be looking for? I glanced around the room. My attention returned to Damen.
My chest might have felt a little lighter, but other than that, I didn’t notice a difference. “What did you do?” I asked him.
He’d better not have done something to Finn and Kiania.
When Damen’s only response was his mouth thinning, Miles cut in. He sat forward and pulled the sleeve over my arm, showing off the clean skin beneath.
“Kiania wouldn’t give in,” Miles explained. “But—to divert the need to use your energy—Damen convinced Kiania to allow him to enter the shared contract without dropping the other bonds. Now he’s contracted with both Kasai and Kiania. You don’t need the medication anymore.”
“Um,” I began as a nervous energy rose through me. “Can you do that?” I asked Damen. “Will you be okay?”
Damen’s impassive expression was all the answer I needed.
“Damen!” My breath caught. Kasai was already mooching off him, and now he had made it worse. He was so stupid! “What if you die?”
A shadow crossed his features. “I’m not going to die.”
“Oh, so you’ve done this before?” I quipped, holding his gaze. “You know this? You don’t even know how the bond works!”
“I’m not going to die,” he repeated, frowning. But his refusal to answer spoke volumes.
I crossed my arms, mentally daring him to lie. After everything I’d done for him, he’d better not.
Finally, he sighed. “Kiania wants to stay in this realm. We need to think long-term. I need you, and Finn needs to be able to do his job. I offered a compromise, and it was accepted.”
“But— ”
“In any case, you have something else to do. Don’t worry about this any longer.” Damen leaned over Julian and touched his finger to my forehead.
I wrinkled my nose. What was he talking about?
“You need to focus on yourself,” Damen said, his voice suddenly light. “And when you feel up to it, you need to go shopping. Bryce thinks he’s going with you. He hasn’t shut up about it. What do you want me to tell him?”
Damen looked hopeful, most likely assuming I’d say no. But now I was mad at him.
“I would love to take Bryce shopping with me,” I told him. “We’re going to be very close one day.” Besides, he still owed me a ring. I couldn’t pretend to be a lawfully wedded woman without one.
Damen’s expression dropped, and his mouth dipped. “Well, okay then. If you want to be close to Bryce so badly, you should also practice using your abilities with him,” he said. “They can teach you until you can access your mentors. Nothing is holding you back anymore.”
“Really?” I asked, my annoyance dropping. Did I get to go through a training montage? I should create a playlist. “Who is my mentor?”
“Gregory,” Damen replied. “Caleb Weaver.” He looked slightly hesitant as he added, “Declan.”
“Declan?”
“Your biological father,” Damen said. “He’s the Paragon Er Bashou of the fae. It’s his job to oversee most of your physical and spiritual training. He trained Bryce and Brayden.”
My thoughts blanched. “No—no thanks.” I pushed my hair over my shoulder. “I’ll pass. I thought Gregory was your mentor.”
“Gregory is fae,” Damen answered. “He only advises me because Michael, my Elder Er Bashou, is dead. ”
“Oh,” I replied. I looked around the room. “Are all of you still in training?” Julian was supposed to be learning how to read memories and murder, and Miles was supposed to do witchy things.
I wasn’t sure what else Titus could learn except maybe how to eat people better.
Julian worked with his grandfather, which made sense, but why did Damen hang around Dr. Stephens so much anyway? He was mine.
“Don’t you have a Paragon Er Bashou?” I asked Damen. “Wouldn’t they be in charge of your training too?”
There was an uncomfortable silence as Titus, Miles, and Julian looked at the floor, and Damen cleared his throat. “It’s a long story. In any case,” he said. “It’s probably best to avoid Xavier for now.”
“But he seemed fine,” I said, and my thoughts flashed to the white-haired fae.
Julian’s mouth dipped as his form grew tense. “I’d forgotten you met him.”
“You should focus on Bryce and Brayden,” Titus interjected. “Do not train with Xavier.”
“Why?”
“All of our abilities have a more dangerous side,” Damen explained. “Xavier is a specialist in dark fae magic. Even we don’t know what all that entails.”
“But—” Wasn’t that something I was supposed to know? “So?”
Julian touched his head and closed his eyes as he answered. “Bianca, he’s a sadist.”
Why did everyone look so severe? I blinked and cocked my head, watching him as I waited for the punchline. “Okay?” I asked. “What’s that? ”
The temperature of the room dropped further, and Julian opened his eyes. He glanced at the others, but they were silent as they watched him. There was a slight grimace in his voice as he grabbed my hand. “Darling,” he said. “It means that his power is channeled through pain.”
I raised an eyebrow, still not understanding.
“Usually through some sort of sexual contact,” he added quietly.