Chapter Nine #2
As his brother was talking, Ethan held him up. He was in his boxers, and they were soaked. Callen was wearing his birthday suit and still had an erection.
Honestly, with all that booze, and Kaya gone, he shouldn’t be up still. Now, he hoped that she didn’t slip him something else to make sure he could perform in bed.
He’d kill her.
Bet on it.
Because by now, the humiliation of this should have ended that last part. Then again, he knew Kaya. She’d pretend to drink, just to get Callen drunk, to take advantage of him.
She was sick like that.
“Well, luckily for you, CJ, I don’t do what people tell me to do, and clearly, neither do you, or you wouldn’t have let that shark into your home. So, stop worrying about what you said to me. I know why you told me to go. Thank you for loving me enough to want to save me.”
At his words, Callen wept even more.
The problem with being drunk was you had ZERO inhibition. A drunk would run their mouths—like he was about to do.
Common sense checked out, and stupidity checked in.
“It’s not that,” he whispered. “I didn’t tell you to go because I wanted to save you.”
Ethan was confused.
If it wasn’t that, then what was it?
Gene was seldom wrong about stuff like this. If it wasn’t that, he was hella confused.
“What are you saying?” he asked. “I don’t understand what you’re saying, CJ.”
Callen lifted his head and stared into the man’s eyes.
“I’m in love,” he whispered.
Oh, holy fuck.
He nearly dropped his brother like he was scalding hot, but somehow managed to hold him up.
He certainly didn’t mean…him.
RIGHT?
It took everything he had not to back out of the shower once it was said. Now, it explained the erection, and the self-destructive behavior. It explained him watching through the window and drawing the heart.
Oh, he knew he loved him.
Just not that kind of love.
“I saw you move on,” he slurred. “I didn’t expect to feel this. Only, I know now,” he whispered.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Ethan now had other problems, and he hoped to God that in the morning neither he nor Callen ever brought this up again, and for a few reasons.
Gene being the big one.
Of course, he’d just threatened his man with cheating on him with his brother only to find out that Gene wouldn’t be the one Callen would climb into bed with.
What the hell did he say to all of this?
“Callen,” he said.
The man leaned on him, his lips by his ear.
“You can’t stay because we can’t be. If you keep coming here, I’m going to ask you to never leave me, and I know you, EJ. You won’t leave me.”
Oh, he was well aware of all of that.
In that moment, Ethan thought back to all of the times he and Callen slept together, cuddled, and it hit him.
Oh, God.
He thought back to the times they laughed together and spent time together. They were some of his happiest moments where he felt whole.
And it hit him, too.
HARD.
They had been more of a couple than brothers. They’d been the only person the other had.
“It hit me, and I can’t get it to go away,” Callen whispered.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
“We’re brothers,” Ethan said. “We could never…”
Callen cried even harder.
“I know. Trust me, I know,” he whispered, his head barely able to stay upright.
He was so damn drunk.
The whole time, Ethan just held him. The water was cold, and the truth was brutal, but that cat was out of the bag. Now, Ethan had to catch the cat, and shove it back in the bag.
AND NEVER COME BACK.
There was no way he could come back here until he was married, and secure. Because deep down, he didn’t blame Callen for feeling the way he did.
It was there.
It was lurking under the anger, rage, and pain. He’d left because of Callen, and he’d run back here because of Callen. He was the tie to this place.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
What did he say to that?
The thing about Callen was he was so much stronger than Ethan was. He’d face his trauma head on, and fight.
Ethan would run.
“It’s okay,” Ethan said. “I’m here. We’ll figure this out when you sober up.”
But would they?
He should be incredibly horrified by this whole thing, but he wasn’t. A part of him knew that Callen was right. If he stayed, they likely would have ended up a couple.
A couple of nuts breaking the law, but that was neither here nor there.
Ethan needed time to think, and he couldn’t leave him here.
Callen was getting heavy, and he was going to pass out sooner rather than later.
“Gene!” he called.
It didn’t take long before his man headed in.
“Book a second room at the hotel. We have to bring him with us,” he said, holding his wet, naked brother up.
Without a single word, Gene did as he asked. He pulled out his phone and got to work.
“Just leave me here,” Callen muttered.
Absolutely not.
Kaya would come back, and worse, Timothy would get wind of this, and kick Callen’s ass. The man was already in freefall. He had to buy him time.
Because Callen had done that for him.
“Need help?” Gene asked, seeing his man struggling to hold the heavier man up.
Ethan shook his head.
“No, I’ll get him dressed. Just give me some privacy so he doesn’t have to worry that some guy saw him naked.”
Oh, well, he was good with that.
Gene hauled ass out of there because he had his own issues at that moment. The pain pill had kicked in, and he wanted to ask a million questions.
Ill-timed ones.
To make this easier, Ethan sat down on the shower floor with his brother against him.
“I’m sorry,” Callen whispered over and over again.
Well, it all made sense.
Every single moment of their childhood. The times he’d wake up against Callen in his embrace. He knew then too. Ethan had just pushed it deep.
What they’d felt was always there.
Someone had been his other half for all of those years. When he’d walked in and seen Callen fucking Kaya, in their youth, now he got why he left.
He had felt cheated on.
But not by the whore.
By Callen.
“We’re going to get you dressed, and you’re coming with me, okay?”
Callen was at his mercy. He couldn’t even think straight.
“Please don’t hate me.”
Ethan didn’t.
“I will never hate you. It’s okay. We have to get you out of here. Kaya will keep coming back, and I can’t stay here. I have a case.”
Callen put his big hand on Ethan’s face.
“Don’t come back,” he whispered. “Run and never return, EJ. I can’t let this disease spread.”
And now, Ethan understood why he’d said it. He was saving him.
From that truth.
Because of the truth, Blackhawk knew he wouldn’t be back. Not until he could make sure those feelings were gone, and there was no chance of them coming back.
Half-brothers absolutely couldn’t be doing bed-time together.
“I can’t now, CJ. Now that you told me, I can’t come back because we can’t. We can’t be no matter what we feel, we can’t take that path.”
Callen stared into his eyes.
“Did you feel anything?” he whispered, trying to focus.
Oh, he could have lied.
It would have been easier for him, but harder for Callen. Only, he’d just said he didn’t want to run from things, and that meant facing down the scary moments.
Ethan just nodded, sharing the truth with him.
Oh, now he realized he did. That was the worst part of all of this. He understood what made him want to come back here. He knew deep down why Callen was the lure.
It wasn’t as a brother.
It was as that soul’s connection based in love.
The wrong kind of love.
“I’m sorry,” Callen whispered.
Gene peeked his head in.
“We have a second room. It’s across the hall, so you can make sure he’s okay. Need my help?”
Oh, he could say that.
Ethan didn’t know how to deal with this, and in that moment, he swore he’d take this to his grave. That his half-brother was sexually attracted to him was a huge problem. That in his youth, he’d felt those same things, and would have explored them…
More problems.
Only, now, he was in a relationship, and what Callen had told him…it was something that could NEVER happen.
Ethan didn’t cheat.
And he couldn’t be that taboo.
“Yeah, help me get him to bed. I’ll get him dressed,” he said.
And they did.
Together, they got Callen into clothes and bundled into a jacket. Then, Gene hoisted him onto his shoulder, and that was no easy task.
Callen Whitefox was a big man, height wise.
Somehow, a drugged up Gene managed to get him into the back seat of their rental, and they got on their way.
And this was a circus.
Oh, what a hot mess express this night had become.
As Ethan drove, he knew this was ridiculousness times twenty. Here he was, back in Damascus with his drunk brother confessing his love for him, his gay significant other, and while working a case.
Oh, how could this go wrong?
As Callen was fully passed out in the back seat, they pulled into the parking lot.
And Ethan began laughing.
And laughing.
And laughing.
Oh, well, this was problematic for Gene. He wasn’t sure if Ethan found this funny, or he was having a mental breakdown. It was a damn bad time to be as high as a kite on pain meds.
His brain was slow and he wasn’t able to rationalize a whole lot that he’d seen and overheard.
“And this is why I avoid this town,” Ethan stated. “This is EXACTLY why I can’t keep coming back here,” he admitted.
Gene started laughing too.
“It’s like a telenovela,” he said, wiping his eyes. “Is it the meds? Is that why I’m living this?” he asked, snorting. “Because I think all of this has to be the meds. Right?”
Blackhawk shook his head.
Oh, he wished it was the meds.
“No, it’s not you as high as a kite. This is my life, and now, you know why we don’t visit my family for the holidays,” he admitted, just grateful Gene didn’t know all of it.
Jesus.
He’d lose his mind.
Instead of saying anything more, Gene leaned over and kissed him. It was deep, it was heated, and it caught Ethan off guard.
Letting that heat fill him, Ethan just enjoyed the moment because he knew at some point, he’d have to be honest with Callen, Gene, and himself.
When Gene broke the kiss, he said one thing.
“I love you and your life.”
Oh, he hoped so.