Chapter 28 #2
He gently lays the medallion back in place and grabs me in a fierce hug. One I so desperately wanted and needed. It’s been so long since anyone has held me like this. Like they cared.
Not holding back the tears, I let them come.
“I’ve got you, brother,” Julien says, holding me together while I fall apart. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I’m proud of myself, too. Rehab was a long, hard road, but I made it to the end, and I did it on my own.
Three short knocks intrude into our reunion. “Room service,” someone says from the other side of the door.
I pull back and try to compose myself. “That would be breakfast.”
Julien’s hands go to my stricken face and wipe my tears away. “I’ve got it.”
Grateful for the reprieve, I slip inside the bathroom to splash water over my face while Julien rolls in the service cart.
“Mind sharing some of the coffee?” he asks.
Grabbing the T-shirt from where I tossed it, I pull it over my head. “Go for it. The view from the balcony is nice if you want to sit outside.”
I wait for him to pour himself a cup of coffee and head out through the sliding door before downing two pills from the medicine bottle I keep in the interior zipper pouch of my suitcase. I hate crying. It always leads to a migraine.
Picking up the tray holding my food, I carry everything out and set it down on the small round patio table. The day is already hot and steamy, the sun intense and wonderful.
“I miss North Carolina weather,” I comment, taking a seat in the chair across from him.
Because of its proximity along the Pacific coastline, San Francisco has a rainy season from November to March, and the temperatures are mild throughout the year. Compared to Fallen Brook, it was like living in another world. A place I never truly belonged and never wanted to be.
Fallen Brook is my home. It’s where my heart longed for.
My favorite memories of growing up are the sweltering summers spent with Liz, Julien, and Ry—exploring the forest that bordered our backyard, going to the beach, Friday nights spent at the Fields.
All the late afternoon thunderstorms Liz and I would sit out in and watch from her back patio, because she loved the chaos of nature.
“Speak for yourself,” he replies, blowing on his coffee before taking a sip.
Needing to know, I ask, “How was Liz when you spoke to her?”
He swallows, licks his lips. “Worried about you. I, uh…I talked to Bethany last week.”
A fist reaches inside my chest and strangles my heart. Liz and Ry aren’t the only people I hurt. My daughter became a casualty of a marriage I didn’t want and of the drinking that controlled me.
I met Diana at a bar soon after I arrived in San Francisco.
I don’t even remember sleeping with her, but the result of that drunken night was Bethany.
So, I married Diana, wanting to do the right thing.
Huge mistake. Our marriage struggled for ten years.
Ten years of her cheating and me not giving a damn.
Bethany grew up in a home where her parents hated the sight of one another.
A home filled with yelling and a father who was never present, even when he was physically there.
But it was the constant disappointments that had her cutting all ties with me. She couldn’t depend on a father who only cared about the oblivion alcohol could bring him. I let her down too many times to keep track. Story of my life so far.
“How is she?” I ask.
“Good. She said she has a new boyfriend and plans to move in with him soon.”
Julien sounds as happy about that as I feel.
He used to keep me informed about what was going on with her.
Bethany has left a long line of jilted boyfriends in her wake.
She jumps from one man to the next, always finding some fault with him.
Never happy. Never settled. Never in love.
I don’t have to be a psychologist to understand why she’s that way.
“She started a new job.”
I stab a forkful of scrambled egg, even though I’m no longer hungry. “Which one this time?”
Just like with her boyfriends, Bethany doesn’t stay at one job for more than a few months.
Julien sets his coffee down and snags a piece of bacon from my plate. “Receptionist at a vet clinic. She says she likes it. Likes being around all the animals.” He takes a bite and says as he chews, “Jay, what the hell is going on?”
“What do you mean? And no, I’m not trying to be obtuse,” I reply to preempt the vulgar quip he’s about to say.
He leans forward in his chair, elbows to knees, his countenance all business. “I’m just trying to understand what’s changed. Why now?”
I gaze out over the balcony at the Highland cityscape with its busy streets and tall buildings. It’s transformed a lot in twenty years, unlike Fallen Brook. The two towns sit adjacent to one another, but one has grown into a thriving city, while the other has never left its small-town roots.
Why now? Because my demons will chase me back into hell unless I make things right. Make amends for my past and all the pain I caused.
And that starts with Liz.