Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
FALLON
Waiting for You
Sitting out on the veranda, the last week of August carries the summer humidity like a blanket trying to smother everything around it. The night songs of insects are constant, like a hum buried under the heartbeat of the land. How can a place so quiet be so noisy at the same time?
My thumb traces through the condensation dripping down the glass of iced tea I’m holding, wishing I had a beer instead, as Marcus and Chris work on an old KTM dirt bike in the garage.
Chris’s laughter rings out, followed by Marcus’s deeper voice, both melding with the music blasting out from the Hellcat’s speakers.
The two of them are so different in a lot of ways, but also the same in many others.
There’s a rhythm to the way they interact, a language all their own spoken in half-sentences, a unique bond only siblings share.
Seeing them together makes me miss my brothers and sisters and regret the time I stayed away.
I would see them maybe once or twice a year when I happened to be in the States, but I made sure to talk to each of them often.
Elizabeth had wanted to take the kids to Texas to see Harper and Jordan before school started, but with Jay’s sudden reappearance and all the other shit going on, they never did.
I’ll need to remedy that soon. Elizabeth has missed out on too many things, never doing anything for herself because she’s too busy taking care of everyone else.
When I hear the back door open and close, I don’t even bother looking to see who it is. Jay takes the rocker opposite me, and I exhale the irritation I feel about his intrusion into my moment of solitude.
“It’s really peaceful out here,” he comments.
It was until now.
“Is that Ry’s old KTM?” he asks.
Probably. I shrug and take a sip of my tea. It’s mostly water since all the ice has melted.
Jay glances over at me, then does it again.
“Whatever it is that you want to say, Jay, just say it.”
I’ve been in a foul disposition all evening.
After having to negotiate a contract from hell, my mood went from irritated to irate when I arrived and found Jay laughing with Elizabeth in the kitchen as they cooked dinner together.
She’s about to leave… with him …and I won’t see her for three days.
All I wanted was a quiet evening curled up with her on the couch.
“Can we cut the bullshit attitude? Your doom and gloom all evening is giving me a headache. And don’t think Liz hasn’t noticed either.”
Fuck you.
But I hate hearing that I’m making her worry, especially with her trip to see her daughter coming up. A trip I wish I could be with her for, but I understand that it’s something she and Jay need to do together.
And just like that, my irritation with him evaporates into the ether. I can’t imagine the pain he must live in daily. He and Elizabeth lost their child. A child they never knew existed. One stolen from them because of my sadistic brother’s obsession with Elizabeth.
So in a twisted way, I caused Elizabeth Ann’s death. Peter only fixated on Elizabeth because of my fixation on her.
“Take the jet.”
Jay’s brow furrows. “I already bought the plane tickets.”
“I know that.” Elizabeth told me. She also keeps turning down my offer to use my private jet, probably because she thinks it’ll cause problems with him. “I’ll pay you back.”
The furrow on his forehead deepens. “I don’t want your damn money. You can’t always buy what you want.”
The irritation that had just left comes back tenfold, but this time it’s accompanied with indignation. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s what you always do,” he’s quick to refute.
Putting the glass down on the small patio side table, I sit forward.
“I can’t help which family I was born into.
And I will never apologize for the lifestyle I’m lucky enough to have because of the money my grandfather gave me or the money I work my ass off to earn.
The jet will be more comfortable, and you won’t have to wait around in a noisy, germ-infested airport lounge or spend an hour standing in the security line.
This weekend is going to be hard enough on the both of you without having to put up with all that shit, too. ”
Jay crosses his arms at his chest. The way he’s studying me is like he’s seeing me for the first time.
“I appreciate the offer. I’ll talk to Liz.”
“She already said no.”
His head tilts back when he laughs. “That woman has more stubborn in her than…and I’m not going to finish that thought.”
“That would be wise.” We grin at each other.
Jay sits back in the rocker. “Not to ruin our kumbaya moment or anything, and I don’t care if it ticks you off, but I need to know exactly where you and I stand with Liz.”
I knew this conversation was coming. “Christ, Jay. I don’t know what answer you want me to give you that won’t end up with us in a fistfight.”
“I’d appreciate the unfiltered truth. Are you going to be able to handle me being in her life again? Because if you can’t, you need to walk away. She’s been hurt enough by both of us.”
I give what he’s saying serious thought.
“I’m not blind to your relationship or how important you are to Elizabeth.
I’ve always known what the deal was when it comes to you, her, and Ry.
I don’t have the history with her that you do.
But I’m not going anywhere. I’m all in. You and me, our past, and any of the other shit between us—it doesn’t exist anymore.
We bury that crap right here, right now. ”
“Agreed.” He clasps his hands in front of him, elbows to thighs, as if the weight of the world has suddenly crashed upon his shoulders.
“I just want to be in her life again. In Jules’s and my nephews’ lives.
I’ve missed out on too damn much. My habit of reacting first without giving any thought to the consequences of my actions has cost me everything.
I don’t want to be that guy anymore. No, I refuse to be that guy.
The one who inadvertently hurts the people he loves.
And by some miracle of God, Liz has forgiven me.
I’m not abandoning her again. I’m here to stay. ”
My tone brokers no argument when I reply, “So am I.”
“Guess we understand each other.”
“Guess we do.”
Elizabeth comes out onto the veranda, her hands on her hips. “Do I need to pull out the water hose and separate you two?”
Pushing on his thighs, Jay gets up. “It’s getting late, and I promised Jules I’d stop by on my way to Mom and Dad’s.” He hugs Elizabeth with an ease that has my possessiveness kicking in, but I quickly shut it down. “See you in the morning? Around eight?”
“Yep,” she replies.
“I’ve never flown in a private jet before. Looking forward to it.”
Elizabeth narrows her eyes at me before replying, “I’ll walk you out.”
Taking my glass with me, I head into the kitchen. “If you glare any harder at that piece of paper, it’s going to spontaneously combust.”
Charlotte slumps forward in her stool and makes a frustrated growl. “I’ve been staring at this freaking word problem for a half hour. I hate calculus.”
She’s taking calculus in the tenth grade? Smart, just like her mother.
Coming around the counter island, I sit down and slide the worksheet over.
“The trick to word problems is to break them down into steps. Underline the information you need to solve the problem and cross out the stuff that doesn’t matter.
Drawing pictures also helps.” I borrow her pen and do a rough sketch.
“If Laura is driving down a road, and it becomes impassable at point A…”
I don’t give her the answer, just prompt her with questions she has to figure out on her own in order to work through the problem.
Biting the tip of her tongue, she starts scribbling letters, brackets, and formulas on the sketch.
“So I need to use the distance formula to find out how far she travels from point A to B if her walking speed is four miles per hour, then plug that into the time function if she jogs x miles at five miles per hour from points B to C.” When she’s done, she looks up at me expectantly. “Did I get it right?”
I bump her shoulder. “Yep.”
“Yes!” She does a happy shimmy in her seat and fist pumps the air. “Thanks so much!”
Slight movement in my peripheral draws my attention. Elizabeth is leaning against the jamb, watching from the entryway.
She crooks her finger at me. “Can I speak with you, please?”
“Uh-oh. She’s using her ‘mom’ voice,” Charlotte whispers.
“Is that good or bad?” I whisper back.
“It usually means you’re in trouble.”
About Jay or the jet? Regardless of which one it is, I just want whatever argument we’re going to have to be over with quickly so I can spend the rest of the night with her, preferably in bed.
“Wish me luck.” I lightly ruffle Charlotte’s hair.
She crosses her fingers. “Good luck.”
Elizabeth is quiet as I follow her down the hall and into the bedroom. Once inside, she closes the door and engages the lock. Turning around, she stands motionless and looks at me, but I can’t get a read on her mood.
“If this is about the jet?—”
“It’s not about the jet.”
“Or Jay.”
“It’s not about Jayson.” She walks into the closet and comes back out, holding something I hadn’t wanted her to find yet. The letters. “I find it infuriating how I keep finding hidden letters everywhere in this house.”
Well, shit.
I hate the tears I see gathering in her eyes. “Elizabeth?—”
“Shut up,” she snaps and sets the small chest down on the chair.
Facing me, she looks at me in a way she has never looked at me before. It’s a look I have no clue how to decipher, but the emotion behind it almost brings me to my knees.
“Kitten, please?—”
But that’s all I have a chance to say before she brings my world to a crashing halt.
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, either, but my heart made that choice long before I had a say in it,” she says, reciting words I’ll never forget because I wrote them.
“And when you’re ready, I’ll be standing right here,” she continues, then shocks the hell out of me when she slowly slips her wedding rings off her finger. “Waiting for you.”