Chapter Nineteen #2
“I will have the wedding whenever I damn well want to have it,” he snarled.
“Is this in any way unclear? I have listened to you beg and plead and bark for the better part of the day, thinking you had some say in this entire situation. The truth is that you have no say in anything, Alexander de Lohr. I control this marriage and this household and even the knights within it, including you, and I am weary of having my wants and desires constantly questioned by you. Your parents have accepted my proposal of marriage so we are going to have this marriage immediately so there will no longer be any argument about Gates and Kathalin and the love they imagine for each other. You will marry my daughter this night and I will hear no more about it, from any of you. Do you understand?”
He was shouting by the time he was finished, which upset Elreda.
As the woman rushed to Henry’s side, needing comfort because Jasper was shouting at her beloved son, Alexander had no visible reaction at all.
Strangely enough, the more Jasper yelled, the cooler Alexander became.
When Jasper finally finished, Alexander simply stood there and stared at him.
“I understand, my lord,” he said formally. “Will that be all?”
Jasper, now seeing the obedient knight before him and not the argumentative groom, was still riled up.
“Aye,” he said firmly. “We are expecting guests to arrive at any time for the coming celebration. For those who arrive by tonight, they will be part of the wedding feast so make sure that any new guests who arrive will know that. And you will not leave this fortress, is that clear?”
“Aye, my lord.”
“And stay away from Gates.”
“Aye, my lord.”
“Go, now. I will send for you when the priest arrives.”
Without another word, Alexander quit the hall, out into the afternoon beyond and skies full of pewter clouds and fat raindrops.
He was so angry that he had bit his tongue, literally, in the desperate attempt to bite off words of refusal and anger as Jasper had yelled at him.
All he could see before him was a tired, bitter old man who was trying to ruin his life just as he was trying to ruin the lives of Kathalin and Gates.
They were all caught up in this maelstrom together, an unhappy trio of unhappy people, all controlled by the desires of one man.
But Jasper would not have the last word in all of this, Alexander quickly decided.
He would commit his first act of disobedience by seeking out Gates.
They had to make plans now that the wedding was quickly approaching, now that the arguments were finished and there was no more bargaining to be had.
On a hunch, Alexander headed for the walled herb garden and found Gates and Kathalin just inside the entry, standing in the shadows of the western wall.
Gates was lingering a few feet away from Kathalin when Alexander entered, and Alexander didn’t even notice the tears on Kathalin’s face. He was focused strictly on Gates as he made his way to the man’s side.
“Gates,” he said, urgency in his tone. “I have just come from Jasper and my parents. We have a problem, my friend.”
Gates looked at Alexander, feeling the man’s sense of apprehension.
It was enough, for the moment, to cause him to put aside the utter devastation of the conversation he was having with Kathalin regarding the fact that he was not willing to run away with her.
One look at Alexander’s expression and he was quite concerned with the man’s manner.
“What is wrong?” he asked.
Alexander glanced at Kathalin before replying, noticing that she had her back to him and appeared to be wiping her face. He was coming to realize that he had stepped in to a private moment between the two of them but he couldn’t concern himself with that now. He returned his focus to Gates.
“Jasper has sent Bear for a priest,” he said. “He is furious that I have tried to back out of the betrothal and furious that we have tried to manipulate the marriage. He says that the marriage will be performed as soon as the priest arrives, which should be by sunset.”
Gates was shocked. “So soon?” he said. “I thought we had days, or even weeks. What about this celebration that is coming? Will he not wait for even that?”
Alexander shook his head. “He will not,” he said. “Gates, you must take Kathalin and go. Go as far as you can, as fast as you can. The time for trying to convince Jasper is over.”
Gates looked at his friend for a moment before closing his eyes, tightly, and hanging his head.
“And leave you behind to take the punishment?” he muttered.
“I could never call myself a man again if I did that to you, Alex. I could never respect myself if I were to abscond with a woman that belongs to you and leave you here to suffer the consequences.”
Alexander’s brow furrowed in concern and confusion. “What are you talking about?” he demanded. “Gates, do you understand me? The priest is coming. If you do not take Kathalin and leave, now, there will never be another chance.”
Gates reached out and grabbed Alexander by both arms, holding him fast, as he looked the man in the face. The expression on Gates’ features spoke of untapped anguish from the depths of his soul. It was agony to simply breathe.
“Alex, listen to me,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
“I have never done an honorable thing in my life where a woman was concerned. If I run away with your bride, no matter how much I love her, I will be dishonoring myself as well as you and Kathalin. You will be shamed, the House of de Lohr will be shamed, and the House of de Lara will be shamed. I can take Kathalin and go north to Castle Questing, but how do you think my father will react when I tell him what I have done? I am his eldest son but I am not the son he is most proud of. If I take a woman that does not belong to me, I have a feeling he will disown me completely, but more than that, I cannot do that to you, my friend. You have shown me what a true and selfless friend you are and I cannot dishonor you in such a way. I have been trying to tell Kathalin this but she does not understand. For once… for once in my life, Alex, I need to do the honorable thing. I do it because of my love and respect for you and for Kathalin. I cannot dishonor the people I love most.”
Alexander was sincerely shocked by Gates’ speech. His eyes widened as he looked at the man, seeing how pale and worn he was. It was then that he began to understand the gist of Gates’ words and what it meant to all of them. He stepped away from Gates, breaking the man’s hold on him.
“I will not marry a woman you are in love with,” he said, looking to Kathalin who had turned around to face the men. “I will not marry her, Gates.”
Gates grabbed at him, clutching him by the shoulder. “If you do not, someone else will,” he said. “Jasper will marry her to someone else and I could not bear it. You promised me that you would marry her if could not, Alex. I will hold you to that vow. To know she is with you… it will ease my mind.”
Alexander was both torn and horrified by Gates’ expectations.
He hadn’t expected this reaction from Gates when he’d entered the garden and now, he was disoriented from the path the conversation had taken.
He could hardly believe what he was hearing.
He exhaled, sharply, an indication of the turmoil in his heart.
“Gates, please,” he begged softly. “Take her and go. I beseech you.”
Gates simply shook his head. “I will not,” he said huskily. “I cannot. I have given you my reasons. Please… for once, Alex, let me do the right thing.”
Alexander was stunned. To realize that Gates wasn’t going to take Kathalin and flee was almost more than he could comprehend.
But in the same breath, he understood exactly what Gates was saying.
To run away with Kathalin, to steal a de Lohr bride, would shame three families- de Lohr, de Lara, and de Wolfe.
Gates was selfish, that was true, but for the first time in his life, he wasn’t thinking only of himself.
He was thinking of Alexander for his sacrifice and of Kathalin and her honor as a wife.
Gates was making the most noble decision he could possibly make.
He was sacrificing himself, and his happiness, to save the honor of three families.
“Oh… God,” Alexander finally muttered, wiping a weary hand over his face. “Are you truly serious, Gates? Is this really what you want?”
Gates, hoping that Alexander was finally understanding the situation from his standpoint, nodded his head.
“It is,” he said quietly. “It is not what my heart wants, but it is what is right. I cannot take Kathalin away, not when it will ruin so many others.”
“Then you will do nothing at all?” Alexander asked, simply to make sure he was understanding all of this correctly.
“I cannot. I will not.”
Alexander didn’t know what to say after that.
He looked at Kathalin, who was looking at Gates.
The abject sorrow on her face spoke volumes to Alexander and he wasn’t quite sure who he felt more pity for – Gates or Kathalin.
Or maybe he felt more pity for himself. He was about to marry a woman who was in love with his dearest friend.
And along those lines, Alexander felt the need to make something perfectly clear. For his own sake, he had to.
“Very well,” he said, his voice strangely weak. “If that is what you wish, then I will not argue with you. Just know that I gave you the chance to run.”
“I know. And I am ever grateful for it.”
Alexander nodded, addressing his next statement to both Gates and Kathalin.
“Then so be it,” he said. “But I will say this here and now to the both of you; I will marry Lady Kathalin and I will take her back to Lioncross Abbey. Gates, you are not welcome there. She will be my wife and I am telling you now to stay away from her. I will not marry a woman who fornicates with another man, love or no love, and if I catch you with her or anywhere near her, I will kill you. I will not be made a fool while you two carry on behind my back.”
Kathalin’s eyes filled with tears again as Gates nodded. “I would not do that to you, my friend,” he said. “My love for her will never end but when she becomes your wife, that is where that love ceases to be spoken or acted upon. I swear to you upon my oath as a knight.”
Alexander believed him. It had been hard thing for him to say, and for Gates to acknowledge, but it was something that needed to be said. He looked at Kathalin.
“Is this understood, my lady?” he asked.
Kathalin closed her eyes and tears spilled down her cheeks. “It is,” she whispered tightly. “I would not dishonor my marriage in such a way, Alex.”
“Swear it.”
“I do.”
Satisfied, but distraught and muddled, Alexander turned away from the pair. He had to get away, to collect his thoughts, and to come to terms with his future. He needed to do it alone. With a heavy sigh, this one of resignation, he headed for the garden gate.
“I have been ordered to stay away from you, Gates,” he said as he lifted the latch on the old iron gate. “Do not tell Jasper that I came to see you. I fear it may cause… issues.”
Gates watched the man as he opened the gate. “I will not tell him,” he said. “And Alex… thank you. For everything you have done, and everything you will do for Kathalin, you have my undying gratitude.”
Alexander didn’t say anything as he continued through the garden gate, letting the thing creak shut behind him. After he was gone, Gates sighed heavily and turned to Kathalin.
They gazed at each other in the growing darkness, a thousand words of sorrow and love and anguish filling the air between them.
Neither one of them wanted this moment in time to end, this very space of time that had been carved out for the two of them, but it was impossible to hold back the moments as they ticked away. Time was passing.
They were passing.
It was time to end it.
“I suppose this is the last time I will be able to speak with you alone,” he said quietly. “It seems that things are happening rather quickly and I should not be seen here with you. It would cause you great trouble if we were discovered together.”
His words were like daggers to Kathalin’s heart, poking holes into her, causing her to bleed her emotions out all over the place.
She was so drained, physically and emotionally, that it was difficult to stand much less think.
But much like Gates, she realized that their time together was at an end.
Everything between them was at an end. The pain she felt was unbearable.
“I am not worried about myself,” she said. “But I am worried about you. My father is already angry with you. Finding us alone together would only make it worse.”
Gates nodded, his gaze lingering on her, knowing it would probably be the last time he ever saw her.
His heart, so recently awakened with feelings of love for the woman, was shattering into a million pieces.
It would take him many lifetimes to collect all of the shards.
He didn’t even want to try. He had to get away from her because the longer he lingered, the more painful the separation would be.
Taking a few steps in her direction, he grasped her by the arms and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead.
“Be happy,” he whispered, his throat tight with tears. “Be good to Alex. He is a good man.”
Kathalin burst into quiet tears, trying to grasp him but he pulled away from her. “I love you, Gates,” she murmured. “Until the end of time, I will love you.”
Gates had to turn away from her because, for the first time in his adult life, he realized he was fighting off tears. “And I will be true to you and only you until I die,” he said hoarsely. “You are my heart, Kathi. Never forget that.”
He was to the garden gate before Kathalin could say anything more.
It seemed as if he were moving very quickly because by the time he reached the gate, he was nearly running.
He opened the gate, nearly yanking it off its hinges, before charging through it.
He was gone so quickly that that suddenly emptiness left in his wake was startling and painful. Too painful.
Kathalin sank to her knees and wept.