Chapter Nineteen #2
“No, nothing that serious. It’s nothing really. Don’t even worry. I’m just being stupid, probably.”
“You could never be stupid.”
She chuckles, and the line is quiet for a while. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“ ’Kay, see you soon.”
She ends the call, and I furrow my brows, letting out a long, drawn-out sigh.
Scott looks at me and raises his brow. “That sounded intense.”
“Yeah, I get the feeling something’s up with Alex, but I have no idea what.”
“She’s a mystery, our Alex. Hot as fuck, though. If you don’t mind me saying so,” Scott states.
I raise my brow, and he winces, turning back to face the road. He continues driving without any more talk of Alex for the rest of the car ride home.
Probably a good thing too.
Or I might have ended up having a few words with him if he’d said anything else about her.
ALEX
After grabbing a tub of ice cream and driving through the drive-thru of our local Taco Bell, I’m almost to Matt’s, and my stomach feels tight.
I’m nervous about seeing him tonight. I’m not sure what happened today to make him not talk to me all day.
He’s never done that. We generally talk a few times throughout the day, and today was radio silence after I asked him to come and chat with me.
Does he know what I am thinking?
And maybe he doesn’t want that?
Maybe I’m overthinking things and making this more than what it is, and he’s pulling away from me? If I don’t settle my racing mind, I’m going to be physically sick.
All I know is that Matt means so much to me, and this wedding is only four days away. And with me not having met Ronan yet and him not having met either of his girls, to me, the logical conclusion is for us to go to the wedding together.
There are now two issues with this. Asking Matt to come with me to the wedding is like taking that step from friends to something more, but it doesn’t have to be if we don’t let it.
But I’m a little confused. I love Matt with everything I am, but is that love, friendship or something more?
I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.
So if we do decide to go together, what then?
What happens to Ronan, Madeline, and Charlotte?
There are three others to think about in this, and while Ronan and I get along fine on paper and online—our geekdoms work great together—I don’t feel a spark with him, not at all.
I know it won’t lead anywhere. But with Matt, he wants to make a go of it with Madeline or Charlotte.
I’m just not sure if I want to throw myself in the mix there too.
And you know the whole ‘don’t fix something that isn’t broken.’
If you have a solid friendship, a foundation that’s so strong, why would you fuck with that?
This is where I am at, driving to Matt’s to ask him if he wants to go to the wedding of the year together.
As friends first, and I’ll let him take the lead to see if he intends to admit to anything.
I’m not expecting anything more, but we’ll see.
I’m going to put my cards on the table and see where it can take us.
Pulling up in Matt’s driveway, I grab all the food and make my way to the front door. I kick the door with my foot, seeing as I don’t have any free hands, and the door opens soon after. He chuckles, looking at me, and takes some of the bags.
“Did you buy extra food tonight?” he asks.
“Yes, I’m hungry. Sue me.”
He chuckles and shrugs. “All good. Though I ate a late lunch, so I might not eat that much,” he says, and I grunt, shoving the food onto the coffee table.
“Maaattt, you need to tell me these things,” I say, and he shrugs, slumping down on the sofa, pulling the burritos and tacos out of the bags as I place the ice cream in the freezer.
“Sorry, I’ve had a big day,” he says, and I close the freezer door and take a deep breath while walking back to the sofa.
Grabbing a burrito, I unwrap it and take a bite. “Tell me,” I say with a mouth half full.
“So, I might have met Madeline,” he says.
The burrito instantly gets caught in my throat, and I choke. I lean forward and cough violently as he pats my back hard, dislodging the bite. I spit it out onto the table, not caring about the mess, and take a big gasp of air.
He opens his eyes wide and rubs my arm for comfort. “Jesus, are you okay?”
“You met Madeline?” I confirm through a wheezy breath, and he continues to rub my arm and nods. “This is huge!”
“That’s why I didn’t reply to your message. I was with her.” He smiles weakly.
My stomach sinks as I open my eyes—he was with… her?
Oh, God!
My breathing quickens, and I nod matter-of-factly as he smiles wide like he’s reliving a memory. A good one obviously.
“Oh, and, how’d that go?” I ask, not knowing what else to say.
“Amazing… she’s perfect.”
I turn away from him and take another bite of my burrito, completely unsure what to do now.
“She doesn’t know who I am. Hell, she doesn’t even know who Recoil is,” he says, and I raise my brow.
Well, that’s definitely what he wanted.
I’m happy for him.
I am.
“I asked her to go to the wedding with me,” he says, and I stop eating and breathe heavier.
And… there’s my answer.
If I’m feeling anything, it’s completely one-sided.
I need to get a grip on this and sort my head out, because Matt obviously wasn't thinking the same thing I was.
That we should go together.
That we should ramp up this friendship.
Why am I such a fucking idiot?
What the hell was I thinking?
“Alex, you’ve gone all white. Are you okay?” he asks, rubbing my arm again.
“Yeah, just need to eat. Had a huge day and didn’t get to have breakfast or lunch, so I’m starving.” I left out the part where I didn’t eat breakfast because I was on the phone with him, then skipped lunch because he was ignoring me, and I was too nervous to eat.
“So, what did you wanna ask me today? Why did you want me to come to the gallery?” he asks, then takes a bite of his taco.
I tense up with a fake laugh. “Oh, it doesn’t even matter now. It was nothing. Just wanted you to help me with putting up some stuff while Nate was out. All good, next time.”
He furrows his brows and tilts his head. “But you said you’d talk to me about it tonight?”
Raising my brow, I purse my lips. “Hmm… did I? Oh, I can’t even remember. Mustn’t have been that important if I can’t remember,” I say in a blasé tone, and take another mouthful, looking away from him.
The room shifts to an uncomfortable silence.
It’s the first time I’ve been in a room alone with Matt and felt uncomfortable.
I’ve done this.
I’ve put a wedge between us.
I need to get the hell over this and get back to being just Matt and Alex because he clearly has no affection for me whatsoever. I should have known. I break pretty much every one of his rules, except for number ten—get along with his twin. How could I ever see myself in his life as something more?
“Should I go?”
Matt furrows his brows. “Alex, why would you go? You just got here. You’ve hardly touched your food?”
“Does Madeline know about me?” I blurt out, and he sighs.
“No, but I will tell her. I’ll send her a message right now if it makes you stay.”
Tears well in my eyes. I mean that little to him that he hasn’t even told her about me. Ronan knows all about Matt. Standing, I grab the bags of food and turn, heading for the door.
“Alex, what’s happening?” he asks, and I turn to face him.
“Ronan knows all about you. You mean so much to me that I told him because you’re such a big part of my life. Madeline is going to be in your life now, and if you haven’t even told her about me, then where am I going to fit into that little equation?”
He stands, rushing toward me. “You think because I didn’t tell Madeline about you that means you’re not a big part of my life?”
“I think… we see each other quite differently, Matt. I don’t think I mean as much to you as you mean to me. But that’s fine, you have Madeline now—”
“You’re jealous because she’ll spend time with me? Time taken from you, is that it?” he asks.
“No, Matt, I’m angry because you don’t care enough about me to mention my goddamn name to your potential girlfriend. We were best friends. That’s a pretty big deal in my eyes.”
“Were?” he asks, his eyes drooping like I’ve just broken his heart.
“You know what I mean.”
He stands taller. “No, Alex, I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying we’re not friends anymore?”
“No, of course not. I just need a moment. Give me a damn moment, okay?” I ask, and he furrows his brows.
“I’m going to message Madeline right now, tell her about you. Okay?”
I nod, and as he turns and walks away to his cell, I grab the door handle and head out, running for my car. I shove the food on the passenger seat as I get in and start the car just in time to see him racing out the front door with his cell in his hand. His eyes are droopy, and he looks lost.
But I don’t stop.
I can’t.
Backing out of the drive, I speed home to think about what the hell I’ve done.