Chapter 20
The whole day, I battled to keep a shit-eating grin off my face. And when I wasn’t doing my Cheshire cat impression, I was searching her out with my eyes. It didn’t help that she was always around—taking pictures at the media call, filming us running through soundcheck. Every time I turned around, she was there. So close but always out of reach.
I’d finally gotten a taste of Ella, and like an addict, I wanted more.
But unlike me, Ella was completely professional. Totally aware of her surroundings and stepping out of people’s way. Talking to Wes and Harper. It was fucking annoying. For once I was the clingy one in the relationship—seeking out validation from my partner, wanting to be the only one she saw, getting jealous any time another guy came near her, let alone was the focus of all her attention.
“You need to dial back the puppy eyes,” Noah snarked as we walked down the hotel hallway toward the elevator. “Chase is on a warpath with that new article in the Babbler about him and Shay. Please don’t make it worse for us. I’m begging you, man.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pressed the button for the elevator before slouching against the wall like I had no cares.
Noah shook his head. “Whatever. I hope you have a plan because it’s gonna be a shitshow when he finds out.” The elevator dinged and the doors slowly slid open. “Especially if he finds you balls deep in—”
“Ho!” Chase yelled from down the hall. “Hold the elevator!”
As Chase and Shay jogged down the hallway to us, I shot a glare at Noah.
“Don’t say a fucking word,” I hissed.
Noah raised his eyebrows as a gleeful expression spread across his face. He stepped past me and into the elevator. Shaking my head, I followed him inside. Noah might be an ass who pulled smelly pranks on us on the road, but I didn’t really worry about Chase finding out about Ella and me from either of our bandmates. At least not on purpose. But I could easily picture him slipping up and saying something when he was drunk. Or high.
Fuck my life. I had to figure out how I wanted this to go down. And soon. Noah was drunk or high on a nightly basis.
“Thanks, bro,” Chase said as he and Shay stepped into the elevator. Like us, Chase was in scruffy jeans and a t-shirt with his usual leather bracelet and at least four silver rings on his hands. The only thing missing was his signature leather jacket. Not surprising, considering it was like a thousand degrees in Phoenix. But Shay was dressed like she was going out clubbing in a strappy black halter top that gave way to black leather micro shorts. All kinds of cleavage and leg were flashing. Honestly, I was amazed Chase hadn’t pissed in a circle around her. Although given the way he was holding onto her waist, that might just be a matter of time.
“You look gorgeous, Shay.” I tipped my head as I slid to the back corner of the car. “Way too good to be hanging out with this asshole.”
We’d had a rough introduction a few months back, mostly because I was a dick. But I was trying to make up for it.
Given Shay’s wide-eyed stare—almost like she was waiting for a punchline from me—I had a lot more work to do.
“Get your fucking eyes off my woman,” Chase bit out as he punched the button for the ground floor.
“There it is!” Noah crowed. “Who had one minute in the pool?”
“I think Xander.” I shrugged. “I had peed in a circle around her.”
Noah bent over he was laughing so hard. “Fuck yeah. I can totally see that. Never knew Chase was into golden showers though.”
“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it.” Shay’s quiet voice pierced our laughter like a gunshot.
Everyone stopped and stared at her in amazement.
Shay Robinson was the epitome of the good girl. Raised by religious parents in Utah, Shay was as straitlaced as they came.
Or so I thought.
She burst into laughter. “You should see your faces! Holy crap!”
Chase joined her hysterics, laughing like we were fools. “Good one, baby.”
“Wait.” Noah waved a hand. “Are you saying you’re not into golden showers?”
The elevator pinged as we reached the ground floor.
Chase shook his head, one arm still wrapped around his wife, and led the way off the elevator.
“That would’ve been hella awkward if anyone got on the car with us.” I laughed.
“It’s an express elevator,” Shay threw over her shoulder as we headed for the side entrance where our ride was supposed to be. “Only people on our floor can use it.”
“She’s the total package.” Chase grinned. “Beauty, brains, and a fucking amazing sense of humor.”
“Not to mention a fucking chef.” I shook my head. “Clearly too good for you.”
Noah nodded sagely. “She must have bad eyesight, poor girl. Don’t ever let her get glasses or contacts. You’d be totally fucked then, Chase.”
“Fuck off.” Chase glared, flipping us the bird. “You’re not nearly as funny as my wife. Stop trying.”
We joined Xander, Ella, and Harper standing by the door.
“There’s my soon-to-be wife!” Noah called, bouncing over to give Harper a hug. “You look gorgeous, gorgeous. When are you going to put me out of my misery, and let me put a ring on it?”
“How about now?” Harper spun around and clasped her hands to her chest. “Yes! Yes, Noah. I will marry you!”
A few people lingering in the lobby broke out in applause. Flashes sparked in the already bright room.
“Oh ho.” Noah grinned from ear to ear. “You do not want to play chicken with me, missy. I always win.”
“That’s true, Harper.” I widened my eyes and raised my eyebrows. “Do not prank with Noah. He’ll fuck up your toilet when you least expect it.”
“Pshaw!” Noah scoffed. “Like I’d ever repeat that prank with her. I have some class you know.”
“My bathroom disagrees with you on that.” I sat back on my heels and tossed a look Ella’s way.
Not that she noticed. She was busy snapping pics of Noah and Harper. “Can I put it up on your socials? Noah Hawker is officially off the market. Ooh, I should go ring shopping with you guys! That would make a great video for your social media.”
“Whoa. Not funny.” Noah backed away with his palms raised. “That’s going too far. Pump the brakes, little-R.”
Harper giggled and traded fist bumps with Ella. “I thought it was hilarious.”
“If you guys are done making a fool of Noah—not a hard job by the way.” Xander paused and sent our drummer a look. “The car’s here.”
We all piled in giggling and laughing at Noah’s expense.
“He thought it was funny until you joked about spending his money. Then shit got unfunny real fast.” Xander’s grin rivaled Harper’s. Clearly, no feelings were hurt.
I settled into the car next to Shay and across from Ella, who spent all her time talking to the others in the car. If I was obvious in my attention, she was obvious in her avoidance. Neither was normal for us. But she was better at playing it cool. The only thing I had going for me was Shay being an unknown buffer between me and Chase.
I got a knot in my stomach every time I thought about telling him what was up. Chase was going to shit a brick when he found out about me and his sister.
And then he’d stomp on me with it.
“Hey Jesse, what’s with the new phone number?” Chase asked, leaning across his wife to get my attention. “You give your digits to too many groupies again?”
At soundcheck, Harper had hooked me up with my new number and had sent it out to a list of people who needed it.
“I haven’t seen Jesse with a groupie since LA.” Noah sent me a mischievous grin.
The shit-stirrer.
“What? Seriously?” Chase blinked like that was shocking news.
“Hey, I’m not a manwhore like these two.” I gestured at Noah and Xander. “If you want to start swapping info on what Chase has missed out on since he’s on his own bus, I have plenty of ammo too.”
Chase’s eyes bounced between a thunderous Xander and a suddenly stoic Noah. “What have I missed out on?”
The other guys sent me dirty looks, but no one opened their mouths.
“Ella?” Chase turned to his sister. “These assholes treating you okay? You’d tell me if they pulled some bullshit, right?”
Ella turned pink, and everyone else’s eyes swiveled my way.
Because that wasn’t obvious or anything.
But Chase didn’t take his eyes off his sister.
“I’m an adult, Chase.” Ella glared at her brother. “I can take care of myself. I’m not going to go running to you if I’ve got a problem.”
Chased glared back. “If you can’t come to me, I expect you to take it to Wes or Harper. That’s what we pay them for.”
“That’s true,” Harper piped up with a playful smile. “I’m a full-time douche bag wrangler. It’s on my resume.”
“I cannot believe you’d do me dirty like that, sweet thing.” Noah clutched his chest dramatically. “After all we’ve shared.”
Harper’s eyes didn’t ever flick to Noah when she sighed dramatically. “I think I need a raise.”
“I’ll talk to Wes,” Xander rumbled from his previously quiet corner.
Harper’s eyes pivoted to Xan and a slight pink color infused her pale cheeks. “I was just joking. I didn’t mean—”
“Putting up with Noah’s bullshit these past few days definitely deserves a raise. It’s done.” Xander turned away and popped his ear buds in, effectively shutting us all out again.
Silence reigned for a very long moment. Noah tossed a glare Xander’s way, but he didn’t notice, and I doubted he would’ve cared if he’d saw it. Harper clasped her hands together in her lap and stared intently at the limo’s carpet.
Finally, Chase leaned forward past Shay and asked me again, “so your number? What’s up with that?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I was getting some weird texts. Thought it was best to just cut them off and not engage.”
“Is it something we should be worried about?” Chase’s brow wrinkled with his frown. “Did you talk to Tyler? Or our lawyers?”
“Nah, man. It’s nothing. I’m not worried.”
Chase exchanged looks with Harper, and she lifted her shoulders. She didn’t have anything to add to the conversation. I hadn’t told her anything about it either.
Chase looked back at me, and the worry in his eyes cut me up.
But not for the reason he would’ve thought.
Guilt almost ate me alive. Chase had been my friend from day one. He’d had my back more than anyone in my life. We were fucking ride or die. And if there was one rule in the brotherhood, it was don’t fuck with family. Any family. And I’d broken it.
It wasn’t like we were together together. We were just having fun. A little tour banging between friends wasn’t something I had to come clean about. Right?
My eyes flicked to Ella, but she was studiously tapping away at her camera screen and avoiding all the tension in the car.
I wish I could’ve done the same.
Instead, I turned to Shay and asked, “How’s the chef thing going? Did you like the restaurant in Phoenix?”
Shay smiled and talked about working in a French restaurant that was a converted home from the 1930s. Her anecdotes of French curse words, smashed fish filets, and thrown platters took the attention off of me.
Chase’s frown grew darker as Shay tried to make her tenure sound like a hilarious episode of Restaurant Wars. Honestly, I was with him. I didn’t want anyone I knew working with something who sounded unhinged. Let alone someone who meant so much to us. All of us.
But I was also thankful that Chase had something new to stew over.
“I don’t give a shit if you have one more day with him. You’re not going back.”
“Come on, Chase. It’s not that bad. And I’m learning—”
“Not that bad?” Chase roared, cutting her off. “He threw a tray of shrimp at you. I’m calling our lawyer.”
“Whoa. Wait. That’s over the top, don’t you think? I mean, I was learning a lot, and it was my fault for taking the heads off the shrimp.”
Ella leaned forward and shook her head. “That doesn’t mean it’s okay that he threw a tray at you. That’s fucked up, Shay. You didn’t deserve that.”
“And that’s no way to learn.” Harper’s wide eyes almost took over her face. “You shouldn’t have to dodge flying objects to learn how to cook.”
“I’m definitely calling Tyler.” Chase’s fingers flew over his phone’s screen. “He needs to vet the rest of your staj posts better than this. You’re not working for another asshole again. Ever.”
Shay continued to argue with her husband, but I wasn’t listening to their words. I watched the way Chase’s hand always had to be touching Shay. And the way she leaned into him even though she was passionately arguing with him.
And I realized it was the first time in my life I’d seen a healthy, loving relationship.
Anything I or my bandmates had had before this was really just fuck buddy bullshit—physical and all surface without any depth. Chase and Ella’s mom—who honestly was more of a parent than my own—had never brought anyone around us. So if she’d ever dated, I didn’t know. And my mom…her many relationships were the definition of unhealthy. All heat, even with me in the room—puke—then in a few weeks’ time there was the shouting, screaming, and throwing shit—sometimes at me.
But Chase and Shay loved each other. Even as they argued, they still clearly loved and valued each other. I’d never seen a couple communicate like this before. Each on opposite sides, but they obviously still cared about each other.
“You’re not canceling any of my staj positions, Chase. You don’t realize how important this is for me. Most people don’t even get inside these kinds of kitchens without tons of experience. I want this so much.”
“And I want you to be safe. You don’t realize how important you are to me. You deserve better than assholes throwing shit at you.”
Shay leaned her forehead against Chase’s as a soft smile curved her lips.
And I had to look away. Despite being in a car with all of us—and without any inappropriate touching (trust me, I’d seen more than my fair share of that in my life and on the road with these assholes)—it felt like a really intimate moment between them.
Like I’d done all day, my eyes found Ella who, for once, was staring back at me.
“Fine,” Shay huffed. “You can vet the rest of the chefs. But I want final say so before any of my staj positions get canceled. This is my career, and the decision should be mine.”
Staring into Ella’s eyes from across the length of the limo, I realized for the first time in my life it was possible to have a healthy, happy relationship. It wasn’t some bullshit fairytale myth.
I wanted what my best friend had.