Chapter 12
twelve
Sir Ismael
Will you please check in with me?
@caged_pig, I’m trying to talk with you
Are you okay?
I am responsible for you. You are my sub, you know that, don’t you? I care about you
Are your friends at least around?
Okay, if you don’t want any further communication, react to his message with a thumbs down, and I’ll respect your wishes
caged_pig
I’ve reached a conclusion
Sir Ismael
More than a week has passed since we last spoke. What is it?
caged_pig
I know about the time lapse, Sir
The conclusion I’ve reached is basically that I cannot have a Dom
I think I itch for one, for the power exchange I see in the people around me, but it’s not a good thing for me to actually have
Sir Ismael
Will you explain that better for me?
caged_pig
I don’t have the chops for it, I think, and it makes stuff dangerous for both parties, so it’s better if I just let go of the idea and focus on the relationships I can handle
Sir Ismael
Is there anything I could’ve done, or shouldn’t have done to avoid this?
caged_pig
I haven’t made up my mind about it yet
My friends are lowkey angry at you and they have lots of thoughts
I’m mostly confused and everything is a bit foggy when I think about that day
But it’s not just that
Sir Ismael
I’m sorry, @caged_pig
caged_pig
My name is Ev
Sir Ismael
Okay, Ev. As I said, I’m sorry I hurt you
I think your friends are right to be angry with me
I am, too
caged_pig
What does that mean?
Sir Ismael
It’s not important now, is it?
You are ending things, aren’t you?
caged_pig
I’ve deleted my account in the app we met. It’s not about you
Sir Ismael
I understand
Will you just, before you block or ghost me (I’ve been around long enough to know that’s coming)
Is this really what you want? Step away completely from the BDSM lifestyle? Forever?
caged_pig
I think it’s the responsible thing
Most of my friends are into kink, but I think they’ll still want to hang out with me
Sir Ismael
I’m sure they will
What triggered this? I know you said it wasn’t just me, but
I’m trying to make sense of it. Usually, I’m much better at telling who is going to step away after a bad scene or after things get too serious
caged_pig
Everything is just a lot
I just feel like everything is getting away from me, and I’m underwater, and nothing is within reach, and D/s used to be the one thing I could count on to help, but maybe it was just an illusion, and I need to master the basics before I even think of trying again
Sir Ismael
Okay
Anything I can do to help?
caged_pig
No
I just have to “man up”
Actually. I think I’m going to keep doing chastity, just on my own
Do you think that’s wrong?
I’m not asking for permission, just saying
Sir Ismael
It’s okay, Ev
Does chastity help you feel better?
caged_pig
It feels right, when I have it on
Sir Ismael
Then you should absolutely keep it
Remember when we were getting to know each other? You said that when you first joined your local club, you saw kink as something to explore and learn more things about yourself
Learning new things is always something to celebrate, isn’t it?
caged_pig
That’s a nice outlook
Thank you
And I’m sorry
Sir Ismael
I’m a big boy
caged_pig
Yeah, I’m not
Sir Ismael
Of course not, you’re the most beautiful girl
I wish you the best, Ev