Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
santos
Had I fallen on gravel or gone to a battlefield and come back barely standing? It was fucking ridiculous how I was limping as I got to the front door. At least I didn’t lose my keys or anything else. Just every semblance of dignity and pride.
All ego, too.
I just wanted to get inside the fucking villa I’d been teased about when Carlos’s friend dropped me off, and find an excuse to get Ever into a hot bath with me.
If he was even home. While I was in the car, I saw he’d texted twice.
He must’ve asked around, too, because I had a text from Carlos saying that he’d let Ever know I was with a friend of his.
I didn’t spend energy on how I felt about him knowing and just reacted to the bubble text with a thumbs-up emoji.
The plan was to get inside, plop down on one of the couches in the main living room, text Ever back, and hope he was in his room and could come down to make some tea or something. Tea was supposed to help with muscle fatigue, wasn’t it?
The plan went out the window when I managed to get the heavy door open, and I could hear Ever rushing it downstairs. Wearing one of those thigh-high socks that couldn’t be as anti-slip as the label promised. I grimaced. The last thing we needed was the two of us acting like old accident-prone men.
Thankfully, he made it downstairs without face-planting on the floor.
Not so thankfully, he crushed into me without a care in the world.
I was torn. The possessive instincts in me, the ones I was pretty sure I should squash down, loved it. I loved how fucking effusive he was. How little he cared about appearances or what was proper or not. I loved that he ran to me like a damn puppy who hadn’t seen his owner in a couple of hours.
The other part was in real need of that hot bath.
“I’m okay,” I wheezed. “Didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Why do you sound like—” Of course, Ever pulled apart and glanced down before I could cover up.
Not that I would’ve actually done it. Covering up wasn’t part of the plan.
Asking him to draw us a bath was very much the opposite of it, and I’d been fantasizing about it for the last hour.
Still, part of me wanted to run away as his frown turned into shock when he saw the scratches on my legs.
I’d cleaned up a bit in the diner’s bathroom, but there had only been too much I could do.
“What happened? Oh, shit, are you okay? Did you get checked out? I could call Kara. Her roommates are ER doctors; maybe one of them isn’t working. Or… Oh, one of Cece’s partners is a nurse. Well, they’re a pediatric nurse, but that could do, right?”
“It looks worse than it is.” It felt worse, too, but there was no need for him to fret more. “I just need a bath to relax my muscles. It was only a stupid fall.”
Ever didn’t say anything right away. For a second, I couldn’t read him. My heart thumped faster against my chest. Not reading him wasn’t an option.
Snippets of what the man said during breakfast came back to me. How thin the line was between a need for control and a need for avoidance.
This with Ever wasn’t that, but what happened if I couldn’t convince him? If I couldn’t convince anyone? I couldn’t convince them about her, and that seemed to mean they were right and I wasn’t. Enough of a headache-inducing nightmare that I wanted to keep away for as long as I could manage it.
I couldn’t handle another one.
I couldn’t handle one that involved him.
He was…
Fuck. I wasn’t a poet, but the way he looked up at me with glittering eyes full of questions that he wasn’t voicing? I could do a lot of things for that look.
“I’ll, uh, help you upstairs. You have to clean that properly.”
“Just…” I blinked fast. Not collapsing on top of him was the priority, but that meant not all my filters were working the way they usually did. “You know I love you, right?”
Correction, I could do a whole lot more for the way his face softened when I said that. Even live with the fact that I wasn’t as in control as I wanted with what came out of my mouth.
“I know.” He had the shiest smile on his face as he said it. “Come on. I can take care of you, too, you know?”
I grinned. This was the time when I’d tease him about that, taunt him until he started spluttering and blushing furiously, and then things would end up getting sexual because I’d dare to say he had a stronger libido now than he had when we were fumbling teens with too many hormones to deal with.
Today, I just let him carry me upstairs.
It didn’t quieten the voices, the ones that said that this was wrong. That I had to put myself together. It didn’t matter.
It mattered even less once I’d turned him toward the claw bath, and he caught the message.
Once I had him pressed against my chest. I could feel him vibrate with the need to push over me, but he didn’t.
I didn’t need him to, either. I just needed to close my eyes, to feel him there. His body. His smell.
I didn’t think many people realized the calming effect Ever had. Surely, it couldn’t just be me who felt that way.
“Everyone says we fit together,” Ever mused.
Another thing I didn’t think many people realized was how bad he did with silences for someone as quiet as he usually was.
It was the reason why I never doubted why he agreed to meet up with guys like Sergio all the time.
The reason why I worked overtime to be more verbal than I usually would be with anyone else. “I might’ve talked a lot about you.”
I snorted. “That’s fine.”
“Will you come to the next munch with me?” The water rippled as he moved onto his side. “They’ve invited me even though I’m not an official member of the club.”
Of course they would’ve invited him. Ever had been worried about it for days after he canceled his membership.
I couldn’t say I understood the logic beyond him lashing out because he’d been hurt by that online Dom, but the club founder had agreed with him, so I didn’t share my thoughts.
She had agreed, with the caveat that he was welcome back whenever he felt ready for it, too.
That helped tear down that particular urge.
The point was, everyone who got close to Ever learned pretty quickly that he was someone to cherish. No one was going to throw him to the curb just because.
“Okay.” Fuck. Staying on track was becoming harder and harder, time and conversations flowing strangely in my head. “We can do whatever you want.”
“You can suggest things to do, too.” Ever looked down right away, tone lowering. I ignored the stabbing pain the words left in my chest. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be like a full plan or anything, but you don’t have to be at my beck and call or anything.”
I couldn’t say I got every individual word, through the fog in my head, and him rushing out the words like his life depended on it. It didn’t matter. I got the gist.
Deep down in my soul, I’d always know Ever never meant to hurt. There wasn’t a mean bone in his body. I didn’t have to watch over my shoulder for jabs or hidden meanings, or poison laced within the words. It meant I could relax around him, lower my guard.
It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when he said words I associated with something else because my brain was apparently out to get me.
Stephen and all his talk about biopsychosocial whatever could suck it.
“I know.” I closed my eyes. On instinct, I curled my arms tighter around him. The water in the bath was still warm, but I’d much rather add Ever’s body heat to the equation. “I’ll get there, okay? But I like hanging out with you. It’s…easy.”
Ever made a harrumphing sound against my nose. “Even if it includes a bunch of other people?”
“Even then.”
Sure, it was more overwhelming, and I didn’t fully trust all of them, or know what I could or couldn’t say around them, but so long as I could have Ever sitting next to me, and I could touch him, I’d be fine.
I’d figure out everything else later.
“Santos?”
“Hm?”
“Do I have to go running with you now?”
“Why would you?”
“So you don’t fall?”
The seriousness in his voice was what undid me. Everything still hurt, and I knew tomorrow was going to suck balls, but fuck. The physical pain was shoved to the side.
Ever was here.
I was safe.
It was another truth that had remained the same. Something else I could count on.
“I’ll manage, but thanks.”
“I’d do it, you know.”
“I know.”
Ever had been a decent runner in school, too.
I knew he hadn’t stuck to it once he moved here permanently and, quote-unquote, took over the family business.
I also knew he was likelier to work out in a gym indoors than he was to face the morning cold, and he didn’t even have a single piece of equipment in this monster of a house.