Chapter 32
thirty-two
Santos
Is it bad that I don’t use she/her when thinking about you in my head?
Ev
Those aren’t my pronouns, so no?
Santos
But aren’t they? During sex, at least?
Ev
I guess?
Santos
I mean, I love talking about your pussy and calling you princess and pretty girl and teasing you about your useless clit, but while I’m doing that, I don’t think of you as a girl
Ev
Why are you freaking out about this?
You don’t have to think of me as a girl
It’s a fantasy
If you love it, you love it
I do too
Santos
Okay, fine, yeah, sorry
I was just having thoughts about it
The audiobook your friend recommended isn’t helping
Ev
Oh, Rox’s new book? Cece has been trying to get everyone to read it
Santos
It’s hot
There’s a lot of gender fuckery. That’s what the characters call it
Ev
Gender fuckery is good
And it’s really fine
I don’t know how I think about myself when we’re on a scene, honestly
But you make me feel good, and that’s what matters
And I’m trying to implement what Tony said about how I focused too much on labels
Going with the flow, here I come
Santos
Right
Ev
Rude!!
Santos
Babes, I’ve known you how long?
Ev
Uh, most of my life?
Irrelevant
Santos
Sure
You’re going to the club tonight, right?
Ev
Yeah
Erika texted to remind me that you can tag along with me if you want
Santos
I’m good
Ev
Are you sure?
Santos
I’m sure
I don’t want to be the guy who’s stuck to your side 24/7
You need your own spaces
Ev
What about you?
And I like you stuck to my side
Santos
I know
And I’ll figure it out
I was talking about it with my therapist yesterday actually
Ev
Oh?
Santos
She suggested that I take some time to figure out my interests and hobbies and stuff outside of the military and my relationship with you
So I think I need to do that, and then find people into the same stuff?
Ev
You like the beach
Santos
That doesn’t help a lot
Ev
Running?
Santos
Babes, I’ve got it
Ev
Oh
Sorry
Santos
It’s fine, I just think it’s important that I stand on my own two feet, you know?
Ev
Yeah
That makes sense
Santos
Yeah
Ev
But, Santos?
Santos
Yeah?
Ev
It’s still the two of us, right?
Santos
Always