Chapter 41
GAbrIEL
‘Merci beaucoup for organising this, mon amour,’ I said as I took in the surroundings. ‘Everything is perfect. The food, the setting. I love it.’
‘You’re welcome!’ Laila smiled. ‘I’m glad you like it.’
For our last night, Laila had organised a drive through the Provencal countryside to a twelfth-century abbey with lavender fields and incredible views.
When our chauffeur dropped us off, we were greeted with a glass of champagne then a Love Hotel chef and the waiter served us a selection of mouthwatering canapés.
Then they had led us to a table that had been set up in the fields and whilst we watched the sunset in the distance, we had devoured our starters and main course.
Now a string of fairy lights were shining above us as we waited to have dessert under the stars.
It suddenly made me realise that this was the first time that anyone had ever done anything romantic for me.
Even when I was working eighteen-hour days and my ex only worked part time, she still expected me to organise all of the dinners and dates she demanded we go on.
But Laila was different. I knew that if I had not insisted on taking care of her for a change, she would have happily done everything without giving it a second thought.
That was not what I wanted though. I wanted an equal. A partner in the truest sense. Someone I could be with where we did not even think about who had done this or that because we knew that our commitment was evenly matched.
And that thought made my mind drift to what I knew I had to ask her about next: the future.
This was going to be a difficult conversation but we’d put it off for long enough. It had to be done.
‘So, we need to talk.’ I leant forward and clasped my hands together.
‘Yeah. I know.’
‘Tell me. What are you thinking? At the concert last Saturday, I said for us to try and if you had feelings for me, that we should discuss what happens next. I believe that you do feel something for me. Am I right?’
‘Yes,’ Laila confirmed and my heart expanded.
I felt it in the way that she looked at me and how we were together, but it was important to be sure.
‘And would you like to have a relationship?’
‘I… I have some concerns.’
‘My mother?’ I sighed.
‘Actually, no. Not so much.’
‘Really?’ My eyes popped.
‘Yeah. I’ve been thinking.’ She paused as the waiter brought over our dessert, which looked like a Tarte Tropézienne – a typical dessert from the Provence region which was like a sweet brioche dough cake that was cut in half and filled with pastry cream, then topped with sugar pearls and a dusting of icing sugar.
Once we were alone again, she continued.
‘I know when she finds out she’ll feel betrayed. But surely if she’s a true friend she’d be happy for me, right? And if she really loves us, although it’d be a huge shock and might take time for her to get used to, she’d give us her blessing. And I need to think about what I want for a change.’
My shoulders loosened. It felt like the weight of a thousand mountains had been lifted from them. Finally Laila was starting to put herself first. This was what I was waiting for.
This was good progress.
‘You are right. Although if she does not give us her seal of approval, I do not want you to feel disappointed.’
‘What happened between you two?’ Laila asked. ‘I know you’ve said it’s not your place to say, but I need to know.’
I took a deep breath.
‘My mother betrayed us. She cheated on my father. And not just once.’
Laila gasped.
‘I had no idea.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘It ruined our family.’
‘Oh my God, Gabriel. I’m so sorry. That must have been awful for you.’
‘It was. The arguments were relentless. I hated being at home. Going to school used to be an escape for me. But then she cheated with my teacher.’
‘No!’ Laila’s jaw dropped.
‘By then I think I was about thirteen years old. It was already a challenging time for me. The last thing I needed was people gossiping about my mother sleeping with my teacher. I tried speaking to her. But when I begged her not to get involved with him, she slapped me across my face and told me that I was a child and she was an adult and what she did was none of my business. But that was where she was wrong. When everyone at school is calling your mother a whore, it was very much my business.’
‘Absolutely! School at that age is hard enough without having to deal with that too. I can’t understand how she didn’t realise that.’
Hearing Laila’s sympathy caused a wave of relief to wash over me.
She understood. Just like I knew she would. This had been weighing on me for too long. It felt good to finally get this off my chest.
‘So what happened after that?’
‘That ended, but then she cheated with a rich man and ran off with him – abandoning me and my father. They moved around then eventually when that broke down, she ended up in London.’
‘Fuck.’ Laila shook her head. ‘I’m not excusing her behaviour, but do you think by the time she came to London she realised her mistakes and wanted to have a fresh start?
Not just with her life, but did she try and make more of an effort with your relationship?
Like to support you more? I’m really hoping she at least did that. ’
‘She apologised. Admitted that she had made a mistake. Said she missed me and wanted to try and mend our relationship. Which was when I started to visit. But when I told her I wanted to leave university to pursue my app, she said it was a mistake to drop out. She did not believe in me.’
‘And I’m guessing that’s why you stopped talking and coming to London?’
‘Oui. I said that if she could not support my dreams then I did not want to speak to her.’
‘I get that.’
‘After a few years, she got in touch again and I thought I would give her another chance. But then she just kept telling me I should get a job and settle down. I found that so hypocritical considering what she had done to our family. I told myself that I should stop talking to her again, but I just… It is hard to explain, but for some reason, I still wanted her to…’
‘Love you? Believe in you?’
‘It is stupid, I know.’
‘It’s not stupid.’ Laila squeezed my hand. ‘Wanting your mother to love you is normal. Is that why you got upset, y’know, when I was talking about how badly my parents treated me? Is it because hearing how my parents didn’t care, it was triggering?’
I nodded.
‘For many years I wondered what I did wrong. Why she did not love me. She did what she wanted because she did not care about me and my father. We were not enough for her. I thought that if I could do better at school she would change. But she did not. Then when I started to see that she always went for men with money, I thought if I could make a success of myself and become rich, then she would finally love me.’
‘And that’s what drove you to start your business.’
‘Oui. The irony was that when I dropped out of university to pursue it, she was angry, so it had the opposite effect I was hoping for. In a way, I think that her disinterest drove me. I wanted to prove to her and everyone who doubted me that I could become a success. I think I also secretly hoped that when I made a success of myself, she would be proud and finally love me, which is probably why I started talking to her again. But the strange thing was, once I made the app a success, the less I wanted her to know.’
‘Maybe it’s because you thought she didn’t deserve to?’
‘Oui. If she was not there to support me during my hard times, I did not want her to celebrate with me during my best times.’
‘That makes sense.’
‘I should not have to be rich or give her grandchildren for her to accept me.’
‘I agree. Thank you for telling me.’ Laila paused.
‘I can’t comment on her as a person in the past, because obviously her actions then were terrible, but based on how she’s helped me out over the years, I do believe that she has good inside her.
It’s completely up to you whether you decide to give her another chance or not, but it might be worth considering having a conversation with her.
A really honest one. My parents never owned up to their mistakes and they never showed any interest in trying again like your mum is.
So it might be worth thinking about whether you feel able to give her another chance.
I guess it also depends on how she reacts when I tell her about us. ’
I considered Laila’s comments for a moment.
Right now, it felt like I’d never be able to fully forgive her, but…
Wait.
Forget about my mother.
Laila had said when I tell her about us.
Was she choosing to be with me?
‘So there is an us?’ My brows shot up.
‘Maybe…’ She flashed me a cheeky smile. ‘But as I was saying before, I have concerns. Not about your mother. More about our life stages. For example, do you want kids?’
‘The truth? Non. My parents’ divorce was very damaging for me and I think that made me feel from a young age that I never wanted to put someone else through that, so I have just never had the desire.
I have friends with children and I enjoy spending time with them, but I do not feel like fatherhood is for me.
And I would never want to have a child then regret it.
That is one of the reasons I broke up with my ex.
She wanted children and I did not. I think she hoped I would change my mind. And you?’
I held my breath. I assumed that Laila did not want any more children, but I had to ask.
‘No. I’ve raised Ricky and now he’s grown up I want to focus on me. But what about partying? Don’t you want to go out and get pissed with your friends instead of sitting at home with a forty-something woman?’
‘Laila.’ I took her hands in mine. ‘I just want to enjoy my life with you. When I received the money from the sale, I partied for two months. I travelled, I fooled around with different women, and do you know what?’
‘What?’
‘I hated it. I woke up every day feeling empty. I have a beautiful apartment in Paris and I am sad there.’
‘You’re sad?’
‘Oui. And now I realise what Cassie said to me before I applied for the Love Hotel was right. She said that it was because I needed a good woman to share it with. And that woman is you.’
Laila swallowed hard and her eyes widened.
‘I actually think you’re serious.’
‘I am as serious as an earthquake. I told you from the start, I am direct. I say what I feel and the truth is, I love you, Laila. Saying that out loud is scary for me because until now, I never believed that I could have a real relationship. I always wonder if I will be enough and whether a woman will want to stay, but this feels different. I want to spend my life with you. The only question now is whether you want me too.’