Chapter 1 Caziya Arleta Winston
“Ugh! This is my third freaking outfit. Why am I overthinking this?” Biting my bottom lip, I pull the shirt over my head and toss it on the floor with the growing pile of discarded garments.
My bedroom is normally my comfort place and the spot in my apartment where I can completely relax and reset after a trying day.
With the presence of clothes in disarray on the bed and floor, I feel anything but cool, calm, and collected.
The lavender spray I often use to keep me mellow has lost its savor as my eyes strain from the mountains of fabric in various places.
“I’m not sure what the big deal is, bestie. This isn’t your first rodeo or linkup with this man. You are doing too much right now.” Jandra’s voice echoes around the room, reminding me of her being on my phone.
Jandra Lundy and I have been friends since second grade, and our relationship is one I will always cherish.
Unlike me, Jandra is happily married to her childhood sweetheart and doesn’t have to worry about what to wear on date night.
Sighing, I walk over and plop on my bed without grabbing my phone since it’s on speaker, and I don’t need to hold it to continue our conversation.
The butterflies in my stomach make it difficult for me to remember that this is supposed to be like any other date I’ve had in the past.
“I want a love that will transcend the lack of affection no man has given me before. I want the fairy tale of securing something genuine and eternal. But I’ve never done anything like this before, and part of me is anxious for some reason,” I mumble, closing my eyes.
Twisting my fingers, I stare at my bare feet noting the chipping on my toes, which reminds me that I need a pedicure soon.
“First off, love sometimes costs you everything. How much money do you have in the love bank, because you will need disposable income for the ride you’re trying to sign up for? Hell, sometimes I wonder if I truly love the one I’m with.”
“Girl, you better stop. You know you love Landon’s dirty drawers.” I giggle, cutting her off.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, stay focused because this is about you, not me. Secondly, you’re tripping, Caziya. You let that man sniff your period panties a month in, so this little date ain’t nothing to fret about. Besides, my bestie ain’t no punk bitch, so you better suck those feelings up.”
A giggle escapes my lips, causing a slight reprieve to enter my body as I inhale and exhale slowly, attempting to release myself from the confines of whatever is trying to overtake my senses.
At thirty, I’m searching for a love that sappy movies inspire, because there are times when the circumstances of my life make me yearn for agape love.
Growing up, I have often wondered if disappointment would always be the blueprint of my life.
Born to a woman who felt the need to drop me on her aunt’s doorstep for her to raise, I can’t help but search for—
“What are you thinking about that you’ve gone quiet on me?”
Wiping the lone tear creeping from my left eyelid, I shift my shoulders, trying to erase the thoughts now invading my mind. Now isn’t the time to think about Rosetta Winston and her lack of maternal instincts.
“Caziya.” Jandra’s voice is softer than minutes ago, and I sigh before speaking the thought that’s been fighting for clearance since I woke up this morning.
“I’m starting to have a fondness for this man, but something feels a little off lately, and I can’t put my finger on it.”
Kelvin Michaels is my current beau, and I’m looking forward to this spontaneous opportunity to spice up our relationship.
We’ve been dating just shy of six months, and I have been enjoying the effects of being with a man who’s into me.
Kelvin travels for work often, so our time to connect isn’t always guaranteed.
But I enjoy every minute that we get to spend together.
“Cancel then. Problem solved. Crisis averted.”
A lopsided grin upturns my lips as I shake my head at Jandra’s suggestions.
“Doing that will have me throwing away money. Besides, I want to see my man.”
“Then what are you wearing?”
The question has me looking down at my cherry red lace bra, matching crotchless thongs, and black garters I’ve put on.
“Good question. I need something that will have him panting and desperate to connect with me.”
“Okay. Are you going for two-dollar ho or subtle freak between those cotton sheets?”
A loud laugh falls from my mouth as I stand from the bed and walk toward my closet to see what catches my eye.
“Maybe something in between those. I want to stop traffic without someone calling RPD with reports of possible solicitation.”
“Perfect. Go with that new burgundy satin minidress. It’s past time for you to rip the tags off that baby anyway.”
“Oh. Then I’ll need to change my undergarments and drop the garter.”
“If it’s going to clash with the color of the dress, then yes, you do. Not to mention, this ain’t a garter type of evening . . .”
Jandra’s words become lost in translation as excitement replaces my previous anxiety upon remembering the conversation with my man that led to my current preparation. Grabbing the suggested dress, I walk toward my dresser so I can change my undergarments as my mind wanders to two weeks ago.
My Baby Kelvin:
This morning, I saw the sunrise, and its beauty made me think of how I feel every time I get to spend time with you. How’s the love of my life today?
Me:
Today has been a good day.
My Baby Kelvin:
Perfect. So, I was thinking about something, and I’m wondering if you’d be down for it. *thinking emoji*
Me:
Well, that depends on how it might benefit me.
My Baby Kelvin:
Oh, it definitely will benefit you and me too.
Me:
Okay, let’s hear it.
My Baby Kelvin:
Role play. I want us to meet at a hotel bar and act like strangers. Then we can end our night fucking up the sheets in whatever room you rent for the night.
Me:
Hm. That sounds interesting, but why am I the one getting the room? This is your idea, so shouldn’t you be taking care of the arrangements?
My Baby Kelvin:
Under normal circumstances, that would be true. But my schedule is packed with meetings, so it’ll be hard for me to make the accommodations. You book it, and I’ll send you the money to pay for it.
Me:
Okay. Any preference in where we stay? I’m partial to the Hilton or Marriott brands.
My Baby Kelvin:
That’s fine. You can do any one of them near or in the vicinity of the airport. Secure the reservation for two Fridays from now, and I’ll be coming back from travel and need to see my woman. It’s been too long.
Me:
Okay. I’ll take care of it today and send you the information.
My Baby Kelvin:
Bet. I’m looking forward to seeing you and sliding between those luscious thighs. *winking emoji*
Me:
Hm. I guess that will depend on how good you are at role-playing.
My Baby Kelvin:
Trust me, by the end of the night, your pretty ass will find out that role playing isn’t all I’m capable of. I have to run, but I’ll see you soon.
Kelvin’s suggestion of pretending like we’re strangers instead of a couple has me on the verge of throwing up.
All day I have been jittery, uneasy, and even second-guessing my agreement to what’s about to happen.
My stomach is in knots, and I have been clenching my booty cheeks for hours, which I’m praying will go away sooner than later.
With a preoccupied mind, I was dressed and out of the house within thirty minutes.
Not wanting to delay my arrival, I let the valet at the hotel park my car.
The short minidress Jandra suggested hugs my body like a glove as I strut into the entrance as if I own the place.
Thanks to technology, I have completed my check-in electronically.
So, I can head to the bar without stopping at the front desk.
The thumping in my chest matches the click-clacking of my heels with every step I take.
Externally, I do my best to appear relaxed and as cool as a cucumber.
Music blasts from the ballroom not far from the bar, effectively easing the tension in my shoulders as I take a seat dead center in the space where a male bartender assists customers.
“What can I get you, miss?” the bartender asks, placing a paper napkin in front of me.
“Um, do you have any specials tonight?” I ask, placing my clutch on the bar while staring into the vivid blue eyes of the bartender.
Hm. His eyes are beautiful, but his greasy, overgrown hair makes him look dirty. I hope he washes his hands before making my drink.
“You’re in luck. We’re testing out a new drink. Would you like to try it?” the bartender asks with a mischievous grin.
“What is it?” My brows hike and furrow while my eyes watch him intently.
“It’s the Fuck It Bucket and will have you drinking more than one,” he says, smiling.
“Sounds perfect. How about one for the lady and one for me?” A familiar tenor sounds from behind me, causing the hairs on my arms to dance happily. “Is this seat taken?”
My eyes connect with Kelvin’s, and a smile creeps into place when I extend my hand without words, permitting him to sit beside me. Kelvin’s eyes rake over me, causing me to feel like he’s either removing my clothes or photographing every aspect of me.
“Thank you. Kelvin, and you are?”
“Caziya,” I say, placing my hand in his when he outstretches it toward me.
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance. What’s a beautiful woman such as yourself doing here alone? If you were mine, I’d never let you out of my sight,” Kelvin grumbles.
Seriously, Kelvin. I am you—oh wait, we’re role-playing. Stay in character, girl.
“I’m a free agent, but believe me, even being yours, I would have periods of being out of sight. I mean, we both have to work,” I say playfully before picking up the drink the bartender drops in front of Kelvin and me, taking a sip. “Mm. This is good.”
I’m not sure what’s all in the drink, but the cherries and pineapples sitting at the top, along with the pineapple and orange flavors bursting on my tongue, make knowing pointless. I will definitely be drinking multiple of these concoctions tonight.
“I bet you taste better,” Kelvin says, licking his lips seductively, causing my body temperature to rise as a tingle invades my core.
“I wo—” My words are cut off when someone enters our space.
“Oh my gosh. I was wondering why your location was pinging here. This place is beautiful and perfect for an anniversary staycation.” An unknown feminine voice behind me prevents me from responding to Kelvin when her arms wrap around him.
What the fuck?
“H-h-hey,” Kelvin stutters, his eyes bouncing from me to the woman beside him.
“Happy tenth wedding anniversary, Kelvie Pooh!” The announcement beside me is like a bucket of ice water, causing an instant frown.
This nigga is not only married but has been for a decade. Fuck my life!
I can’t breathe past the sudden ache in my body as I replay the newcomer’s words.
My nerves feel like they’re shutting down, making me numb.
My brain short-circuits, and every muscle in my body tenses as I fight to process what’s happening.
My eyes burn because I refuse to release the moisture welling up within me as I sit here pretending that I’m not a recipient of a deceitful man.
My shoulders tighten as pain radiates down my back from the instant knots replacing the calmness from seconds ago.
I pick up my drink and drain its contents while Kelvin and his wife share a moment of marital joy over the accomplishment. Kelvin is no longer focusing on me, making this moment awkward and fueling my need to forget I ever knew him.
“You want another drink?” the bartender asks.
“Yeah, keep them coming,” I say, frowning when Kelvin kisses his wife before quickly escorting her from the bar. “Fuck nigga.” My face contorts, and my blood heats to volcanic proportions at being caught off guard by Kelvin.
Everything I had built in my mind about the potential for Kelvin and me growing into something lasting collapses with every passing minute.
The continuous heaviness within my bones has me desperate for a time machine to transport me back to a moment when I didn’t accept Kelvin’s advances.
Discovering his marital status in such a cliché way has my mood souring, and the urge to drink until I can no longer feel my face takes shape in my mind.
Knowing that the last five months of my life have been wasted isn’t sitting right with me.
My lip trembles, and my eyes burn from the water building that I fight to control in this public place.
I feel gutted, capable of setting something on fire, all while wishing the floor would open up and swallow me. My mind echoes my reality as my heart splinters, and intense pain radiates rapidly across my chest.
Married! Kelvin is married. Oh my God, I’m a fucking mistress.
My stomach tightens, and the urge to vomit enters my mind, pulling my eyes from Kelvin.
I look around the area before connecting with an unknown man, whose compelling yet magnetic dark brown eyes cause a shiver to run down my spine.
Instead of looking away, I stare at the man whose features are so perfect and symmetrical that my body heats subconsciously.
Between the deep oceanic waves of his low-cut fade, his pristinely cut beard, and suckable lips, I feel like I’m in a momentary trance.