Chapter 23
RYDER
I dangle my feet over the lake, projecting calm while Faye sits beside me with the power to either make me the happiest man on the planet or destroy me. Her eyes go to the water as she wrestles with her answer.
The silence stretches. My heart is doing its best impression of a jackhammer, but I keep my expression open. I won’t rush her, even though every second she leaves me hanging is agony.
Finally, she meets my eyes. “Now that Rhys isn’t my student anymore, I’m free to be with you.” She pauses, and I hold my breath. “And I want to.”
Relief crashes through me so forcefully that I nearly pull her into my lap right then. Instead, I squeeze her hand, letting myself hope, wish, dream, and want for the first time in years.
“But relationships haven’t always been easy for me,” she continues, “and you haven’t told me what else the therapist said.”
Right, now comes the tough part. The one she might not enjoy hearing. But for myself, for my son, I have to lay it all out from the start. Faye has to come into this with her eyes wide open or not at all.
“Dr. Agard pointed out that I know very little about you, your past, and why you ended up in Blue Crescent Harbor. If you’re even staying.”
She winces. “I’m not moving back to Los Angeles, ever.”
I smile despite the tension. “See? Until now, I only knew you came from California, not LA specifically. You shield up whenever I bring up your past,” I say gently. “But I need us to be real with each other. To go deep, not just skim the surface.”
“I am being real. I don’t talk about that chapter of my life only because it’s over.”
“If it’s over, why not talk about it?”
Faye looks down at our joined fingers. “Because it’s messy and complicated, and sometimes it still hurts.”
“Okay.” I nod. “But I’m going to need more.
I’ve established with Dr. Agard that my biggest holdup in a relationship is trust. I need to know that I can trust you, and that you trust me back.
That we can be honest even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.” I pause, making sure she’s hearing me.
“The thing that broke me with Abby wasn’t that she left, it was that I never saw it coming.
That she was carrying something heavy and never let me in.
I can’t do that again. I need to know what’s going on, good or bad. ”
“So what do you want to know?”
“Everything, anything. Why did you leave LA?”
She sighs, a heavy sound that carries a lot of weight. “A few years back, I got involved with a coworker. Things didn’t work out, and after I broke it off, he made things unbearable at work and even out of the office. So much in fact that I had to leave.”
Anger flares in my chest at the thought of someone making her life hell, but I reel that rage in. Fury is not what we need now. “Was it with a teacher at a different school?”
“I wasn’t teaching back then. I got my certification when I graduated, but then went down a different path. Rhys’s class was actually my first.”
My smile turns bittersweet. She’s given me another piece of the puzzle, but she’s still holding back. “What were you doing then?” I ask. And since I can sense her retreating, I add, “You’re being cagey again. Not giving anything away.”
“I know. But it’s hard for me to talk about that time.” She traces a fingertip along the seam of her leggings. “In LA, I was a video game developer. And I was really good at it.”
Ah, now the triple monitor setup at her house makes sense.
I take in her Super Mario T-shirt and can’t help but tease her. “How much of a nerd are we talking?”
She smiles back, some of the tension easing from her shoulders. “You’re not into nerds?”
I tap her nose. “Just the one.”
Her eyes spark at the admission, but her expression returns serious quickly.
“I promise my past will not come back for us. And I won’t flee somewhere else.
I moved to Blue Crescent Harbor to start over.
To disappear. And I told myself I was done with men.
That I’d never let anyone close enough to hurt me. ”
A protective instinct rises in me, sharp and immediate. I want to know who this man is. Want his name, his address, and five minutes alone with him in a dark alley.
But I keep my voice level. “What changed?”
Her eyes search mine. “A rude, handsome cowboy stormed into my classroom and insulted me.”
My smile is self-deprecating. “Was the cowboy more rude or handsome?”
She lets go of my hand and brushes aside the hair that keeps falling into my eyes. The touch sends shivers cascading down my back.
“He was more smelly,” she says.
A laugh bursts out of me. “I promise I showered before coming down to meet you.”
“Yeah, I noticed. I’ve been actively trying not to sniff you since I got here.”
I laugh again. “Please, sniff away. My man musk is all yours if you want it.”
“I do. And I never thought I’d want that again. But you changed everything, Ryder.” My name on her lips is a sin. I crave to coax it out of her mouth again and again until it’s the only word she can breathe out. “You and your stupid backward baseball cap and your apology dances.”
“Wait, you think my scruffy cap is hot?”
“Real thirst trap,” she deadpans, perfectly straight-faced.
“You should’ve told me sooner; I would’ve brought it tonight.”
She gives my fringe another brush back. “I like your hair this way, too.”
I catch her hand before she pulls it away, pressing it against my chest where my heart is still racing. “You also like my hard questions?”
“I love that you’re asking them to me.”
“Aren’t you glad you sent me to therapy, and now I can talk about all my feelings?”
“I really am.” She draws her knees onto the dock. “I wish I were as good at dealing with my past. I’m carrying a lot of baggage. And I don’t know if I’m ready to unpack everything yet.”
I shift closer until our shoulders are touching.
“Everyone’s got their history. Mine’s just more obvious because it has a name and asks for pancakes every Sunday.
But I’m working on being better about letting people see the complicated parts.
Dr. Agard says that being willing to show up as you are, messy parts included, is half the battle. ”
“But you don’t talk about your past either. You never told me what happened with your ex, only that she left a note one day and disappeared. Now you’ve added that she was keeping stuff from you. But it’s not really an explanation.”
“The truth is that I don’t know.” I trace a line in my palm.
“Abby kept up a front for the entire first year of Rhys’s life, maybe more.
Whatever she was going through, she bottled it up while pretending everything was fine.
She never shared anything with me until it became too much for her to handle and too late for me to fix it.
And that’s what killed me, not that she was struggling, but that she felt like she couldn’t tell me.
That she carried it alone.” I look at Faye, making sure she understands what I’m saying.
“I don’t need perfect. I just need you to give it to me straight.
I need to know when something is wrong, when you’re scared, when you’re struggling.
I need us to talk to each other, not around each other. I don’t want any secrets.”
“I’m not Abigail. And I can’t imagine how lonely that must’ve been after she left. But I’m not her.”
“No, you aren’t. And I wasn’t alone. I had my family, and Rhys was there, drooling on every shirt I owned.”
She laughs, the sound watery. “He must’ve been so cute as a baby.”
“He was, still is. But he’s also a responsibility. I have to be smart about how I handle this. For his sake. Are you sure you’re okay dating a single father?”
“I adore Rhys, obviously,” she says without needing to think. “And I’m fine with taking things slow. My last relationship ruined my life, and yours left you with a baby to raise alone. Or was there someone else after Rhys’s mother?”
“Nothing that lasted more than a night.”
She grimaces and looks away.
I gently grab her chin and make her look at me again. “Are you jealous?”
“I have never been.” She picks up a pebble and throws it into the lake. “But this past month, even imagining you dancing with someone else has driven me through the roof.”
“Then all my future dances will be yours.”
Faye beams up at me. “I’m going to hold you to that promise, cowboy.
” She grabs my arm, flips my hand over, and runs her fingers over the calluses in my palm.
Does the proof of my manual labor turn her off?
If her last boyfriend was a computer geek, he must’ve had soft hands.
But Faye dispels those doubts with the heat in her gaze when she glances back up at me.
“What else did the therapist say about dating?”
“That I shouldn’t introduce anyone to Rhys as a romantic partner unless I’m sure we’re in it for the long haul. He’s already lost one parent, and adding someone new to his life only for them to leave would do more harm than good. Especially since he already has an emotional attachment to you.”
“That makes sense.” Faye ponders, then her eyes light up. “Does that mean we have to sneak around?” She skims her fingers over my thigh, tracing idle patterns through the denim. “That could be fun, but how would it work?”
I smother her hand with mine, holding it still before I lose my sanity. “You can’t ask big-picture questions while touching me like that.”
She lifts both hands in surrender, grinning. “My bad. Go ahead.”
“My family would know.” I shake my head, chuckling. “Gosh, my siblings are going to be insufferable. But they won’t tell Rhys. And we’d keep it quiet in town. Blue Crescent Harbor isn’t great at minding its own business.”
Faye smirks. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”
“We’d be low-key. No big public displays. Just… us. Figuring this out.”
I watch her absorb this. Is she getting overwhelmed? Realizing it is a lot?
But then she asks, “And how will we know when we’re sure enough to tell Rhys?”
“The therapist suggested dating at least a year before bringing him into the loop.”
“A year?” she repeats slowly, as if trying on the idea for size. “That’s a long time to keep a secret.”
“Is it too much for you?”
She thinks for a moment before shaking her head. “No, I’m not in a hurry.”
We sit quietly with the magnitude of what we’ve agreed to settling around us like evening mist. The sun is gone now, the sky a deep purple bleeding to black.
Faye breaks the silence. “A year feels like enough time to figure out if we’re compatible. If this is deeper or just… heat.”
“And what if it’s just heat?”
“Then we’ll know.” She shrugs. “And we’ll handle it. I only need you to promise me we can coexist in this town even if we break up.”
“That’s an easy yes. I spend half of fall flipping burgers next to the husband of the girl who took my virginity.”
Her eyes bulge. “Why?”
“He’s my grilling partner before every Bobcats game. Our tailgate booth always pulls the biggest crowd. Sometimes we carpool for away games.”
Faye scowls. “Cozy.”
I already love the possessive side of her. “Just shows how great I am with my exes.”
Her mouth twitches like she’s deciding whether to kiss me or kill me.
“All I ask is that if a relationship has run its course, you tell me. Maybe not with a note.”
Faye turns serious. “That I can promise.”
“So, are you in?” I ask, all humor gone for me, too.
She looks at me for a long moment. “I’m in,” she says quietly. “But I’m scared.”
“Me too.”
“You are?”
“Terrified,” I admit. “I haven’t done this in six years. And the last time I let someone in, she left. So yeah, I’m scared as hell.”
“We’re a mess,” Faye says, but she’s smiling.
“That’s perfect.”
She chuckles. “Really? How?”
“I’ve wanted to get messy with you for a while now.”
“Yeah?” Her voice turns husky.
“Yeah.” I grin and tug her ponytail.
Her lips part on a gasp.
“I’ve been waiting weeks,” I murmur, my mouth hovering above hers. “Thinking about you. Dreaming about you.”
“Then stop talking,” she whispers.
I cradle her jaw with my other hand. She makes a small sound of surprise, or impatience; maybe both.
I lean in slowly. Give her time to change her mind. To pull back.
Instead, she meets me halfway.