Chapter 34 Cecilia #2
“What did you call me?” I shook my head slightly, hoping maybe I could still play it off with denial, and maybe he didn’t have enough proof to back it up.
“Don’t lie to me, I won’t ever tell you a second time.
You have no reason to lie to me and you never will.
Do you understand?” His serious tone sobered up any lightness that still floated through the room as he growled out at me, stunning me with his command.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and a low-quality video played on it but I only needed a few seconds to know what he was showing me in his hand.
“Turn that off.” I looked away, tears pooling in my eyes as I did my best to contain them, but my body was wrecked, my mind was torn, and my soul was fractured.
Somewhere in the remnants of that war raging inside me, my heart had been protected by the thick layer of ice I built around it long ago.
Now, I felt every emotion I’d suppressed since I was a little girl, slamming its way through the dam.
The after effect of the drugs heightening my emotions as they battery rammed their way out of me.
A sob fought its way out and Mateo put his phone away quickly.
“No, no, no Sunshine,” his voice softened as he rushed around the kitchen island and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his embrace, letting go of the pretense for once while he let me cry on his shoulder.
“Ronan has seen that?” I asked without looking at his face after we returned to his room, sitting back down on his bed.
“He’s probably watching them right now. All of them.
Then he’ll probably turn a punching bag into dust in the gym again,” he said, and my eyes widened in reaction.
I had no idea where Ronan and I stood anymore.
I wasn’t ready to forgive him for everything he’d put me through, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think I was faultless.
And he knew everything now.
He was probably furious.
“I have to get out of here,” I started getting up as I frantically looked around for my things as if this had been some sort of one-night stand but there were no shoes, or my belongings anywhere to be found in his room. That’s right.
I was a prisoner here, not a guest.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he said, carefully pushing me back down to the bed. “You asked for protection, and you’ll have it. I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. That includes Ronan.”
His eyes told me that he truly believed the words he was saying, and I wanted to as well. The problem was that I hadn’t trusted anyone in over fifteen years. How was I supposed to start now?
“I-I can’t face him.” I looked down while I shook my head because I couldn’t face him either. He’d seen parts of me that no one else was meant to, and if he’d seen enough, he’d know that my soul was too dark and corrupted, there was no salvation for me anymore.
He knelt down between my legs as I sat on the edge of his bed, and he tilted my chin up with his index finger. His gaze washed away all of my thoughts and I was suddenly lost in this moment, just between the two of us.
“I’ve yet to see something you can’t handle.
Let’s not start now.” His words had talons and they sunk deep into my flesh with their truth.
While they stung, they also ignited the fire within me I needed to prepare for whatever Ronan would throw my way.
I didn’t think things could get worse between us, but that’s because I never imagined a future where he would find out.
I couldn’t resist the gentle way Mateo’s thumbs caressed my collar bone, his eyes burning deep into mine while he filled me with encouragement and strength. He dropped his forehead to mine and this time I knew I didn’t need to fight against it.
“Before they took me…” I began, but our lips were already practically touching from our closeness. “Did you mean what you said?” I asked, too afraid of repeating the words myself.
“I don’t say anything I don’t mean.” His hand found the back of my neck and he somehow urged me even closer. “But you’ll have to be more specific.”
“That you weren’t here to stop me from loving him,” I was breathing so heavily, I was practically panting from our proximity.
As if it was a new ritual, I wasn’t wearing any underwear and with him almost kneeling between my legs I was having a hard time focusing but I just kept my gaze fixed on his lips.
It was fucked up to want him, I knew it.
But I couldn’t stop myself anymore, I was feeling things that made me question every black and white way of thinking that had been indoctrinated into me.
There were plenty of reasons why this was a stupid bitch of an idea, number one being the angsty blonde pile of muscles who slept just a few feet down the hall.
But we didn’t belong to each other, and Ronan himself said that to me not too long ago. Every time we slept together it was chaotic and hot as hell, but it was messy and left my brain and heart hurting and begging for answers I couldn’t give them.
Mateo’s thumb grazed my neck gently as he dropped his eyes to my bruised throat.
He let out a low hum as he caressed the purple and yellow skin below his touch.
“I killed him, you know?” He said looking deep into my eyes, and I shook my head, unsure what he was referring to.
“The motherfucker who took you, the same one who brought you out on that stage with his belt around this beautiful neck. I killed him.”
My brain was going a million miles an hour with thoughts of Ronan and Mateo colliding, it was too much to think about. My head was screaming at me, and my body was sweating out of a physical need for more of whatever the drugs those assholes had given me.
“Turned his brain to mush.” He whispered in my ears like the words were an aphrodisiac, and shit, I guess they must have been, because I had to squeeze my thighs together to relieve the exploding need inside of me.
Was that a declaration of love?
I gave up and decided to just feel.
I locked my lips around his, and he pressed back with a crushing demand.
Just like the first time he kissed me, I felt weak all over.
He tasted like despair wrapped in sin and I ached to burn in hell for him, for the deaths he took in my name.
Before our lips could even part to deepen the kiss, someone cleared their throat in the distance and my heart nearly jumped out of its cage.
“Hope I’m not interrupting. I came to change out your fluids and check on you,” the doctor said, making her way into the room as she cocked an eyebrow at Mateo and her heels clicked beneath her.
He shrugged his shoulders and before I could protest, he was pulling the t-shirt off of me for Emory to see. She gasped in horror and ran over to me with startled eyes like this was the worst thing she had ever seen in her life.
I wish it had been the worst thing I’d ever seen, but unfortunately, it didn’t even scratch the surface.
It was just one of the most permanent things I’d endured.
This one would physically mark me forever.
It was gruesome, but I had done far worse to fewer deserving people than myself before I even turned eighteen, and in some sick way it felt like a righteous punishment.
“Lay down on your stomach,” she instructed as I lifted my arms up for Mateo to pull the shirt completely off of me, feeling the burn in my cheeks as his eyes shamelessly wandered over me.
“They didn’t tell me about this over the phone.
” She said being completely honest about the fact she wasn’t prepared.
“Didn’t you put the IV in me?” I asked her, thinking she had already been here before.
“No, I talked Zerkos through it over the phone. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable,” she said with a convicting tone, and I looked away, pushing my guilt down. I hadn’t done anything wrong. “How are you feeling after the Narcan?” She put her doctor face back on.
“A little nauseous, my head is killing me, and I would probably suck a dick for another jab right now if I’m being honest,” she eyed me suspiciously with those words, but it was true.
It was the worst, most terrible, fantastic poison I’d ever had the misery of enduring in my life. Ever since I woke up, all I could think about was getting back to that floaty place where my memories didn’t haunt me, my past wasn’t chasing me, and I had never hurt anyone.
“I’m kidding,” I said with a flat tone hoping to ease her worried expression, but I think we both knew I wasn’t, and I didn’t really have any reason to bullshit Emory. She didn’t care for it, and I didn’t have the energy.
The doc took out her equipment ritualistically, set up a new IV drip, and attached it to the top of my hand.
I groaned at the annoying feeling of the needle, but I knew I was still severely dehydrated and was thankful after just a few minutes once my headache began to dissipate.
She checked over the rest of my body, making sure there were no other areas of concern, and applied an ointment to my wrists where the zip ties cut into my flesh.
“I want to clean and dress the wound, but before I do, I want to make sure you’re comfortable.
I’m gonna be honest with you Cecilia, I don’t want to give you painkillers for this after you overdosed,” she looked at me as she began to pull out her kit from her bag in the same way she did when she cared for my stab wounds.
“I’m going to numb the area with lidocaine injections so that we can do this without pain, okay? You’re going to feel multiple stings.”
Mateo slipped his hand into mine and I nodded my head, but I didn’t expect the needle to come so fast and burn so painfully deep.
She made quick work and I squeezed tight against Mateo’s hand with every stab of the needle across the fractured skin.
After probably fifteen pokes, my back was starting to feel some relief as the medicine worked its way under my skin and numbed the pain.