Chapter 73 Mateo
MATEO
“Close your fucking eyes pendejo,” she chastised, pushing my back and forcing me to stumble forward.
“I don’t like surprises, sunshine,” I warned her.
“It’s a good one, I promise.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, letting her guide me through the villa.
“It better not be a fucking dog. I’m not letting the three of you rope me into taking care of some puppy.”
She laughed so abruptly it came out as a snort and I couldn’t help but turn towards her to admire how cute she could fucking be.
“A dog? I’m not much of a dog person,” she confessed, still finding amusement in it all.
I raised my eyebrow suspiciously at her, unsure if I was buying whatever she was trying to sell me here.
And then I took in the room we were standing in.
A beautiful white grand piano stood in the center, all its glory on display.
Different types of guitars hung on the wall and an assortment of string instruments were propped on their stands.
The cello grabbed my attention. It wasn’t my ancient relic but it looked like she did a damn good job of finding something that was as close to it as possible. I could still smell the wood polish on its face, letting me know it was likely something custom made.
“Was I out of line?” she asked, the concern in her voice brought me back to reality, letting me know I had yet to even give her a reaction.
“This is all for me?” I asked, my mouth still agape and my shock clearly evident.
“No, I’m hiring a mariachi band and giving them all the wrong instruments to see how it goes, and I wanted your feedback.” She gave me a sarcastic smirk and nudged me on the side with her elbow.
“It’s too much,” I told her, knowing damn well we’d be using whatever funds were left of the Black Crow Brotherhood to pay for funerals and medical costs. She was in every way, providing for us here.
Her smile deflated.
“I just mean, you didn’t have to.” I rushed to defend my words, realizing I was hurting her more by not just being grateful like I should have been. “No one’s ever given me a gift like this, sunshine.”
“I want to give you everything,” she said with a hurt look on her face.
“I think it’s supposed to be me that gives you everything,” I told her.
“Why? Because you’re a man and I’m a weak little woman who can’t provide for you? Surprise Mateo, I have more money than I’ll ever be able to spend in this lifetime, and the next five lifetimes. Let me take care of us.” She was all sincerity, even her sharp edges had softened somehow.
It filled me up with a sense of pride that I could get this side of her when no one else could.
I smiled, making her frown. “That’s not it at all, Celia,” I said, rubbing my hands up and down her bare arms.
She rarely wore sleeves down here, and I was a fan of how easy it was to feel her flesh under mine.
“You think I feel emasculated by the thought of you giving me things?” I scoffed, alarming her with my reaction.
“Sunshine, I’d lick the dirt off your feet if it were the only meal you’d allow me to have, and I’d still say thank you.
There is absolutely nothing that I or you could do that would make me feel like less of a man because, at the end of the day, I got you.
But I’m still allowed to want to give you everything you deserve. ”
She reached her hand up and cupped my face. “You’ve already given me everything I deserve.”
I shook my head at her.
“We’ve done nothing but cause you pain. I worry once the shock of everything fades, you’ll snap back to reality and catch on to what a huge mistake all of this was.
You’ll pick Ronan once and for all and tell the rest of us to fuck off.
” I hadn’t meant to blurt it out, I hadn’t meant to be so honest, but every time she said shit like that it just felt like a lie.
Waste of space. My mother’s words still rang out loudly in my mind.
“I wish you saw yourself as clearly as I see you.” She shook her head, moving her hands to my chest where she flattened her palms against me.
“You ever wonder if this pain is maybe part of what I deserve as well? I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, there’s only so many protection candles a bitch can light.
Santa Muerte’s waiting for me too, you know? ”
“Don’t fucking say that shit, because I’ll fight her to keep you with me,” I gritted out, pulling her against me tight.
“You can’t fight Death, mi amor. She comes for us all.” She caressed her skin against mine, but I gripped her wrist in my hand and kept it from moving.
“Stop it,” I told her, not fighting the anger bubbling in my chest.
“Then don’t say stupid things about me choosing Ronan.” She frowned, but even without her smile she was so fucking stunning I had to remind myself to breathe.
“Can you blame a guy for being insecure? You’ve known him practically your whole life. And Santos has a fifteen year head start on me. Sometimes I wonder why I’m even around.”
“Really?” she asked, sounding surprised. “You’re the fucking glue Mateo. You keep us all together. Our family, it wouldn’t feel right without you. I wouldn’t feel right without you,” she told me with a sobering expression on her face.
“And why’s that sunshine?” I asked.
“Because you showed me that love doesn’t have to be painful.” She leaned close and pressed her lips against mine.
I groaned, throwing my head back.
“Don’t do this to me. I can’t keep calling those fuckers every time I wanna hear you scream just because they decided to leave.” I whined and she smiled.
“Technically, you should have gone too but I agreed to keep you.”
“Wait…” I pieced together all the fucking clues. “Am I the fucking goldendoodle?” I asked her, and she choked out a laugh.
“Leave me out of this.” She pressed her lips against mine once again, but I pulled her back by the shoulders.
“Sunshine,” I warned her, and she pulled her lips between her teeth and bit them like she was holding back a smile.
“How about we do something that doesn’t involve the others?”
Her hands traveled down to my dick and her small hands gripped firmly around the fabric of my pants. Just the light touch of her fingers forced my cock to awaken under her control.
I groaned again and she lowered down to her knees.
This was shaky territory.
“Celia,” I warned as she pulled me from my pants, already hard and precum glistening at the tip of my cock.
She took a breath to prepare herself, but she was trembling at just the proximity. It wasn’t right. I picked her up and brought her to my chest before sitting us both down onto the chair in her bedroom, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest.
She shook silently while I ran my fingers through her hair.
“I’m not broken!” she cried out like she was trying to prove it to herself.
“I never said you were.”
“Then why does it feel like I am?” A pitiful noise left the depths of her chest as she poured her soul out into salty droplets over me.
“Because whether or not you want to admit it, he took something from you that you wouldn’t have given freely. Regardless of your reason for doing it. Regardless of the fact that it might have been your decision to do it at all.”
“It’s okay to not be okay, Celia. Perfection isn’t expected of you at all times.”
“He expected it,” she said, a bit of nervousness peeking out from behind the curtain.
She meant her father, I wasn’t stupid.
“He’s dead now,” I reminded her.
A few moments passed before she nodded.
“Thank you,” she said, looking up at me and blinking the droplets of tears from her eyelashes.
“I love you, sunshine.” I caressed her face.
“It helps when you remind me.” She smiled and it stretched up into the scar across her cheek.
I felt so much anger when I looked at it, but I was learning to not blame myself for the things I couldn’t prevent. Wallowing in guilt over pain that was dealt to her wasn’t fair of me. All she was asking of me was to love her, that I could do.
“I’ll keep doing it at every chance I get.”