Chapter 17 Knox
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Knox
I sat through another excruciating council meeting, watching Alderic Thorne pitch his daughter with all the subtlety of a used car salesman. The conference room felt too small, too warm, filled with the competing scents of ambition and politics that made my skin crawl.
“The Thorne line has produced strong Alphas for generations,” Alderic droned on, gesturing to Mary beside him.
She sat perfectly straight in an expensive red dress, her smile never wavering despite the fact that we’d been at this for twenty minutes.
“Mary has been trained in pack politics since birth. She speaks four languages, holds a degree in international relations, and has extensive combat training. She would make an exemplary Luna.”
My wolf retreated deeper with each word, curling into himself with visceral disgust. The very suggestion of taking another mate made him want to tear through my skin and run until we hit ocean.
“Her bloodline is impeccable,” Elder Harrison added, clearly in Alderic’s pocket. “The merger would strengthen our southeastern alliances considerably.”
“I wasn’t aware we needed strengthening,” I said flatly.
Elder Brennan cleared his throat. “The pack does need stability. An Alpha without a Luna, especially one who’s already... struggled... with recent challenges, creates uncertainty.”
Struggled. That was a nice way of saying I’d nearly lost three challenge fights in the past year because my wolf was dying from the inside out. Each month it got harder to maintain dominance, to project the strength an Alpha needed.
“The pack has thrived under my leadership,” I said carefully, keeping my voice neutral despite the urge to flip the table and walk out.
“Of course,” Alderic agreed smoothly. “But perception matters. The younger wolves grow restless. They whisper about their Alpha who lives alone, who takes no mate, who grows...” he paused delicately, “distracted during important matters.”
“Distracted?” I let a hint of warning enter my voice.
Mary leaned forward slightly. “Last week during training, you called Cole by the wrong name. Three times.”
I remembered. I’d called him ‘Noah’ repeatedly, because my mind had been elsewhere, lost in memories of a morning that haunted me. But they didn’t need to know that.
“The younger wolves notice these things,” she continued, voice perfectly modulated. “They wonder if their Alpha is fully present. Some have even suggested that perhaps the stress of leadership without... personal support... is becoming too much.”
“That sounds dangerously close to questioning my fitness to lead,” I said quietly.
“Not at all,” Alderic said quickly. “We’re simply observing that even the strongest Alpha benefits from partnership. Your parents understood this when they led together for thirty years.”
My parents. The former Alpha pair who’d stepped down at the traditional age but remained influential in pack politics. They’d made their opinions on my unmarried status crystal clear in private, though they’d never presume to bring it before the council.
Elder Whitlane shifted uncomfortably. She’d never been fond of Alderic’s power plays. “Knox has led us well through difficult transitions. His personal life is his own concern.”
“Is it?” Mary’s perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched. “When unmated females approach him at pack gatherings and he doesn’t even notice? When our allies question why the mighty Knox Raven refuses all political matches? It affects all of us.”
“The Silver Moon pack has three unmated daughters,” Elder Harrison added helpfully. “They’ve expressed interest in strengthening ties.”
“As has the Mountain Ridge pack,” another council member chimed in. “Their Alpha made it clear his sister would be honored to be considered.”
“And yet our Alpha shows no interest in any of them,” Alderic spread his hands as if puzzled. “One begins to wonder why.”
“Perhaps,” Elder Morrison spoke up, his weathered face thoughtful, “we should discuss the actual impact rather than perception. Has pack security suffered? Have our treaties weakened? Has our territory been challenged?”
“No,” I said firmly. “Our borders are secure, our alliances strong, and our pack prospers.”
“Financially, yes,” Alderic conceded. “But morale is another matter. The pack needs to see their Alpha as fully invested in their future. You’re twenty-seven now.
Most Alphas have taken a mate by twenty-five.
The pack wonders what you’re waiting for.
You know a Luna provides that symbol of continuity, of investment in generations to come. ”
The words hit their mark even though I kept my expression neutral. Generations to come. The children I’d never have because my body had already chosen its mate and would accept no substitute.
“The full moon gathering is in six months,” Mary said, as if we were already negotiating terms. “A formal announcement then would give the pack something to celebrate as we enter winter.”
“I haven’t agreed to anything,” I reminded them.
“Of course not,” Alderic’s smile was all teeth. “We’re simply discussing possibilities. But consider this, Knox. Your parents stepped down at the traditional age, trusting you to carry the Raven legacy forward. Would they want to see that legacy die with you?”
My parents. Who’d trained me from birth to put pack first, always. Who’d made it clear that personal happiness was a luxury Alphas couldn’t afford. Who’d be horrified to know I’d found my true mate and rejected her for a human.
“I appreciate the offer,” I said, choosing my words with the same care I’d use to navigate a minefield, “but I’m not seeking a mate.”
“Perhaps courtship then?” Alderic pressed, leaning forward. “Nothing binding. A few public appearances, let the pack see you with an appropriate female. It would quiet the... concerns about your single status.”
“One dinner,” Elder Whitlane suggested, shooting Alderic a warning look. “See if there’s any compatibility before making larger commitments.”
Mary’s smile widened slightly. She’d known they’d wear me down eventually.
They always did. I looked around the table at faces that ranged from eager to resigned.
Even those who didn’t fully support Alderic’s power play understood the political necessity.
An Alpha who appeared weak invited challenges. An Alpha who seemed broken invited war.
“One dinner,” I heard myself agreeing. “Public. Nothing more.”
“Excellent,” Alderic stood, clearly considering the matter settled. “Friday evening then.”
The council filed out with various murmurs. Elder Whitlane paused at the door, her ancient eyes seeing too much.
“She must have been special,” she said quietly. “The one you can’t forget.”
I said nothing, and after a moment she left, closing the door behind her.
Except I wasn’t alone. Mary lingered, examining her perfect nails before turning to me with swaying hips that left me completely cold.
“I know this is just politics for you,” she said, closing the distance between us. Her hand trailed down my arm, manicured nails catching on my sleeve. My wolf snarled internally, hackles raised at the unwanted contact. I had to physically restrain him from surfacing.
It had been getting harder lately, controlling the wild part of me that had been growing stronger.
The civilized Alpha was a mask that fit less comfortably each day.
Underneath, I was becoming feral in ways that had nothing to do with the full moon and everything to do with a rejection that had broken essential parts of me.
Depression had settled over me after leaving Pine Valley. First came the inability to sleep, lying awake feeling her phantom touch. Then the food that tasted wrong, the smiles that felt painted on, the growing certainty that I’d made the worst mistake of my life.
Blake’s death had cracked me open. Rejecting my mate had shattered what remained. Now I was just fragments held together by duty and stubbornness.
“But maybe we could make it... mutually beneficial?” Mary continued, oblivious to my internal decay.
She leaned closer, her perfume making my nose wrinkle. “You clearly have needs. All males do. I could help with those. Discreetly, of course.”
“My needs are none of your concern.”
“Aren’t they?” Her finger traced patterns on my chest that made my skin crawl. “When was the last time you took a female to your bed, Knox? The pack whispers about that too. An Alpha in his prime who lives like a monk.”
Five years, three months, and twelve days. But I wasn’t counting. My body had shut down that part of itself, recognizing no substitute for what it had claimed and lost.
“No strings attached,” Mary pressed when I didn’t respond. “Just two wolves taking care of basic biology. I’m very... skilled.”
“Friday. Dinner. Public,” I repeated coldly, stepping away from her touch. “Nothing else.”
Her smile didn’t falter, but calculation flickered in her eyes. “You know, there are rumors about why you’re so... unavailable. Some say you found your mate and lost her. Others think you prefer males. A few wonder if you’re broken somehow.”
“Are you done?”
“I’m just saying,” she smoothed her dress, “whatever your issue is, I can work with it. I’m very adaptable.”
The door burst open before I could respond. Noah stood in the doorway, chest heaving, eyes wild with barely contained emotion.
The door burst open. Noah stood in the doorway, chest heaving, eyes wild with barely contained emotion.
“You need to come. Now.”
His scent hit me wrong, agitation mixed with fear and anger I hadn’t smelled on him in years.
My brother avoided me when possible these days, our relationship strained to breaking.
He helped with Alpha duties when necessary, but the easy brotherhood we’d shared had died somewhere between Blake’s funeral and that hotel room in Pine Valley.
Mary made a disgusted sound at the interruption. “We were having a private-”
Noah’s head snapped toward her, and the snarl that ripped from his throat was pure threat. “Get out.”
“Excuse me?” She drew herself up indignantly. “I don’t take orders from-”
“GET. OUT.” His voice dropped to a register that made my wolf stir with interest. “Or I’ll throw you out.”
She huffed but must have recognized murder in his eyes because she left, heels clicking angrily on the floor. The second the door closed, Noah rounded on me.
“You need to fucking go with me. Right now.”
The profanity shocked me. Noah never lost control, never cursed, never let emotion override logic. He was the stable twin, the one who’d held everything together after Blake died.
“What’s wrong? Is it rogues? An attack on the border? Is someone hurt?”
“If this is about pack business-”
“Fuck pack business!” He slammed his hand on the table, making it crack. “This is about the mess you left behind five years ago now dying in my living room!”
I frowned, trying to parse his words through the rage. “What mess? Noah, you’re not making sense. Who’s dying?”
“Aren’t I?” He laughed, but it sounded broken. “God, you really are that self-absorbed. You make your grand fucking gesture, your noble sacrifice, and you never once think about the consequences for anyone else.”
“Noah-”
“No, you know what? I’m done. I’m done covering for you. Done pretending what you did was noble instead of cowardly.”
“If someone from Pine Valley is here-”
“Move your ass,” Noah snarled. “Or I swear to the Moon Goddess I’ll drag you there myself.”
I stood slowly, Alpha instincts bristling at being ordered around, even by my brother. “Noah, explain what’s happening. That’s a command.”
“You can’t command me in this,” he spat. “Not about them.”
Her? “Who are you talking about?”
“You want explanations? Come with me. See for yourself what your choices cost.”
I followed because the alternative was letting him leave in this state, and despite our distance, he was still my brother.
My only remaining brother. His scent trail led to his car, and I noticed his hands shaking as he unlocked it.
The smell coming off him was wrong, layered with so many emotions I couldn’t separate them all.
Fury dominated, but underneath lurked fear and grief and guilt.
“Get in,” he ordered.
“I can drive-”
“Get in the fucking car, Knox!”
I got in. Noah peeled out of the pack house drive with enough speed to leave tire marks. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, jaw clenched with barely contained fury.
“Someone’s dying?” I prompted when he took a turn too fast.
“Yeah.” His voice was flat now. “Someone’s dying.”
“Who? One of ours?”
He didn’t answer, just pressed harder on the accelerator. We were heading to his house on the outskirts of pack territory, the one he’d chosen specifically for its isolation.
“Did a patrol get attacked? Why didn’t you call me?”
Noah laughed again, that same broken sound. “A patrol. Jesus, Knox. You really don’t have a clue.”
“Then tell me!”
“No.” His voice was deadly quiet now. “You’ll see soon enough.”
We pulled into his driveway and he was out before the engine fully died. I followed, my wolf stirring restlessly as new scents reached me. Rogue wolf, definitely. Blood and infection and poison spreading through veins. Death approaching on swift wings.
“Is it one of the rogues? Did we capture-”
“Do you know what I discovered today?” Noah interrupted, pausing at his front door. “What I found that made me realize just how badly you fucked up?”
I stayed silent, something cold creeping up my spine.
“The other half of your soul dying from a rogue bite while you sit in meetings discussing dinner dates.”
He opened the door, and her scent hit me full force. Coffee and vanilla and everything I’d been dying without. But wrong, so wrong, tainted with rogue poison and fever.
My wolf exploded to life, clawing at my insides with desperate recognition.
“What did you do, Noah?”
He looked at me with eyes full of pain and fury. “What you should have done five years ago. I brought her home. Question is, are you going to let her die here too?”