Chapter 18 Caelan
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Caelan
I fucked up. I fucked up so badly that there wasn’t a word in any language, human or wolf, to adequately describe the magnitude of my failure.
I watched Riley run, her figure disappearing around the corner, and felt my chest crack open. She was terrified of me, of what I was, and with damn reason. My wolf howled in anguish, clawing at my ribs, demanding I chase her, hold her until she understood.
But she’d asked me to stay away. I owed her at least that much. I turned back to the alley. The unconscious piece of shit was still crumpled on the concrete where I’d left him, shirtless now thanks to my earlier improvisation. Fine. This wouldn’t take long.
I shifted, the transformation ripping through me, bones breaking and reforming, skin sprouting fur, human thoughts narrowing to pure instinct. My wolf took over with savage satisfaction.
I approached Damien’s limp body and considered the logistics.
He had no collar to grab, no shirt to drag him by.
Fine. I hoisted the unconscious man onto my back, then clamped my jaws around his forearm hard enough to hold and leave marks, not quite hard enough to sever.
He wouldn’t slip. And even if he woke, the pain would keep him compliant.
I ran through empty streets, keeping to shadows, moving faster than human eyes could track. The weight on my back was less than nothing. I could carry this pathetic excuse for a man across the entire city without breaking a sweat.
The woods at the edge of Lysmont appeared within minutes. I dragged Damien deep into the trees, away from paths, away from witnesses and anyone who might hear what came next.
I dropped him on the forest floor and shifted back. Then I woke him up, slapping him hard enough to crack bones.
Damien came to with a gasp, eyes wild, scrambling backward in the dirt until his back hit a tree. His gaze found me, naked, blood still on my hands, eyes glowing amber in the dim light, and his face went white.
“What... what the fuck are you...”
“Be quiet.”
The command came out with alpha force behind it, and Damien’s mouth snapped shut against his will. His eyes went wider and I smiled. He should be afraid.
I crouched in front of him, perfectly calm and controlled. The rage was still there, burning, but I’d channeled it into a colder place. More dangerous.
“You put your hands on her,” I said conversationally. “You hurt her. You choked her, even when I told you what would happen if you did.”
Damien whimpered, tried to speak but couldn’t.
“I could kill you.” I tilted my head, considering. “I should kill you. It would be easy, satisfying. No one would ever find the body.”
Tears were streaming down his face now. The smell of fear was dense in the air, mixed with the acrid tang of urine. He’d pissed himself. Again. He might have bladder issues, who knew.
“But that would upset Riley,” I continued. “She has a soft heart, my mate. Even for vermin like you.”
I reached out and grabbed him by the throat the same way he’d grabbed Riley.
“So instead, I’m going to give you a gift.”
This was a trick few wolves knew. Old, dangerous magic. It drained the user, left them vulnerable for hours after. I’d only done it once before, and it nearly killed me.
But for Riley, for her safety, her peace of mind, I’d drain myself dry.
I looked into Damien’s terrified eyes and pushed.
“Forget,” I commanded, and the word carried ancient and absolute power. “Forget who you are. Forget your name, forget your life. Forget every person you’ve ever known.”
Damien shuddered, his eyes going glassy.
“Leave this place. Go somewhere far away. Start over. Build a new life. Be a better person.” I leaned closer, my voice dropping to a whisper. “And forget, forever, the name Riley Hawkins. She never existed. You never knew her. You never touched her. She’s no one to you.”
The compulsion took hold. I could feel it, like hooks sinking into his mind, rewriting, erasing, replacing. When I released him, Damien slumped against the tree, consciousness fading.
“Go,” I said.
He stumbled to his feet and walked into the woods, not looking back once. He didn’t know why he was walking or where he was going, he just went.
I stayed on my knees for a long moment, breathing through the exhaustion crashing over me. That took more out of me than expected. My vision was swimming, my limbs felt like lead. But it was done. Damien was gone, I hadn’t killed him, and Riley was safe.
Now I just had to convince her not to hate me forever.
I dragged myself upright, found a house at the edge of the woods, stole clothes off a laundry line. Jeans and a flannel shirt, not my style but functional. Then I made my way back to Riley’s apartment to wait for her judgement.
The jeans were too short, the shirt had a picture of a fish on it that said “I’m hooked on fishing.” Truly, my dignity had never been lower. I didn’t care.
I could hear her before I reached the door.
She was pacing fast, frantic footsteps going back and forth across her apartment. And she was talking. A constant stream of words, rising and falling, punctuated by occasional hysterical laughter.
“...can’t be real. This can’t be real. I’m hallucinating. I’m having a breakdown. I’m...”
More pacing.
“...a WOLF. A giant fucking WOLF. In an ALLEY. And then he was NAKED...”
A thump. She’d thrown an object at the wall.
“...and his eyes were GLOWING. Eyes don’t glow! That’s not a thing that happens in real life!”
She kept pacing, faster now.
“...fated mate. What does that even MEAN? Is this a furry thing? Did I accidentally join a cult? Oh god, did I sleep with a cult leader...”
Hysterical laughter.
“...I’m a romance novelist. I write about werewolves. And now I’m DATING one? This is too on the nose. This is cosmic irony. The universe is laughing at me...”
My wolf whined at the distress in her voice. I forced myself to stay still on the landing, listening…My hand moved on its own, though, and I knocked on her door.
The pacing stopped. Dead silence.
“Riley.” I kept my voice steady, non-threatening. “I know you’re scared. I know I should have told you. Please let me explain.”
“Go away.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Caelan...”
“I’ll wait here all day. All night. However long it takes.” I leaned my forehead against the door. “Please, Riley. Just let me explain.”
“I can’t... I need to... I’m not...”
She was spiraling. I could hear it in the fragmented sentences, the rising pitch of her voice. Every instinct screamed at me to break down the door and use my presence to calm her.
I forced myself to stay still. She wasn’t ready. Pushing now would only make it worse.
So I waited.
I sat on the floor outside her apartment, back against the wall, and I waited. Hours passed. The sun moved across the sky. I heard her cry, talk to herself, throw things at the door. I heard the shower run, heard her cry again.
It was torture. Worse than any physical pain I’d ever endured.
The door opened in the afternoon.
Riley stood in the doorway, face puffy from crying, hair a mess, arms wrapped around herself, trying to hold herself together. She looked exhausted, beautiful and terrified.
“I have questions,” she said. Her voice was hoarse. “If this is real. If I’m not losing my mind.”
“It’s real.” I rose to my feet slowly, carefully. Approaching a wild animal. “You’re not losing your mind.”
“Then I have questions.”
“I’ll answer everything.”
She stepped back, leaving the door open like an invitation. Tentative, but there.
I walked inside, and the questions came rapid-fire. She was standing across the room from me, keeping the couch between us as a barrier, firing them as bullets.
“How long have you been a... a werewolf?”
“My whole life. I was born this way.”
“Are there more of you?”
“Many more. An entire realm full.”
“Can you turn me into one?”
“No. You’re either born a wolf or you’re not.”
“Do you eat people?”
“No.” I couldn’t help the slight curl of my lip. “We’re not monsters.”
“You turned into a giant wolf in an alley and knocked out my ex.”
“I was protecting you.”
She paused at that. Swallowed hard.
“Show me,” she said finally. “Again. Shift. I need to... I need to see it clearly, when I’m not being strangled.”
I hesitated. “It might frighten you.”
“I’m already frightened.” Her chin lifted, stubborn, brave. My brave little menace. “Show me.”
I stepped back to give her space, took a breath, and shifted.
The transformation was faster this time, my wolf eager to prove itself to her. Bones cracked and reformed, fur rippled across my skin. In seconds, the massive golden wolf stood in her living room, taking up half the space, our amber eyes fixed on her face.
Riley’s hand flew to her mouth.
For a long moment, she just stared. Her eyes were huge, her breathing was shallow. She was pale as a ghost.
Then she screamed.
“OUT! GET OUT! OH MY GOD, GET OUT!”
She was throwing things at me. A pillow, a book, her shoe. The stuffed wolf I’d bought her. That one stung.
I shifted back mid-dodge, catching her other shoe before it hit my face.
“Riley...”
“I CAN’T... I NEED... GET OUT!”
She grabbed a blanket from the couch and hurled it at my naked body, shoving me toward the door.
“Just... go... I can’t... I need to THINK...”
She slammed the door in my face.
I stood on the landing, naked, clutching a blanket, and sighed. An Alpha Prince of Duskmere, sitting naked in a hallway, wrapped in a throw blanket with cartoon cats on it. My brother would never let me live this down.
I wrapped the blanket around my waist and sat back down.
At least she’d thrown things at me. She’d looked me in the eye, aimed, and thrown them.
That meant she cared, right? Hell, she chose the plushie I’d given her.
She cared enough to think of me as she threw those things. Yes. I still had a shot.
Hope would be the last thing I fucking lose. Sanity would go first. I’d never had much of that anyway.