Chapter 18 - Cayden
I flipped the pancake as I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. I glanced over to the hall, and Riley made her way into the kitchen. She was fully dressed in jeans and a blue blouse. Her hair was clipped back with the bottom half down, and her cheeks warmed as she spotted me. I could see her throat bob as she swallowed and wet her lips.
She rubbed her hands together, and I could see she was a little embarrassed, maybe unsure of what she was supposed to do. She was a little shy, and it looked cute on her.
"Morning," I said, pointing to the coffee I made. "I made you a cup. The creamer is in the fridge."
"Thanks," she said, opening the fridge and pouring herself a mug of coffee. She took a sip as she rounded the island, taking a seat. She drummed her fingers on the mug, and I couldn't help but smirk at her.
I'm unsure how to ask how she feels, but I need to. Last night changed everything, but I wasn't sure how she felt about it.
"Are you regretting last night?" I asked, placing the pancake onto the plate.
She shook her head. "No. I'm just... Soaking in the change. I've always thought you disliked me, and last night changed that."
I watched her shift in her seat, chewing on her lip. "I've never felt like a beautiful person. Even when I dress up, I feel there is always someone better, but I felt it last night for the first time."
I paused, staring at her. "Riley, that's…"
She put a hand up. "Let me finish. Please."
I snapped my mouth shut, letting her finish. She wet her lips again and continued. "I've never felt like I belonged anywhere. I was never pretty enough for the popular girls, and I wasn't nerdy enough for the nerds. I got along with April, but she isn't always around. I've always had a hard time making friends and feeling like I fit in. And being here, I've noticed that I fit. I feel like I belong, but I don't want this."
She waved a hand between us. "To change that. I need to find my own bearings without you. I don't want to jump from one relationship to another. It's unhealthy. I'm broken, and I need to fix myself. And I can't start anything with you while I do that."
I could see the hurt in her eyes. "Are you okay with that? And I'm aware that last night was not a good step to this."
I reached across the island and took her hand. I squeezed her hand, giving her a gentle smile. "Riley, I'm okay with whatever you need. If you need space to find out who you are, I'll give it to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, you have it. I just don't want you to hide anything from me. I want to be here for whatever you need."
She gave me a soft smile. "Are you open to dating? No sex. Just….plain old fashion dating?"
I gave her a smile. "Like going to the movie theater or taking you out for dinner? I will happily parade you around."
She nodded her head. "Yeah. I know that's rare nowadays, but I think that is the right step. Besides, we don't know each other as well as we could. We've both changed over the years."
I laughed. "It's not weird to date without sex, Riley."
She looked hopeful. "So, you're okay with that? And waiting?"
I smiled, leaning on the counter. "Riley, I've waited several years for you. What's a few more?"
She blushed, looking at her coffee. "If you talk like that, you're going to make it hard to keep my clothes on."
I laughed. "Speaking of getting out, we have a New Year's Party planned at the fire station. If you're up for it, you can join me. All the girls are going to be there."
"What do you guys do at this party?" she asked, sipping her coffee. "I'm guessing drinking is out of the question since I'm sure the kids will be there."
I laughed, remembering past years. "We drink but not as much as other people might. Most of them have kids, so some of them stay sober. But we have party games and a race where the winner is the Main Man of the Year. It gets pretty exciting."
"That sounds exciting. What does that mean exactly for the winner? What does being the main man entail?"
"They get perks. And Ayden gives the winner access to the work credit card for coffee for the year. He gives them a few other things. Also, bragging rights for the year."
"Has a girl ever won?"
I shook my head. "The girls have yet to join. Normally, someone is pregnant, so the girls always stay back."
She chuckled as she took another sip, setting her mug down. "Do you ever miss it?"
"Miss what?" I asked, pouring some batter into the pan.
"The pack."
I paused, glancing at her. She stared at me, waiting for me to answer her. It was a simple question, but it wasn't at the same time.
When I left, I left my entire life behind. Almost everyone disowned me from their lives. All my friends I thought I would hear from never spoke to me again. My folks acted like I died, and I hardly got to see April. A lot had changed, and I was afraid I'd make the biggest mistake of my life.
But it was better. It just took time to find that out.
"I miss the people and moments but not the pack. I miss my friends, but I can't really call them that because friends would have called. So, I miss the memories. I miss what was."
She looked hurt. "Do you ever wish you stayed?"
I had many times when I first arrived in town and had no idea what I was doing. I probably wouldn't have landed where I am if Ayden hadn't been so good at his job. "I had moments. It was hard at first trying to get my life figured out, but no…I don't regret it. I found people that I trust, and that trust me in return. I didn't have that back there. Not even my parents had my back like these guys do."
She smiled. "I'm kind of gathering that. You've made a decent life for yourself. The guys and the girls all seem to care about you. You guys tease each other, but I can see it's out of love like you and April."
"You will as well," I tell her. "Give it time. Nothing happens overnight. It took me months before I felt like I was settled."
She chuckled, looking at the food. "Are you almost done?"
I nodded, flipping the pancakes. "Almost. Do you want to grab out some plates?"
She pulled herself up, grabbed a few plates, and sat them next to me.
"How does a run later today sound? The weather seems nice for it." I asked.
I watched her eyes sparkle, and I hoped they would always stay that way. I wanted them to stay that way, and I was going to do whatever I could to make sure they did.
She pulled a couple of pancakes onto her plate and poured syrup over them. I watched her take a bite, nodding her head. "A run sounds nice."
I watched her, taking in how comfortable she was as she sat there eating. I wanted this forever.