Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
REBEKKA
My hands settle on his tapered waist as we glide around the dancefloor. My body begs me to slide those palms lower. To cup the hard globes of his ass cheeks and squeeze them until his pelvis is pressing into mine.
I don’t of course.
I don’t have a death wish.
But the way my husband is glaring at me makes me question myself.
Fuck him.
It’s okay for him to swan around Paris with his latest fucking fling, and I can’t even have a civilised dance. You’d swear the way Anthony was looking at me I was naked and humping his best friend in front of everyone. If only…
I block him out and concentrate on the man in front of me. The one who lives in my head rent-free all day and all damn fucking night—especially at night.
‘So, Baby Beckett,’ I tease, determined to lighten the atmosphere between us.
‘Don’t call me that,’ he growls, his dark eyes burning into mine. ‘I would only love the excuse to prove myself to you.’
My breath hitches. ‘The feeling is mutual,’ I murmur, my mind wondering back to that wild, frantic, life affirming fucking kiss. ‘Which is why we agreed to stay away from each other.’
‘It’s so fucking hard,’ he whispers.
‘What is?’ I wink at him. It’s easier to joke about our situation than face the cold harsh truth.
‘That too,’ he purrs, pushing his body closer to mine until there is absolutely no questioning his size.
‘You fight dirty,’ I whisper.
‘Oh, you have no idea of all the ways I’d fight dirty with you if I got the chance, Rebekka.’ He sways his hips in time to the music, conveniently grinding against me in the process.
I hiss. Lust courses through my stomach.
Up over my breasts. Between my legs. Goosebumps ripple over my skin and scatter over my spine.
‘If only.’ There’s no point in even trying to deny the attraction between us.
Not when we’ve already admitted it to each other.
Not when we shared the most mind-blowing kiss of my life.
Not when his dick is pressing against my stomach in a room full of people—including my husband.
‘I have no right to say this to you.’ I swallow thickly. ‘No right at all, but if I don’t, it’ll eat me alive.’
He tilts my chin up to meet his eyes again. ‘We’re so beyond what’s right, you can say whatever the fuck you like to me. I think you know how I feel about you by now.’
‘It physically fucking pains me to think of you being “bollocks deep” in the brunette or anyone else. I can’t bear to be around you. To see you with one of them.’
His low laughter thrums through the air as his chest vibrates against mine. ‘Sweetheart, the only thing I’m bollocks deep in is my right hand while I’m thinking about you.’
What a fucking visual.
It’s a struggle to breathe, let alone form words. Finally, I find my tongue. The bubbles have gone straight to my head because I am never normally this brazen. ‘That would be a really good time to FaceTime me.’
His thick, dark eyebrows wing up. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’ I nod. Let’s be honest, Anthony is out doing worse. It’s not like I’m going to actually have sex with his friend—just watch him have sex with himself.
‘You know…’ His head bows closer until his breath brushes over my ear lobe.
‘I often wonder if we were to have sex, would we get each other out of our systems? Imagine if we just fucked each other senseless? Imagine your quivering legs wrapped around my waist as you scream my name and shatter on my cock.’
It’s official—my lingerie is ruined.
My chin juts out, my needy pelvis rocks against his of its own accord. ‘I imagine it frequently.’
‘Me too,’ he admits breathily. ‘Me too.’
The song draws to an end. ‘You better be careful who you point that thing at.’ I glance down at his crotch, unable to fully disentangle myself from his arms yet.
‘Don’t I know it.’ His focus shifts to over my shoulder. I turn to see what he’s looking at–Anthony. He’s lost all interest in Rian and me. He’s too busy drooling over the same brunette Rian was talking to when I arrived.
‘A fair exchange is no robbery,’ Rian murmurs. ‘How about another dance?’
‘You’re on.’ Relief soars over my skin. ‘It’s the best gift I’ll get this Christmas.’ I shrug.
‘I wouldn't bet on it.’ He shoots me a boyish wink that I can’t decipher the meaning of.
I cock my head.
‘If you see me FaceTiming you, make sure you take your phone to your bedroom.’ He waggles his eyebrows, and I can’t control the giggle that slips from my lips.
‘And that’s the best Christmas gift I’ll get,’ he says, suddenly serious.
‘If I answer your FaceTime call?’
‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘Seeing you smile.’
‘It’s impossible to be anything but happy when we’re here like this.’ The next song is slightly more up tempo, and Rian spins me, twirling me around the dancefloor, probably to give our bodies a break from bumping against each other.
‘I wish this night could last forever,’ he says, wistfully.
‘I don’t.’ I quirk a brow. ‘But I do wish it could end differently.’
‘It could do, you know…’ he trails off.
We stare at each other long and hard. ‘I wish.’ My teeth dig into my lower lip to the point it hurts. ‘ I better go. Thanks for the dance. And the laughs. And for making an old married woman feel sexy again.’
Those fucking bubbles.
Will I ever learn?
Probably not, because the second I tear my hands from Rian’s waist, I’m heading in search of more.
‘You might be married, Beks, and you’re older, but not old, and I, for one, find that sexy as fuck.’
My stomach somersaults. ‘You’ll get me in trouble, Rian.’
‘I’m starting to wonder if it would be worth the consequences…’
Me too. Which is why I need to drag myself away from him before I do something I’ll regret.
Soulful black eyes smoulder at me, reflecting everything we can never say.
‘I’ll catch up with you later,’ I say, but it’s a lie and we both know it.
If we’re flirting with trouble this early in the evening, God only knows what we’d get up to after a couple more drinks.
He nods and removes his hand from my waist. My treacherous body instantly aches for his touch.
‘Another drink?’ Avery appears beside us and shoves another champagne glass my way. Ivy is hot on her tail.
‘Excuse me, I need to find the restrooms.’ I fire Rian one final look, then scan the room for the exit.
‘To your left. Down the corridor and take the first right.’ He points, with a glint in his eye. ‘Unless you want to use the one in my old bedroom?’
‘Baby Beckett, control yourself!’ Ivy scolds, but her tone is literally dripping with glee. ‘Have you no shame?’ She slaps his arm playfully.
‘When it comes to Rebekka, apparently I have none.’ His eyes dart over my body one final time before Ivy hauls me away.
‘Oh. My. Fucking. God,’ she exclaims. ‘That was like watching a full-blown fucking porno.’
‘What was?’ I take a sip of cold champagne, but it does nothing to quell the flames licking me from the inside out, specifically the ones inside my lingerie.
‘You and Rian!’ Avery nudges my ribs hard enough to hurt. ‘How did we never see it before? I mean, he was all over you at the Hozier concert.’
‘He’s all over every woman,’ I reply, battling to keep the bitterness from my tone.
‘No.’ Ivy shakes her head. ‘He used to be, but I haven’t seen him with a woman in weeks. Months maybe.’ A flicker of a frown crosses her face. ‘Oh. My. God,’ she whisper shouts. ‘It was you.’
‘What was me?’ Alarm spikes in my chest. Did he tell her about our kiss?
Ivy is practically bouncing beside me. ‘Years ago, we went on a date.’
‘You did?’ My tone rises three octaves while I silently will the green-eyed monster screaming inside my chest to shut up.
‘Well, he took me out to lunch to piss Caelon off and shock him into sleeping with me—it worked by the way, so, I suppose you could say I owe him one.’
‘What does this have to do with anything?’ Avery waves at someone across the room as we push through the throng of people, including my husband. He doesn’t even notice us because his tongue is so far up that brunette’s ass he can probably taste her cocktail before she even swallows it.
‘He said something that day that I never forgot,’ Ivy leans closer to whisper in my ear.
‘He said, “You’re not the only one pining over someone you can’t have”. Naturally, I said he could probably have anyone he wanted—apart from me.’ Ivy shrugs. ‘His exact words were, “you’d be surprised.” I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.’
My heart.
It’s so full, I feel like it might actually explode.
The green-eyed monster isn’t just silenced—he’s bleeding out inside of me.
Finally, we locate the restrooms. Naturally they’re big enough to house the three of us, easily, but Avery, Ivy and I have no problem testing that theory. Ivy locks the door behind us and leans herself against it.
‘So how long has this affair been going on?’ She mock scolds, but her blue eyes are glittering.
‘There’s nothing going on.’ My tone is feeble, even to my own ears.
‘Well, maybe there should be,’ Avery arches her eyebrows, places her champagne on the marble countertop and proceeds to pull her panties down and sit on the toilet. It’s official; she’s just taken our friendship to the next level.
‘What?’ She arches her eyebrow. ‘We all have a vagina. Jeez, I thought we Irish were supposed to be backwards.’
I snort. ‘I’m not backwards, I’m just wondering how you got to relieve yourself first!’ I really am busting.
‘Relieve myself!? That’s so formal.’ Avery scoffs. ‘Normally when I’m talking about relieving myself, I’m talking about something else entirely.’ She laughs. ‘Though lately my man is the only person who gets to do that job. He says it’s cheating if I touch myself!’
Ivy splutters. ‘No way! It must be a Beckett thing. Caelon is the exact same.’
I’m just wondering if Rian feels the same way when Ivy plucks the thought right out of my head.
‘How does Rian feel about masturbation?’ Ivy wiggles her eyebrows at me.
‘How would I know?’ I swat the air in front of my face.
‘Given what you told us about your prick of a husband earlier, perhaps it’s time you found out?’ Avery’s huge blue eyes bore into mine. Her expression, unlike Ivy’s, is deadly serious.
‘I couldn't.’ I shake my head.
‘But you’d like to,’ she presses. It isn't a question. She pulls her panties back up and goes to the sink to wash her hands. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror.
‘What I’d like to do is irrelevant. Just because one person behaves badly, it doesn’t mean both do. What would be left?’
Ivy shakes her head sadly. ‘From where I’m standing, honey, it doesn’t look like there’s a whole lot there to start with.’