Chapter 1 #2
Both women stepped inside and shut the door behind them.
The study smelled the same way Mazey remembered from years back.
It was a smell she associated with Baile himself.
It was a soothing mix of tobacco and books.
Baile sat at his desk, scratching away at some parchment.
He looked up briefly, and when he spotted Mazey, put the quill down and turned to face them.
“How may ah help ye?” He removed the pipe from his mouth and set it on the desk.
Lara sat down on a chair near Baile. Mazey sat, but looked down at her hands. If he looked too closely at her, he would see her intense fear. She quivered, not from cold, but overwhelming dread. This is a mistake.
Lara cleared her throat. “Mazey came to speak this evening about a matter of extreme delicacy. She wants to talk to ye, but is afraid of the repercussions should someone make the matter known. Ah assured her ye would be discreet and keep the matter within these walls.”
Baile didn’t speak, which sparked curiosity.
She risked a glance. He caught her eyes with his and stared back at her unscrupulously.
“Ah’m a busy man and don’t have time for idle gossip.
If ye bring this matter, it ought to be important.
I will keep it discreet, but consider if it worth my time. Ah have a lot on my plate as of late.”
Mazey’s gaze snapped back to her hands. She felt a tear fall and drip down onto her hand. “Ah’m not sure, my Laird.”
Lara put her arm on Mazey’s shoulder and squeezed. “Mazey, it is worth his time, or ah wouldn’t have brought ye here. Tell him, please.”
Mazey took a deep breath and shuddered. She could already feel the sharp bit of Hume’s belt on her back. “Ah just…” she trailed off, not sure how to start.
Baile waited patiently for her to continue. His bright eyes narrowed on her and his brow furrowed in concentration. She saw this look before aimed at Malmuira. Usually when he attempted patience.
She summoned the last of her ragged courage and spoke in a voice that conveyed a confidence she didn’t feel. “Ah’m with child. Ah’m afraid ah’ll lose this one.” She paused, unsure if she should continue.
“All right, what does this have to do with me?” She could tell this strained his patience.
Mazey looked to Lara, who shook her head.
She would not speak for Mazey. “Last time ah was with child, ah lost the child after ah fell.” She didn’t know what to say after that.
Should she be honest and tell them what happened?
Memories hit her head on. She felt a pressure in her face, a whooshing sound in her ears and the room faded out.
Suddenly she was back in her house and Hume was there.
Hume strode across the room. “What do ye mean ye’re with child? Ah don’t want ah child. Just another mouth to feed.”
“It could be a good thing, Hume.” Mazey spoke softly. She knew that saying anything at all was risky. He was in a foul mood and if she said the wrong thing, she would pay.
“Aye, good thing. Right. We can’t feed ourselves. How is a bairn going to help?”
She felt a rebellion that bubbled up inside her sometimes. This would not end well. “Well, what would ye have me do? Ye’re the one that keeps climbing on top of me.”
She knew, as soon as the words left her mouth, that she misspoke. She should have kept her mouth shut.
“Ye’re right. Ah keep climbing on top of ye. And ah haven’t done that yet, today.”
He strode over and pulled the lace on the top of her corset.
“Ah’m not in the mood.” Mazey told herself she was doing what was best for the baby, but sex wouldn’t really hurt the bairn. She didn’t want to be close to Hume.
“Ah don’t care if ye’re in the mood. Ye’re my wife and ye’ll be available when ah want.”
Her stomach flipped over in fear. Dread fell heavy in the pit of her stomach. “Ah’ll be available when ah’m ready for ye.”
Hume didn’t take her words lightly. She never refused him yet and didn’t know how he would react.
She didn’t have to wait long. He grabbed her hair and threw her hard into the wall.
Pain bit into her back. He was on her in an instant, his hand around her throat.
He pushed her against the wall hard and she felt the rough rock from the wall against her scalp.
She cried out in pain and the room went dark. She fell into unconsciousness.
She sobbed. Baile and Lara looked at her with strange expressions and their eyes were wide.
Lara’s mouth hung open. Mazey shook her head, trying to bring her focus back to the present.
That moment was one of the most difficult memories.
It liked to play on a loop in her mind sometimes.
It was the last memory before her bairn passed.
When she remembered it, her hands sweat and her skin turned cold.
Her heart beat faster in her chest and the room spun in circles.
“What happened? Ye just cried out. What was that?” Lara’s voice tinged with worry.
“Ah’m so sorry,” Mazey whispered. Embarrassment seeped through her. She didn’t even remember crying out. What was wrong with her?
“Where were ye lass?” He asked her. He didn’t look as surprised as Lara. “I’ve seen that look before. But only on the face of a few warriors that did battle. They were back in the thick of it. Where were you?”
Baile waited for her to speak. Instead, she thought a visual better explain.
She pulled back her sleeves and showed him both arms where perfect handprints stood out in a dark purple bruise.
She lifted the hem of her dress to reveal the bruises on the lower part of her legs from when he pushed her and she hit her legs on a low-lying table.
“These aren’t even the worst. The clothing hides most of my bruises and scars.
He keeps them under the fabric so nobody will see. ”
Baile nodded thoughtfully, so Mazey continued.
“My husband hits me. And ah lost my wee bairn because of it. Ah just want a safe place. This bairn won’t survive if she gets hit.
Ah don’t think ah could stand losing another one.
” She peeked up at Baile’s face and saw something she rarely beheld.
Compassion. She was a nobody in the clan and did nothing to merit attention.
She wasn’t even beautiful. Her front teeth were too big and her hair liked to frizz out at odd angles.
She was boney and her pale skin was without color, except for the smattering of freckles across her face. How can he look at me like that?
Baile crouched down on the floor so he was eye level with her.
When she looked away, he tilted her chin up to look at him.
His voice was quiet and the look in his eyes was serious.
“Ah’ll keep yer bairn safe. Ah knew about yer husband before, but ah didn’t know how bad it was.
Ah won’t let him lay a hand on ye again. ”
Mazey doubted even the clan chief could keep her husband from hurting her. Regardless, the hope she would bear the child she carried, gave her a deep sense of relief.
That night, Mazey slept in a bed by herself.
Mae left the keep with Malmuira, so her bed was empty.
Baile told her to sleep there for the time being until they assigned her a job.
He instructed her not to leave the keep.
She was to remain in the room unless accompanied by an escort approved by the clan chief himself.
Mazey sat in the room's corner working on a knitting project she barely started. Lara brought her yarn and needles and instructed her to make a blanket for her bairn. Balloch would retrieve Mazey’s belongings this morning and the stress of it all weighed heavily on Mazey’s mind.
She knitted faster, hoping to work some of her feelings out into the stitches.
If baby blankets carried emotions from the maker, this one would be full of anxiety.
Probably not the best blanket for a bairn.
She already stitched a hand's width of blanket.
The soft yarn created a thick blanket. Clack, clack.
Rhythmically she took a deep inhale. Exhale.
Everything would be all right. Her mind wandered to her bairn and suddenly she felt the babe leap in her womb.
Her hand flew to her stomach, and she dared imagine what her bairn would look like.
A sweet wee girl with blond curls and dark eyes.
She would giggle and play. Mazey heard the sweet noises her newborn would make while she rocked her back and forth.
The quiet calm of the room pulled Mazey into a peaceful feeling. It eluded her for longer than she remembered. She was alone, and for now, she and her bairn were safe. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall.
A loud snore that must have come from her mouth, interrupted her sleep. Nervousness pitted in the bottom of her stomach and made her nauseated. She waited, hoping the nausea would pass, but it didn’t. It was only getting worse.
She wandered over to the door. It couldn’t hurt to sneak to the kitchen to grab bread could it? She turned the doorknob and snuck out of the room. Just as she rounded a corner, she collided, face first, into a broad chest.
“Umphf.” She let out a loud sound as she bounced off of Baile.
His arms crossed, and he glared down at her. “Ah thought ah told ye to stay put. What are ye doing sneaking off?”
She clambered for an answer, unsure of how to respond.
“How am ah supposed to keep ye safe if ye won’t even mind me?” It was the way Hume spoke before he hurt her.
She cowered back against the wall, tears already falling down her face. She knew what was coming next. She braced herself for the pain that would follow her breaking a rule and going against what he asked.
“Why’re ye cowering against the wall? Do ye not know what kind of man ah am? Ah won’t beat a woman for disobeying. Never once hit my wife or my children. Why do ye think ah’d start with ye?” His voice was softer and held no hint of malice.
Mazey looked up at him, the acute fear ebbed away. She looked him straight in the eyes. They weren’t the dark brown eyes of her husband. Something glimmered that caught her attention and made her want to grab hold of him. The light that glowed looked like something she saw when she was young.
Her mother brushed her hair, down slowly to her waist. She untangled her hair while they talked about the day. Today her mother was pale and tired. Ever since her father died on a raid, her pallor increased. “Now sweet girl, tell me about yer day.”
Mazey prattled on about the boy who put a frog on her head and the flowers she gathered in the meadow. Her mother coughed once and stopped brushing. “Maither, ye only brushed twenty and five strokes and ye promised me fifty!”
Her mother laughed aloud and stroked her hair again. Mazey picked up the story right where she left off. She glanced back at the sweet woman and saw the smile still on her face. Safety and warmth wrapped around her like a blanket and she saw a sparkle in her mother’s eyes.
Mazey had a habit of staring off into space when she was daydreaming. Apparently Baile asked her a question.
“Ah’m sorry.” She ventured—the best response for any situation.
“Sorry for what lass?” He sighed, probably already aware she hadn’t been listening to whatever he said.
“For disobeying ye.”
“Ah asked ye if ye were hungry.”
Her stomach rumbled in response.
Bailed laughed a good hearty laugh. “Well, that answers my question.”
She nodded and folded her arms across her stomach.
Baile put his hand between her shoulder blades and guided her towards the kitchens. “Let’s get ye some food.”
She attempted to slow her racing heart. She was safe.
He would not hurt her. No matter how many times she told herself these things, the fear continued to seep through her body.
It felt as if she were falling into an icy lake and the freezing dread pierced every part of her skin.
Food might help with the nausea. The fear would ease up. It always did.