Chapter 5
Willa
I pull up to my house at the same time Luca runs out of the Delta Nu house next door.
He waves with a grin, lighting up his face, but keeps running down the street, away from our houses to round the corner back to his.
After losing his brother to cancer last semester, he was in a depressive slump. He and Kandi have been “casually” hooking up for a few weeks, and he looks happy. He says it’s casual, but my best friend is in love.
Luca is completely obsessed with Kandi. Besides telling me she hates him several times, Kandi hasn’t talked about him at all since they started their friendly hookup.
Knowing she’s home, I make my way into her house and up to her room.
“Hey.” She turns in her desk chair to face me after I knock on the open door. “What’s up?”
I enter and close the door behind me. “What’s going on between you and Luca?”
“I’m not sure that’s any of your business.” She looks away with a soft laugh, and plays with her bright red hair that is brushed over her shoulder.
“Luca is like a brother to me.” I plead with her to understand. “He’s had a rough year, and if you plan on hurting him, that makes it my business.”
“Willa,” she scoffs and rolls her eyes. “We’re just having fun. We’re both adults–”
“Kandi,” I cut her off, “you know it’s more than that for him.”
“I haven’t made any promises.” She gets up and nervously rearranges some makeup products on her dresser. “We have a clear end date that he agreed to.” She turns the bottles around for the labels to face outward. “Friends can hook-up with no strings attached and be totally fine.”
Kandi is in denial. Luca is going to get hurt by this deal he made, and she knows it.
“He loves you, Kandi. You know this,” I say to wake her up from the lie she’s trying to convince herself to be true. “You’re breaking his heart, and he’s already dealt with enough. If you cared at all, you’d stop playing with him.”
She slams one of the bottles down on her dresser and whips around to face me. “I think you’re talking to the wrong person.” She glares at me with her hands firmly set on her curves.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I match her defensive tone and place my hands on my flat, square hips.
If she wants a fight, I’d do it for Luca. It’d be an unfair fight that Kandi wouldn’t win, and that’s the only thing holding me back.
“You know as well as I do, Vic is the one you should be talking to.” She steps closer and points to her window as if she’s pointing right at my boyfriend. “He’s the one cheating, using, and playing with your heart. Don’t project that on me. You can’t judge me or anyone, when you’re the one holding on to a man that will never respect you.”
My chest aches as I inhale a sharp, icy breath and my hands roll into tight fists. I want to hurt her. Or someone. I’ve never been in a fight outside the ice and I can’t start with Kandi. I’m not a fighter. Not like this.
It’s different during a game. It’s expected and we have pads on that protect us. I’d never intentionally hurt someone, but right now, I could.
“Screw you.” My voice cracks as I force myself to storm out of her room and run straight to mine next door. Throwing myself on my bed to have a good, cleansing cry.
Kandi is my friend or was supposed to be. But all my friends want to do is make it clear that Vic is playing me.
They don’t know him like I do.
“I have nothing against Kandi, Luca.” He smirks down at me, knowing there’s a but coming. The only thing I really have against her is that she’s going to hurt my best friend. After all, the things she said weren’t anything I haven’t heard before. “But if she doesn’t feel the same way, then she’s using you.”
“Willa,” Luca groans while we switch off on the bench press for him to spot me. “How do you know she doesn’t feel the same?”
Because I know Luca. We’ve known each other since pee-wee hockey, when I used to kick his ass on the ice. Now, he’s a six foot, broad, and blonde teddy bear. He’s in love, and Kandi is…Kandi. I’m not sure she’s capable of loving him or any man.
Luca clings to everything he loves. After the loss he and his family endured, I don’t want to see him get hurt. I just got him back in my life as the fun lovable guy he is. I can’t bear to see him break down like that again.
“Has she made your relationship exclusive? Has she told you she loves you?” I question him with the obvious evidence that she doesn’t feel the same.
“Shh!” He cuts me off. “Don’t let anyone hear that word when you’re talking about me and Kandace. She’d freak out if she thought I said it.” He goes back to resetting the weights for me. We used to lift the same amount before he bulked up.
“Exactly.” I nudge past him to sit on the bench. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I lift the bar up and lower it down over my chest. Breathe in and breathe out to come back up.
“What about you?” Luca stands back, ready to help if I need him. “All Vic is good for, is hurting you.”
I glare up at him, unable to talk through my set.
“I know I’ve never had a serious relationship before, but yours sucks.” He keeps going, digging into me all the things he and everyone else who gets a chance has pointed out before.
Five. Six…
“We love each other.Butt out, Luca,” he mimics me. “No one is perfect. I’m giving her time to realize that I’m the guy for her. I’ll take it as slow as she needs to for as long as it takes.”
Ten. I drop the bar back in the holder, pissed that he brought up my relationship to defend his nonexistent one.
“Take it from me, it’s not worth the pain.” I leave him to do the last of his set by himself.
“Willa-bean, don’t be upset.” Luca follows me to the smoothie and snack counter. “I don’t want to fight with you. I want you to trust me, that I know what I’m doing and be there if I fail.” He winks at me, and his signature skewed dimples deepen with his playful smirk.
He’s happy and I should be happy for him, but it’s not going to work out. How can I sit back and just watch him fail? I will, because I’d rather not lose my best friend over a girl he’s fucking.
“I hope it works out,” I say begrudgingly with my chin up and my arms set firmly over my chest. If this is what he wants, there’s nothing I can do.
It’s not fun being at the brunt of everyone”s scrutiny over your relationship. As much as I don’t like the idea of this deal he has with Kandi, I’ll be here when he needs me.
Luca’s elbow nudges my arm, but I don’t waver from the short line leading to the counter. He does it again until I’m shaking, trying to hide my laugh, and he’s dancing like an idiot in the smoothie line next to me.
“You’re so annoying.” I flick his ear.
“Ow!” He pouts and rubs the side of his head.
Right as I move to step up to the counter, he elbows me again, forcing my weight to the side and making me stumble to fall on my ass. “Luca!”
He laughs with his head thrown back and doesn’t do anything to help me up.
“I’m going to miss you,” he says and throws his thick arm over me into a headlock once I’m standing again.
“You’re stuck with me until I graduate.” I push him off.
“Yeah, maybe.” He looks off to the side to avoid looking at me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” He looks at his phone. “I gotta go. Are we good?” He points his thumb over his shoulder asking if we’re done working out, but making sure we’re not really fighting.
Luca is family. No matter how annoying he is, he’s still a brother to me. I only wish he’d trust me the way he’s asking for my trust.
I wish I had the same confidence he does in his relationship.
I’m not playing my best.
My head isn’t in the game and I’m surprised we’re not losing.
“Heads up.” Jocelyn whistles right before I get checked into the boards.
I didn’t see the girl coming and get knocked hard up against the glass while trying to keep control of the puck. Her stick fights with mine as we both attempt to get it out and slap it to our teammates. Her hard body keeps me pressed against the glass as I struggle to get my stick between the boards and the puck.
She’s in a better position than I am, but luckily, Jocelyn comes to my rescue. Slipping her stick in as I slap the other girl’s away, she takes the puck out. I hold the other player back to give Jocelyn room as she winds up and shoots the puck through the zone.
The puck flies up with ice spraying behind it to pass the goalie diving to save it. It sails less than an inch over the goalie’s glove and into the back of the net to light the lamp up.
“Yeah,” I shout and wrap my arm around Jocelyn’s shoulder as the rest of the team comes around to celebrate the winning goal.
It’s my fault we were in overtime. I should’ve blocked the other team’s last goal, but my focus on the game kept wavering and they all knew it. Coach kept me on the bench longer than usual and that last check I took could’ve cost us the game if Jocelyn hadn’t come to my aide.
Vic is away for a competition with the rest of his co-ed Husky Slopes Team, consisting of skiers and snowboarders. We didn’t say goodbye on good terms. Ever since we had the discussion, or more like I tried to discuss our future together after graduation, he’s been distant.
We’ve had our fights over the years, but this last one was particularly bad. I get pushy, and I pushed him too hard to talk about it. He told me he didn’t want to think about leaving Drexton, and I kept asking. We cleared the air right before he left and decided it was better to go with the flow.
“What’s with you today?” Jocelyn sits down on the bench next to me in the locker room. “You’ve been off all week and have barely spoken to me.”
Besides having a fight with Vic, I haven’t talked to Kandi since our fight. It hasn’t been a good few weeks. I’m worried about Luca being in love with Kandi, and she hasn’t changed anything since our talk. Luca is still in and out of her house at all different times throughout the day, and Kandi hasn’t tried to talk to me since the stuff she said about Vic and I.
I can’t talk to Jocelyn about it because I know exactly what she’ll say, and she’ll agree with Kandi. Instead of helping me through it, they blame Vic. They always do.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mutter and pull my clean shirt over my head.
“It’s Vic, isn’t it? What did he do now, Willa?” She straddles the bench and slides down closer, urging me to tell her.
“It’s not Vic.”
She crosses her arms and raises her one brow to call me out on the lie.
“It’s not his fault. I’m worried about graduating next spring.” Ignoring her scrutiny, I continue packing my bag.
“What would you have to be worried about? You’re a straight-A student, a killer hockey player that any team would be excited to sign, and—”
“Tomlin,” Coach Higgins calls out, interrupting her incessant praise. “The Bobcats responded.” He comes around when the female coach whistles that it’s clear for him to enter. “Are you sure this is what you want? I sent your information to a few other teams that I thought would be a better match for you.”
Vic had mentioned working for his father in Salt Lake City after graduating a few times. It makes the most sense that he’ll want to take over the firm eventually. When he wouldn’t talk to me about it, I preemptively asked Coach Higgins to send my information to the Utah Bobcats. They”re not far from the city and then I’ll only be a short plane ride away from my parents.
“No,” Jocelyn scoffs. “The Utah Bobcats? That isn’t what she wants. Willa–” She shakes her head, disappointed at me when I nod to agree with him.
“I still have time to think about it, but I’m positive it’s my top choice right now.” I hold my head high, appearing confident in my decision.
“Alright.” He smiles sadly, agreeing with Jocelyn. “They want more information, but you have plenty of time before signing anything.”
Coach leaves without another word, but the weight of each step as he makes his way out of the locker room presses down on me. I hate disappointing the people that believe in me most, but they’d never understand.
Jocelyn grabs a pad from her hockey gear lying on the floor and tosses it into her locker. “I hope you don’t screw up your entire life for him.”
“It’s a hockey team. I’ll be playing hockey.” Playing hockey and having a life with my boyfriend are the only things I really need.
“Did he convince you to do that?”
We lift our full bags over our shoulders and head out of the room.
“I haven’t told him yet. Talking about graduation makes him anxious.”
“If this is what you really want, you need to stand up for yourself,” Jocelyn preaches as we walk side by side down the long hallway. “You’re deciding your life around him, and he needs to start treating you better.”
“I’m going to talk to him, but I have to do it carefully. I don”t want to start a fight.” I zip my jacket closed as we step out into the chilly air. It’s getting colder out, and soon winter will come to freeze the entire campus.
There’s not much time to relax before Luca and Jocelyn are separately convincing me to go to tonight”s party at the Hockey House. The guys won their game tonight too, and both teams are looking to celebrate.
“Why are you so dressed up?” I eye Jocelyn’s sheath dress under the thin jacket she’s wearing. “It’s freezing out tonight.”
“I wanted to look nice.” She blushes. “And I kinda want to get laid.”
I laugh it off, but it means at some point I”m heading home alone.
“I heard from Chelsea that Carter is fantastic in bed,” she gushes as we walk into the already packed house. “Supposedly, he’s huge.” She raises her hands up to exaggerate the size of Carter’s big penis.
“Carter is an ass,” I grumble thinking about our last encounter and every one before that.
“He is, but he has a cute ass too.” She winks with a laugh.
Jocelyn is beautiful with long, caramel blonde wavy hair. We both have an athletic build, but she pulls it off better with soft curves versus my boxy straight frame. She could have any guy she wants, but all her focus is on hockey. I’ve never seen her with the same guy for more than a month, and she’s never talked about having any interest in a relationship.
“I want to have a fun night.” She grabs my arm, steering me to the kitchen. “Fun and dirty.”
“I’ll be your winger.” I find a group of big guys and give her a nice hip check into them.
She stumbles in her heeled boots and falls right into the biggest one.
“Sorry,” Jocelyn apologizes with an embarrassed laugh and pinches my bicep to keep us moving, but those guys are now staring at her ass. Mission accomplished.
It’s not long before one of them finds us and they’re flirting relentlessly, leaving me to wander around the house alone. Luca isn’t far from the front door, bouncing on his heels.
“Congrats on your win, Kingivson.” I lightly punch his arm.
“You too, Tomlin.” He grins back at me and goes back to scanning the crowd. He can barely keep his legs still, and his fingers tap against his thigh.
“That slapshot was sick.” I nudge him again to get his attention.
“Yeah, it was alright. How was your game?” He barely looks at me, still searching for Kandi.
“Looking for Kandi?”
His cheeks redden with the indents of his dimples.
“You’re going to get hurt.” I stand up from the wall to talk without his eyes wandering over the party.
“I don’t think you should give out relationship advice,” he scoffs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My entire body tenses, ready to go on defense and fight my way out of this.
“You know exactly what I mean, Willa.” His jaw ticks with a click of his tongue as he glares down at me. “Where’s Vic? Screwing someone else while you stand here waiting for him?”
I step back. Vic isn’t here, but it doesn’t mean that’s not what he’s doing a few hours away with the rest of his co-ed team. It’s what happens all the time, and I’ve become immune to it, but it’s the hard look on my best friend’s face that has me losing my composure.
All I want to do is protect him, but it’s getting harder to hide how broken I am. I thought Luca would understand.
“Hey.” Kandi touches my arm and smiles up at Luca.
She’s here. She came to the party and came right for Luca. Vic constantly leaves me, and these two commitment phobes are seeking each other out. They appear like a lovesick, happy couple, drowning out everyone else around them.
“Fuck you, Luca.” I turn on my heels and rush to the door to get as far away as possible.
It doesn’t matter where I’m going, it’ll still suffocate me.
My friends. My coach. My parents. And even Vic.
They all want me to do or be something I’m not. They all expect me to do more and be more.
“Willa, wait up.”
I half expect it to be Luca running after me, but he’s engulfed in Kandi. Carter runs up and catches my arm to spin me around.
“Hey listen—” He stops when he sees my face. “What happened?”
He looks back at the house and inches closer to me. Protecting me from anyone else’s view and looking to see who he has to fight.
But then I remember, I’m mad at him.
He’s just like the rest of them.