Chapter 8
Willa
Carter slides into the empty seat next to me while we wait for Coach Higgins to come and start our class.
The semester is nearly over and Carter managed to stay unseen.
“There are plenty of empty seats up there.” I point to the other side of the room and the few empty seats.
“But sitting next to you is a lot more fun.” He smirks and slides his chair closer.
“Can you not?” I shuffle my chair away from him. “Thanks to you, Vic thinks there’s something going on between us.”
Carter throws his head back in an obnoxious laugh.
“That’s rich.” He cackles as if there’s something funny about what he started. “Vic is accusing you of cheating? That’s fucking brilliant.”
“No one asked you to get involved.” I move my chair even further away.
“He deserved to get his ass kicked.” Carter leans in closer. “He didn’t tell you what I walked in on, did he?”
“I can handle it myself.” I gather my book and laptop. My chair tips back onto the floor from the force of me standing. Hastily, I push it back in and take all my stuff to the other side of the room to get as far away from Carter as I can.
He can be a real jerk when he wants to be. He’s probably right, Vic deserved what he got for breaking his promise and doing whatever he was doing, but fighting him didn’t solve anything. It made it worse.
The professor comes in, fixing his disheveled black hair, just as I get myself situated. I had such a good seat on the other side. It was closer and didn’t show the glare on my screen and the board from the window.
I keep my focus on class. I can’t get into any more trouble with Coach Higgins.
I accepted Luca’s apology, and we made up quickly the next day as if nothing was bothering us. He was having a terrible game too, and he and Kandi broke off their casual fling.
He didn’t give me the details, but having my best friend back makes things easier. I’m bummed about the suspension. Vic and I have been fighting on and off for weeks.
“Are you going to be hanging out with your good friend, Carter, while I’m away?” He’s pissed that I can”t go on the ski trip with him. It’s the Kappa’s charity ski trip for two days up in the closest mountain resort.
Coach Higgins got word the guy’s hockey team was banned from going, so he banned us as well. I don’t blame him. The Kappa’s all get hammered and do stupid tricks off the slopes. There’s always at least one person injured. Last year, it was a couple of guys on the ski team and a freshman from the women’s hockey team.
“Why would I hang out with him?” I fold Vic’s ski pants and pack them into his suitcase while he watches. He can never get all his gear in the tiny case. “I told you nothing is going on between us. The girls and I are having a party tomorrow night and then I’ll hang out the rest of the weekend with Jocelyn.”
“Why else would he come storming in here? You’re having an affair with him.” He sits down and leans over his suitcase to get in my face. “Everyone sees it. He sits next to you in class.”
He hasn’t stopped. Every day, Vic accuses me of sleeping with Carter, and sometimes Luca. He got jealous of Luca too when he first arrived at Drexton Hall, but Luca is like my brother. I have no attraction to Luca or Carter.
“That’s enough.” I grip the edge of the suitcase that I so neatly packed for him.
It’s all coming to a head. My suspension that Vic barely acknowledged, the constant accusation that I’m cheating on him, and him pushing for me to go on this stupid ski trip they go on every year.
I can’t take it anymore.
“He came in here,” Vic ignores me, “scaring the shit out of Deanna.”
“Deanna?” I snap. “What was Deanna doing in your room, Vic?”
“What?” Vic stands from the bed, going on the defensive. “Nothing. She came to say hi and talk about Drake.”
“That’s such crap.” I knock his open suitcase on the floor, ruining the time I spent putting it together. Every moment I spent with Vic has been a waste of time. “Do you think I don’t know? I have never cheated on you, but you’re constantly sleeping with whoever you please, and I don’t say anything.”
I grab my coat and head for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m done hoping one day you’ll change. We are so over.”
“Willa,” Vic pulls me back and slams the door shut to keep me from leaving, “let’s talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I throw my hands up. “I do everything for you and you couldn’t even come to my game. I’m done being walked all over.”
“Please.” Vic rubs my shoulders for me to put my arms down. “Please, let’s talk about this. I thought you loved me.”
My heart breaks for all the good times we had together. Every experience we shared, and all the dreams we talked about, but that all feels like another lifetime ago.
“I do love you,” I sigh and step back into the room. “But it needs to stop. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I love you, Willa.” He wraps me in his thick arms. “I drink and I barely know what I’m doing. I’m so sorry I’ve been unfaithful.” His body shakes against mine as I rub his hard back. “I promise it won’t happen again.”
“I said, enough is enough,” I regale Jocelyn with how I finally stood up for myself. “I told him I’m done being a pushover and we’re over.”
“Finally.” She pumps her fist in the air, taking a moment from making pi?a coladas for our celebration. “I am so proud of you.”
We’re celebrating our team’s victory they got yesterday without me and the semester that’s coming to an end. The Kappa’s big charity ski trip starts tonight, but the local news is calling for a huge snowstorm. The school can’t ban the entire student body from going up the mountain. Technically, the coaches can’t ban us either but if we go, we get benched.
It’s not worth the risk to miss more games.
Our sorority consists of mostly hockey players, and to make the sting of missing out on the ski event, we’re having an indoor beach party. Jocelyn and I went all out getting decorations. Beach chairs, blow up palm trees, tropical flowers and even those tiny umbrellas for our drinks.
“Let’s toast to being single and free of that jerk.” Jocelyn passes me a glass and holds hers up.
“Well, um,” I stutter to think of a good way to say this. “I”m, I’m not exactly single.”
“Oh, Willa.” She lowers her arm and her smile disappears.
“He apologized and begged and—”
“Willa,” Jocelyn stops me. “He’s cheating on you!”
“He admitted he has been unfaithful.”
“Unfaithful?” She scoffs at the word and flips back her long, blonde hair. “That’s a nice way of putting it.”
“He promised to change. He promised me he wants to change, and he loves me. I love him, Joce. I love him so much and I want to believe he’ll change.” I take a deep breath to settle down and stop myself from crying again. He cried too. “I’m giving him one more chance. If I suspect anything, we’re done.”
“I hope so.” She rolls her eyes and chugs down her drink without toasting me.
I take a small sip and fix my bikini top before checking my phone. We turned up the heat and dressed up in our bathing suits to complete the theme. Jocelyn and I found grass skirts for a Hawaiian look. I sent a picture to Vic, and he responded with his own picture of him fully covered in his ski jacket and pants.
I’m not normally a big drinker. With so much to celebrate, I thought I’d drink more tonight, but Jocelyn’s doubts put me in a sour mood and I’ve barely touched the single drink I started this night off with.
“I heard it’s really supposed to snow tonight,” our sorority sister, Brianne, checks the weather app on her phone. She helps with our event planning and will take over for Jocelyn as the president once we graduate. “Should we cut our party short to make sure everyone gets back safely?”
Only the freshmen, and a couple of seniors who live off campus don’t live in the Beta sorority house.
“We can turn this into a sleepover if we need to,” I suggest. “We’d just have to pull together any extra blankets and pillows.”
We haven’t had a real snowstorm in years. The weatherman always calls for a chance of a blizzard and the most we get is three inches, but it’s better to be safe.
Jocelyn makes the final decision. “We give them the option to stay and can keep partying or they have to head home before getting caught in the storm.”
“We haven’t had more than a few inches of snowfall here since freshman year.” I put my melted frozen pi?a colada down on the counter once Brianne leaves us.
“True, but I don’t want to be responsible for any accidents if it does.” She sighs and sits down next to me. “We should really start cleaning up.”
“We should.”
Neither one of us makes any attempt to get up. Parties are fun, but the cleanup is the worst part.
“We should have invited the guys from the Hockey House over.” She smirks and does a slight shimmy of her shoulders.
“According to Luca, the guys are playing video games or have passed out. Coach Renan drilled them really hard today in case they have to cancel practice tomorrow.” I shrug, watching the other girls close up the karaoke machine we brought out.
“Willa,” Kylie, a sophomore, comes up and rubs my arm. She came late after visiting with her boyfriend, Alex, at the Hockey House but is already drunk after downing a few shots to catch up with the other girls. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Vic.”
Jocelyn leans out on the edge of her seat to listen.
“What do you mean?” I sit up straighter.
“Deeana said he broke up with you.” She pouts.
Jocelyn nearly falls out of her seat.
“No, he didn’t,” I snap at her.
Some of the girls wave and come to say goodbye, interrupting us.
“Kylie.” I stop her from going up to her room. “Why would Deeana say that?”
She shrugs and looks away to hide her face.
“Show her,” Danielle urges and eyes Kylie’s phone.
Kylie sighs and opens her phone, but Jocelyn grabs it before she can show me.
“That dick.” Her mouth drops open with a sharp gasp.
It can’t be true. I check my phone again and see the last message he sent me was twenty minutes ago.
Vic: I love you.
With a kissing face and a heart.
“It can’t be.” I shake my head.
Taking the phone from Jocelyn, I scroll through the damning pictures.
Deeana with all the guys in the cabin.
“He said there wouldn’t be any girls there,” I utter, checking signs of a lie on each one.
Deeana sitting on Drake’s lap.
Sitting on Vic’s lap.
It looks like she sat on all of them. That doesn’t mean anything besides her being a huge flirt.
Drake holding Deeana while she leans back, touching Vic’s chin. Vic texting on his phone while Deeana snaps selfies of her in both guy’s laps.
Some more selfies of her giving duck lips.
Kylie sending pictures back of her and Alex.
I pause at the next one, it’s Deeana kissing Vic with those same pursed lips. Vic’s hand on her breast while they keep kissing. And if you look really hard at the one after that, Drake’s hand is up her dress and Vic’s tongue is down her throat.
“They like to share,” Kylie says as if I need an explanation of what’s happening.
“Those pictures are disgusting, Kylie.” Danielle sneers at our sorority sister.
“They’re not meant for everyone to see,” she fires back.
“He promised,” I whimper. Clearly, he broke that promise.
He’s not pushing her away. He’s not just drunk and doesn’t know what’s happening. He texted me right before the picture was taken. The phone is still in his hand.
“His girlfriend is your Beta sister.” Danielle fights with Kylie over me.
“That didn’t stop you from kissing Alex,” Kylie defends herself, but I have a feeling she wasn’t just hooking up with Drake a few months ago.
They like to share.
“You were broken up,” Danielle yells back.
“That fucking prick,” Jocelyn mutters, ignoring their fight while I stare stunned at the evidence of his betrayal. “Come, let’s do shots and forget about him.”
She takes the phone from my hands and steers me toward the kitchen, but I shake free and run up to my room. I’m not interested in doing shots or wallowing over my cheating boyfriend.
I need to end this.
We spoke yesterday. It’s only been twenty-four hours. We talked again this morning and he begged me not to leave him. He swore over and over he wouldn’t do this.
“Willa, what are you doing?” Jocelyn comes to my door, watching me fling my clothes around my room.
I quickly change into my leggings and tank top, pulling a sweater over it, before I find my snow boots and winter coat.
“I’m going to confront him.”
“You can’t go up there,” she blocks the door with her arms and legs stretched out like a star. “They’re calling for a blizzard.”
“It’s not snowing yet.” I double check outside to confirm. “He won’t answer his phone and there’s no apologizing for this. I’m done.”
“Exactly,” she holds my shoulders down once I get my coat on. “It’s done. There’s no confronting him because it’s over. There’s no reason to give him a chance to apologize.” She pulls me into a hug and normally I welcome any hug, but not this time.
I want to kill him.
I want to shove his begging and apologies down his throat and ask him why.
Why am I not good enough?
“I’m going to get changed.” Jocelyn takes my coat off and throws it on the bed. “And then we are going to drink and talk shit about Vic. Ok?”
I feel my head nodding but it’s the last thing I want to do.
As soon as she leaves I stare at my keys and decide I need to do this. To truly move on and break it off, I need to do it now.
Grabbing my keys and my coat, I head out to my car and drive off to his cabin.
I pass right by the girls trying to pull Danielle and Kylie apart as they grapple each other to the floor. Pulling hair and screaming obscenities. No one notices me leaving.
I’m out on the highway by the time Jocelyn calls my phone. She calls several times, but I ignore it and follow the GPS.
The small looped highway only has five exits, and I pass each one, barely reading the signs. I’m blindly following the spoken directions coming out from the blue tooth. All I can think about is why.
Why would he do it? Why would he lie and make promises just to break them? Why am I not good enough for him?
There were so many signs and so many times he’s told me to change. To wear shorter skirts. To put on more makeup. Wear perfume, but not that perfume. Kiss this way, and not that way. Laugh quieter. Speak normal. I was never enough for him.
I’ll never be enough for anyone. I was never a girl’s girl and turns out I’m not much of a guy’s girl either.
Tears stream down my face as the snow begins to fall.
What am I doing?
The GPS cuts out and then tells me to turn but I can’t see the road.
Jocelyn calls again and this time I answer.
“Where are you?” she asks in a panic. “Did you make it there?”
“Not yet, I can barely see the road.” It’s already covered in white and the snow is still coming down, but I know I’m on a road because otherwise I’d be in a tree.
I must’ve turned off the highway. There are trees on either side of the narrow winding road. I’m on the mountain. That much I’m sure of.
“Shit,” I gasp as the wind pushes the car to the side when I take my hand off the wheel to look at the map.
“How close are you?” Jocelyn asks, and I didn’t think I was close at all, but it’s been almost two hours since I left, so I should be there soon.
“I think I’m close. The map on my phone keeps cutting in and out.” Right now, the blue dot is showing that I’m in the middle of the valley in the small river, unable to pinpoint where I am.
They’re in the same cabin as last year and if I passed the first cabin, it should be a straight shot right to it. All the cabins are lined up on one street and Vic’s cabin is the last one.
“It’s supposed to get worse. You need to find another cabin and stay with someone else. Kandi and some other Deltas are up there,” she suggests, but it’s not that easy.
I can’t make out the driveways that lead to the cabins. I think I see lights every once in a while, to the side, but I don’t see how to get to them.
“No, it won’t work. This road leads right to Vic’s cabin. I can make it there.” The wind pushes my car to the side again, making me tense on the steering wheel. “I think.”
“I’m going to stay on—” a beep cuts Jocelyn off, “—get there.”
I reach for my charger when I remember I didn’t bring it.
“Shit,” It’s down to nine percent. Being in and out of service has completely drained the battery. “Jocelyn, I have to go.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I let Vic borrow my cord to charge the phone in the car.”
“Oh my god, Willa. Mess—” the phone cuts out.
Shit, shit, shit.
The roaming sucked the life out of my phone in a matter of seconds.
It’s ok. I just have to stay on this road.
It will be ok.
I will be ok.
I’m on a mountain with some light snow coming down. It’s not so bad.
Only, the more I drive the worse it gets. Snow and wind whirl around outside causing me to slow down until I can’t see anything but white.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I attempt to pull over on the side, hoping I’m not in the middle of the road, but I doubt anyone would be stupid enough to be driving in this.
Except me.
What was I thinking?
I have to be close. I’ve been driving forever, and … oh god. I’m almost out of gas. Under normal conditions I could’ve gotten up and down with no issues. I’ve done this drive several times on less than half a tank. But that was also on clear sunny days when I didn’t have the defroster on full blast and I’m not driving at a snail’s pace afraid I’m going to miss a curve and head straight into a tree.
I check through every window to get my surroundings while I’m stopped.
I should be close. The snow isn’t sticking as bad as it was, but the wind is making it worse. As soon as the wind slows down, I’ll be able to keep going.
“Come on, let up just a little bit,” I scream at the wind pelting against my window. “Fuck it.”
I put the car back in drive, creeping along with the two feet I can see in front of me. It looks like the road curves ahead and I attempt to follow it, only for my tires to scrape against the bank of snow and brush.
Shit. I shriek through my clenched teeth, and stop again, afraid I’ll end up driving off the road and into a tree or off a cliff.
It seems waiting it out is the better option. As long as I have heat, I can wait it out. But then I remember a story I heard my first semester. A man got stuck on the mountain. His car couldn’t get through the snow so he sat and waited in the car. The snow was so heavy, and the exhaust wasn’t getting out. They didn’t find him for days.
I shudder at the thought and open the window a crack.
I’m being irrational. The snow isn’t heavy enough to cover my car. There’s barely any on the car. Most of it is getting whipped around into the trees.
My gas light beeps again with a frightening reminder of how screwed I am.
Five minutes.
I’ll stay for five minutes and then try again.
Ten minutes pass and it’s not getting any better.
I keep using the windshield wipers to keep the glass clear, but it’s building up on the sides. The wiper fluid has frozen, and it’s of no use. Nothing will work.
There’s no way I’ll make it. Not unless I conserve gas some way. I turn the car off and put my window back up to keep some of the heat in.
This was such a bad idea.
Pulling on my hat and gloves, I tuck my legs into my coat to keep warm.
I’m going to be ok.
I will survive this.
Tears cloud my eyes and I let them fall with my head on my knees.
I’m such an idiot. I believed him. I wanted to believe he would change, but here I am chasing after the promises he broke.
The howling wind dies down but when I pick my head up, the snow is coming down in the size of golf balls and sticking to the car. It’s not even melting as it hits because the car isn’t warm enough. I’ve been sitting here too long and need to move.
I have to be close.
The engine revs when I push the button to start, but quickly sputters out. The gas light pings a bright red. I try again but the same thing happens. Going for a third time, I hold it down longer, and… nothing.
No engine.
No sputter.
I’m done.
I’m out of gas and out of my fucking mind. A loud agonizing scream screeches out of me.
Why did I do this?
Why do I let him do this to me?
Over and over, Vic has hurt me. Time and time again he breaks his promises. And yet, I can never let him go. I drove up here to break up with him once and for all, but a part of me imagined getting to his cabin and he’d beg and apologize all over again. He would finally realize the mistakes he’s made and make it up to me somehow.
I imagined finally standing up to him, but if I’m being completely honest, I would’ve taken him back. I would’ve told him it’s over and held my ground for a minute before letting him worm his way back to me.
I’m pathetic.
I can defend my team against a group of brutal women fighting their hearts out for a trophy, but I can’t defend myself against one guy.
Wiping the tears away, I get out of the car. I know I have to be close to at least one cabin. I need to survive. I need to live and do right by me.
Staying in the direction I was traveling, I keep close to the edge of the tree line. Wrapping my arms around my body and pushing against the wind. It’s freezing and my thin leggings are soaked through.
A burst of wind shifts me to the side. I try to step back into the road, but I trip over a small branch. Afraid of going over and tumbling down the mountain, I lean into the road. My ankle rolls and twists under me as I fall.
A cry screeches out of me as a fiery pain slices up my leg. “Oh my god. No. No.” I try to stand but the pressure on my ankle causes another sharp sting across my foot. “Please, no. It can’t…please.” Again, I try to stand, but the pain is even worse.
I hobble a step to a tree and lean against it.
It’s broken. I know it is without even looking at it.
“Please, no.” I beg into the wind, whimpering against the tree as I lose all hope. I can’t walk.
Every tiny step I take causes another shot of pain. Trying anything, I put pressure just on my toes but that only sears into my shin.
I hop on one foot to the next tree. Anything to get further. Landing on a mound of snow covered roots, I lose my balance and fall on my ankle again. This time I hear the crack before another shot runs up the side of my calf to my knee.
Screaming and whimpering I hoist myself against the tree.
This is it.
The crack was the sound of my hockey career ending.
I won’t have Vic. I won’t have hockey.
I have nothing.
The wind comes and goes and the snow keeps falling. Survival instincts have me curled up inside my coat, but I have nothing to survive for.
I can’t feel my fingertips and the pain in my ankle must’ve made me black out. It’s lighter out than it was a second ago.
My legs are numb. My ass is numb.
It’s so cold.
Is he out looking for me? I doubt he even knows I came.
No one knows where I am.
It’s so cold.
The game. I’m going to miss the game if I don’t get back in time.
It’s too cold to move.
Coach is going to be mad at me.
My parents.
I let my team down.
So cold.
“Willa,” a voice calls to me from down a tunnel.
Am I dead?
“I got you.”
I’m ready to go. I’m so cold.
“Hold on.”