Chapter 22
Carter
Dad texts me as soon as Willa jumps off my dick.
He was wondering what was taking me so long, and kept drinking before I could get home.
That’s when reality set in.
I’m not good enough for Willa.
Whack.
I can’t be with her and drag her down into my shitty life.
Pow.
I’ll become just like him.
Whack.
I don’t deserve her.
Pow.
Mom creeps past the door with tears welled up in her eyes. Her hands shake in front of her mouth.
“Have you had enough?” Dad runs his tired hand through his slick hair to fix the loose strand that fell over his sweat covered red face. “Did you learn your lesson?”
Mom nods, willing me to give in.
“No.” I shake my head slowly. “What lesson was that again?”
He winds back, and swings forward. His fist makes contact with my cheek and I stumble back onto the floor.
Fuck.
Mom shrieks and holds on to the door frame, stopping herself from running in to help me.
He’s never hit my face before. It’s always my chest or abdomen. Sometimes my back when I became too old to have my ass spanked. Never the face.
I usually give in by now.
My father stands over me, leaning down to check my face.
“Don’t ever lose a game like that again. Those penalties were a fucking embarrassment.” He points at me, spewing spit as he talks. “You’re a fucking embarrassment.”
I bite my tongue to stop from talking back. It isn’t worth it.
I’m a twenty-one-year-old man who can’t stand up to his father. It isn’t worth it. I am an embarrassment. He’ll take it out on mom, and I’d rather be his punching bag than let him touch her.
“Carter.” Mom slides down next to me once he’s gone from the room. “I’m so sorry.” She cries as her shaking hands check on my wounds. “I’ll get ice.”
My head throbs as I sit up. He’s getting worse. The drinking is more excessive, along with the punches. It started off with one slap across the back of my head for spilling a box of cereal and increased from there.
“Here.” Mom comes back with a towel and an ice pack. “Sit up on the couch.” She helps me up onto the den’s crisp, off-white leather couch. “I’m so sorry, Carter.” Her hands are still shaking as she rubs my arms and chest.
She always apologizes for him.
“Why can’t you leave?” I hold her hand still. “Mom, why can’t you leave him?”
She refuses to look at me as she nervously shakes her head. “You only have a few more months. Just stay at school.”
“And then what?” I tighten my hold to stop her from leaving. “Please leave him. I can’t leave you here with him.”
“It’s ok. He won’t hurt me.” She pulls her hands away and fiddles with the towel in her lap. “He expects a lot of his sons. Now, hold the ice pack to your cheek.”
“And his daughter?”
Mom sucks in a breath. Barely glancing my way. She squeezes her eyes shut and the tears roll down her cheeks.
“He didn’t—”
“Then why?” I stop her from lying for him. “You know he hurt her. It was happening right in front of us.”
“You don’t know that.” She shakes her head, but we all know it.
We may not have seen or heard it happening, but the evidence was there. Janisa is gone because he hurt her, and no one did anything to stop it.
“Please,” she begs and holds my hand, “just go.”
She gets up and leaves me in the den, trudging up the steps to her bedroom to deal with my father, who is likely passed out after exerting himself.
The brief happiness I felt with Willa is gone. This is my reality.
There’s a small party still going on when I get to the Hockey House. No one notices when I come through the door, and I’m able to make it down to the basement without being stopped.
The ice pack I took from home is warm, but it’ll have to do. I’m not taking my chances to get another one. Sleep overcomes me as I dream about my sister, Janisa. The same recurring dream of her running through the forest in the mountains. Her pink robe flapping in the wind as she looks over the edge, preparing to jump.
Only this time it’s not Janisa, it’s me. I’m the one with my arms held out wide, leaning into the wind.
My eyes close to feel the wind wrap around me like a cloud. And when I open them, a pair of bright blue eyes stare back at me.
The wind moves her short blond hair over her face, but her eyes never leave mine.
“Breathe, Carter.” She places her hand over my heart. “I got you.”
I close my eyes and hold her hand against me.
Her soft voice is distant. Whirling around me in a whisper. “You’re a good man.”
“Jesus, what happened to your face?” Gentry pulls my shoulder back to get a good look at my cheek.
“Nothing.” I brush him off. I’ve been able to hide the welt from everyone so far, but it’s in the middle of my face. We have Power Skate this morning and then have to head off to the gym.
There’s a good bruise forming under my right eye, from where my father hit me. That’s why he doesn’t normally go for the face; the bruises on my torso can be kept hidden, easily explained by playing a rough game.
“Is it from the fight yesterday?” Gentry questions me as he gets his gear on. “He got you good, huh?”
Hearing our conversation, Braydon looks over from across the locker room. He stares at me a few beats before quickly looking away to pay attention to the surrounding conversations.
He knows. We both live it, but he won’t say anything and either will I.
“Yeah, I guess.” I shrug. “I didn’t even feel it.”
That excuse is good enough for him, and I don’t dare take my shirt off in front of the guys. It’s even worse than my face.
We skate out onto the ice and line up.
Willa watches and helps on the sidelines, but I see it on her face the moment she notices mine.
Her big beautiful eyes widen like saucers, but she quickly covers it up, looking down at her own hands to avoid looking at me.
They push us hard through drills, and Willa does well to avoid showing favorites. She’s good at separating her personal feelings toward any of the guys and maintaining professionalism. Coach has her working more with the freshmen to stop any complaints of that, too.
They need the most work anyway.
We break for a quick breakfast before having to head to the gym to meet with the trainers. They’ll check us out for injuries and give us tips on what to work on at the gym, but I’m trying to avoid a full examination.
I stay behind, and take a quick shower just to prolong having to meet back up with them. I’ll get in trouble for being late, but it’s better than having to explain the multiple welts over my chest and sides.
“Sorry!” Willa shrieks and covers her face from seeing me naked when I step out without a towel on.
The locker room is completely empty, and I wasn’t expecting anyone, least of all her, to be waiting for me.
“Willa, you’ve seen it before.” I try to laugh it off, but it doesn’t come out.
I wrap the towel around my midsection and open my bag to find clothes.
“Right.” She clears her throat. “I’m so sorry about your face.”
I turn to question what she’s sorry for, but her mouth drops at the sight of the many other bruises scattered on my body.
“Carter, what happened?” She rushes to my side and lightly smoothes her hands over my chest and abs. “I didn’t…” she stops and looks at my face, knowing the answer to what happened.
My eyes close, relishing in the feel of her small, soft hands on my damp skin.
“This isn’t from me, is it?” She touches my cheek before fixing the long strand from the top of my hair.
“You thought it was from you?” I laugh and hold her hand away from my cheek.
“Well, I…” her lips tilt and she looks at her hand. “I thought I hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me.” I leer at her, hoping she believes me.
No matter what she does, she could never hurt me. None of this is her fault, and I don’t feel pain. Not even he can hurt me anymore.
Willa pulls away and shakes out her hands.
“Do you want to get breakfast with me?”
“Nah.” I hold up my half eaten protein bar. “I need to go convince the trainers the fight I was in was worse than anyone thought.”
“What about dinner later?” She looks away when I slip my boxers on.
“No, I have plans.”
“With who?” she snaps, but quickly looks away again when she sees me still changing.
“You’re not my only friend, Willa.” I grin, loving how upset she’s getting over me turning her down. She is so jealous, but she has nothing to be jealous of.
“I know.” She glances back to make sure I’m fully covered before facing me. “I’m just wondering who you’re hanging out with.”
“Relax.” I smirk at her before pulling my shirt on. “It’s with people from the firehouse.”
“Oh.” She pouts, and waits for me to walk out with her.
“Do you want to come?” I nudge her with my elbow as we head for the door.
I never bring a girl to anything with the fire department, but I’d rather be hanging out with Willa over anyone else.
“Really? Can I?” She squints up at me, thinking it over.
“It’s fine.” I shrug, because why not? It’s not an exclusive club. The guys would love her. “It’s a casual birthday party.”
“Ok.” Willa skips excitedly as we get to the arena doors. “I’m excited to meet your friends. Can I invite Jocelyn?”
“What? No.” That’s a hard pass. Absolutely not. This little game she’s playing to fix me up with her best friend is ridiculous.
“Why not?” She frowns and stops me from opening the doors to leave with a hand on her hip.
“Willa.” I inch closer that she backs away into the wall. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours since my cock was being vice gripped by your—”
“Don’t say it.” She raises a finger in my face.
“Sweet vagina.” I wink at her. “Stop trying to set me up with your friend. It’s fucking weird.”
She rolls her eyes and pushes my shoulder back. I wince and dramatically hold my chest.
“Oh my god,” Willa gasps and checks on me.
I laugh and squeeze her ass to make her jump.
“You jerk.” She lightly punches my shoulder.
I love messing with her. My mood immediately lifts and I’m able to make it through my day.
Willa comes out in her new signature look of ripped baggy jeans and a cropped shirt.
The T-shirt singes at her waist, and I get a glimpse of her midsection through her short, open puffy coat.
“Am I dressed too casually?” She asks as she hops into the passenger seat and swings her boot in. “You didn’t give me a dress code or tell me where we’re going, but you did say, casual.”
“It’s fine. It’s at the firehouse. You could’ve worn what you had on earlier.”
The firehouse is close by, and the party started a few minutes ago. They have a bar set up on the second floor that the guys all hang out in. For Creed’s birthday, they’ll have trays of homemade mediocre bar food set up and cheap light beer for anyone who’s drinking.
It’s not at all a fancy party.
“Are there going to be any single guys there?” Willa asks quietly.
“No,” I answer shortly. “They’re all taken.”
Fuck, no one better flirt with her. I don’t need to get anymore bruises for fighting a guy tonight.
“They’re all taken?” Willa calls me out on my lie.
“Yup,” I say. “If anyone tries anything, let me know.”
“Carter—”
“Do I need to remind you whose cock was saucing your breezers last night?” I snap at her.
“Saucing my breezers?” She laughs.
“That’s right, and I have no problem reminding you of just how sauced they were.” I glance and wink at her as we drive onto the highway.
“Oh yes,” she says sarcastically. “That loch ness monster you call a cock had really made my pants wet.”
“You know it.” I grin smugly, remembering just how wet she was for me. “If you want Nessy to come out again, all you have to do is ask.”
“You’re sick.” She laughs again and lightly slaps my shoulder. “I’m not looking for sex, but it would be good to go on a date with someone nice.”
Nice. As in, not me.
“Are you ready for that?” I glance down at her boot.
“I think so.” She shrugs. “An actual date would be nice. Different from stuffing my face with tacos and riding my best friend.”
God, she’s right. I’m a selfish prick for stopping her from meeting someone that will take her on a proper date.
“Am I?” I pull into the firehouse and park the car. “Am I your best friend?”
I know we’re friends, but she said she was riding her best friend. There’s no other guy she’s taking for rides, is there?
“Yeah.” She smiles at me and shrugs. “One of them.”
“Hmph.” I toss the idea around in my head. I never really had a best friend before. I never wanted to get too close to anyone. I think Janisa was my last real best friend before she left us.
“Aren’t I yours?” Willa asks, breaking into my dark thoughts.
“Yeah.” I grin at her. “I think so.”
Creed grins when he sees me walking into the room hand-in-hand with Willa.
“Come, I want you to meet someone.” I bring Willa over to Creed as if I’m introducing my girlfriend to a father. Not my father, but I imagine this is what a normal person feels like when they have a normal father and an actual girlfriend. “This is Willa,” I introduce her after giving Creed a quick hug. “This is my chief, and the birthday boy, Creed.”
“Oh, this is Willa.” He gives Willa a friendly hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Oh.” Willa’s eyebrows rise to the top of her forehead as she glances back at me. “You talked about me?”
I shrug. I told her all about Creed, and I told Creed all about her. Everything except the sex stuff. That stuff is private.
Willa fits right in with the guys. Most of them already know who she is from the news surrounding the team, but she’s able to roll so easily with their teasing.
I stay close to keep an eye on her, but she doesn’t need me. Soon, she’s asking them to tell her stories and they have no problem embarrassing me.
“There was this one time,” John starts it off. “We got called to a motel only to find Carter with his pants around his ankles giving the patient CPR.”
“She already knows about that, and that’s not how it happened,” I stop him from telling the story of Coach Higgins.
“I got one,” Mike chimes in. “This is when we had to rescue Carter.”
I know exactly what he’s going to say, and I don’t need to hear it told again.
“Alright, I gotta take a leak,” I announce to the group. “Are you good?” I check in with Willa first before leaving her.
“I can’t wait to hear this.” She grins, motioning for Mike to keep talking.
Creed winks to let me know he’ll watch over her. She’s safe in a room with a bunch of firefighters, but she’s in a room full of a bunch of gritty dirty firefighters. I trust them with my life, but I don’t trust any of them with her.
Willa is tough. She can take care of herself. Just like she doesn’t let me get away with shit, she won’t let them.
I’ll never find a woman like Willa. It hurts like a puck slapped straight at my chest that I know I’ll never get over her. She’ll always be the girl I let go of. The shot I missed out on, and the pass that I couldn’t catch.
I’ll never have that happy life. To have the girl of my dreams is a life I could never have. Just like my father, those demons will surface and destroy everything I love.