CHAPTER SIX #3
Quite sure he’d never heard anything more ridiculous in his twenty-one years, Ethenn struggled to find the answer.
Did he want Ilain? Damn right, he did. She was somehow the most alluring, graceful, and powerful woman he’d ever witnessed.
She was bloody gorgeous too. But she was nothing like what he’d imagined a wife to be.
Ethenn had grown up happy. He had a small family—just him, his parents, and his baby sister, Terrina.
They’d lived on the outskirts of Trollenston, content and peaceful.
His father started taking him on hunts when he was only six.
As a boy, Ethenn always imagined that that would be his life.
He’d grow up, fall in love with a woman as loving and tender as his mother, and raise his own family in the glens of Estshire, hunting with his sons.
Then everything changed, and slowly, through the years, Ethenn’s dreams collapsed into rubble.
Now, he was a Warrior, and that life wasn’t accessible to him anymore.
Sure, he could marry a sweet, gentle, non-magical woman, build a home with her in the quaint countryside, and have a family together.
But he now knew that woman would die well before him, and no matter how much he loved her, she’d never be able to give him that rush—the sense of total clarity and perfection—that a Mage could.
Their children would have a father who outlived them too. And what sort of life would that be?
Ilain Calder was everything Ethenn hadn’t wanted. She was fierce, dangerous, driven, and significant. She was fire embodied. A life with her would look nothing like the dreams of his youth.
And yet, he wanted her. Deep in his soul, he longed for her, to feel her fire fill his veins and bring him to life like nothing else could.
But she didn’t want him.
Until now.
Ethenn knew it was foolish. Even if she was right, even if she fell in love with him due to their Bond, he’d always know she didn’t love him for him. She hadn’t chosen him because of who he was but because of what he could give her. And that would always be between them.
A wise man wouldn’t put himself in that position.
He’d protect his heart from such devastation.
A wise Warrior would choose a Mage who held the same love for him—even if that was none at all.
There would be no disparity between them, no chance for resentment.
Mutual affection or indifference—that was the wisest course.
Ethenn wasn’t a wise man.
Here sat the woman not of his dreams but of his deepest desires, and she was offering herself to him.
He might be a fool, but he’d rather be a fool with her than without her.
“I agree,” Ethenn said, “on one condition.”
“What’s that?” Ilain asked, her words unusually light as though she’d been holding her breath for far too long.
“That you understand how I feel about you,” he said, lowering his voice.
“I’m not accepting your proposal because I want to Bond with someone.
If that was the case, I’d pick Ivry. I don’t have any feelings for her, which is the same way that she feels for me.
We’d be entering into a partnership as equals, which is what should be done.
But I don’t want to be your equal, nor do I particularly want to be your Warrior. ”
Ilain’s expression pinched, confused.
Ethenn swallowed down the fire in his throat, sure his face was nearly red with the fury surging through his veins.
“I want to be your husband,” he said. “I want to protect you and make you stronger. I want to be to you what Deckard is to Evylin and what she is to him. I don’t want to be the one you go to for a joke or light conversation.
I want to be the one you go to because I belong to you.
I want to take care of you and love you, to be by your side for the rest of our bloody, eternal lives.
And if you don’t want me that way, that’s fine.
I’m not asking you to reciprocate. But you have to know that’s what I want because if we’re going to do this, then by Allore’s might, I’m going to love you, Ilain, and you’d better be damn sure you’re ready for that. ”
Mouth agape and flaming eyes locked with his, Ilain didn’t say a word for a long time. She just stared at him as his blood boiled through his body, keeping him from feeling embarrassed. Then a little wrinkle formed on her nose as she smiled. “Our lives aren’t eternal,” she said.
“Semantics,” he returned.
“You love me?” she asked.
He didn’t bother to hesitate. “Yes.”
“You don’t know me,” she whispered.
“No,” he agreed.
She pressed her lips together, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. But a small laugh escaped her. “Well,” she said, smiling more brightly than ever. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Ethenn said, then the embarrassment started setting in. Had he just bared his soul to her? What an idiotic thing to do.
“So we’re in agreement?” Ilain asked. “We’re going to marry and Bond.”
The heat nipped at his scalp. “Yes,” he concurred slowly, the truth not quite settling in.
Ilain pursed her lips, then let out a small hum. “In that case,” she said weakly, “there are a few people we need to talk to.”