CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE #4
“It seems that you’re too connected to your resource,” Auden explained.
“You have a level of focus many Mages spend years developing. As Obel said, that seems to be a penchant of Space Mages. And while that can be a good thing, since you’re undertrained, it puts us in a tight spot.
” Auden raised his brow. “Your magic is uncontrolled.”
Deckard frowned. “It always does exactly what I tell it to do.”
“And did you tell it to surround you just now?”
Deckard hadn’t.
“It consumed you here,” Auden said. “Like it did in Dunneshead. Like it has every time you’ve connected to it.”
Realizing that he was right, Deckard frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means you have a lot of training to do,” Isla said.
“The ease with which you access your magic is as problematic as it is beneficial. When you focus, you are connecting with all your magic. You aren’t currently skilled enough to regulate the amount of magic you grasp; therefore, it controls you rather than you controlling it. ”
“When you connect,” Auden clarified, “you are gone, and only Space is left.”
Deckard shook his head. “I’m always aware of what I’m doing. I’m in control. It just . . .” He didn’t have the words to explain what happened when he accessed his magic. But he didn’t like this suggestion that it overcame him. He didn’t want to think he had such little self-control.
Auden and Isla were unmoved by his weak defense.
“You have to be careful, Jonn,” Auden said.
“You have a limited supply of energy. And when you access your magic, you will have no means of managing your output. If you don’t learn to control it, you’ll blow through every ounce of strength you have until it’s too late, and you collapse from overexertion. ”
Remembering how Ilain blacked out during the ambush in Sutterlund Reach, Deckard blanched. He remembered how close they came to death at that moment. If Evylin hadn’t gotten him the Night Relic, they would have died.
“The good news,” Isla said, breaking through his worries, “is that you’ve proven to be naturally strong, based on my siblings’ accounts of your past experiences.
And now, you’re Bonded. Reaching the end of your energy stores isn’t going to happen quickly.
However, that doesn’t negate the need to check the use of your magic. ”
Auden nodded in agreement. “For the rest of our journey, I’d advise you to take time each day to connect with Space while practicing keeping it outwardly dormant. Your relationship with your resource is important. But you need to learn how to calm down its excitement when you call to it.”
“It’s something all Mages have to learn,” Isla added, then smirked. “And we are often given years to learn what you’re attempting in a few weeks. So don’t be hard on yourself if you fail.”
“If I fail,” Deckard returned morosely, “it could mean our deaths.”
Isla’s expression softened. “My dear Colonel, life is beyond our control. We will all die one day. If it is to be on this mission, we accept that. If it is to be when we’re old and gray, we accept that. Metá pe’la creá.”
Deckard adjusted his Bonding ring. “What does that mean?”
“It’s a Schonese proverb,” Isla said. “Death for creation. For something to be created, something else must die. Even if that simply means the death of old ways and mindsets. But life cannot come from nothing. Love cannot come without sacrifice.”
Sacrifice.
That was a common theme in the Alliance, it seemed.
The sun had completely set, leaving them sitting in darkness. A chill settled into Deckard’s bones, and he felt Evylin’s presence drawing nearer. The Warriors had finished their training.
Still, Deckard studied Auden and Isla’s somber expressions. “And you’re accepting of that fate?” he asked. “Giving your life for the Alliance’s aims?”
Auden shared a smile with his sister-in-law. “We are the Alliance,” he said, meeting Deckard’s gaze. “We are not an organization born of overlords but of men and women who are dedicated to a cause. So, yes, we’ll die if we must. For our cause and for the people we love.”
The sentiment weighed heavily on Deckard.
His gut twisted, finding himself inordinately worried about the Alliance members.
Auden, Ilain, Isla, Vayden, and Brea. They were willing to die, to sacrifice it all.
He’d known them for such a short time, and yet he felt an unexpected ache at the thought of their loss.
Perhaps it was the simple sorrow at the thought of any life lost. But if he were honest, he thought it had more to do with the fact that he was getting to know these people.
Despite his distrust, he was coming to know them, and he had to admit the value of their friendship. To lose any of them would hurt.
As though reading Deckard’s mind, Isla leaned forward and caught his gaze. “We are willing,” she said, then her brown eyes twinkled even in the dim lighting. “But we’d really rather not.”
A light chuckle slipped out of Deckard. “I suppose I’d better learn to control my magic, then,” he replied, not feeling the wry tone he adopted.
“And you shall,” she promised.
But Deckard wondered if it would be in time.