CHAPTER THIRTY #4
Tears burned in his eyes. He hated himself for making her feel this fearful guilt. “No,” he whispered into her hair. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
But Evylin didn’t ask anything more. Instead, she leaned back, tipping her face up to kiss him.
Deckard knew he should pull back and bare his whole soul to her.
He should tell her the truth, trusting her as he’d once wished she’d do with him.
Yet, her touch was absolving, her kisses comforting.
His heart was heavy, and his responsibilities weighed too much. He hadn’t lied. He couldn’t carry it.
So he gave in to the distraction of his wife’s touch.
He let her tenderness assuage his conscience.
He kissed her fiercely, deeply, and with intense need.
Instinctually, their hands started pulling at the other’s clothes, desperate for the soothing connection of flesh upon flesh.
They lost themselves in the vulnerable, physical assurance of their love and care.
And it wasn’t until they lay beneath the blankets with her curled into his side and her head on his shoulder that he admitted his weakness to them both.
“I’m sorry, Evylin,” he whispered.
Somehow, she managed to roll even farther into him, cheek pressing against his chest. “I’m sorry too.”
A hollow sigh seeped out of him. “You have no reason to apologize. I’m the one who . . .” The truth tasted bitter on his tongue. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I shouldn’t have lost control like that. I’m sorry I frightened you.”
“You didn’t frighten me.”
While he knew it was a lie—he had felt the surge of her fear—he didn’t contradict her but wrapped the arm tucked beneath her neck more securely around her.
“Well,” Evylin said with a tinge of playfulness, “you did, but it wasn’t because I was frightened of you.” She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “I was frightened because I realized what I’d done to us.”
“What you’ve—” Deckard shook his head. “You haven’t done anything.”
“I made us Bond,” she said, the words emerging halted and broken. “And now we face the Alliance’s hopes for us, and . . . I’m afraid that you’re right, and I’ve gotten us stuck in a role we don’t want.”
Deckard shifted onto his side, resting a hand on her cheek. He wiped away the single tear that slipped free. “Listen to me,” he charged. “I’m not sorry that we Bonded. I could never regret that. No matter what it brings.”
More tears fell, but she listened as he’d asked.
“You were right,” he said. “We needed to Bond so you could safely continue this mission. But more than that, I’m grateful to now be fully one with you, to have my soul bound to yours.”
Evylin’s fingers grazed his, tugging lightly on the moonstone ring. “Are you really?” she whispered. “Or are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
He smiled gently to encourage her. “Are you calling me a liar?”
A reluctant grin pulled at her lips. “I already have once.”
“My second vice, I suppose.”
“And I love you all the more for it.”
Deckard pressed his lips to her forehead, then pulled her back into his arms once again. “I truly mean it,” he promised. “Even if it means a future we never desired, I would do it all again.”
She relaxed into him, and a renewed peace radiated into his skin. They lay there for several long minutes, silently resting in each other’s embrace. He drew his fingers along her back in circles, thoughts drifting.
“You’re still worried about something,” Evylin prompted.
Deckard smirked ruefully. “This Bond doesn’t allow you to hide anything, does it?”
“Not at all.”
He twisted his fingers into her hair. “I’m concerned about what we’ll face in the Space Keep,” he said.
“Why in there more than the others?”
“I have this sense . . .” He paused, staring at the wall beyond the bed. “This Keep was designed to be last, only entered with all seven other Relics in hand. I fear that we won’t be strong enough.”
Evylin was silent for several seconds. “You’re a Space Mage,” she whispered. “This is the Keep you were born to succeed in.”
He tightened his jaw, uncomfortable with the responsibility that was set to fall on him.
“I’m not strong enough,” he confessed. He could tell she was about to protest, so he hastened to add, “Auden and Isla confirmed it. I can’t control my power; it controls me.
Even with our Bond, even with the strength you provide me, it may not be enough. ”
Evylin pulled back to meet his gaze. “Whatever it takes,” she vowed, “I will not let you fail.”
He smiled gently at her, then drew her close once again. After several silent minutes, he felt a contentment settle into his wife. He’d come to recognize this emotion. It was the easing of her body, the moment just before sleep.
“Jonn,” she said, a gentle slur in her voice.
“Yes, my love?”
“I don’t want you to be Euon Sergus.”
A soft laugh slipped from him. “I thought every woman dreamed of Sergus.”
She shook her head sleepily, her hair rubbing against his chin. “Not me,” she murmured. “I just want you.”
Deckard held her tighter. “You have me, body and soul.”