CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN #2
The truth slammed into her like a shadow of Night. Her limbs grew heavy, and her skin became cold. She could feel the sudden tears welling in her throat. “W—Why?” she whispered with a broken whimper. “Because you think I don’t love you?”
Ethenn angled toward her, eyes down. “I know this is a disappointment,” he said.
“But, Ilain, you deserve so much more. I’m not the man you want.
I never have been. And it would be a mistake to force yourself to feel something for me when you could find a man you do love and who can be the sort of man you truly need. ”
The tears burned up as indignation flared in her chest. “Are you bloody insane?” she said sharply. “Do you think I would ask to Bond with a man I couldn’t love? Who wasn’t enough for me?”
Ethenn’s jaw tightened, but she continued before he could get a word in.
“I’ve waited forty-three years—” With a flash, she grabbed his chin, turning him toward her so he didn’t have a choice but to look at her.
“Forty-three lonely, boring, self-sacrificing years, searching for a Warrior with whom I wanted to Bond. Do you think I would just give up and pick some random fool for whom I felt nothing?”
A flicker of confusion lit his eyes as she kept on, her voice rising with each word.
“I didn’t ask you to Bond with me because I was settling, Ethenn.
” She released him to toss her hands in the air, her frustration driving her to rise from the bed.
“If I’d wanted a man’s obsession alone, I could have chosen Major Olsen, who gave me that fantastically stunning dress you couldn’t keep your eyes off of. ”
The base of Ethenn’s neck turned red. He opened his mouth, but she refused to let him get a word in yet.
“But I didn’t want him.” She shoved her hands toward him. “I wanted you, you bloody prude. I don’t care if you’re not strong enough, old enough, wise enough, or whatever else you think you’re lacking. I. Want. You. Don’t you understand that?”
“No!” Ethenn jumped out of his seat, the singular word a fierce blow to her heart.
The heated blush was spreading up to his jaw now, coating his entire neck.
“No, I don’t understand that. I’m not a ruler, Ilain.
I’m not meant for your world. Whatever you think I can offer you, you’re wrong.
Perhaps you like me, but that’s because you don’t know me.
You don’t know the kind of man I really am. ”
“And what kind of man are you?” She raised her brow, throwing his previous assertion back to him. “A killer?” Caustically, she laughed and stepped up to meet him eye to eye. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
His cheeks were red now, his chest rising and falling sharply. His hands reached up to clamp onto her arms, his calloused palms rough against her bare skin. “Don’t make me prove it to you,” he growled.
“We are a balance, Ethenn,” she said. “You say you fear what my magic will do to yours, but when we Bond, our magic will bring life, not death.”
His eyes roved over her face, and she leaned in, knowing he wanted to kiss her. Their noses brushed, his breath catching. “We are meant for one another,” she whispered.
Instantly, Ethenn released her with a slight shove.
“This is pointless,” he muttered, pacing away.
He scraped his hands through his hair. With a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders and met her gaze.
“We’re done, Ilain. I’m sorry for the last several days.
I—I let myself get carried away, and we did things we shouldn’t have, but all in all, your virtue is still intact.
Consider our betrothal ended, and when we return to the Alliance, you can find another Warrior if you wish. We’ll part ways with no hard feelings.”
Ilain stared at him, dumbfounded. Her heart ached in the strangest way. While she wanted to be angry, all she could feel was the greatest sorrow. She’d lost Auden; now, she was losing Ethenn.
The tears returned, blurring her vision. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me,” she whispered.
Ethenn’s expression shifted for a second. His eyes held the greatest remorse, and his lips parted with a regretful intake. Then he blinked, and his resolve returned.
“I promised to make you happy too,” he said. “And you won’t be happy if you’re married to me.”
Ilain shivered as a breeze swept through the open window. “You don’t know the first thing about making me happy,” she said as a tear slipped free.
Ethenn swallowed roughly.
Ilain stepped forward, determined to get her confession out.
She stopped short, holding his gaze adamantly.
“I don’t care about what the Alliance wants.
I don’t care if you’re a worthy ruler,” she said.
She smiled in a way that conveyed the affection she felt looking into his eyes. “I only want you.”
His expression pinched, and she knew he was wholly confused.
Ilain reached out to brush his cheek, whispering, “I love you.”
Ethenn’s entire demeanor changed with her confession. But instead of softening the way she expected, he closed off completely.
“Don’t you dare,” he said, his tone cold and hard. He knocked her hand away. “I’m not a flame you get to manipulate, Ilain. I was right in front of you, and you ignored me until you discovered I was of value to you.”
“That wasn’t—”
“You said your piece,” he interrupted. “You want me. You love me.” He said it with such derision that it was as if an arrow struck her heart. He shook his head, face burning fiery red. “You don’t know what love is.”
Ilain’s tears seared across her skin. Her lips parted around unspoken words, her heart too torn between anguish and fury to find her voice.
A breath shuddered from his lungs, and Ethenn turned. He put his hands on the windowsill, preparing to leap back out into the night.
“Ethenn—” Ilain rushed forward, but he was gone.
When she made it to the window, he was already dropping from a beam, landing lightly on the ground below. Then he took off into the night.
The truth crushed her. He didn’t believe her because he was right: Ilain hadn’t known what love was.
She’d dreamed of it, imagined it, hoped for it.
But she’d not known it. She’d played games with him, attempting to manipulate him into accepting her without ever being honest with him. Why should he believe her now?
Don’t let people know what you value, and they can’t take it away from you.
Dejectedly, Ilain backed away from the window, sinking onto the mattress. She stared through the window into the dark sky, unseeing as tears slipped down her cheeks. No matter his faults and unwillingness to listen, Ethenn was right.
Now, Ilain had lost her one chance at happiness because she’d been too afraid to let him know her true heart.
She’d refrained from letting him know she valued him, hoping it would protect her.
Yet, her one guiding principle had failed her, and he’d taken his love away regardless, leaving her with a broken heart anyway.