Chapter 42
I swear the damn walls were shrinking. Every breath I took felt like it bounced off the walls and came back wrong.
My leg wouldn’t stop bouncing, my anxiety feeling like a nonstop current of electricity.
I tapped the end table in time to the bouncing, trying to calm myself.
I had fucked up today. Fucked up bad, so bad.
“Gaylen!” my mother screeched from the kitchen, using the name she’d given me after “the move.” “Stop that damn tapping! It’s driving me insane!”
I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. The bouncing and tapping were all that held me together right now. I felt like I was unraveling right down the middle. I was fucking up, so bad. So bad.
Farrah.
Her name tasted like something sweet and forbidden. I kept seeing her face, the freckles, the honey eyes that looked so warm, the mouth that looked made to give a man peace or destroy him completely. And the way she’d felt in the club.
Fuck!
I wanted her.
Wanted her in a way that made no sense, had no logic.
Wanted her in a way that made my skin itch.
Wanted her in a way that pissed me the fuck off.
She wasn’t supposed to look at him like that.
Wasn’t supposed to run to his house, curl up in his bed, let him protect her.
Mekhi.
The name made my jaw flex until something cracked in my molar. He was my cousin, my blood. She wasn’t supposed to look like that for him. Not for Mekhi. Not for the nigga living the life that should’ve been mine.
“You hear me in there?” my mother yelled over the sound of a pot slamming. “I said, if it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t be hiding like this! You wouldn’t be doing… the shit you do while that boy prances around with money built on your father’s work!”
I pressed my palms to my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut. Jesus! Here she goes again. The same sermon she’d been preaching since I was ten. I dragged a hand over my scalp, nails digging in.
“Ma, not right now.”
“No, you gon’ listen!” she screamed. “That woman, that bitch Gillian ruined everything! She ruined this family! She seduced Medgar, turned them brothers against each other, and then what? Mekhail died. Your daddy fell apart, mismanaged everything! Started making stupid decisions. He committed crimes he never would’ve touched if he wasn’t guilty and grief-stricken!
Crimes that got him locked up. Medgar basically took the fall, and that bitch walked away clean! And now look!”
She stomped into the living room, still in her robe, hair all over her head like static.
“Look!” she snapped, pointing a finger at me hard, like she wanted to stab me with it.
“You know who kept living good through all that?” she hissed.
“Know who never missed a meal? Who got rich?” She grabbed my face, forcing me to look into her eyes.
“Mekhi. Mekhail’s precious son. The one whose mama manipulated everything, everything, until she got all the money and all the power. ”
I jerked my face away, but she didn’t stop. She never stopped.
“That boy… Mekhi, he living off money your father earned. Off what Mekhail and Medgar built together. Money that should’ve lifted us. Money that should’ve been yours.”
My head throbbed. “Mekhi didn’t take nothing from me.”
“You so stupid sometimes!” she hissed. “You think he built all that from scratch? You think he got all that land? Those properties? That business?” she spat. “Please. He living off what your father helped build!”
I clenched my fists. She’d been saying this for years. Whispering it. Screaming it. Breathing it in my ear until I had it memorized. Until I had agreed to take the steps to steal back what was mine.
But now? Now, it felt like all this shit was swallowing me whole.
She kept ranting, but her voice changed, got slick and sly as she smirked at me.
“And that girl? That little light-skinned thing with all them freckles? Oh, she perfect for him, ain’t she?
Pretty. Smart. Classy. The kinda girl he gets because he has money you should’ve had!
That should be your girl, Trell! Your life! ”
I stood fast enough that the chair shot back and slammed into the wall.
“Stop!”
I pressed both palms to my forehead, like I could stop my skull from splitting open. The room felt too small, the walls too close. The migraines were always bad. Now, they were excruciating, nausea and pain consuming me. Add in Mama’s fussing and…
I closed my eyes, searching for some relief. I saw Farrah again, laughing in that club, her lips glossy, her hair looking all wild and soft, her body moving when she danced like she was made of something warm and light.
And Mekhi.
Always Mekhi.
Standing too close to her. Looking at her like he claimed her. Like he owned her.
“You and Mekhi supposed to be equal! Sons of two brothers! Two partners! Two men building an empire together. That money was both families’ money. That legacy was supposed to be for both of you!” she continued
My throat tightened. I knew what came next.
“That should be you with that land!” she screamed. “You with that business! You living in a damn mansion!” She paused, softened. “You getting the girl.”
“Ma, you don’t gotta repeat this story over and over. We doing alright, and I get it,” I said tiredly.
“Then act like it,” she fussed. “Don’t let them walk over you. Don’t let that boy take what’s yours.”
I swallowed hard. And finally admitted the thing that had my head throbbing.
“He got Farrah.”
My mother paused. She turned around slowly, gave me the most ugly, triumphant smile.
“Ahh,” she said softly. “There it is.”
I dropped into the chair again, elbows on my knees.
“I can’t stop thinking about her,” I admitted, voice hoarse. “She’s always in my mind. I’m fucking up, focused on her.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, seeing the cracks I left behind. Waiting outside Mekhi’s office. Taking Steel’s car. The cameras I forgot to avoid. The phone call that was too long, too bold. Mistakes piling on mistakes. I wasn’t being careful. I wasn’t thinking clear. And it was because of her.
“They gon’ figure it out,” I whispered. “If I keep making noise like this… they gon’ find me.”
My mother leaned in, voice sweet in my ear. “Then act first.”
My throat tightened. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
“No, no,” she cooed. “Not her, baby. Never her.”
She stood in front of me and began a slow rub of my temples. I almost moaned with relief.
“You were robbed. And now you see the boy living your life with the girl who should be yours.”
“She don’t even know I exist.”
“She will,” my mother insisted. “After you get rid of Mekhi. Right now, she completes him. You make her yours, she’ll complete you.”
I closed my eyes, letting myself see the beautiful illusion, letting it wrap around me tight. Me and Farrah. Her soft voice saying my name. Her sunlight melting the cold that was always in my chest. That fantasy was better than anything real.
But Mekhi stood in the way.
Always him. Always the golden son. Always blessed. Always beloved.
Always on top.
My mother’s voice broke through the haze, soft and evil.
“You want your father’s legacy back?”
I swallowed.
“You want the life you were denied?”
My hands curled into fists.
“You want the girl?”
I inhaled sharply.
“Then take it.”
She leaned close enough that her breath hit my cheek.
“And you start,” she whispered, “with him.”