4. Penny
PENNY
M y first week of nannying for Travis Knight was a real learning experience. I had never been through boot camp but couldn’t imagine it being more challenging or exhausting.
Not that I was complaining. Who would complain about living in a mansion?
I had a huge room all to myself, my own private bathroom I didn’t have to clean, though I kept it tidy for the housekeeper, and an enormous kitchen where I could bake to my heart’s content.
Travis had even seemed to accept the idea of me setting up an art room for Sofia, somewhere she could explore and create.
What was the point of having three empty bedrooms if one of them couldn’t be used that way?
If only it didn’t seem so much like pulling teeth to get more than a grunt out of the man paying me to live in such comfort.
The very handsome, very stoic man who made my stomach flutter every time he entered the room.
He was always civil, but that was pretty much as far as he went.
Not that I needed him to, like, pat me on the head or tell me I was doing a good job.
I wasn’t a child, though the difference in our ages probably made me seem like one in his eyes.
It was just that until now, I never knew what it meant to live in a household where there was anything less than openness, generosity.
Not the kind measured in dollars and cents, but the kind that came from inside.
Being open. Being willing to laugh. We had always laughed so much back home when all of us were together.
There were times Mom and Dad were sure we would get kicked out of a restaurant for having too much fun, cracking each other up. We just liked being together.
It is not my job to create a happy household .
That had to become my mantra over the course of the week.
I wasn’t Mary Poppins. I couldn’t fly around with an umbrella, and there was nothing in my carpet bag.
I was just me, and my job was to take care of a sweet little girl whose dad loved her but was much too busy to devote his full attention.
I was a quick learner, though, so he couldn’t fault me for that.
After moving in on Tuesday night, it took me the following day to get up to speed on schedules, expectations.
Sofia was normally out of bed around seven thirty and liked to play with her dolls in her castle.
She woke them up, dressed them, and gave them pretend breakfast.
While she did that, I would fix actual breakfast, then call for her to come downstairs. After eating and tidying the kitchen on days when the housekeeper didn’t come in, it was time to wash up, get dressed, and decide what to do with our day.
Cecilia, the housekeeper, was in on Friday morning, whistling to herself as she cleaned the kitchen. Having another adult to speak to was nice and helpful since she’d sometimes drop little pearls of information that helped me understand what I’d gotten myself into.
“You’re my favorite of the girls he’s brought in,” she confessed as I fixed breakfast. “There was no talking to them. Always with their heads in their phones.”
“Sofia didn’t like them much, did she?” I asked, thinking about all the little complaints she’d voiced in comparison to how well we got along.
Cecilia waved a hand, chuckling. “You can’t fool that child. She knows quality when she sees it.” The way she smiled when our eyes met told me I had made the grade, and her approval left me glowing with pride by the time Sofia sat down to eat.
Afterward, we decided to go to Brentwood Park.
It was a beautiful day, and Sofia had woken up with even more energy than I would’ve expected.
It would do her good to run it off for a little while.
Heaven forbid she be too bouncy and loud by the time her father came home from work, not that there was ever any way of knowing when that would be.
He couldn’t help it, I reminded myself as we walked to the park, holding hands the whole way.
He was doing his best, the way everybody always did.
I knew there had to be a reason for his grumpy attitude, and it didn’t have anything to do with me, even if it felt like it did.
I couldn’t decide whether it hurt more because he was so gorgeous or because I wanted so badly to please him, to bask in the warmth of one of his rare smiles.
“This is fun,” Sofia decided as we walked, our hands swinging back and forth. “Marissa never took me to the park. Or Darcy.”
“I guess not everybody likes going to the park,” I offered. No wonder Travis had gotten rid of those girls, whoever they were. It didn’t sound like they were super committed, but I didn’t know their stories. Maybe they had their reasons. “We have fun together, right?”
“So much fun!” she shouted, like she wanted the whole world to hear. “Maybe tomorrow, we can go to Disneyland!”
I coughed softly to cover up my laughter. “I don’t know. That sounds like fun, but we’d have to get your dad’s permission for something like that.”
“Oh.” It was like a cloud passing over the sun, the way her energy dipped. “Maybe next time.”
“What’s wrong, munchkin?” I asked when we stopped at the corner just before reaching the park. “What’s on your mind?”
“Sometimes grown-ups don’t want you to do fun stuff,” she mumbled. “I say, Daddy, I’m a big girl. I can do stuff. But he doesn’t listen.”
“That can be tough.” My heart ached when she stuck out her bottom lip. It quivered pathetically. “Can I tell you a secret, though?”
If there was one thing kids loved, it was hearing a secret. Her head bobbed up and down like she had magically forgotten to be upset.
Crouching next to her, looking both ways to make sure nobody could hear us, I whispered, “Most of the time, grown-ups don’t want to say no. I know your daddy wants you to have a good time. He wants you to have fun.”
“Really?” She looked skeptical.
“Really. But he wants you to be safe too. Disneyland is a big place,” I pointed out.
“Super busy and full of people. I’m sure he would rather be there with you to make sure you’re safe.
Besides…” I added with a grin, “… he would want to come, too, right? It wouldn’t be fair if we went and had fun without him. ”
The funniest thing happened. Her delicate eyebrows knitted together as her head snapped back. “Not my daddy,” she informed me. “He doesn’t do fun things.”
I was getting that impression myself. “I’m sure he wants to,” I insisted as gently as I could before we crossed the street. “But sometimes, being a grown-up can be really tough. Even if you want to have fun, you can’t always do exactly what you want.”
“Not true! Grown-ups do anything!”
Sweet kid. I didn’t want to burst her bubble, so I didn’t. “Sometimes it’s not that easy. Here we are!” Because we needed to change the subject. It wasn’t my place to come up with theories on why Travis was so distant sometimes, though it didn’t take a genius to see it.
He was a very busy, important person. He ran a huge shipping company.
I’d done a little research on my phone during my downtime before going to sleep at night.
A quick Google search sent me to a Wikipedia page with photos of enormous ships carrying stacks of containers, and according to the article, they shipped all over the world.
He had built his business from the ground up, though his father, Harrison Knight, had a pretty big company of his own.
It made me wonder why Travis hadn’t stayed in his family shipping company, but there could be all kinds of reasons for that sort of thing. Maybe he wanted to step out on his own, be his own man. I had to respect that.
There was one thing he had never mentioned.
Neither had Sofia, and I wouldn’t bring it up.
It was nowhere near my place, for one thing, and there had to be a reason nobody had hinted at it.
Where was her mother? Why wasn’t she around?
Even divorced couples could split custody, but there was never so much as a hint of a custody arrangement.
I wasn’t proud of scouring the internet for information on his private life, but then it wasn’t like I found anything.
No mention in Wikipedia of him having a child, much less of him ever being in a relationship.
I could see him being super protective of Sofia’s safety, but why no mention of a partner?
Had she died? If so, I could even understand a little bit of Travis’ grumpy, abrupt attitude.
Sofia was only four. If her mother had passed away, that meant it couldn’t have been all that long since she’d been gone.
Maybe he hadn’t gotten over it yet. Maybe he didn’t like watching another woman become close to his daughter.
Loss was a funny thing. Just when a person thought they had it under control, something could happen out of nowhere that turned everything upside down and put them right back on square one, where the pain was freshest. I knew from experience.
Sofia had a child’s knack for making friends wherever she went. I watched her but was seeing someone else in her place. Someone who had the same ready, dimpled smile she had, was as brave as she was, always ready to introduce himself to new people, and always the first one to suggest an adventure.
I caught myself before I could wander too far down memory lane. I had to be present. Kids could run off and get into trouble in the blink of an eye.
I should know.
* * *
“And then Penny bought tacos at a truck!” The way Sofia described it, she could’ve been talking about a three-star Michelin dining experience.
Her happy, bubbly voice echoed through the kitchen as she told her dad all about our adventures today.
“And we had a picnic in the park. And a bird came out of nowhere.”
She wouldn’t settle for explaining what happened. She had to reenact it, swooping in with her arms outstretched. “It snatched my chicken, Daddy. Can you believe it?”