19. Travis #2
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” Soft weeping reached my ear from thousands of miles away. “I wasn’t going to do this. I only wanted to wish you luck tomorrow. I’m going to your Uncle Stephen’s house in Monterey for a little while.”
Mom’s older brother hated my father as much as I did, if not more. Uncle Stephen hadn’t been in the same room as him in at least ten years. “But why? What happened? Do I need to come out there?”
“Absolutely not.” Then she whimpered. “I wish you had told me.”
I closed my eyes and braced myself. “Told you what?”
“I wouldn’t have pressed the issue for so long if I had known what he did.”
Fuck everything.
Fuck him, fuck Nicola, fuck the weeping Mom tried to silence but couldn’t.
“How do you know?” I asked, wincing at the sound of her pain.
“She came here. At first, I thought I was imagining things. I couldn’t be hearing her voice.
You insinuated she was unfaithful when the two of you split up, so I was understandably angry and wanted to ask what right she had to enter my house.
I found her in the study with your father.
She was shouting, he shouted over her. She blamed him. Told him…”
“You don’t have to say it,” I urged.
“No. I want to. All this time. It needs to be said.” She drew a halting breath.
“She said it was his fault. That if you hadn’t caught them together, none of this would’ve happened.
The divorce. She would have her daughter.
She would have her husband. He accused her of taking the money and running, not caring until he called and bought her a plane ticket to town. It was ugly and vicious.”
“But she did talk about me catching them together,” I muttered. So I was right. He had brought her to town to ruin what little happiness I had managed to piece together.
“Yes, she did.” She released a choked sob. “Oh, Travis, I can’t imagine how terrible that must’ve been for you.”
“You were never supposed to know.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I know who he is. I’ve always known.
I was willing to look the other way, and that was my decision.
But there are lines a person does not cross.
” Something fierce leaked into her voice.
“I wish you had told me what he did to you. I could have made an informed decision before this. If anything, I’m most upset that you didn’t think I could handle it. Is that what you think of me?”
“No, Mom. I wanted to spare you. That’s all…” I paused, thinking about her choice of words. An informed decision. “You aren’t going to Monterey for a short trip, are you?” I asked.
She left me hanging for a silent beat, then replied, “No. I don’t plan on going back to your father. We’ll settle everything through our lawyers.”
“I should be out there with you. You shouldn’t go through this alone.”
“I’m not alone. I have your uncle and your aunt and my friends, all of whom I’ve been wanting to visit, anyway.
” She managed to laugh. “Is this what freedom feels like? I’ll be fine, probably much better off.
I only needed a push, and now I wonder why it took me this long to leave.
” She cleared her throat, then continued in a firmer voice, “Besides, you have big things to do. I’m so proud of you, honey. ”
Now that the truth was out, my tongue felt looser. There wasn’t anything holding me back now from letting her know how I felt. “I’ve done most of it to spite him, to be honest with you.”
“And you’ve been successful beyond anything he predicted.
” It wasn’t only my tongue that was loose now.
“It drives him mental, seeing how you’ve expanded.
Knowing you were able to forge relationships he could only dream of.
You inherited his business savvy, but he doesn’t have your savvy when it comes to people. ”
“I got that from you,” I pointed out. There was a deep sense of satisfaction, no doubt, knowing I got under his skin. That it killed him to see me eclipse him.
Strange how it didn’t change anything. There was no award for driving Dad crazy.
“You got a lot of things from me,” she agreed with a soft laugh. “More than you know, I think. I only hope now that you’re able to take a step back and put as much effort into the rest of your life as you have into your business. Know that my heart is with you tomorrow, honey.”
The rest of my life. Yes, I had to manage that now. I had achieved my ultimate goal, leaving Dad in the dust where he belonged. One question echoed along with my footsteps after the call was over, and I walked down the hall to Sofia’s room. What now?
She was so innocent, pure, sleeping soundly as I watched from the doorway. Why shouldn’t she? She hadn’t destroyed the first good thing to come into her life in years. She didn’t have the memory of Penny’s tearful pleas to keep her awake.
There hadn’t been any pleas after Thanksgiving dinner.
She had shut down, only making one request the day she moved out.
“ Take Sofia to the park before I go. I couldn’t stand her being here when I leave.
” I had done that after the two of them said their goodbyes.
All things considered, it felt like getting off easy.
It wasn’t. It meant sitting and watching my daughter go through the motions of playing before giving up and sitting next to me on a bench.
Telling myself to go back and stop her. That it wasn’t too late to take back the things I said and the way I said them.
If I admitted I loved her, it might make things right.
And I did.
It took knowing she was leaving and that I had pushed her away to realize how I felt.
Sitting in the park, staring at the rest of my life without the promise of her waiting for me when I got home.
That I would never hear her and Sofia giggling in their art studio or baking cookies together.
I would never touch her again. So many nevers, all of them piling on me until my back was ready to snap.
By the time I came to my senses and returned to the house, I was too late. She was gone. Smart girl. I would only find another way to hurt her. She deserved better.
Now, a week of fighting the desire to reach out and apologize was biting me in the ass. I crept to the bed, reaching down to run a hand over Sofia’s head. What kind of stupid shit convinced himself a four-year-old could handle something so sudden?
She stirred, turning her head to blink sleepily at me. “Go back to sleep,” I whispered, bending down to kiss her forehead. “Sweet dreams.” One of us should have them, anyway.
“Daddy?” she murmured in response. “Are you mad at me?”
“Of course not,” I said it abruptly, almost brusquely, since being angry with her was the last thing on my mind.
She paused for a big yawn, asking, “How come you sound like it?”
“I don’t mean to,” I confessed.
“Do you still love me?”
“Honey.” Sinking to one knee next to the bed, I met her eye to eye. “Listen to me. There is never going to be a day when I don’t love you. Nothing you could ever do or say would make me stop loving you. You are the greatest kid in the whole world. You are always loved. Okay?”
She nodded, but for some reason, her chin kept quivering. “What about Penny?”
Of course, that’s where this is coming from. “What about her? You told her to leave. Did she do something bad? She liked you, she told me so. You were friends.” Her eyes shone thanks to the tears in them.
“Sometimes, friends disagree about things. They end up getting in fights or deciding they can’t work together anymore. But I didn’t tell Penny to go because I was angry,” I insisted, weaving a web of lies with every word that spilled out of my mouth. “The job was over.”
“But I still need her!” The tears overflowed, followed by more. “You don’t know all of our nighttime songs. You don’t know how to make banana chocolate chip cookies. You don’t do all the voices in my books when we read at night. You’re not the same, Daddy,” she concluded.
Wiping her cheeks with my thumbs, I said, “I’m the same daddy I’ve always been.”
“No…” she sniffled, “… you’re not fun Daddy anymore. I miss when you were fun.”
Out of the mouths of babes. Her words soaked into my head and lit up places that had been dark for weeks. Like the faint trail of sparks as a firework climbed into the sky before it exploded.
My explosion came in the form of getting on my feet. What the fuck was I doing? I didn’t have the first idea. I only knew this was the first moment of complete clarity since the night I told Penny everything.
“I’ll tell you what,” I offered as I pulled my phone from my pocket. “You get to sleep now. I have a big surprise for you in the morning. We’ll be getting up very early.”
“To go to Rose’s house,” she said, yawning again. “I know.”
“No, honey.” After giving her forehead another kiss, I tucked her in again. “Something else. You’ll see.”
It would take time to get the jet fueled and crewed, but I had no doubt we’d be on our way by dawn at the latest. Before reaching out to my pilot, though, I sent a group text announcing my plans for tomorrow had changed.