THIRTEEN
I cannot believe Mia is here. Mia. My former best friend forever . I haven’t seen her in almost two weeks, the longest I’ve gone without seeing her since my parents took my brother and me on a safari in Tanzania when I was fifteen.
So much has happened since I moved out of the room we shared at West Hall. I feel like a completely different person. It’s weird seeing her now, my old roommate, while I’m secretly investigating the disappearance of my new roommate. My worlds are colliding. And it’s making me nauseous.
Mia is wearing a dress I’ve never seen before, a royal-blue bodycon thing. She looks as strange in it as I look in mine. And her hair. Instead of her normal unruly waves, her hair’s now pin straight and parted in the middle like the rest of the girls in her group. No wonder I didn’t notice her right away.
“Mia’s my ex–best friend,” I say. “My supposed BFF.”
Gracie’s brows raise, and her hand shoots to her mouth. “The one who ditched your web series for skincare?”
I nod. Gracie knows Mia is the last person I want to see now. But this is our best opportunity to talk to Bailey Cressman. I scan the rest of the group.
Mia is with Taylor, because of course she’s with Taylor. Which means Lance is probably here somewhere too. Bailey says something that makes Taylor laugh loudly, holding on to Bailey’s arm with one hand as her whole body shakes. It’s a fake laugh. The tall glass of bright-orange liquid in Taylor’s grip sloshes onto the floor, and no one makes any effort to clean it.
Mia’s head falls back, also laughing. I know Mia and her body language. She’s drunk. And Bailey probably is too.
This is our best opportunity.
I gulp down the rest of my drink, put the empty bottle on the counter, and steel my nerves. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
With totally not-wobbly legs, I walk up to the group of girls. They’re all still talking and laughing, and the three of us stand on the perimeter of the group for several long moments with no one acknowledging us, or even noticing us. I can’t tell what they’re talking about. Maybe horses? Why is every conversation I infiltrate about horses?
“I want to ride a camel one day,” Mia says. “Total bucket list, right?”
“You have,” I say.
Mia finally notices me. And she stares at me for several long seconds before speaking. “What are you doing here?”
“Hi yourself, old friend,” I say. “We rode a camel together when we went to the Toronto Zoo when we were ten. You said it smelled like your grandma’s breath.” My head is spinning, and I can hear the blood sloshing in my ears. I shouldn’t have drunk that Lavender Mule in one sip. But I wouldn’t have had the courage to do this if I hadn’t.
“Okaaay ...,” Taylor says, looking at me suspiciously. “So, hi, Aleeza. Who are you here with?”
“They’re with me,” Aster says. I can’t tell if Taylor’s frown is because she doesn’t like Aster, or because she’s annoyed that Aster brought us to the party.
Gracie loops her arm in mine. “Mia, right? I’m Gracie. Aleeza lives next door to me now, and we’ve become so close.”
Mia is still glaring at me, and Taylor doesn’t look very happy that I’m here. I don’t get it. When I left Mia’s dorm room, she begged me not to go, and now she acts like I’ve been her antagonist for years. And Taylor ... I have no idea why Taylor seems to hate me.
I look at Taylor, then smile at Mia. “I didn’t expect to see you here!” I’m at this party for Jay, and letting these people know how much I dislike Mia and Taylor isn’t the way to get them to talk to me.
“Taylor’s known Jack forever,” Mia says.
Seems everyone has known Jack forever. At that, Jack himself saunters into the fold of our group. He puts a loose arm around my shoulders and one around the straight-haired girl standing closest to me. “This is where all the ladies are.”
Jack smells like old beer and expensive cologne. I don’t know what I expected a rich person to smell like, but it isn’t this. The other girl giggles. I do not. Gracie, who’s still holding my other arm, pulls me away from physical contact with Jack.
He suddenly turns and looks right at me, his face inches from mine. The vodka bubbles in my stomach, and the smell of him is making me sick. Jack looks exactly like Harry Styles, except blond and tan. It’s March. Is it a spray tan? Or from a holiday in Cabo?
His eyelids droop as he looks me over. “Where exactly did you come from?” I’m not sure whether that’s a pickup line or a racial microaggression. He squints. “Are you one of Natasha’s lesbian friends? I hope so. Lesbians are fantastic in bed.”
Mia snorts at that.
“Um, no,” I say. “I’m not a lesbian, I mean. But I am Nat’s friend. Or, I should say, a friend of a friend.”
“Right,” Jack says. “Aster’s friend. I remember.”
“Jack,” Aster herself says. “Leave Aleeza alone. Stop trying to corrupt anyone new.”
“Oh, she’s not new,” he says, taking half a step away from me. He pouts. “She’d be the one corrupting me. She’s exquisite, this one. I see his fascination.”
Before I can figure out what the hell he’s talking about, Mia literally laughs out loud at Jack.
“You’re making Aleeza uncomfortable,” Taylor says. Which is a surprise. Why is Taylor coming to my rescue?
With a bored expression, Jack looks over to the other side of the room. “Looks like Lance is making a move on Tamara again.”
Mia’s Lance? I look at her, one brow raised, but her head whips over to where Tamara is standing. Why is Mia’s boyfriend making a move on another girl? Jack looks at me again. “Lesson one: never trust us, new girl.” He shrugs and walks away.
Mia is still glaring at Tamara. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that Lance and Taylor are here. I knew they came from a wealthy family, and Lance has this rich–frat boy quality—of course he’d be buddies with the trust-fund group. I wonder if these are the same people who were laughing at me at the Halloween party. I don’t remember anyone specific from that night, except Lance, because I was drunk and they were in costumes. But this might not be my first interaction with the TCU one percenters.
I exhale. At least Jack is gone. I understand Jay’s warnings now. Jack seems ... dangerous . And not just because his flirting made me uncomfortable, although that was the first time anyone has ever called me exquisite. There’s something about him that’s both compelling and off-putting, and I can’t put my finger on it.
Actually, both compelling and off-putting is the best way to describe this whole party.
“Don’t mind Jack. He’s coked out of his mind,” Bailey says. Then she giggles.
Coked like as in cocaine? I am really , really not in Alderville anymore.
“Here,” Nat says, coming toward us and handing me, Gracie, and Aster new bottles of premixed cocktails. “Mai tais. You’ll love them. Doesn’t taste like alcohol at all.”
“Oh, I—” My head’s spinning from my first drink. I’m not sure I should have a second.
Mia snorts. “Careful, Aleeza. That’s a big-girl drink.” Her voice drips with condescension.
I look at Mia. Two weeks ago, she was begging me not to end our friendship. But Mia has always been a different person when others are around. She always ignored me in favor of whoever seemed cooler.
“Oh, I love mai tais! I have them all the time!” I smile at Mia. I have to fit in with these people. The first sip is actually delicious. But strong. I immediately cough.
This is a disaster. Everyone here can probably see that I am an awkward idiot. Thankfully, Gracie is much better at peopling than I am and gets the conversation where we need it once Nat leaves.
“Aleeza and I have been having cocktail nights in my room. Did you know she moved into Jay Hoque’s old dorm room?”
Taylor’s eyes suddenly go very wide. Like, I’m actually surprised she doesn’t spit out her drink.
Bailey’s eyes are wide too. “They seriously moved someone into Jay’s old room? I’d turn to drinking if I had to live in a dead guy’s room.”
“Jay’s not dead,” Gracie says.
“Oh, he’s totally dead,” Bailey says. “They’ll find his body soon. Mark my words.”
“I don’t think so,” I say, shaking my head. “I think he’ll be found alive.” Of course, I have no idea if he’s alive or dead. It could be wishful thinking since I have a massive crush on him.
Ugh. I totally have a massive crush on him, don’t I?
“Don’t mind Aleeza,” Mia says. “She’s all into murder mysteries and, like, Sherlock Holmes and shit.” She laughs, and it looks like she’s expecting everyone to laugh with her.
No one does. Taylor’s eyes are still bugged out. She looks quickly at Mia, then walks away.
Okaaay, that was weird. I wonder if Taylor is the Birdwatcher?
I take another gulp of the mai tai. It’s so tasty. I have a new favorite drink. I want to be sipping mai tais on a beach somewhere instead of this awkward party with terrible people. Maybe that’s where present-day Jay is—on a beach. I want to be there with him, not here. I take another long sip.
“Did you know Jay well?” Gracie asks Bailey.
Bailey shakes her head. “He was really tight with Jack before ... you know.” She looks at Mia. “Didn’t Taylor have a thing with Jay?”
I frown. Did Jay hook up with Taylor? She wasn’t on his list. The thought that the girl my best friend replaced me with hooked up with the guy who I’ve moved in with—sort of—and who I’m trying to save is a bit too much of a coincidence. I strain to remember if Jay ever mentioned Taylor or Lance to me, but my brain isn’t working right. Probably the mai tai.
“Did you hear about that secret Instagram about Jay?” Aster says. Thank god for Aster and Gracie because I’m pretty useless tonight. “It apparently listed all the girls he ghosted in first year.”
Bailey nods. “It was amazing ,” she says. “Seriously ... epic . The guy was such a dick ... I think he ran away from school because he was about to get caught for that engineering cheating ring. I don’t know why he wasn’t kicked out last year.”
“I heard about that cheating thing,” I say. “Was there any evidence?”
The girl with Bailey shakes her head. “The school’s probably still investigating, but like, I seriously doubt they’d publicize that now while he’s missing.”
“It’s all so tragic,” a girl says. “You know he grew up, like, poor ? Lived in a basement apartment in Scarborough. His mom came from India or something.”
“Bangladesh,” I say.
“Yeah, really tragic .” Bailey giggles, taking a sip of her drink. I have no idea why she’s laughing. “He did have privilege. Taylor told me he wasn’t even paying his own tuition.”
What? How would Taylor know that?
Mia turns to look at something to her right. It’s Lance and Taylor coming back toward us. Lance immediately puts his arm around Mia. I can’t decipher Mia’s expression.
Lance nods at me. “Eliza, right?”
“ A leeza,” I say. “With an A .”
He shrugs, then looks me up and down in my tight dress, impressed. Gross. Mia puts her arm around his waist.
Across the room, Nat laughs loudly again, then calls Aster over. Aster grins and heads her way, and Gracie follows, which leaves me alone with Bailey, Mia, Taylor, Lance, and two other girls. I grip my drink.
“You said you’re living in Jay Hoque’s room, right?” Taylor asks.
I nod.
“Is there anything of his still in there?” Lance asks. “I mean ... his family probably came to pick his crap up. I should have offered to bring it to them. I met them a few times—even went on a date with his cousin once.” He whistles low. “She was a nutcase.”
Mia looks surprised to hear all this. I am too. Mia and Lance started dating right before Halloween—a few weeks before Jay went missing. If Lance was tight with the guy who was all over the news, he would have mentioned that to Mia, wouldn’t he have?
I look at Mia. “Did you know Lance and Jay were friends?”
“Of course I knew,” Mia snaps. “Don’t mind Aleeza,” she says to the others. “She hates it when her friends have friends of their own. And she only wants to do things that she’s into. I had to do a whole mystery YouTube because of her.” She snorts. “Obsessed with mysteries and octopuses. What a weirdo.”
I stare at Mia. This is the same person who bought me a Christopher Pike box set off eBay for my eleventh birthday. Who took the train into Toronto with me when we were sixteen so we could go to three escape rooms in one day. She was as much into mysteries as I was.
She’s always pushed me aside when she has a boyfriend, but she’s never been this cruel. I want to blame Lance and Taylor’s influence, but really the blame should be on Mia only. This is the first time I’ve walked away from her, and she’s being petty because of it. Actually, the blame should be on me for putting up with her for so long.
But I’m done. I’m done being Mia’s sidekick, punching bag, or whatever. In the two weeks that I haven’t been at her side, I feel like I am finally becoming someone. Becoming myself .
I made friends. A cute boy flirted with me (two, if I count Jack), and I found a purpose that could actually make a difference for someone.
It’s time to cut the tether between me and Mia for good.
I glare at her. “Why are you doing this, Mia? You’re even more exhausting when we’re not friends than when we were.”
She snarls. “What are you talking about, Aleeza? You’re the one who abandoned me, remember?”
“Yeah, because I was tired of seeing you transform into a whole new person every time a cute guy looks at you. I’d rather have my own personality than be someone’s clone, thank you very much. I’m going to find my actual, real friends.”
At that, I walk away. I don’t look back, and I don’t say anything. No doubt they are all laughing at me. Just like they were when I was dressed as Dr. Watson at that damn Halloween party.
I can’t see Gracie and Aster, and the room is spinning a bit, so I go in search of a bathroom. I leave through the double doors, which are now wide open, and head down the long hallway toward the entryway. My head pounds, and the lights in the hallway feel like they are flashing through my veins. I feel ... wrung out. And alone. At a party with dozens of people, I feel alone.
Why did I even come here? Being around this crowd makes me feel so small. Unimportant. A country bumpkin obsessed with octopuses who has fallen for the most unavailable person possible. I deserve the ridicule.
But Jay has never once thought I was ridiculous. And he’s the reason I’m here. He’s the reason for it all. The reason I’m feeling both alone and valued for the first time. And he isn’t even real.
Only one door in the hallway is closed. When I push it open, I find a bedroom, not a bathroom. A very messy bedroom. I wonder if this is Jack’s room. It feels wrong to snoop, but I’m supposed to be gathering evidence tonight. Maybe there are some clues in here that he’s the Birdwatcher? An open laptop or something logged in to the Instagram account?
But when I walk in, I see the room isn’t really that messy. Only the bed is unmade. There’s no desk, but an iPad sits on a chair. I try to turn it on, but the screen is locked. Nothing else here seems like a clue. There is an open door to a bathroom, though. I shrug, go in, and close the door behind me.
I look in the mirror, and I’m surprised at what I see looking back at me. I feel emotional, angry, and sad all at the same time. But that’s not how I look. I actually look good. My hair is behaving, my curls still defined. My eyes look bigger with the mascara Gracie put on me. And the dress ... the dress I thought made me look like a stuffed sausage is actually quite pretty on me. My lipstick isn’t even smudged. And yes, my boobs look fantastic.
I do look like I belong here. I look like I fit in, even though I don’t feel like it. Is this why Mia was so angry at me? Two weeks without her and I look like I fit into her new crowd? I shake my head, smiling. I wish Jay could see me now.
I exhale, because Jay can never see me. Everything between us is an illusion. Or maybe a delusion. Lately, I’ve stopped questioning if he’s real. Watching movies together, talking about food, and flirting makes it real enough. But ... never seeing him, and never talking to anyone about our connection, makes it seem like it’s all in my head.
The letter he left in the closet wasn’t there. He said he told his cousin about me, but that cousin won’t talk to me. I know it’s not just a fantasy, but it feels like one.
Nothing is real. Even the cute girl in the mirror isn’t real. I’m Aleeza. Not this person.
I sigh and leave the bathroom, but jump a bit when I see that there’s someone sitting on the unmade bed. It’s Jack. The door to the hallway is wide open.
“It’s you,” he says.
“Oh, sorry,” I say. “I needed a bathroom. I’ll go—”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry,” he says, putting his hands in front of him. “I’m not going to come on to you again. I can take a hint.” He smiles, and I can see a bit of sadness in his eyes. “You know, you’re like a water lily in the plastic swamp.”
“Plastic swamp?” I raise a brow at him. He chuckles. Jack’s face looks different now. Softened. Like he’s not holding on to that determined boredom anymore.
He gestures toward the door. “They’re the swamp.” I can still hear the party. Nat is still laughing. “Sit and talk a second?” he asks. “I’ll behave. You look sad. Did your friends do something?”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. I don’t know why I came to this party.” I bite my lip, remembering that he’s the host . I sit on the bed next to him, several feet away.
“I don’t know why I did either. Oh wait, it’s because it’s my fucking house.”
“Isn’t it your parents’ house?”
He waves his hands, indicating everything around him. “It’ll all be mine one day. It’s equal parts curse and blessing.”
Jack is ... unexpected. Now that he’s not flirting, he seems oddly wise. Like ... Jay, actually. Twin Yodas. Maybe this is why they’re friends?
“Hey, Jack, how well did you know Jay Hoque? I heard he used to come to your parties.”
Jack looks at me, blinking a few times. Then he reaches into the bedside table and pulls out a joint. He wordlessly offers it to me.
I shouldn’t. I’ve never mixed weed and alcohol, and those two (or three?) drinks are still making my head spin. But it feels like Jack’s looking for an ally right now, and if this is what I need to do to make him talk to me, then I’ll do it. Also, I can easily imagine what Mia would say to the others if she heard I said no. In fact, I want Mia to know that I’m sharing a joint with this incredibly hot and incredibly rich guy.
I also remember Jay’s warning. I shouldn’t be alone with Jack for too long. In his bedroom.
“Yeah, but ... out there?” I indicate toward the party.
He nods. “I get it. Safety first.” He stands and reaches out to help me up. I take his hand. It’s warm and soft.
Back in the party, we sit on a lone sofa far from the others. He pulls a silver lighter from his pocket and flicks it open. I put the joint between my lips. As he holds the flickering flame in front of the joint, I inhale. I do my best not to cough ... then hand it to him.
After he takes a long drag, he nods. His expression is blank. “Yeah, I knew Jay. He was also a wildflower ... not a water lily, though. Jay was a thistle, or a forget-me-not.” Jack makes no sense. I wonder if he really is on cocaine, like Bailey said.
“Are you into flowers or something?”
He shrugs, staring out into the distance. “Jay wasn’t the first or the last person absorbed by this gilded swamp. He might be the most unfortunate, though.” He hands me the joint again. I take it, enjoying the buzzy feeling moving through me.
“Were you close?” I ask.
He suddenly looks at me. “Why all the questions?”
“Just curious. Coincidentally, I’m living in his old room at East House.”
Jack’s eyes are hooded, but he stares at me with an unfocused gaze. I take another hit of the joint, then hand it back to him. Feeling floaty and unfocused, too, I have no idea how I’ll remember anything Jack tells me now. He isn’t saying anything important, is he? Would it be weird if I recorded him? He takes a long pull of the joint until it’s pretty much done, then puts out the smoldering end on a plate of half-eaten sushi.
“Jay was different, you know? He was always drawn to unexpected bursts of light. He’d dance with the water lily and make it bloom. He didn’t come from the swamp ... he could see right through the murk.” He sighs, sinking deeper into the sofa. “He could have been the best of us ... he should have been. The swamp flowed through his veins, too, you know. But it’s not right. He didn’t sign up for any of it. Wanderlust shouldn’t hurt anyone. It’s a gift.”
I nod, like any of this makes sense. I do know Jay. Sort of. And Jack’s right. Jay is different. I try to imagine him here ... He’d fit in, but also stand out. People would notice him. Be drawn to him.
Not like me. The only person paying attention to me is a high-as-a-kite trust-fund kid who talks in riddles that I can’t understand.
A dull nausea builds in my stomach. My heart beats heavily in my ears. I close my eyes.
“I miss him,” Jack says softly. “When I see him in the lagoon, I’ll tell him that the water lily is in his room now. He’ll be so happy to see you again.”
Aster and Gracie are suddenly next to me on the sofa. “Jack, I told you to leave her alone,” Aster says. She gives me an apologetic smile. “I don’t think he’s been sober since Halloween.”
“After that,” Jack says.
“We’re going,” Gracie tells me. “I’ve called an Uber.” She looks at me for several long seconds. “What are you on?”
“She’s high on life,” Jack says, his voice changing again to bored rich kid. “Aster, you have to stop bringing civilians to my parties. We can’t keep corrupting good people.”
He’s talking about Jay. Jay, who is ... was a good person, but then got caught up with this crowd. And now he’s gone. I look at Jack, my eyes welling up with tears.
“C’mon, Aleeza. Let’s get you home,” Gracie says.
I stand, but everything spins. I try to clear my head and focus only on Gracie as she gets our coats and hands me mine.
When we get outside, the car’s already there. On the drive back to the school, I rest my head on Gracie’s shoulder. “Where’s Aster?” I ask, my words slurred, only then noticing that she’s not with us anymore.
“She’s staying. Nat needed her.”
I can’t tell how Gracie feels about that. I want to tell Gracie that she shouldn’t let her girlfriend stay at the party, and that Jack said it’s the swamp, and eventually they’ll all get sucked in. That Aster will disappear, too, like the Mia I knew disappeared, and Jay vanished ... that Aster might not be bright enough to see inside the swamp. But I don’t say it because I am pretty sure that I’m not making sense. Also, if I talk, I’m afraid I’ll throw up.
After the car drops us off in front of East House, Gracie helps me walk up to the door and props me up against the wall.
“Shit,” she says. “I left my ID card in Aster’s purse.”
“Aleeza to the rescue,” I slur, trying to open my purse. I don’t quite manage it, but Gracie helps. Eventually, using my card, she gets us into the building. When we get up to the third floor, Gracie helps me into my room. I feel a little better—well, not really better. I’m still pretty sure I’m going to throw up, but being in the room weirdly clears my head a little bit. I’m happy to be here. I feel better in this room than anywhere else in the world.
“My key is with my pass-card,” Gracie says as I sit on my bed. “I’ll call the residence don to let me into my room.” She looks at me carefully. “Or maybe it’s a better idea to stay here with you tonight? You okay? I can sleep here.”
My eyes widen. I haven’t checked ResConnect yet, but this is Jay’s room—I can’t let someone sleep in his bed. “You sleep in my bed,” I blurt out, standing quickly. “Because ... I mean ... I just changed the sheets on my bed. I’ll take ... the other bed.” I open a drawer, straining to focus, and pull out a pair of plaid flannel pants and a T-shirt for Gracie, and my purple octopus pajamas for me.
She frowns like she’s considering whether it’s worth it to argue with a drunk girl about something that really doesn’t matter. “Okay.”
I leave her pajamas on my bed and take mine to the bathroom along with my bathroom caddy.
While I’m in there, I do throw up a little bit. And I have a big glass of water. I still feel like shit, though. After struggling out of the dress, I fold it the best I can, put on my pajamas, and brush my teeth. When I come out, I put the folded dress on a chair.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” she says.
I nod. “I’m never drinking again.”
“You did more than drink. I’m surprised you trusted Jack enough to smoke with him.”
“He sees more than you think. He called his parties a gilded swamp.”
Gracie shrugs. “Well, the siren call of all that gold certainly pulled Aster back in.”
I frown. “Why is she staying there?”
“For Nat, of course. The two of them go back a long time. Eventually, Nat always says jump, and Aster asks how high.” She yawns. Gracie looks sad and tired. “I’m glad I’m here tonight. I don’t really want to be alone.”
I nod, sitting on Jay’s bed and hugging Tentacle Ted close. “I’m never alone in here.” I feel my eyes well with tears again, so I turn away.
Gracie takes my key and goes to the bathroom to change. I find my spare blanket and pillow, and crawl into Jay’s bed. It’s my bedsheets, and my blankets, so it’s easy not to think about who slept in this bed last. But it’s also hard not to think about it. The bed’s warm, with a faint scent that’s not mine. A familiar scent.
I had way, way too much to drink tonight.
Is it true what Jack said? That Jay should have been the best of them? And who was them , anyway? The rich kids? I learned so many things at that party, but the whole picture is still out of focus.
Gracie comes back into the room and gets into my bed. “Good night, Aleeza.”
“Good night.” I flick off the lamp.
I lie on my back for a while, trying to stop the room from spinning. My eyes are still watering, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why the night made me feel like both a complete outsider and a brand-new person.
I am a new person. I’m not the same Aleeza I was when I left West Hall. Being alone, breaking free from Mia’s influence, changed me. And also, Jay changed me. But I still don’t know where he is. What happened to him. I don’t know if he left on his own, or if someone hurt him. Or if he’s still hurting somewhere. There’s a lot more to this than I ever imagined. I hug Ted. “Tell me he’s safe,” I whisper into my stuffed animal.
My phone, which I left on the bedside table, buzzes. I grab it before it wakes Gracie. It’s Jay, of course. I notice the time. It’s past 2:00 a.m.
Jay: You didn’t let me know you were home safe.
Aleeza: Sorry. My brain’s not working right. I figured you were sleeping. Or out.
Jay: I was out. But I’m home now.
Aleeza: Where did you go?
Jay: I’ll tell you about it another day. How was Jay’s party?
I exhale. It was hard, and illuminating, and scary and wondrous. Most of all, it was lonely.
Aleeza: How were you friends with those people?
Jay: Did they do anything to you? Are you okay?
Aleeza: I’m drunk and stoned and
Jay: And what?
Aleeza: Tired. I did learn a lot, but I’m having trouble making sense of it now.
Jay: Drunk and stoned? My roommate has a wild side. I wish I could have seen it.
I silently snort.
Aleeza: I wish you were there too. Mia was there.
Jay: Your ex-friend? I’m not surprised. What did she do to you?
Aleeza: Nothing. I told her off. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.
Jay: Good for you. Get some sleep, Roomie.
Aleeza: Good night. Jay?
Jay: Yes Aleeza?
I’m not sure what I want to ask him. Or tell him.
Aleeza: Do you ever feel alone in a roomful of people?
Jay: It’s just because the world needs to catch up with you.
I lie on my back, clutching Tentacle Ted to my chest. I close my eyes. My phone vibrates again.
Jay: Where exactly are you in our room?
Why is he asking that? He’s never asked me that question before. I almost don’t tell him because it’s weird ... I’m sleeping in his bed. But it’s not his bed anymore. And we aren’t even here at the same time anyway.
Aleeza: Why?
Jay: You’re in my bed, aren’t you?
My hands are shaking. How could he know that?
The same way I know he’s here too.
Aleeza: Yes, Gracie is in my bed ... she forgot her key in Aster’s purse.
Again, the phone is silent for a while. Finally, he writes.
Jay: Are you crying?
Aleeza: It’s been a tough night. I don’t want to be alone.
Jay: Turn so your back’s to the wall.
Aleeza: Okay.
I turn. And almost immediately, I’m engulfed in the most comforting warmth I’ve felt all night. I stop shaking. I can’t feel him pressed against me, or even hear his breathing, but I feel warmth, comfort, and closeness.
Jay: I’ve got you. Get some sleep.
I close my eyes, relishing in cozy warmth surrounding me. I feel ... protected. Accepted. Wanted. Not alone.
I fall asleep with Jay’s arms around me, and I sleep better than I have all year.
“Aleeza! Aleeza, wake up!”
I have the headache to end all headaches. And Gracie is shaking me awake. She’s got her phone in her hand and is sitting on the edge of Jay’s bed. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. I check the time on my watch—it’s past noon on Sunday.
“I’m up, I’m up. What is it?” My brain feels like it’s pounding on my skull.
“It’s Jay.”
I sit up quickly. They found him. “He’s okay?”
But Gracie shakes her head. “His coat, phone, and wallet were found washed up on Woodbine Beach last night.”
I blink, confused. “What?”
“Aleeza, they had a press conference. They’re ending the search. Jay Hoque is now presumed dead.”