FIFTEEN
I find Jack on the library steps at seven, sitting alone with his head in his hands. He’s wearing the same suit he had on at his party, and my balled-up sweatshirt is next to him. I approach him slowly, not sure if he’s asleep.
“Hi, Jack,” I say.
His head shoots up. He blinks a few times, like he’s not sure who I am. Which, fair. I’m back in my own clothes: jeans and my father’s old sweater. My parka’s on, but it’s unzipped because it’s finally warming up. Also, no more girdle.
“I’m Aleeza?” I say. “You have my sweatshirt?”
He shakes his head. “Of course. Octopuses can change their colors. Never the same look twice.” He hands me the sweatshirt, then starts to get up. His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles under them.
“Do you have a minute?” I ask. “I was wondering—”
He shakes his head, then runs his hand over his hair. “The party is over. There’s a shower with my name on it.”
I raise a brow. “Have you slept at all since your party?”
He shrugs. “I quite honestly don’t know.”
He still might be high. I doubt I’ll get any answers out of him like this. “Okay then, can I ask you one thing? What do you know about the Birdwatcher Instagram account?”
He snorts. “Ah. That’s what this is about. You’re looking for a place to air your grievances.”
I shake my head. “No. I mean, I don’t want to post on it or anything ... I’m wondering, do you know who was behind it?”
He looks at me for a long time. “You really don’t know?”
“No, that’s why I’m asking you.”
He snorts, then walks down the stairs away from me. “I can’t read you, octopus girl. Are you the mastermind, or the sidekick? If you don’t know who Birdwatcher is, what hope do the rest of us have of figuring it out? Follow the money. It always talks.”
Yeah, he’s still on something. Jack Gormley can’t tell me a thing. Or maybe ...
“When’s the last time you talked to Jay Hoque?” I ask, rushing down the stairs to keep up with him.
“Why?”
“I’m doing a true crime podcast about him.”
Jack turns to me, and the bored look I saw on his face last night is back. “The last time ... I don’t know. Memories are so fragile; how can I be expected to keep them whole for that long? I believe it started with a phone call. No, wait, a text. A picture on a text. Goodbye.”
On Monday after classes, Gracie and I record the second episode of the podcast in the library. It feels a little strange, since the script covers the interview with Emma as well as some statements from his profs, his neighbors—and Gracie’s account of living next to him. Emma’s interview, of course, alludes to Bailey Cressman’s involvement, but that’s as far as the episode goes. The next episode will be more about his wealthy friend group and about Birdwatcher.
After we’re finished recording, we talk a bit about how my editing of episode one is going, and how the script for episode three is coming along. I plan to end that episode with the news report about Jay’s personal effects being found at the beach.
“Have you decided if you’re going to make the podcast public after you turn it in to Sarah?”
I shrug. I don’t love the idea of exploiting Jay even more, but a popular public podcast would be utterly amazing for my co-op applications. “That depends. I imagine if we don’t solve the case, the people we’re accusing might be pissed off.”
Gracie shrugs. “Let them be pissed off. I’m not going to have any compassion for anyone from that party.”
It’s quite clear that Gracie and Aster haven’t worked out their issues. Gracie hasn’t mentioned Aster once since the party. I’m not sure if I should say anything.
But I don’t need to say anything, because Gracie does. “I can’t believe Aster gave in to Nat’s demands yet again. That girl is like a bad rash that never really goes away.”
“They used to date?”
Gracie nods. “They have a lot of history.”
“Aster should’ve left with us, though. I mean ... if your date leaves the party, you go with them. Basic etiquette.”
Gracie raises a brow. “What? We weren’t on a date. We’ve never dated.”
I give Gracie a look. “Okay, then what is going on with you two?”
Gracie looks down, fidgeting with the yellow highlighter on the table. “We’re friends. That’s it. We hooked up once ...”
“That day I moved into East House?”
She nods. “Yeah, but we decided we were better as friends.”
“You both decided or you decided?” Because seeing them together, it’s quite clear that Aster wants more than a friendship.
“Someone like Aster isn’t going to stay long term with someone like me,” Gracie says. “She hooks up with me one night, then runs back to Nat the next.”
My eyes go wide. “Did she hook up with Nat at Jack’s?”
Gracie sighs. “No. Well, I mean, she says she didn’t. She said Nat was on something that she shouldn’t have taken, and Aster wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Oh.” It sounds a little codependent.
Gracie takes the cap off the yellow highlighter. “Seeing those people, Aster’s other friends, I don’t know. Why would I want to get sucked into that world? Look what happened to Jay after he became friends with them.”
“Jack called it the gilded swamp.”
She snorts. “And he’s their king. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” Gracie gives me a look that tells me that she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore, so I shrug and let it go. I suspect a lot of this is Gracie’s insecurity after seeing those beautiful people, and I get that. Hell, I felt a truckload of insecurity at that party.
I open my notebook to the investigation notes. “Okay, let’s get back to Jay. The way I see it, we’re answering three main questions here. One, who killed Jay?” I swallow. It feels weird to say killed , because to me, Jay is very much alive. “Two, how did they do it? And three, why? If we solve any of these questions, then the other two will be clear too.”
“For the who, you’re still not entertaining the suicide theory or that he ran away?”
No, I’m not. But I can’t tell Gracie that I know Jay, and that I trust he wouldn’t do that. “Yeah, I suppose it’s a possibility, but the how and the why still need to be answered.”
“Who’s on your suspect list?”
I list the names. “Emma, Bailey, Taylor, and Jack. And of course, the Birdwatcher. Who might be one of those people.”
She shakes her head. “I think we can safely cross Emma off the list. It was clear that her only interest in Jay was using him to get closer to Bailey and her friends. Did you hear anything on Saturday that implicated anyone else?”
A lot of Saturday night is a blur. I shrug. “Jack said a lot of cryptic stuff. I’ll bet he knows more than he’s saying, but I have no idea if what he knows is relevant.” I can’t forget what Jay said about Jack—that he’s both the most and least trustworthy person in the group. “When he gave me back my sweatshirt, he said he believed it started with a picture on a text, whatever that means.”
“He texted Jay the night he disappeared? Why?”
I shrug. “He didn’t say. Talking to Jack is like talking to a ghost.” Except, not really. The ghost I talk to all the time, Jay, is way clearer than Jack.
“We should probably talk to him when he’s sober,” Gracie says. “What about Taylor? Why is she on your list?”
“There was something off about her expression when she found out I’m living in Jay’s room.”
“That doesn’t really tell us much.”
“No, not really.”
“Okay, what about motive?”
And there I was at a loss too. True, I was a little blinded by my serious crush on Jay Hoque, but the reality was, none of the rumors about him were awful enough to motivate someone to commit murder. Some people thought he was a player, but not more than any of the other guys in that crowd. Others said he was aloof, yet he had a circle of friends. He ended up in a rich, snobby crowd for a while, then got out of it when he discovered they were fake as hell.
I go over what his professors told Gracie about Jay. None of them believe he actually cheated on his schoolwork. His professors all liked him. He was doing well in his classes. And he was close to his family. He wasn’t the bad boy everyone thought he was. He was actually kind of sweet.
“Love or money,” I say.
Gracie raises a brow.
“It’s the root cause of all crime.”
Gracie exhales. “Yeah, I have to agree.”
“We can set aside the love motive for now. I don’t think he dated anyone seriously enough to cause that, despite what that Instagram said.”
“But we don’t know for sure. He could still have a romantic stalker.”
“True. But we should think about money as a motive. Even Jack told me to follow the money.”
I squeeze my lips together. Suddenly I remember something from Jack’s party. A random memory that somehow survived the vast amount of alcohol I consumed. And the marijuana.
“Gracie, was Jay’s scholarship an academic scholarship?” I ask.
Gracie frowns. “He had a scholarship?”
I shrug, realizing it was Jay who told me about the scholarship, so I’m not supposed to know about it. “Yeah, at the party, Bailey said some racist crap about Jay’s mother being an immigrant, and then said Taylor said Jay did have privilege. Said he didn’t even have to pay tuition. Do you know if Jay’s family has money?”
“No, he told me that he and his mom lived in his uncle’s house ... with six other people.”
He hadn’t told me that. “I need to learn more about the Hoque family. There’s something off there. Why haven’t they said anything for months? Why won’t Manal speak to us?”
“I met Jay’s mother once,” Gracie says. “She was here visiting Jay. She was young . Gorgeous too. Like, I’d guess a decade younger than my mother.”
“So, like, a teen mom, you think?” Jay never mentioned how old his mother was when she had him. Only that she lived in Scarborough, and his father wasn’t in the picture.
Gracie nods. “I’d believe it. We chatted a bit. Jay’s mom asked me about my hometown, and I remember her saying she still lived in the neighborhood she grew up in.”
“I wonder what’s the story with his father,” I say. “Maybe he grew up in the same area?” I know Jay won’t want me searching for him, but I need to know more about his father.
“We could look at yearbooks from the high schools in the area. Maybe Jay’s dad went to the same school as his mom,” Gracie suggests.
It’s not a bad idea, but I hate doing something that could upset Jay, even if it’s for his benefit. “Can’t hurt. I’ll see if they’re online. I’ll do some digging about her job too. I wish his cousin would talk to us. Did she ever respond to your DM?”
Gracie shakes her head. “She didn’t block me, though. I’ll try again.” When she opens the account on her phone, Manal’s art again takes my breath away. I watch Gracie leave her a second message, saying she was Jay’s next-door neighbor and has some of Jay’s things. She offers to drop them off for her.
It’s not a bad strategy. Maybe the rich kids and the Birdwatcher have nothing to do with Jay’s death, and we’re barking up the wrong tree. I open my notebook and add Jay’s family to the suspect list.
Jay messages me the second I’m back in the room. He’s clearly still weirded out by the news that his phone and jacket were found, and he’s now presumed to be dead.
Jay: The more I think about it, the more I think Taylor might be the Birdwatcher.
Aleeza: Why? Did you ever get the feeling that she had a thing for you?
Jay: No, not really. When I was with Lance, she was always around. I thought she was kind of mean-girl-ish ... like she was subtly making fun of me.
Aleeza: She’s like that with me too. I’ll try and talk to her. Maybe she’ll give something away.
Jay: Who else are you looking into now?
I can’t tell him that Gracie and I are planning to investigate his family.
Aleeza: Jack. He was so cryptic at the party. And also when I went to get my sweatshirt from him. I get the feeling that he knows a lot more than he lets on. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows who the Birdwatcher is.
Jay: Maybe. But Jack never makes any sense when he’s high.
He certainly wasn’t making sense at the party. Jack said to follow the money . Which brings me back to Taylor’s comment about Jay not paying his own tuition. I know I should ask Jay about that, but it feels like money and family are the two things that he is uncomfortable talking about.
Aleeza: Hey, question, at the party Bailey said Taylor told her you don’t pay your own tuition. Does your scholarship cover everything?
Jay: Yeah, most of my fees and living expenses. My mom’s paying the rest. She never wanted me to take student loans, so she’s been saving a long time.
Aleeza: Academic scholarship?
Jay: No. Well, yes and no. They looked at my grades, but the scholarship is also needs based. It’s from an organization that my mom’s boss is affiliated with. She sponsored my application.
Aleeza: What’s the organization?
Jay: Why does that matter?
Aleeza: I have no idea what matters and what doesn’t. Who knows? This might be important.
Jay: The Bright-Knowles Award.
I write the name in my notebook.
Aleeza: How would Taylor know about it?
Jay: Lance and I were close first year. I don’t tell many people about my scholarship, but I’m almost positive I mentioned it to him.
I don’t know what to make of this. Would someone want to kill Jay for a scholarship?
That night, Jay and I watch another time-travel movie. We watched the first Bill and Ted last night, which was fun, but I could tell Jay wasn’t in the mood for such a silly movie, so tonight we pick The Time Traveler’s Wife . He doesn’t text me nearly as much as he did last week for the Back to the Future trilogy, and I don’t blame him. He’s got a lot on his mind.
Jay: Do you think you’d want to be in Henry and Clare’s time anomaly instead of ours? With me showing up at random times in your life instead of this?
I think about it.
Aleeza: It would be strange. I mean, our anomaly is strange too. It would be cool to have more time, though.
And it would be amazing to know for sure that he could come back. To know that a goodbye might not be a final goodbye.
Aleeza: And it would be nice to know that there’s a possibility we could have a future instead of only a past and a present.
I can’t believe I said that. But it’s the truth. I don’t know if I want a future with Jay, but it would be nice to know it was possible. He doesn’t write anything for a few moments, and I’m worried that I scared him off. This is the guy who hates commitment. Then a message appears.
Jay: Yes, I agree. And it would be nice to be able to actually be in each other’s lives physically. We were cheated. We signed up for the wrong time anomaly.
Aleeza: I knew I should have ordered a DeLorean instead.
Jay: No, not that one. I am NOT going to the prom with my mother.
After we watch for a bit longer, Jay sends another message.
Jay: Any chance you feel up to sleeping in my bed again? If I know you’re there, I might actually get some sleep.
Aleeza: Absolutely. I’d love to.
It’s the least I can do for him. I’ll sleep better with him near too.