Chapter 44 Ivan
The next ten days pass in a blur of work, phone calls, and counting down the hours until I can see Jay again.
We talk every night. Sometimes for an hour, sometimes until midnight when neither of us can keep our eyes open anymore.
Our conversations revolve around normal, domestic things.
The kind of things couples share when they're building a life together, even if that life is currently split between two cities hours apart.
I drive down the weekend before his court date, and we spend two days wrapped up in each other. We exist in a bubble where nothing bad can touch us.
Sunday night, Jay is quiet and distant in a way that worries me. I hold him in the dark and feel his heart racing against my chest.
"It's going to be okay," I tell him, running my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. "Tomorrow is going to be okay."
"You don't know that for sure," he says against my shoulder. "You can't know that."
"I know Patricia is good at her job. One of the best. And I know you've done everything right since the arrest. You stayed out of trouble, you stayed sober, you showed up for every meeting with her." I kiss his temple. "You deserve a second chance. You deserve this to work out."
He doesn't answer, just holds on tighter, and I wish I could take all his fear and carry it for him.
Monday morning, I have to leave before dawn to make it to work on time. I kiss Jay goodbye while he's still half-asleep, his dark hair messy against the pillow, his eyes barely open.
"Call me as soon as it's over," I whisper against his forehead. "The second you leave the courthouse. I don't care if I'm in the middle of something."
"I will," he mumbles, already drifting back to sleep. "Promise."
I spend the whole day checking my phone obsessively. Every time it buzzes, my heart stops and my stomach drops. But it's never him. It's Frank asking about supply orders. It's Rosalyn reminding me to pick up milk on the way home.
Finally, late in the afternoon, my phone rings and Jay's name appears on the screen.
I answer before the first ring finishes. "How'd it go? Tell me everything."
"It's done. It's over. Got it down to disorderly conduct, two-hundred-dollar fine, no jail time. Nothing on my permanent record as long as I stay out of trouble for a year. Then it gets expunged entirely."
"Thank God! That's amazing news. That's exactly what we were hoping for. That's the best possible outcome."
"Yeah, Patricia was incredible," he says, and I can hear him trying to muster some enthusiasm, trying to sound happy.
"She talked to the prosecutor beforehand, showed him all the evidence that there was no proof I started the fight.
Apparently, the other guys got charged too—all four of them—which really helped my case. Made it clear I was defending myself."
"Wow, it's really over," I say. "The whole thing is behind you now. You can move forward."
"It's over," Jay confirms, but he still sounds empty and disconnected.
I wait for him to say more, to sound happy or relieved or excited or something other than this numbness. But there's just silence on the other end of the line, broken only by the sound of his breathing.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask carefully. "You don't sound like yourself. You sound off."
"Yeah, I'm just tired, I guess. It's been a long day. It doesn't feel real yet, you know? Like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For someone to tell me they made a mistake, that I misunderstood and I'm really going to jail."
"Nothing's going to go wrong. You got through this. The worst part is over."
"We got through it together," he corrects me quietly. "I couldn't have done any of this without you. The lawyer, the money, your support. I would have been completely fucked without you."
"I'm grateful you let me do it."
We talk for a few more minutes, but I can tell he's exhausted, running on empty after the stress of the day. He has a shift at Betty's in an hour anyway, so I let him go with a promise to call him tonight at the usual time.
"Get some rest if you can," I tell him. "Even just a few minutes. You sound wiped out."
"I will. I'll try. And thank you again for believing in me when I couldn't believe in myself."
"Always. That's never going to change."
***
The next morning, Frank corners me by the coffee maker before the rest of the crew arrives. "Collins, got a minute?" he asks.
"Sure, what's up?"
We step away from the break area, over by the supply trailer where no one can overhear us. Frank crosses his arms and gives me that look he gets when he's about to ask for something big.
"The Riverside project is behind schedule," he says bluntly. "Way behind. We're looking at weeks of delays if we don't make some serious moves. The client's breathing down my neck about penalties."
"Yeah, I've heard the guys talking about it," I admit.
"I need guys willing to work weekends to catch us up.
Real weekends. Both Saturday and Sunday, full eight-hour shifts minimum, time and a half pay.
" He pauses and looks at me directly. "I'm asking you first because you're one of my best workers.
And because you mentioned a while back that you wanted extra overtime hours if they were available. "
I did say that, weeks ago, before I understood how precious our weekends together really are.
"How many weekends are we talking about?" I ask, already dreading the answer.
"At least two, maybe three. Maybe four if things really go sideways."
"Frank, I don't know if I can commit to that many weekends," I say slowly. "I've got standing commitments on weekends. Important commitments."
"I know you've been driving somewhere every Friday night like clockwork. Girlfriend waiting for you somewhere?"
"Something like that, yeah. Someone important."
He nods slowly. "Look, I get it. I respect it. But I really need you on this project, Collins. The money's good, time and a half, and it'll look good when promotion time comes around in the spring. We're talking supervisor positions opening up."
"Let me make a phone call first. I need to talk to someone. I'll give you an answer by end of day. I appreciate the opportunity."
"Fair enough. Let me know before five."
I wait until my lunch break to call Jay, finding a quiet spot behind the trailer. He answers on the third ring, sounding tired but better than he did yesterday.
"Hey, is everything okay?" he asks immediately, concern in his tone. "You don't usually call during the day. Did something happen?"
"Nothing's wrong. I just needed to talk to you about something that came up at work. Something important and might turn into a major deal."
"What's going on?"
I take a deep breath. "Frank asked me to work weekends for the next few weeks. The Riverside project is way behind schedule and they need extra hands to catch up. It's time and a half pay, good money."
There's silence on the other end.
"How many weekends?" Jay finally asks.
"At least two, possibly three. Maybe four if things get really behind. He also told me it would look good for me when supervisor positions open up next year. He's offering me an opportunity to move up in the company."
More silence.
"That's damn good money," Jay says eventually. "The kind of money you shouldn't turn down. You should absolutely take it."
"I don't want to decide this without talking to you first though. We barely get to see each other as it is on the weekends. And then if we can't even do that."
"It'll suck for sure, but you just spent fifteen hundred dollars on my lawyer.
You need to build that savings back up, especially if we're seriously going to be thinking about the future.
About Atlanta and everything we talked about.
I'll be fine on my own for a couple of weekends.
It's not like you're disappearing forever.
It's temporary. I'm not a child who can't be left alone.
Plus, I can pick up extra shifts at Betty's. "
"Are you sure about this? I can turn it down if you need me to."
"I'm sure. I'm a grown man. I can handle this." He pauses. "We'll still talk every night on the phone, same as always. It's not like we'll lose touch just because you can't physically drive down here."
"But it's not the same as being there."
"I know it's not the same," he says. "I'll miss you like crazy, but I'll manage. You need to do this. Go make your overtime money. Build your savings back up. I'll be right here when you're done with the project. I'm not going anywhere."
I want to argue, but he's right about the money. He says he'll be fine, and I have to trust him.
"Okay," I say reluctantly. "I'll tell Frank I'm in."
"Glad to hear it. That's the right decision."
"I'll make it up to you, I promise. As soon as this project is finished, I'll take a long weekend off. I'll drive down Friday morning and stay until Monday night. We'll have four days together."
"I'd really like that," Jay says, and I can hear him almost smiling.
We talk for a few more minutes before I have to get back to work. I find Frank and tell him to count me in for the weekend shifts.
"You're a good man, Collins. You won't regret this."
I hope he's right, but the anxious knot in my stomach doesn't agree.
***
The first weekend without Jay is harder than I expected.
I throw myself into the physical labor, letting exhaustion keep me from checking my phone every five minutes.
By the end of the twelve-hour shift, I'm exhausted.
I call him that night, earlier than our usual time because I can't wait any longer.
"Hey, how are you doing? How was your weekend?" I ask as soon as he picks up.
"I'm alright, just tired from working doubles at Betty's both nights," Jay says. "How was the overtime?"
"Long and exhausting, but the paycheck will definitely be worth it. I missed you though. The whole weekend felt wrong without seeing you."
"I missed you too," he admits quietly. "But I survived, just like I said I would."