Chapter 13 #2
We’re still bantering back and forth about it, or rather he’s kicking ideas about the different ways to woo my best friend and I’m repeating the word, “No,” while looking at the menu and paying very little attention to him.
Mention of my viral embarrassment doesn’t get mentioned until after we’ve all ordered and gotten drinks. Monty stands up and instructs everyone to lift their glasses for a toast.
“To tonight's MVP, Luc Martín, for a game well played and an interception that will make highlight reels for seasons to come. A truly impressive play that is overshadowed only by a dashing grin hidden behind his surly mask. Let it be known that tonight’s meal and drinks are being paid for by the merchandising rights for the smile that got the Shreveport Cyclones more than one hundred thousand new fans in a matter of hours.” He lifts his glass and winks good-naturedly. “To Luc!”
“To Luc!”
“Y’all need to stop,” I grumble, bringing a palm to my face to hide how red I must be turning based on how hot I feel.
“We haven’t even begun to start, darlin’,” Monty says. “Treyden, our resident social media guru, has made a short list of highlights that he would like to share.”
Snapping fills the room. Treyden is known for his occasional pregame poetry readings. They’re usually snarky or sarcastic, but sometimes they’re serious or inspirational. He’s internet famous for trash-talking conservative media figures and going on insightful rants about the state of the world.
Treyden clears his deep voice and begins.
“Forget the interception, I’m intercepted by that grin. Melted face emoji.” Everyone snickers, but he has, in fact, only just begun.
“Top five defensive plays of the year. Top one smile of all time.” A chorus of “aww,” fills the room. I drop my face into both hands.
“He shut down the offense, then shut down the internet.” That one gets snaps of appreciation. Dear God.
“Did anyone else just feel their ovaries twinge? #sexiestsmile #impregnatemeplease” The room explodes into laughter.
“Are we done yet?” I ask over the rumble of laughing men.
“Just one more,” he says. “Stats don’t lie: One interception, one grin, one million new fans. #SportsCenterSpotlight”
The table stands to applaud both me and Treyden. I suppose that’s an exciting one for the team overall. Since our team is still relatively young and we haven’t won a championship yet, new followers are welcome. For them.
“Alright, now we’re done. I know you don’t like attention, but you really killed it tonight,” Monty says, tipping his glass towards me one more time.
“Killed the ladies!” AJ calls, which gets more laughs.
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t. I’m your best friend.”
“Shawna is my best friend.”
“Well, I’m your work best friend,” he says. “But since you brought her up, is she still coming to the Carolina game?”
“Yup.”
“Staying with you after?”
“For two days.”
“Can I come over and hang out?”
“Nope.”
“This is bullshit,” he says, pointing an accusing finger. “What kind of friend are you?”
“What kind of friend are you?” Will Phillips, one of the offensive blockers, jokes. “Has it ever occurred to you that being all up in her face might be cock-blocking your bro? Luc could be into her, and that’s why he doesn’t date.”
Whatever face I make must say enough about that idea. I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets. Laughter bubbles out of me. “Hell no.” She knows too much. I’ve seen too much.
Despite the fact that Shawna and I lost our virginities to each other, it’s not like that. It wasn’t even like that when we did it. It was just a thing we did out of curiosity. Like a science project that had really underwhelming results.
Shawna told me to take it out and then looked at my dick like it was a dead fish.
“Isn’t it supposed to be… bigger? I mean, not bigger, but like, stiff or something?”
I ended up having to jerk myself off while she watched on curiously, which made it really hard to get well, hard.
“Whoa,” she said, staring at my crotch like she was doing calculus. “It really does grow a lot bigger. That’s kind of a neat trick.”
“Does yours do any tricks?”
She shook her head. “Nah, but I watched a video once were this lady shot a ping-pong ball out of her cooter. So there’s potential,” she deadpanned.
I scrunched my nose. “Don’t say cooter.”
She pointed at my wilting dick. “You don’t look very excited.”
“You don’t exactly look like you want to jump my bones, either,” I pointed out.
Shawna deflated. “I’m just curious, and you’re the only boy I trust.”
“I’m curious, too,” I admitted. All I’d heard for the past four years was sex talk in the locker rooms. I liked to jerk off like any other teenage boy, and I was curious, but I didn’t see the appeal of involving another person. “And you’re the only person I like.”
She laughed then, and we both relaxed. “Okay. So we’re doing this?”
I swallowed nervously and shrugged. “I guess.”
We both masturbated for a while until it seemed like we were both ready enough. Then she handed me the condom. “Can I be on top?”
“Yeah, obviously.” I sure as hell didn’t want to be in charge.
“Do you want me to undress more?” She was wearing one of my Cane Ridge High School football department shirts. It came down to her thighs, and she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “You can touch my boobs or whatever if you need to.” Shawna was so serious and to-the-point that it was endearing.
“Let’s see how it goes like this, and if it escalates, it escalates.” I’d watched porn before. And it got me hard, but I didn’t really see how Shawna being naked, and likely less comfortable because of it, would help either of us.
Shawna nodded and walked over to where I was sitting on the couch. “Just… Stay still.” She climbed onto my lap, straddling me. “Um, so, hold it still, and I’ll do the rest?”
“Okay,” I said, but before anything could happen, I grabbed her hand.
“Shawna. You’re my best friend and the only person I would allow myself to feel this incredibly awkward with.
Don’t be afraid to do whatever you want to do, or stop, or do something you think might be embarrassing. It’s just you and me here.”
Those would be words she’d repeat to me the morning after my night with Jesse. When she found me sitting outside, staring at the spot around the fire where we’d kissed, she sat next to me and held my hand.
“You’re my best friend and the only person I allow myself to be honest with, because you’re my person. Don’t be afraid to cry and then tell me whatever you’re going through. It’s just you and me here.”
In the end, neither of us got off. Shawna didn’t disgust me by any means.
She was gorgeous and smart and amazing. Hell, sometimes I wished I could feel that way about her so we could just go through this life together, always.
I could even say she was objectively hot.
It just wasn’t like that. Never has been. Never will be.
“You know, usually when someone has a super hot friend that they’re best friends with, they’re either secretly in love with them or one of them is gay.”
Our end of the table erupts in argument.
To his credit, I don’t think Will meant it with any malice, but we have a standing rule about ‘phobic language, and that edged the line. Joking about someone being gay or calling someone gay used to happen all too often in the locker room, as it sometimes does when a bunch of macho athletes get together to prove their masculinity is more toxic than the others. I grew up with two sisters and Shawna for a best friend, so a lot of the typical locker room bullshit didn’t sit right with me.
In this case, it was Dez Carter who put a stop to it.
A slur got thrown out, and he turned white as a sheet right before he snapped and said he’d had enough.
He came out as bisexual to all of us, and said if anyone had any problems with that, they could say it to his face.
No one did. A few guys apologized. A couple kept more to themselves and seemed uncomfortable around him in the locker rooms and showers, but the rest of us rolled our eyes and told them to get their heads out of their asses enough that they eventually relaxed.
There’s only one guy left on the team I’m not really sure about, but he doesn’t cause any problems.
I don’t want to lie about my sexuality, because that gives the impression that I’m ashamed or embarrassed.
I’m not at all. Coming out to my teammates wouldn’t be a big deal.
My issue is solely about my privacy. I don’t want a bunch of publicity, and for some reason, the public is obsessed with the shock of finding out that a professional football player could be anything other than straight.
I’m not even sure gay is the right label. I think I’m as attracted to women as I am to men. Which is to say that I’m not, really. I can see someone and appreciate their attractiveness, but I don’t want to sleep with any of them.
I just want Jesse. He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel like this.
I can’t think of another man or woman I’ve wanted or even noticed.
I’ve just floated through life, oblivious to everyone, until there he was.
Jesse is who I want, and Jesse is a man, so I think using the label is probably fine. It’s easier than explaining myself.
“So what if I am?”
Everyone who heard me freezes. Then, slowly, one by one, each person at the table notices that the person next to them has gone quiet, and they do the same. Once again, everyone is staring at me. Damn it.
I look at Will first, since he was the one to bring it up. He shrugs. “Okay. I didn’t mean anything bad by it,” he assures me.
“I know.”
A few seats down, Dante Briggs whispers to Treyden. “What’s happening?”
“Martín is gay.”
“Oh, word.” Then he goes back to whatever conversation he was having, and eventually the room goes back to normal.
I feel AJ staring at me. When I turn my head towards him, he’s grinning ear to ear.
“What?”