1. Zoey
1
Zoey
T he late afternoon breeze sails through my bedroom window as I scan through my closet for the millionth time, searching for the perfect outfit to start junior year tomorrow.
I don’t know why I feel so nervous about this. It’s not like junior year really matters in the grand scheme of things. I have a great bunch of friends and am usually on top of my grades. I’m the perfect student, and yet the idea of walking into school after a great summer makes me feel sick, or maybe I’m just sad that summer is over, and it’s back to real life. Who knows.
Something just feels . . . different.
Grabbing a tank and a pair of high-waisted denim shorts, I hold them up and stand in front of the mirror, my face scrunched as I take it in. It’s cute, but it’s not really giving me I’m about to dominate junior year vibes. Maybe an oversized sweater will be better with these shorts. Only the heat can be a bitch here in Arizona, and I do not want to be the girl with sweat patches under my arms on day one. I would never live it down.
Letting out a huff, I throw the outfit back in the closet, and as I begin to search for another, my phone chimes on the end of my bed. I dart across my room to grab it, skipping over my backpack before I miss the call.
Scooping my phone off my bed, I smile as I find a video call from my best friend, Tarni. Quickly hitting accept, I move back in front of the mirror and hold up the phone as I show off my outfit. “What do you think?” I ask over the sound of my music, laughing as I glance down at the phone to find her standing in her bathroom, an almost identical outfit held up in front of her.
“Pretty damn cute,” she says with a stupid grin.
“Yeah . . . I don’t know,” I tell her. “I was thinking about an oversized sweater, but—”
“Sweat patches?” she rushes out, reading my mind.
“Yes!”
Tarni laughs and puts the outfit down before her face appears up close and personal, her long auburn bangs falling into her eyes. “I swear, Zo, you and me are like . . . twins. Or like . . . what’s better than twins?”
“I don’t know,” I snort, skipping across my room to turn my music down before my eyes widen. “We’re a perfect pair, a telepathic twosome. Quick, tell me what I’m thinking?”
“Easy,” Tarni scoffs as her phone falls off the bathroom counter and she dives after it. “You’re trying to figure out what other names you could call us. And honestly, if double trouble comes out of your mouth next, I’m gonna drop kick your ass all the way to the moon.”
A snorting laugh tears from the back of my throat, and I bite my tongue, not surprised that Tarni was able to pluck the phrase right out of my head. She’s been one of my closest friends since we started kindergarten, and sometimes I wonder if she knows me better than I know myself.
As I attempt to tell her just how right she is, my phone randomly connects to my Bluetooth speaker. It’s been doing this ever since I got the stupid speaker, and it’s driving me insane.
“Zo?” Tarni calls out, her voice booming through my speaker and almost deafening me as I race across my room to turn it off. “Zo? You still there? Did you put me on mute again?”
“Hold on,” I rush out, knowing damn well anything I say can’t be heard. I grab the speaker and flip it over, searching for the little off button that seamlessly blends in with the speaker’s design. There should be a big red on/off button on these things with arrows pointing right toward it. “Two seconds. Nearly done.”
“ZO?” she calls.
Finding the button, I quickly turn it off, and my room returns to the normal chaos of my day-to-day life. “Sorry, the stupid Bluetooth speaker picked up my call again,” I tell her as I place the speaker back in its spot on my windowsill. My gaze lifts as I head back to my closet, but when I see Aunt Maya’s car parked in the driveway, I pause. “Oh, hey,” I say, lifting my phone so Tarni can see me. “Aunt Maya is here. I better go down and say hi before she ends up in my room for the next seven hours, demanding every detail about our summer.”
Tarni’s eyes widen, knowing just how serious I am. “Alright. Call me back when you’re done. I still need to figure out what I’m wearing tomorrow.”
“Sure thing,” I say just as Tarni ends the call and disappears from my screen.
Tossing my phone back onto my bed, I burst through my door, skip past my little sister’s room, and hit the stairs. I grip the railing to keep from face-planting all the way to the bottom, and the second my feet hit the floorboards, I grip the banister and fling myself around the corner before cutting through the living room.
It’s been months since I’ve seen her. She’s so busy with work and everything else that it’s always special when she comes over, and nine times out of ten, a quick visit turns into three bottles of wine and a night filled with endless laughter.
Mom and Aunt Maya have been best friends since they were kids, and it reminds me of my friendship with Tarni. I hope when we’re old and married with a bunch of kids, we’ll still make time for each other.
Following the sounds of Mom's and Aunt Maya’s muffled voices, I approach the kitchen. “I just don’t know what to do with him anymore,” Aunt Maya sighs. “When I got that call, I couldn’t believe it. He’s spiraling out of control, and no matter what I do, I can’t help him. I’m losing him, Erica.”
Pulling myself up short, I hover just outside the kitchen, my heart lurching in my chest. They’re talking about Noah.
“He’ll find his way back,” my mom says, her tone so soothing that I almost believe it.
“It’s been three years already.” Maya’s heartbroken words are a stark reminder of everything we lost that day. “I’ve been trying to give him time, but as each day passes, he just seems to get further and further away.”
“I’ve been hanging on to the hope that he’ll just snap out of it,” Mom says as I hear her making her way around the kitchen, probably finding the wine glasses. “He did the same thing when Zoey was having her treatments, and he managed to claw his way back.”
“No,” Aunt Maya sighs. “He didn’t claw his way back. Zoey got better and demanded that he snap out of it. She brought him back, but this is different. Linc isn’t coming back.”
There it is. The knife right through the chest.
Lincoln Ryan. The sweetest boy I ever met. Noah’s little brother. He idolized Noah, just like I did. Some days it was like a competition between us as we fought for Noah’s attention, and every time I won was like the sweetest victory. Only now, I wish I had stepped back and given Linc that time he so desperately craved with his big brother. If I knew his time was limited, surely I would have seen past my own selfish desires.
Three long years ago, on a cold Saturday afternoon, a drunk driver recklessly decided to get behind the wheel and viciously took Linc’s life. He was only eleven and didn’t stand a chance. It was the worst day of my life because I didn’t just lose Linc, I lost Noah too.
He’s never been able to move past the agony of losing his little brother, and it sure as hell didn’t help when his father up and left them six months later. Like Aunt Maya said, he’s been spiraling out of control, and it’s only going to get worse.
My mom couldn’t be more wrong; there is no saving him. He’s not clawing his way back because the Noah we once knew, the one I wholeheartedly adored, no longer exists.
Noah Ryan broke my heart, and it killed me.
Four days after Linc tragically lost his life, we buried him in East View’s best cemetery and had a funeral fit for the sweetest prince that ever lived. We celebrated his life, and then I never saw Noah Ryan again.
“I’m sorry, Maya. I wish there were some way we could help you,” Mom says.
“I just wish there were some kind of magic fix button that could make things go back to how they used to be. Before Linc—” Maya cuts herself off, not wanting to finish that thought. She lets out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know where we would be if Noah didn’t have football to fall back on. It’s been a silent savior, but now that he’s been kicked out of St. Michael’s, I don’t know how he’s going to cope.”
My heart breaks for my old friend, but I’m not surprised. St. Michael’s is the fourth private school he’s been kicked out of over the past three years. It really doesn’t leave many options. Actually, none at all. Not unless Noah plans on commuting hours every day. He’s starting his senior year tomorrow, and I can’t imagine this is going to look good on his college applications. Assuming it’s still his goal to play college football, he’s going to have to figure something out, and fast.
“He’s the best quarterback in the state. Someone will take him.”
“See, that’s the thing. After his second and third expulsion, yeah, there was a small chance,” Maya says. “This is his fourth, and these private schools are throwing us more and more hoops to jump through. I think we’ve reached our limit. I almost died when I got the call from the principal letting me know what happened. I’ve been on the phone with private schools all morning, and no one will take him.”
I hear the familiar sound of my mother filling the wine glasses, and something twists in my stomach, sending a chill sweeping over my body. “So what’s the plan? Boarding school in Alaska?”
Maya laughs. “Wouldn’t that make things easier?” she jokes, but I know there’s a level of truth to her statement. “But no. I’ve been forced to admit that this is the end of Noah’s private schooling, but I managed to get him into East View.”
My stomach drops right out of my ass, my heart pounding erratically.
East View? Tell me I heard that wrong.
Mom gasps, and I can picture her eyes widening with horror. “With Zoey?”
“Yeah,” Maya says slowly. “Do you think that’s going to be a problem?”
“I . . . I honestly don’t know,” Mom says as I step into the kitchen, unable to remain hidden behind the wall any longer. Mom stands facing me, leaning against the counter, and she clocks me the second I appear, but not Maya. She stands on the opposite side of the island counter with her back to me.
“Maybe I should have a chat with my little warrior,” Maya suggests.
Mom averts her stare, looking back at Maya, and I keep silent, needing to hear where this is going, grateful that Mom hasn’t given me away just yet. “Zoey is . . . she’s still very hurt by Noah’s distance, and it’s taken her a long time to come to terms with it. But Noah, maybe what he needs is to see her again. Maybe this could be good for both of them.”
I shake my head, catching Mom’s eye over Maya’s shoulder. I couldn’t possibly think of anything worse.
“That’s my hope,” Maya says. “If it’s not too much for her, I wanted to see if she’d maybe consider helping Noah settle in tomorrow. You know, just give him the basics. Show him where his classes are, give him a rundown of the school, maybe point him in the direction of the football team.”
Oh, hell no!
I shake my head a little more vigorously, watching my mother all too closely, seeing the way her eyes go distant as if actually considering Maya’s ridiculous suggestions. “You know what,” Mom says, a smugness crossing her face. “I’m sure she’d be happy to.”
Sweet baby Jesus. What has my mother been smoking?
“Oh, that would be amazing,” Maya says as my world crumbles around me. Not only am I going to see Noah Ryan tomorrow, but I’m actually going to have to talk to him. “I know it’s going to be hard for them both, but I really think this could be good.”
Mom purposefully looks over Maya’s shoulder, making it obvious I’ve walked into the kitchen. “Oh, here’s my little sweet pea now,” she says, placing her glass of wine on the counter and walking around to my side as Maya whips around with a wide, beaming smile. Mom throws her arms around me and squeezes my shoulders. “Honey, did you hear? Noah will be starting at East View with you tomorrow.”
I’m frozen to the spot, still trying to register the shock, but at the hopefulness in Aunt Maya’s gaze, I force down the fear and put on a big, fake smile. “Oh really?” I ask as Maya barges into me, throwing her arms around me in a tight hug. “That’s amazing news.”
“Sure is,” Maya says, pulling back and allowing me the chance to breathe. “I know he misses you.”
Liar. If he missed me, he wouldn’t have allowed three long years to pass without so much as a hello. Didn’t he know I was hurting too? I needed him just as much as he needed me.
“Let me guess. He got kicked out of another school?” I question, trying to sound casual even though I’m slowly dying inside. Just the thought of seeing his face again . . . I’m sure he’s changed so much over the past three years. When I saw him last, he had just turned fourteen, but he’s seventeen now, and he’s not a kid anymore. Not even close.
Maya laughs. “You know him too well.”
Ha. What a joke.
“What was it this time?” I ask, moving around the counter and pinching a freshly baked brownie off the cooling rack. “Burnouts on the football field or trashing a classroom?”
“Oooh, so close, but yet so far,” she tells me. “My hunk o’ hunk o’ burnin’ love decided it was a great idea to burn down the principal’s office.”
My eyes go wide, and I gape at Aunt Maya, certain I heard that wrong. “He did what?”
“Yup,” she says, just as horrified. “I was just telling your mom that I don’t know what to do with him anymore. Now, I know it’s a lot to ask, but with him starting at East View tomorrow, I wondered if you could help him settle in. He was always his best self when he was with you, so I hoped that maybe seeing you again would somehow reel him in because this is his last chance. I had to call his father to drop some money on a new office just to keep this from going to law enforcement.”
I cringe, hating my need to always be polite. “I’m not sure, Aunt Maya. That’s a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I don’t think I can just click my fingers and see the old Noah again. Besides, he wants nothing to do with me. Forcing us together . . . I don’t know if that’s going to be a good idea.”
Aunt Maya steps into me, taking my hand the same way Noah used to. “I know you have your hang-ups about seeing him again, and I completely understand. He hurt you, and I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. And if this is too much, if you don’t want to do it, then I won’t force it. I’m just . . . I’m desperate, Zo. I’m painfully aware that it’s a lot to put on your shoulders, but I’m hoping you could somehow bring him back to me. All I’m asking is that you just give it a try, and if it doesn’t work, well then . . .”
She trails off with a heavy sigh, not voicing what we all know.
And if it doesn’t work, well then, we know he doesn’t love you anymore.
I try to ignore the sting of her unspoken words, and seeing the desperation in her eyes, I force another smile across my face, willing myself to be strong, willing myself not to break. “Okay,” I finally say in a small voice. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. If he pushes me away, I’m not going to keep going back for more. I just . . . I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Oh, thank God,” Maya says, stepping into me and giving me another hug. “Thank you so much. If anyone can get through to him, I know it’s you.”
Shit. There’s that overwhelming pressure again.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Nobody wants to see the old Noah more than I do.”
“I know, sweetheart. Let’s just hope that he’s still buried deep down in there.”
“I’m sure he is,” I lie.
Maya takes a heavy breath, blowing out her cheeks as she steps back to give me a little space, and I can’t help but notice her watery eyes as she reaches for her glass of wine. “Okay,” she finally says. “Now that’s sorted out, tell me all about your summer break. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”