13. Noah
13
Noah
Z oey glares at me, venom pooling in her furious stare, but I turn away, hoping like fuck she has enough sense to get out of here before that asshole gets his hands on her again. The second I step away, Shannan moves back in front of me, and the moment she sees Zoey at my back, her eyes fill with heated anger.
Shannan looks between me and Zoey, and I see the very second she foolishly convinces herself that Zoey has tried to take something that belongs to her, something that was never hers to start with. A low groan rumbles from the back of my throat, knowing how this is going to turn out before she’s even said a single word.
Shannan fixes me with a hard stare before shifting her wicked gaze to Zoey and stepping around me. Her friends have her back within seconds as they surround Zoey. “Well, tonight just got a little more exciting, don’t you think, Zoey?” Shannan says, her gaze sailing up and down Zoey’s body as she looks back at her with disdain. “You’ve got a lot of balls showing up here.”
“Seriously?” Zoey laughs, waving around her at the overwhelming show of cheerleaders surrounding her. “Is this supposed to intimidate me? You’re a joke, Shannan.”
My brows arch. I’ve only been here for a week, and so far, Zoey has proven over and over again that she’s not the type to back down, and it blows me the fuck away. She always needed my protection when we were kids, and since I’ve been gone, she’s had to learn how to fend for herself, and damn, it fucking suits her. But unfortunately for Zoey, Shannan isn’t the type to back down either, and what’s worse, she likes to play dirty.
“I’m the joke?” Shannan throws back at Zoey. “Look at you, constantly throwing yourself at Noah. You’re pathetic. Tell me,” she adds, her hand waving up and down Zoey’s body, taking in her outfit and makeup. “Did you do this for him? Did you do your hair and makeup and pick out some whorish outfit in the hopes he might take pity on you and take your pretty little V-card?”
Zoey’s gaze flickers to me, embarrassment shining in her eyes, and it leaves me wondering if maybe she did do all of this for me. Was she hoping to get my attention? Because she already had it.
I see in her eyes that she’s waiting for me to step in, but I can’t. I’ve gotten too close already, and I made it clear on day one that I wanted nothing to do with her. The divide between us feels like it’s closing in already, and if I allow myself to open that door, I won’t be able to turn back. Besides, she made it perfectly clear in the school parking lot that it was too fucking late for me to try. If I step in now, Shannan will retaliate, and things will only get worse for Zoey.
Zoey doesn’t respond, and my stomach starts to feel uneasy as Shannan pushes harder. “He doesn’t want you, Zoey. You’re trash, and he’s way out of your league. Face it, you’re going to die a virgin.”
Ah, fuck. Somebody tell me this bitch didn’t just say that to her. She couldn’t be more wrong. Zoey is fucking gorgeous, and soon enough, she’s going to meet someone and fall madly in love, and when that happens, it’ll destroy me, but it’ll be for the best.
“I’d prefer to die a virgin than have screwed my way through the whole football team before the end of school. Tell me, do you have a rotating roster or is it a first-in, best-dressed kind of situation?” Zoey argues, stupidly giving Shannan exactly what she’s looking for instead of just walking away.
“Oh my god,” Shannan laughs as people crowd around, the same way they’d done in the cafeteria on Tuesday. “You really are a frigid bitch, aren’t you? What’s the matter? Scared the big, nasty cock is gonna bite you?”
Zoey’s cheeks flush, clearly not comfortable, and my hands ball at my sides, feeling sick to my stomach. I want to put an end to this, to finish this once and for all, but I won’t fight Zoey’s battles.
She’s not mine to protect anymore.
Shannan inches forward. “Cat got your tongue?” she purrs. “I think it’s time for you to leave. You’re not welcome here.”
“Careful,” Zoey says, narrowing her gaze at Shannan. “Your insecurities are showing.”
A smile pulls at the corner of my lips. She’s never been so right in her life, but clearly Shannan doesn’t appreciate being outed like that. “You’re trash, Zoey,” she throws back at her before saying it again, louder. “Trash. Trash. Trash.”
The other cheerleaders join in, and the chanting quickly starts to drown out the music until the whole fucking room is chanting at her, Tarni included.
“Trash. Trash. Trash.”
Zoey looks around in a blind panic, searching for a way out. Her eyes meet mine just as Shannan hits her with the final blow, tossing what’s left of her pink drink all over Zoey’s outfit. She gasps as the cool liquid assaults her skin, and as if on cue, every last cheerleader around the circle does the same, and the contents of my stomach start to rise in my throat.
I run for the bathroom, my stomach clenching and twisting with agony, feeling like the biggest fucking disappointment for not stepping in.
Fuck, I hate how much I love her, but goddamn, she deserves so much better than this.
Bursting through the door of the bathroom, I slam it behind me before emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet, heaving as I struggle to come to terms with just how low I’ve sunk.
I’m a piece of shit.
I should have stepped in, no matter what it cost me mentally, even if it meant making matters worse. How can I go on knowing I didn’t have her back when she needed me?
Linc must fucking hate the bastard I’ve become. She must hate me.
With nothing left in my stomach, I flush the toilet and move toward the sink to rinse out my mouth and splash water over my face. I hang my head over the basin limply and watch the water drip, too ashamed to look into the mirror. I wish I never fucking came here tonight. But that wouldn’t have changed the fact that Zoey was here, drunk, with that asshole, and if I hadn’t been here to stop him . . . I don’t even want to think about what could have happened.
Wanting to get out of here, I move across the bathroom and open the door, only to step out and crash right into Zoey, soaked from head to toe in sticky pink shit. She glares up at me, and before I get a chance to step around her, she shoves her hands into my chest, forcing me back into the bathroom.
Zoey pulls the door closed behind her, and as she looks back at me, I see the tears in her eyes. She moves past me to the sink and grabs the hand towel before holding it under the water and wringing it out.
She starts cleaning the sticky liquid off and meets my stare through the mirror. “Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted?” she asks, indicating down her body. “Is it not enough for you to kill me every fucking time you look at me, but you have to make sure I’m thoroughly humiliated? You have to make sure my life is a living hell just for being someone you used to know?”
Her words are like a knife right through the back.
Unable to handle the hurt in her stare, I look away. “I had nothing to do with that.”
“Right,” she laughs, pulling her soaking hair over her shoulder and trying to wash out the pink mess. “Because Shannan just wants to humiliate me for the fun of it and not because she thinks I want to ride your dick like a fucking cowgirl.”
My eyes widen, never having heard her talk like this in her life. I know she’s always had a stubborn streak, but she’s always been respectful with her language, refusing to curse unless it was detrimental to the situation. But this is the alcohol speaking.
“This is all on you, Noah,” she continues, sounding like a broken record and telling me everything I already hate about myself. “She’s only getting at me in the hopes of winning your approval because for some fucking reason, you haven’t bent her over and given her what she wants yet. You are the only person in this stupid school who has the power to do anything about this, and you just stood there like a fucking idiot. Do I really mean that little to you now?”
The tears stream down her cheeks, and my fingers itch to reach out to her and take away her pain, but I can’t. I don’t get to have the best of both worlds. I don’t get to be the asshole who hurts her and the one to take away her pain. That’s not fair.
She rinses out the towel and wrings it again before dragging it up and down her arms, mopping up as much of the sticky drink as possible, but the only thing that’s going to help her now is a shower. When she finally gives in, realizing it’s useless, she grips the sink and hangs her head, much like I was only a moment ago.
“Congratulations,” she says, her broken tone cutting right through my chest as she glances up and meets my stare once again. “I hope that watching me suffer sparks some kind of light in your cold, dead heart.”
Fixing her gaze back to her own reflection, she hastily wipes her eyes before storming to the door, refusing to look back at me. She grips the handle, and I will myself to back down and keep my mouth shut, but I can’t help myself. “Where the hell are you going?”
She pauses, the door half open as she looks back at me with furrowed brows. “Where do you think I’m going?” she scoffs. “I’m going home, asshole. Isn’t that what you spat at me? Go home. You’re drunk. You don’t belong here. ”
And with that, she storms out into the party, and I clench my jaw, anger swirling through my chest.
Don’t go after her. Don’t go after her. Don’t go after her, you fucking idiot.
“FUCK!”
I go after her.
I storm out of the bathroom, following the mop of dripping chestnut hair through the crowded bodies. She walks up ahead, and I watch as people laugh at her back, the word trash echoing through the crowd. She passes her friends, Tarni, Abby, and Cora, and I watch the moment Tarni notices her and slips further into the crowd, not wanting to be seen with Zoey after everything that just went down.
My jaw clenches, and I shake my head. I always told Zoey when we were kids that Tarni was a shit friend, and she never believed me, no matter how obvious it was. Zoey figured I just wanted her to myself, and yes, I suppose I did, but I was also being honest. Tarni is a piece of shit. She’s not nearly good enough for Zoey.
I continue after her, watching as she slips out the front door, not even bothering to tell anyone that she’s leaving, not that her friends would care anyway. I expect her to walk down the street a little and call her parents, maybe her dad. She wouldn’t dream of calling her mom to come get her this late.
I follow from afar, wandering down the street and keeping enough distance for her not to notice me, only she doesn’t stop. She just keeps walking, and I realize that she had no intention of calling her parents at all. She’s walking the whole way home.
What the fuck is wrong with this girl?
Not able to stomach the thought of her walking through the streets by herself in the middle of the night, I keep walking, no longer giving a shit if she knows I’m here or not.
We walk for ten minutes when she finally takes enough notice of the space around her to realize someone is here, and I watch as her body tenses and she picks up her pace. A smirk pulls at my lips, but I stay silent, not prepared to put her out of her misery. Hell, if I were some creep in the night, I’d be the one in danger. With the mood she’s in, I wouldn’t be willing to cross her.
I can almost feel how her heart races as she strides up the street, and after a minute, she finds the courage to glance back over her shoulder. Her gaze comes right to mine, and the second she makes me out in the darkness, she doubles over with relief. “Holy shit, Noah,” she yells back at me, bracing her hands on her thighs and blowing the air from her lungs. “What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of asshole stalks girls through the street like that? I thought you were trying to kill me.”
I stay silent, slowly creeping in closer, and she sends me a wicked glare before giving me her back and storming ahead. She doesn’t want to accept that I’m walking her home, but I don’t give her much of a choice.
We walk in silence with at least another twenty minutes to go. Had we driven, it would have taken ten minutes this time of night, but I’ve had too much to drink to even think about offering. And to be honest, I don’t think I could cope with being in a confined space with her again tonight. I need some time to cool down and pretend her words didn’t tear me to shreds.
The minutes tick by when I hear her soft tone filling the night. “Do you remember that day we were at the park with Linc? You were tossing a ball around while I sat in the grass. You were giving him such a hard time, making him run from one end of the park right to the other. Any other kid would have gotten frustrated and told you to go screw yourself, but he thought it was great,” she says, the memory so fresh in my head. It’s one that I play on repeat every day of my life. It was one of the last times just the three of us were together.
Zoey lifts her hand and wipes her eyes, and I listen as her voice wavers. “Do you remember what we were talking about between Linc’s groaning?”
I swallow hard, hating just how fucking well I remember it. That was the day I realized that we were so much more than just best friends. I was in love with her and knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life by her side. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew she was it for me, but there was something about the way the sun lit her face and the way she smiled at me. “I told you that you were the greatest love of my life,” I tell her, the words so hard to say out loud, but I know I meant every fucking word, maybe I still do. “That I would make you the happiest girl in the world and protect you with my life.”
Zoey scoffs. “I was so foolish to believe you,” she tells me, making my chest ache with the idea that she no longer has faith in what I felt for her. “Maybe it was because I was so young, and you were all I knew. You were my whole world, Noah. I never could have dreamed that you’d be the person I’d need protecting from.”
Fuck me. Her words bring me down to my knees in the middle of the sidewalk, and I gasp for air as she continues up the street, discreetly watching me fall apart over her shoulder. She’s always known exactly what to say to make me feel, to bring me back to life, and that’s why I’ve fought so hard to stay away. She’s the greatest weapon against me when I don’t want to feel anything at all.
She’s always been my whole world, even now, and despite how hard I try to hide it, how hard I push her away and tell her it means nothing, she can see right through my bullshit. And this only proves just how right she is.
Zoey doesn’t stop walking or wait for me to pull myself together, not that I deserve that, but I’m sure as fuck not going to leave her to walk home alone.
Forcing myself back to my feet, I follow after her, watching her silhouette down the street, not daring to close the gap and give her the power to use my own words against me again. That old me, he doesn’t exist anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve for the man I used to be or the life I used to think I’d have with Zoey. It kills me to pull away from her, but it’s the only way I can survive.
I wasn’t lying all those years ago when I told her I would protect her with my life. If it came down to stepping in front of a bullet for her, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even need to think about it. But with people like Shannan, she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet, and she has. Over the past three years, she’s grown in a way I wasn’t expecting. She’s so damn strong. I always knew she would be, and I regret not being there to see the way she came out of her shell, but she only had to learn how to do that because I wasn’t there like I promised.
Fuck, I’m such a piece of shit.
My hand digs into my pocket, and I pull out a cigarette, lighting it quickly before taking a deep drag and blowing out a cloud of smoke into the dark Arizona sky. The nicotine hits my system, and I close my eyes, feeling myself finally start to calm.
I follow her the rest of the way home and watch as she storms up her front porch and through the door, ignoring her father watching her with concern. I can’t help but take a moment, staring up at her home as I stand in the shadows. So many memories live inside this house.
A moment passes, and when Zoey’s bedroom light turns off, her silhouette fills the bedroom window. Taking the final drag of my cigarette, I drop it to the ground, stub it out with my toe, and turn on my heel to get the hell out of here.
I barely get two steps away when a familiar tone tears through the night. “Why are you following my daughter home, Noah?” Zoey’s father, Henry, asks.
Fuck.
Turning back around, I find Henry James standing on his front lawn, his hands buried in his pockets with disapproval written across his face. “She’s drunk and stubborn, sir,” I tell him, not bothering to sugarcoat it. “She left the party without telling a soul. I couldn’t let her walk all the way home alone.”
Mr. James holds my stare for a moment, his gaze narrowed. “You abandoned her three years ago when she needed you the most, so let me be very clear with you, Noah. Zoey doesn’t need you anymore. She clawed her way back without you, and I am not about to let you drag her back down into that pit of despair. Do you understand me? I may not have seen you over the past few years, but I have followed you. I’ve kept an eye on you, Noah, and you are a troubled child. I have seen the type of trouble you get yourself into, and the lack of respect you have for authority. You’re heading down a dangerous path, and I don’t want you leading my daughter down it with you. When it comes down to it, you and I both know that she will follow you blindly. You’re not good enough for her, Noah. Not anymore.”
“Believe me,” I say with a nod, taking a step back as a lump forms in my throat. “I know.”
“I appreciate you making sure she got home okay,” he says. “But this is the last you will see of her outside of school.”
I stare at him, knowing without a doubt that I can’t accept that. The idea of never seeing her. . . fuck. I know that’s what I asked for, what I’ve needed these past few years, but I always knew that at some point, we would find our way back to each other. But having her this close and never being able to see her? No, I won’t accept that.
“With all due respect, Mr. James. No,” I tell him. “There’s too much history, and you know damn well that Zoey isn’t just going to walk away. I see it in her eyes. She thinks she can somehow save me, and you and I both know that means she’s never going to give up. You can try and keep her away from me all you like. I’ll fucking beg you to, but you can’t. I know you’re just trying to look out for your daughter. I’d do the same if I were you, but this needs to be her decision. Zoey and I . . . We’re two halves of the same whole, and no matter how much I try to pull us apart and burn that tether between us, we’ll always be forced back together. It’s inevitable.”
I glance up at the home before me, finding Zoey hovering in her bedroom window, watching over me and her father with a deep curiosity in her eyes. I hold her stare for only a moment, so many silent messages passing between us, just like they used to, and with that, I bow my head and walk away before I throw myself through the door and fall to my knees, begging her to forgive me.