20. Zoey
20
Zoey
THREE YEARS AGO
M y feet drag along the path toward the park as the hot Arizona sun bears down over me. There are a few weeks of summer break left, and then Tarni and I will be starting at East View High together. I’ve never been so excited. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m excited, but I’m also kinda nervous.
Starting high school was supposed to be easy because I thought I’d have Noah there to calm my nerves. It’s what we always planned. He was going to be at East View a year before me, and when I followed, he would be there to hold my hand, but things don’t always go according to plan. The second he showed promise on the football field, his father made sure he was enrolled in the best private school in the area, but it’s fine, I still see him all the time. It just means that during school hours, I’m not going to have anybody to swoon over.
He’s fourteen now, and over the last two years, he’s gotten so tall, and that boyish grin is starting to morph into something else. When he looks at me, it makes my stomach flip-flop. I love it so much. I love him so much.
I don’t think it’s normal for kids our age to already know what they want in life, or who they want, but I’ve known for a while now that Noah is my person. We’ve always been best friends— bestest friends —but lately, it’s felt like more than that. Things are changing between us, and I don’t really know where we stand.
He’s always kissed me since we were kids, but he does it more often now and thinks of ridiculous reasons to stop by my house to see me. If someone asked me to define our relationship, I don’t know what I would say. I think he’s my boyfriend, but it’s not like we’ve ever had a conversation about it, and I don’t want to be wrong. God, that would be so embarrassing.
Tarni walks beside me, her arm looped through mine, and as she blabbers on about some guy coming to East View with us in a few weeks, I find myself cringing. Noah asked me to meet him in the park, which is fine, we do it all the time, but the second he sees Tarni tagging along, he’s not going to be happy. He’s never really liked her, but I don’t understand why.
When Tarni and I get to the park, I quickly scan the field, and finding it empty, we make our way over to the swings, sitting down and talking about all the crazy things that have happened over the summer.
We’re only here for a few minutes when I finally see him on the opposite side of the park. His gaze instantly comes to mine, a wide smile spreading over his lips, and as I smile back, I feel something pull between us, like an invisible string. It’s always been this way, but I’ve never had the guts to ask if he feels it too.
Noah’s gaze quickly flicks toward Tarni, and his steps falter, but Tarni doesn’t pick up on his hesitation the way I do. I always notice everything he does. I know him better than I know myself, and though he’s not going to hold it against me for bringing her with me, he’s definitely not jumping for joy.
Despite his silent objections to our tag-along, I jump off the swing and make my way toward him. Tarni follows but is stuck a few paces behind, unable to catch up to my quick strides.
I meet Noah in the middle of the park, and he immediately throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me right into his side, but if we were alone, he would have slid his other arm around me in a tight hug and dropped the sweetest kiss to my lips. “What’s she doing here?” he mutters under his breath.
“What was I supposed to do? I promised that we’d hang out today,” I tell him. “Besides, how many times do I need to tell you that she’s really not that bad? Are you ever going to give her a chance, or do I have to put up with this for the rest of my life?”
“Hell no. I’m not wasting my time giving her a chance. You already know how I feel about that,” he grumbles, dragging me toward the field as Tarni falls in step beside us. Noah lowers his tone. “Besides, why would I do that when I have everything I need right here?”
I roll my eyes. “I think that was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said.”
Noah grins wide, and as that boyish charm lights up his whole face, my knees go weak. “Oh yeah?” he challenges. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
Oh, God.
Noah leans in, his lips hovering by my ear as a familiar figure appears at the other end of the field. “HEADS UP!” Linc roars just in time for us to see the football hurtling right toward my face.
“FUCK,” Noah grunts, shoving me out of the way as I scream, certain I’m about to have my face rearranged by a ball. I tumble aside and trip over Tarni’s feet, falling right to the ground as Noah’s arms strike out like lightning and catch the ball with ease. He tosses it aside and quickly scrambles to scoop me up and set me back on my feet, shoving Tarni away in the process.
I cringe as I look down at my scraped knees, willing myself not to cry. I hate crying at the best of times, but I won’t do it in front of Noah. He can’t handle my tears.
“Shit, Zozo. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, shaking it off. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” he spits, turning his anger on his little brother as Tarni attempts to get close to see the damage. “What the fuck, Linc? You hurt her.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Linc responds, jogging toward us and offering me a sheepish smile. He’s not very good with apologies, but I know he’s sorry.
“What are you even doing here?” Noah demands as Tarni’s phone rings and she steps away to answer it, leaving me to deal with the brothers. “I told you to stay home. I was just coming to hang out with Zoey.”
“You always hang out with Zoey. You never have time for me anymore,” Linc whines, instantly making me feel like crap. Noah and I have been spending a lot of time together. We always do. “I just wanted to toss the ball around with you for a while. Besides, we all know that Zoey is going to get bored and end up sitting down, and then you’re gonna wish you had me here.”
“Linc,” Noah groans.
“Why do you have to be such an ass all the time?” Linc grunts, his gaze falling to the ground.
“Get lost, Linc,” Noah grits through a clenched jaw. “You’re so fucking annoying. Go home.”
Linc clenches his jaw, glaring at his big brother, and when they do this, they always look so similar. I can tell that when Linc is older and they’re both grown, people will mistake them for twins.
Linc’s bottom lip pouts out just a fraction, but he won’t break in front of Noah. He’s so stubborn. He wants Noah to see him like one of the big kids, but he’ll always be his little brother. I don’t know, maybe things will change in a few years when Linc can hold his own against him, but until then, it’s always going to be a power struggle.
“You’re a shitty brother,” Linc grumbles, devastation flashing in his eyes, and with that, he turns on his heel and stalks away.
“Linc,” I call after him, but he doesn’t stop. I love Linc as much as my little sister, but now that things have shifted between me and Noah, it changes the dynamics between us all. Noah and I aren’t just playing ball anymore, he’s flirting, accidentally touching my hand, and pretending to tumble right into me just so he can put his hands around my waist, and just when I think he’ll let me go, he’ll kiss me. It’s not exactly something Noah wants to do around his little brother, but Linc doesn’t understand that yet.
Linc’s rigid figure grows smaller with the distance, and Noah picks up his discarded ball as if nothing happened. “Did you really have to do that?” I ask Noah, swatting at his chest as Tarni continues her phone call, probably oblivious to anything going on here. “You were mean.”
“He’ll be fine,” Noah grunts. “Mom was planning on taking him and Hazel to see a movie this afternoon, and if he’s not home when she gets home, he’ll miss out.”
“Then why didn’t you tell him that?” I question, rolling my eyes, feeling as though I’m never going to understand how a boy’s mind works. “If he knew he was going to have a movie date, he would have run home.”
Noah shrugs his shoulders, not seeing the issue. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“You’re impossible, Noah Ryan.”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t love it.”
Rolling my eyes, I snatch the ball off him and throw it up into the sky, only as I go to catch it again, his big arm shoots out and collects it before I even get a chance. I give him a blank stare. “Why are you so adamant about it being just you and me?” I ask. “We’re just tossing a ball around.”
A wicked grin stretches across Noah’s face. “Did you see me walk in here with a ball?” he asks, indicating to the one now in his hand. “Linc brought this. Not me.” My brows furrow, and he lets out a groan. “I had no intention of tossing a ball around with you today, Zo. I was going to drag you into the woods and make out with you instead, but then you had to go and bring Tarni freaking Luca.”
My jaw drops, and I gape at him, watching the way my shock only makes his grin wider.
“What do you say, Zo?” he murmurs, stepping in closer, his fingers brushing along my arm. “Get rid of the tag-along.”
My gaze flickers toward Tarni, watching as she paces through the overgrown grass, mindlessly chatting on her phone, completely unaware of her surroundings. “What am I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know,” he grunts. “Just tell her to fuck off.”
“Noah!” I gasp. I hate when he talks like that, but I think it’s something he picked up from the boys at his fancy private school. Or maybe it’s just a high school thing. Maybe it’s just a Noah thing, and I’m just going to have to get used to it.
“What?”
I roll my eyes and go to tell him he’s an idiot when his phone rings. He dives deep into his pocket, pulling it out to find Linc’s name on the screen. He decides to ignore it, but I snatch the phone off him and quickly answer it before Noah can steal it back. “Linc,” I rush out. “It’s fine. You can come—”
“Help,” Linc croaks out.
“Linc?” I ask, my brows furrowed as I meet Noah’s gaze. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Linc sputters, crying out in pain. “Help,” he cries. “I can’t . . . I can’t breathe.”
My eyes widen, fear brimming in my chest as I grab Noah’s hand and start running faster than I’ve ever run before, leaving Tarni behind. Noah screams something at me, but I don’t hear it over my panic. “What happened, Linc? What happened?”
“Zoey?” Noah demands, needing answers.
Linc sputters in my ear. “A car. It . . . It came out of nowhere.”
His words fade away, and it sounds as though he’s choking on something, and I cry out to Noah. “I think he’s been hit by a car.”
Undeniable fear flashes in Noah’s eyes. I’ve never seen anything like it before. “FUCK,” he roars, his feet pounding against the sidewalk as he drags me along with him toward the road that leads back to his house.
Realizing I’m only slowing him down, I pull my hand out of his. “Go,” I urge him, the fear of Lincoln lying somewhere along the road crippling me, making it hard to breathe. “You’re faster. Go, Noah.”
He doesn’t hesitate, taking off like lightning toward his little brother as I clutch his phone to my ear tighter. “We’re coming, Linc,” I promise him, hating how quiet he’s gotten. “Just hold on. We’re coming.”
I hear the noises around him, his gurgling voice, his strained gasps, and it terrifies me. I hear Noah calling out. “LINC,” he screams, only the sound isn’t coming from somewhere in front of me, it’s coming through the phone. “NO. No, Linc. Please. FUCK.”
I push myself faster, racing around the bend when I see them up ahead. A black car is stopped in the street, the driver has his hands buried in his hair as he stumbles around on the road, but Linc is lying motionless in someone’s yard. Blood is everywhere, and as I hold the phone to my ear, I don’t know whose terror-filled gasps I’m hearing—mine, Noah’s, or Linc’s.
“No, no, no,” Noah cries, gripping his brother’s limp body against his chest. “Don’t close your eyes, Linc. Fuck. Stay with me. Please, stay with me.”
I crash into Noah’s side, my knees dropping heavily to the ground as I scramble for Lincoln’s hand, squeezing it with everything I have. “It’s going to be alright, Linc,” I promise him as my fingers furiously press the buttons on the phone, calling for help. Only as Noah holds his brother and an unfamiliar voice answers my call, I know he’s already gone.
My chest heaves with shock, devastation racing through my veins as I struggle to catch my breath. Linc can’t be gone. I have to be wrong, but as Noah’s wide, glassy eyes lift to mine, I know it’s true.
Linc is gone.
One minute he was right there, wanting to play football with his big brother, and the next . . . gone.
A heavy sob tears from deep in my chest, and I fall forward, throwing my arms around Linc’s body as if I could protect him from the driver’s prying eyes or the unforgiving asphalt beneath him. I hold on to him, the deepest pain I’ve ever felt filling my veins.
I’m distantly aware of Noah screaming, and the raw agony in his tone is something I don’t ever want to hear again. I gently release Linc’s body and scramble toward Noah, my chest slamming against his. His big arms close around me as I bury my face into his shoulder. My tears instantly stain his shirt, but he doesn’t let me go, not when the police and paramedics show up, not when his mom’s car careens around the corner, not even when my dad tries to pull me away.
He holds on to me, and as the grief eats us both alive, I realize that our lives are never going to be the same.
From here on out, everything changes.