29. Noah
29
Noah
L iam talks shit beside me, but I don’t hear a word he says. My mind is locked on Zoey. Every last bastard at Lucas’s party on Friday night saw me race out of his house after Zoey, saw me in the street pulling her into my arms and holding her like I’d never let her go, and all day, I’ve been questioned about it. And I know Zoey has too.
The shit I’ve heard people say, making comments about her not being good enough for me, comments that she’s just trying to ride my dick until she can claim a payday when I reach the NFL, that she’s nothing but trash . Fuck, every last thing I have heard has had me ready to fucking snap.
All of this shit has come down on her shoulders simply because I can’t seem to keep away from her at school. If I were any other guy, Zoey would be free to talk to me. We’d have a chance at a real relationship, and nobody would give a shit, but because I come with a reputation, people suddenly think they get to have an opinion. And most of them are based solely on jealousy. Not to mention the shit Tarni has been saying about her all day. Add that to the bullshit Shannan started at the beginning of the semester, and things haven’t been looking great for Zoey.
She deserves better. At the start of all this drama, she fought back, but now she’s tired of fighting and allowing it to slowly kill her, and the more I watch her walking around the school with her head down, the more I want to break.
Zoey James was not meant to hide, she was born to fucking shine, and I’ll be damned if the assholes at this school try to dull that glow a second longer.
Liam is saying something, and when he nudges my arm, it’s clear he asked a question, but my attention is across the room as Zoey strides into the cafeteria. Her gaze sweeps toward me, just as it always does when she walks into a room, and I give her an encouraging smile, more than happy to get out of here if she wants to eat somewhere else, but her gaze flickers back to her usual table.
She pauses by the door as if trying to gather the courage to walk across the room, and when she looks at me again, I give her an encouraging nod, letting her know that she’s got this despite my thoughts on the situation. If I had my way, she would have gotten rid of her years ago, but Zoey wants this, so I’ll give her whatever support she needs.
I watch as Zoey pulls her shoulders back and lifts her chin before letting out a heavy breath, her cheeks blowing out, a sign that she’s nervous. Then before she gets a chance to change her mind, she strides across the cafeteria to her usual table.
I’m too far away to hear what she’s saying, but I keep watching anyway, trying to make out what little bits I can. Zoey must ask Tarni to talk, and I grit my teeth as Tarni scoffs and looks away from her, as though she’s somehow beneath her, but anyone with half a brain can see that Zoey has always been a million miles above anything Tarni could ever be. Zoey is a goddess, and Tarni . . . She’s the vermin who tears people apart, who smiles at your face and then plots against you, and that’s exactly what she’s done to Zoey since we were kids, time and time again. When her wicked scheming would break Zoey, she would fall apart in my arms, and I would put her back together every damn time.
Zoey inches forward, her gaze shifting to the other two girls at the table, girls whose names I haven’t bothered to learn, and as she seeks their attention, they both look away.
Despite the distance, I can still hear Zoey’s sharp demand. “Are you guys serious right now?” she says, her back as stiff as a rod as she takes a retreating step as if preparing to run.
Tarni lifts up her water bottle and takes a long sip, acting as though Zoey isn’t standing right in front of her. Knowing Zoey, she probably went into this prepared to grovel and apologize, but my girl is stubborn to the bone. There’ll be no apology now.
Slowly, Tarni turns her putrid gaze on Zoey, and I watch as she flinches, my whole body vibrating with rage. “You’re making a fucking scene,” she says too loudly, gaining the attention of the room, all eyes falling on Zoey.
“What the hell are you doing?” Zoey seethes, her voice now flowing effortlessly through the room as everyone shuts up to hear what’s going on.
“Shannan was right,” Tarni says, getting up from the table, clutching her drink bottle a little too hard as though it could help center her anger. “You are trash. Hell, I don’t know how I haven’t seen it, but now that I do, it’s glaring right at me. It’s always been poor sad Zoey, be nice to Zoey, she had such a hard life , but I’m done. You’re pathetic.”
“I’m pathetic?” Zoey fires back at her. “Look at yourself, Tarni. I came over here to try and make things right, but you would rather put on a performance. Wasn’t the performance you put on for everyone on Friday night humiliating enough?”
The eager spectators laugh, and while I want nothing more than to applaud Zoey, the embarrassment only fires Tarni up. “You want to talk performances?” she spits. “You’re a fucking man-stealing whore. All I wanted was one thing—one fucking thing, Zoey—but nooooooo, poor fucking Zoey couldn’t handle not being her precious Noah’s one and only. You just had to take what wasn’t yours. Newsflash, whore. He’s not into you. Anyone with two fucking eyes can see that.”
Oh fuck no.
“I’m the whore?” Zoey demands. “You’ve spread your legs for nearly every guy in the school. Oh, wait, not Liam, though. But that didn’t stop you from trying on Friday night, did it? Tell me, what were you offering to suck?”
“What?” One of Tarni’s little bitch friends demands, her eyes going wide as she gapes at Tarni. “Tell me she’s lying. You didn’t. You wouldn’t do that to me. You know how I feel about him.”
Tarni gapes at her friend, looking at her like a deer in headlights, but the moment quickly passes, and she turns her anger back on Zoey. In a flash, she tosses the contents of her water bottle right at my girl, drenching her from head to toe. “You’re such a fucking liar,” Tarni seethes as Zoey’s gasp tears straight through to my soul. “As if I would go anywhere near that STD-riddled asshole.”
I spring from my chair as the laughter of the cafeteria rumbles through the room like an endless loop of torment, every last bit of it aimed at Zoey. And as if that’s not bad enough, the chants start, this time with Tarni leading the pack.
“Trash. Trash. Trash.”
Zoey wipes the water off her face, focusing her stare on Tarni as people crowd around her, chanting and tormenting her. “Call me what you want,” she says. “But I’ve been in love with the same guy since I was six years old. It’s only ever been him for me. I’ve never even dreamed of touching another guy, and if that makes me a whore, then so be it. But at least I can hold my head up high and say that I have respect for myself. I bet you can’t do that.”
Tarni just stares at her as I push people out of my way, desperate to get to Zoey, but as the chanting crowd grows around her, she starts to panic. She looks around, her green eyes so damn wide, searching for a way out, but she won’t find one, not this time.
Zoey finds me through the throng of people, and as her terrified gaze rests on mine, her chest rises and falls rapidly. I move faster, forcing people aside.
“Trash. Trash. Trash.”
I force my way through the circle, shouldering past the assholes who think they can talk shit about my girl, putting a few of them right on their asses, and then finally she’s in my arms. I pull her in, my hand cradling the back of her head as I hold her to my chest, my lips brushing over her temple. “You’re okay,” I murmur for only her to hear as shocked gasps sound from the crowd, their chants quickly fading away as they realize how much fucking trouble they are about to be in. “They can’t hurt you.”
Zoey glances up, those beautiful, teary eyes meeting mine. She doesn’t say a word, but she doesn’t need to, everything she wants to say is right there in her eyes, and before she can argue with me, I drop my lips to hers, kissing her deeply as I hold her against me.
Finally claiming what has always been mine feels so right. None of these assholes will hurt Zoey now. I should have done it right from the start and saved her the torment of the last month. I’ll always regret how long it took me to get here, but hopefully, she will give me the chance to make it up to her.
I don’t stop kissing her until her body finally relaxes in my arms and her knees go weak as she blocks out the people around us. It’s only me and her existing at this moment. Then when I pull back, I hold her chin, keeping her gaze locked on mine. “So, you’re still in love with me, huh?”
Zoey’s cheeks flush, and it’s the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen. “Nah, I made it up,” she teases. “Haven’t you heard? I’m a liar now.”
I grin down at her. “You always were a shitty liar,” I tell her, dropping another swift kiss to her lips before pulling back again and curling her into my side, keeping a hand on her at all times. My gaze slowly makes its way around the circle, studiously taking in the faces of every single person who willingly took part in tearing down my girl, but I don’t stop until my gaze rests on Tarni’s.
Her eyes are wide, filled with fear, and I revel in it, hoping it fucking cripples her, just as she’s done to Zoey. “From here on out,” I announce to every last bastard in the room, my gaze remaining locked on Tarni. “Tarni Luca does not exist. Anyone who wishes to object to that will see the same fate.”
Tarni’s eyes go wide, and I watch as her two friends inch away from her. “Let me get one thing straight,” I tell the crowd, shifting my stare away and focusing on the people around us, all too aware of the way Tarni sinks back into the crowd and disappears without a word, suddenly no longer in the mood to fight. “Zoey James is my fucking girl. An attack on her is a direct attack on me. You fuck with her, you fuck with me. If I hear even a whisper of the word trash within the walls of this school, every last one of you will pay the price for the hell you’ve put her through.”
Murmurs immediately fill the cafeteria as people scramble to get away from me, scurrying like a thousand little rodents, but I tune them out, focusing all my attention on Zoey’s wide eyes. Reaching up, I wipe the tears off her cheeks before pulling her right back into me. “You’re okay,” I tell her.
“Why did you do that?” she whispers, her eyes darting between mine. “There’s no going back now.”
A small smile pulls at the corners of my mouth as everything softens within me. The rage of seeing her targeted fades to a distant hum, leaving me with nothing but this overwhelming need to adore her. “Because it’s time,” I declare. “I should have done it the second I walked through the door of the student office the first fucking day. Hell, I should have done it three years ago and never let you go.”
More tears fall, and she leans in, dropping her forehead against my chest. “I never wanted you to see me like this.”
I smile and pull her into my side as I lead her out of the cafeteria. “Zoey, I’ve seen you suffer through the worst parts of a gastro bug. If that didn’t scare me off, then a few high-school bitches aren’t going to do it. Besides,” I add, “I didn’t see any weakness. I saw you hold your head high and fight with dignity. You approached her to apologize, despite the fact she didn’t deserve it, and she decided to take the low road. You’re the bigger person here. Plus, watching you put her in her place after all these years was so fucking hot.”
Zoey rolls her eyes, her hand slipping into mine between us. “I outed her for trying to get with Liam.”
“It’s not like it was a secret. She did it in front of the whole football team. Word was going to spread sooner or later.”
“I suppose,” she says, clearly not liking it. “I just don’t usually like to play dirty.”
I scoff. “You forget who you’re talking to,” I remind her, thinking of the countless times when she has more than played dirty to get a win. After all, I was usually the one who got duped in the process.
We walk out into the afternoon sun, and I lead her right down to the football field, weaving through the pillars beneath the stands until we’re out of view from the school and able to have just a little privacy.
“Come here,” I say, dropping into the grass and leaning up against one of the pillars, pulling her down on me.
Zoey straddles my lap, her knees on either side of my thighs, and she leans her body into mine with her head against my shoulder. “You never said goodbye,” she whispers, her words slicing right through me and getting straight to the core of one of my greatest regrets.
I let out a heavy sigh, my hand roaming up and down her back. “I know,” I tell her. “I think about that every fucking day.”
She pulls back to meet my eyes, her brows furrowed. “You do?”
I nod, the back of my knuckles brushing down the side of her face as she leans into my touch. “You have no idea how much I hate myself for doing that to you or how many times I found myself standing at your door, ready to fall to my knees and beg for your forgiveness, but I couldn’t. I was drowning in grief and didn’t know how to process it. I was hurting everyone around me, pushing them away until they couldn’t fucking stand to be near me, and I couldn’t do that to you. I knew if I stayed, I would have hurt you the most. I was a ticking time bomb, and it would have taken only the slightest nudge to explode. So I pulled away, but in doing that, I still hurt you anyway.”
“I would have been okay,” she tells me. “If you’d stayed.”
I shake my head. “No, Zoey. You wouldn’t have,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t regret pushing you away because the alternative . . . I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had hurt you like that. The way I behaved hurt the people I loved . . . It was so bad that only six months after Linc died, despite how much Mom needed him, my dad left. My own fucking father couldn’t stand to be around me. He decided that breaking Mom’s heart and leaving her alone to deal with the grief of losing her youngest son was easier than putting up with me. I wasn’t going to do that to you, Zo. I know you were hurting, and I know I was causing you undeniable amounts of pain, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness for that, but trust me when I tell you that despite how much it hurt, it was better this way.”
“Noah,” she breathes, her heart on her sleeve.
“I was so angry, Zo. The guilt was tearing me apart, and I know, right down to the core, that you would have sacrificed your own heart to heal mine. I hate myself for it, but I would have eventually turned that anger on you just to make you stop.”
“I hate that you were going through all of that alone,” she tells me, leaning back in and wrapping her arms around me, holding me close as her fingers knot into the back of my hair. “I feel like I’ve missed so much of your life. I was your biggest cheerleader for so long, and when you left, I felt like the other half of my soul had gone away.” She pauses, and I wait to respond, knowing she’s not done. “I spent countless nights wondering what I’d done wrong until I’d convinced myself that I just wasn’t enough anymore, that you didn’t love me. It hurt so bad. I’ve never been broken like that before. I couldn’t breathe without you.”
My head falls into the curve of her neck as her words crush the remaining fragments of my soul. “I’m so sorry, Zozo,” I say, my voice breaking with the agony of what I’ve put her through. “I love you so fucking much. I knew when we were only kids that you were my whole world, my everything. The sun and sky started and finished with you, but when Linc died, that gut-wrenching pain and grief . . . I never wanted to feel it again. But I knew . . . I fucking knew that if I were to lose you in the same way, I never would have survived. I know it was selfish of me, but every day when I fell to my knees and hated myself for what I did to you, I told myself that I was doing myself a favor just to keep me from running back into your arms.”
“You have no idea how much I wish you did,” she tells me. “I would have accepted you right back. I wouldn’t have cared about the pain or how much time had passed, just as long as I had you.”
“You have me back. I’m home, Zoey. I’m not going anywhere.”
A soft smile hits her lips as she pulls back again, resting on my thighs. Her heated gaze blazes a trail across my chest, over my shoulders, and down my arms. Her hands tremble as they graze the bare skin above my collar, and she trails her fingers over the same path her eyes have carved across my body. “You’re so different now,” she tells me, her fingers lingering on my skin, grazing over the defined muscle from years of training. “In my head, you were always frozen in time.”
A smirk pulls at the corner of my lips. “You’re one to talk,” I say, purposefully dropping my gaze to her chest as my hands fall to her thighs.
“Noah!” she flushes, swatting my chest before dropping her face into her hands as though she’s embarrassed, but I quickly pull them away and tug her back into me, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
“You’re fucking gorgeous, Zoey. Don’t be embarrassed by that. Trust me, every guy in this school is fantasizing about you and has a bruised ego because you won’t give them the time of day.”
“You’re lying.”
“Wanna bet?”
She rolls her eyes and straightens again, pressing her lips into a hard line. “You know, after the whole leukemia thing, I figured the world kinda owed me a little kindness during puberty.”
“Zoey,” I say, my voice dropping to a low, pained groan. “If you had any idea how hard it’s been for me to keep my hands off you, you wouldn’t dare question how perfect you are.”
Her face flushes again, and her fingers drop to my waist, fidgeting with the material of my shirt. “What does this mean for you and me?”
My hand falls on top of hers, stilling her fingers and bringing her gaze back to mine. “What do you mean?”
“You practically slapped a property of Noah Ryan stamp across my ass in front of the whole school,” she reminds me as though I somehow forgot that I claimed her right in the middle of the cafeteria.
A smile pulls at my lips, liking the idea of stamping those words across her ass more than I’ll ever admit. “It means, Zoey,” I say, annunciating every word, making sure she truly hears me. “ That I’m home, and that I’m going to start making up for all the hurt I’ve caused you over the past three years. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m sure as hell not about to let you go again. I want to put your heart back together.”
Her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she lifts her hand right over my chest, feeling the rapid beat of my heart below. “Do you love me, Noah Ryan?”
I nod, lacing my fingers through hers over my heart. “I’ve never been so in love with you.”
“Then you’ve already put me back together.”